My theory is that romantic intimacy and sex are based on a duality between violation and inviolation, in a certain transgression of boundaries.There are many things people keep for themselves or share with just a few people. Their naked body and feelings and thoughts of various kinds are examples of that, as well as permissions: we can talk about x matters, we cannot talk about y matters, you can touch me here or like that, you can't touch me there or in that other way. This is supposed to be not violated in a relationship. But intimacy means that two people get to know more about each other, gradually erasing some boundaries. At some point in a relationship a man will be able to hold hands with a girl, grab her butt or see her naked even when he couldn't done that when, say, they started dating due to lack of permission or not knowing to what extent the partner is comfortable with physical contact. And there is a kind of escalation between less intense things to more intense things.In other words, the development of intimacy is based on a kind of violence, the violation of what was formerly inviolated. Each attempt of exploring the unexplored in a relationship, such as topics to talk, from banal to sensitive/serious, or romantic/sexual stuff is a kind of transgression between the current stage of the relationship and the next one.
