Hey guys.This is probably not the place to post but you guys had my back before I "made it" and I'm not sure where else to go to just get this out there anonymously. I met a girl after having been single from my mid teens, about 8 years. The relationship I had before that was a long distance online relationship that ended about a month after I feel over the Atlantic to stay with her and her parents for a month.(I got dumped. Partly because the distance was awful, partly because I acted quite autistic and wasn't as good socially back then.) That's how I lost my virginity and my only other sexual experiences has been twice at house parties of me not being able to really get it up due to being far too drunk.A few months ago I met a girl in a verry "romcom" way and I fell in love verry quickly. Things have been going really well but as she has slowly became more in love with me I have slowly come off the initial high and oneitis-itis.We haven't talked too much about sexual or romantic pasts but I know she has had at least a handful of other boyfriends before me and I believe she also had a "slut" phase.During the honeymoon phase this did not really concern me but having become more lucid about me made realize that it does bother me a bit. It bothers me not knowing but I don't think knowing would feel good either.I know it shouldn't matter but any attempt to rationalize not caring feels like immense cope. 1/2
Last time we had sex we went at it for probably over two hours and I made her finish "more times than she could count" but twice she wanted me to hit it from behind. First time we did that it was me who asked, and I know its my own insecurities speaking but I couldn't help think "what if its because she want's to think of someone else". I was also foolishly expecting something like "that was the best sex I've ever had." but nothing of the sort. It feels incredibly pathetic to want a "pure" girl because so far the relationship has been nothing but amazing. It just also feels pathetic to pretend these feeling aren't real. I know a lot of you guys would kill to be in this situation and would be able to let bygones be bygones so I want to ask, how do I stop caring without feeling like I am just coping. Should I try to bring up the number and ask more about it or is that the worst thing I could do right now?As I see it it's a coin toss, either its far worse than I previously thought or I have overexaggerated it all in my head and it's a past I could easily accept. 2/2
>>84595023flew over the atlantic, not feel*
