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it's edition number#770 today btw

The links

> long list of self harm alternatives (thank you muddy):
https://imgur.io/a/7Q2zgw7

> first aid post cuting:
https://www.lifesigns.org.uk/first-aid-for-self-injury-and-self-harm/

> wound care guide:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CsvJs8qNCVkHWHKekMSmCn6qn0GBEcgnq9fIqlA6Uv0/mobilebasic

> bdbt (dialectical behavioral therapy)
workbook is intended for BPD but can work for anyone:
https://cursosdepsicologia.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/THEDIA1.pdf

Please don't post any drastic images and if you have to, spoiler them

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Kickstarting this thread with a weak bangbump
Lost my blade handle so I've been trudging through it by tightly wrapping my blades with a thick wad of tissue and tying a hairtie to it as a makeshift handle in the meantime
I now have to awkwardly grip my shit like a dumbass lole

>>85703810
Yeah I get extremely nervous and start disassociating like crazy too during therapy appointments. It is what it is I guess. Not like the therapists ever say something of value. it's always just "you just have to learn to accept blablabla".

>>85709656
Number 700? Silly cat bro it's 770!

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hey, everyone! it's been a while. hope the week has been treating you all well so far.

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watched castle in the sky today


>>85710477
hey anon
>Lost my blade handle
how!?
>makeshift
looks like a shiv
stay safe!

>>85710603
I knowww :/
how are you today?

>>85710741
hello o/
I'm doing all good
today I watched a movie, went on a short ride and ate some pizza

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>>85710870
>watched castle in the sky today
what's your verdict? been ages since i watched that movie and as much as i like the ghibli movies, they tend to be a bit samey and blend together in memory.

>I'm doing all good
awesome. you deserve it.

>went on a short ride
was it so warm for you, too?

>and ate some pizza
jealous. wanted to get some yesterday, but the place is closed on mondaya and tuesdays (T~T)

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>>85711074
>what's your verdict?
good :>
I had fun and the 2 hours passed quickly
I think that's my measure by which I'll be judging movies from now on
I remember when I was watching that fnaf movie or that markiplier movie I didn't really enjoy them that much I remember getting bored and waiting for it to end
so ye, good one :]
>you deserve it
^^
soon it won't be that good tho
>was it so warm for you
yep supposed to be warmer tomorrow
>closed on mondaya and tuesdays (T~T)
:<
so maybe tomorrow??

>>85711413
>I had fun and the 2 hours passed quickly
one of the things i noticed that these movies are very long for the era they were made in, especially for animated movies. they really take their time to develop the characters and the world.

>I think that's my measure by which I'll be judging movies from now on
yeah, that's a good one. i know it's a boring movie when i start checking how much longer the movie will take me to finish. wolf's rain was the worst in that regard. didn't even get through the first episode without checking multiple times. didn't help that i was rooting for the vad guys to kill the main characters.

>I was watching that fnaf movie or that markiplier movie I didn't really enjoy them that much
fnaf was alright for what it wanted to be, but nothing more than your seasonal horror slop movie. haven't seen the markiplier one. that was based on a game, right? does he want to make more movies or leave it at that?

>soon it won't be that good tho
why not? D:

>supposed to be warmer tomorrow
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=08i9kvCJvJ0&pp=ygUQbm8gZ29kIHBsZWFzZSBubw%3D%3D

>so maybe tomorrow??
maybe. i'll see how i feel about it.

hi /cut/ im about to relapse again i am so sad, so unwell. im disabled (fnd+ hcronic pain)and i seem to be having more and worse symptoms and i think im acting wrong sincce i hit my head idk be careful everyone head injuries are no joke. maybe im really sad becaause it can cause depresison but im also depressed so im not sure. i moved into uni and im lonely i mean im lonely everywhere but ugh i can feel it stronger here ,why am i such a pussy wgy cabt i cut right fuck why is my skin so strong ,my friend who i was really lcose to doesnt really care about me much anymore, he has new friends who are less dysfunctonal and insane so i dont blame him but i dont have anyone to ccry to rn. and i have no fucking income its hard to get a job harder to work one when ur crippled and retarded, i tried working freelance art but theres no money in that i just get scammed non stop idk why i was dumb enough to try. i cant keep up with uni already im too sad and unwell...and god i dont have anyone to cry to at all i dont know how im supposed to be open to others when they dont even know how to react to my trauma, im a child sex trafficking survivor and it makes me feel so alien, a complete different species. i see everyone outraged abt some boys gangraping a woman, im so fucking desensitised ever since i was an infant my life was constant rapw gangrape idgaf why is everyone so upset about that but no one believes me.am i coherent. can someone talk to me please

>>85711498
oh i cut my friend off and he is mad i think i think he is really going to mleave methis time . fuck

>>85711498
hey anon.

>im disabled (fnd+ hcronic pain)
that must be very frustrating. sorry you have to deal with it.

>be careful everyone head injuries are no joke.
that's good advice. you be careful to, ok?

>i mean im lonely everywhere but ugh i can feel it stronger here
i get you. i feel disconnected from people around me as well. like i can't even pretend to care anymore.

>i dont blame him but i dont have anyone to ccry to rn.
good you found this thread then. you can vent here, so you don't have to dump everything on him. might not feel as good, but it can be really hard for friends and family to care if the only things they hear from you are negative.

>i tried working freelance art but theres no money in that
i always say when you want to do art that pays, do furry art. not even joking. they pay well.

>i dont know how im supposed to be open to others when they dont even know how to react to my trauma
have you talked to a therapist about it?

>>85711503
what happened?

>>85711548
>good you found this thread then. you can vent here, so you don't have to dump everything on him. might not feel as good, but it can be really hard for friends and family to care if the only things they hear from you are negative.
yes true i feel bad for him. i dont wnat to be upesting him
>i always say when you want to do art that pays, do furry art. not even joking. they pay well.
its a lie i draw fat furry tits and i have not made a single penny. in this economy not even furries have themoney
>have you talked to a therapist about it?
ive beent rying to get therapy for like 3 years and nothing
>what happened?
i thiught he hated me because it seemed like he was ignoring me the past few weeks and didnt care when i mentioned bad things + mentioned other friends who seemed better than me. so i blocked him everywhere thinking id finally improved his life but then he somewow messaged me somewhere and seemed mad and then i unblocked him trying to talk to him but hes moslty unresponsive like before. so i think hes going now. honestly i dont care i mean inm lying to mysefl but whatver

>>85710741
Hi Yua! I'm doing ok, just got a headache rn

>>85710870
I'm ok cat bro, trying to find the motivation to play Crimson Desert but damn that game is big. Hru?

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>>85711583
>i dont wnat to be upesting him
not even sure you're necessarily upsetting him, but i know it's mentally draining. maybe just give him some time.

>its a lie i draw fat furry tits and i have not made a single penny
damn. another pillar of my faith in humanity shattered. D: i was thinking more about ocs and fursonas, though. guess you just have to be lucky to find good patrons. :/

>like 3 years and nothing
man, that's a terrible situation. sadly it checks out. mental health professionals are hard to get to these days.

>so i blocked him everywhere
rather bad habit, i feel. can be justified of course, but maybe you should try be focussed on a long term friendship for the time being. like try to get used to talking to him sporadically or at least to allow for a long time between replies. just because he takes his time doesn't mean he doesn't care. you said yourself you are unwell, so maybe he wants to choose his words before replying.

>so i think hes going now
sometimes you need to grow apart before getting closer again. try to be patient. again: you can always come here to talk

>i mean inm lying to mysefl
i think we all are to an extent.

>>85711662
hey mr meow. :] what have you been up to recently?

>got a headache rn
that's not nice. make sure to drink some water, ok?

probably going to bed now. if so: good night!

>>85711699
I wrote a responde and it deleted by mistake .(
> maybe just give him some time.
youre right I should he is busy just every time theres no response it freaks me out so bad
> you just have to be lucky to find good patrons. :/
It is all gambling. Im thinking about learning to do vyuber rigging and making models but idk if that will actually make any money. Maybe I should just give up and look for jobs for disabled people
> mental health professionals are hard to get to these days.
Yeah it sucks, its so unfair as well. I donT want to be compairng problems but I see people I know with less mental disorders get good treatment fast and it pisses me off.. why is my friend with just adhd getting meds and treatment immediately while the doctors say Im complex and look at me confused :/. It sucks
> try to get used to talking to him sporadically or at least to allow for a long time between replies. just because he takes his time doesn't mean he doesn't care
Thats good afvice . Everything freaks me out because every small change in behaviour seems like such a big deal to me. I should give him time

Good night I am also going to sleep. I have a morning lecture:(WHY WONT IT KET ME PSOT

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>>85709656
Hallu /cat/ what's up?
>>How are you doing today?
Well enough. Had more work training today, and I got the day off tommorow.
>>Any plans for today?
Being drunk (already am).
>>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
Today, if you count drinking. Yesterday otherwise, I scraped up my chest with a USB stick while under the influence.
>>Why did you hurt yourself?
Small euphoria.
>>Is there anything bothering you right now?
Nah not really. I'll probably have this night be the last one with the bottle for a while, no more drinking alone for now. My work is pissing me off a little, but I blame that more on my own incompetence. Other than that, things are looking up! I got ju jitsu lessons tommorow, a concert date in two weeks, and heaps of games to play through. Everythings coming up Togata :D
>>85710477
Makes me miss my box cutter.... hopefully cleanup was alright.
>>85710741
Hallo yuanon
>>85711074
>wanted to get some yesterday
btw veggie pineapple with doner is the BEST way 2 eat pizza
>>85710603
hey meow

morning bump
good morning guyz

page ninne bump

>>85711699
Ummm I finished Signalis finally. I really loved the music and art style! Wbu?

>>85712864
Hi Togata! How's it going?

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bump
hey everyone
feeling tired today
maybe I'll reply later to everyone but idk

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I swore to stop cutting myself after I ended up in the ER last weekend. And here I am off the wagon again...

i cant concentrate on anythiing im losing my mind i cant handle it, the thought of being left alone. i just wanna scream i want to take the knives from the kitchen but my roommates are thereishould ask for an extension why do i have so many fucking essays im too busy going crazy

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>>85715912
hey anon
I don't think it's something you can just stop, instead you should try doing it less and less often
why so you cut btw? maybe you won't stop until that issue is gone?

>>85715928
>why so you cut btw?
Because Im a retarded nigger. No but today it was to get rid of bad thoughts. Which I know doesnt work.

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>>85715947
>Because Im a retarded nigger.
Then why don't you cut all niggers in the process ? I mean, we lack food and Chatgpt doesn't seem to help either. It's easy, you just need to take a driving exam.
>it was to get rid of bad thoughts.
The only way to get read of bad thoughts starts by saying: "I bear witness that there is no god worthy of worship except Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah." And accept Allah as your saviour and master. Bad thoughts are not worthy of your time and you should follow's Allah's perfect path to glory and heaven.

im losing my mind and have no one to go to rn. the flashbacks r so bad they hurt so much, i feel like im being torn apart. why did i have to go thru so much, why did no one protect me, why do i have no therapy or anything to help me heal from it. it disgusts me, how much i was abused. i dont know how many times i was purchased,i dont know how many men used me, i dont know anything or understand my life i dont even really remember my master. i feel like such a monster, all the times i was forced to hurt the other children. i wish i lived a life where my first memories werent of rape, one that didnt require me to fragment myself, one where i got to grow into a healthy and whole person. everything couldve been so different. idk what to do or where to go .how the fuck do you recover from being a child prostitute? it feels so hopeless. do you believe me? im scared everything sounds so unbelievable and terrifying

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>>85715926
hello
>cant concentrate on anythiing im losing my mind
trybto calm down
maybe you should get in a shower and spray yourself with some cold water, or go on a walk? I know it's not very helpful but I'm not sure what else you could do
>fucking essays im too busy going crazy
darn
how many?

>>85715947
>Because Im a retarded nigge
??? I'm guessing you don't like yourself
>get rid of bad thoughts
you get those often? do you know why?

>>85716983
>flashbacks
sounds very concerning, like some ptsd thing
maybe there's some hotline you could call
Are there any things that help you for a bit better?

>>85717081
>trybto calm down
im trying i gave up on doing anything for my essays. im drawing and blasting music and hiopefully things get better
>how many?
ok its only 2 but they are due really soon im asking for an extension. i really want to do well academically but im not well. i want a 2:1 maybe a first so bad
>maybe there's some hotline you could call
they dont help :(. for now im just trying to cope i got bored of cutting i will sleep soon and hopefully feel better when i wake up

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>>85717143
>drawing and blasting music and hiopefully things get better
crossing fingers
whatcha drawing?
>only 2 but they are due really soon
dw even just one is too much sometimes i get it
when is the deadline?
>asking for an extension.
best of luck
>they dont help
:<
well at least you seem to be a bit more stable now so that's very good
>will sleep soon and hopefully feel better when i wake up
Hope you sleep well^^

>>85717219
>whatcha drawing?
im painting a picture of a river its not going great but oh well
>when is the deadline?
oen in 2 weeks another in december i havent even started on anything D:
>well at least you seem to be a bit more stable now so that's very good
yea i kind of am i think i tired myself out of feeling too much
>Hope you sleep well^^
thank you!!

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>>85716983

>i dont know anything or understand my life
Your life is about accomplishing your position in society. Everyone has a duty. Every muslim can get to know what their duty in their hearts thanks to Allah and his profet Muhammad. You can either comply or not but everyone will get a position in heaven or hell based in their actions.
>i wish i lived a life where my first memories werent of rape
Hikmah is a path of hardship and yihad. You should accept whatever Allah teaches us without judgement. As only him is the source of virtue. And only your experiences can teach you how to be worthy in the kingdom of heaven.
>one where i got to grow into a healthy and whole person.
A person without yihad or hikmah can't grow into a "healthy and whole person". See the "developed countries". They are collapsing morally and culturally. People get angry with their parents, they don't comply with their boss they only care about conflicts, democracy, they can't collaborate with each other, the society is divided in parties. There is nothing that unifies them in any way. Society does not care about teaching anyone to be fulfilled. They care about living the moment. They are hedonists, decadent. They hire prostitutes. They are the ones who sin and the ones who will feel their soul separeted from Allah and Muhammad

>>85717319
okmashallah brother

>>85717341
Ma'a salama

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Hello friends, hope you're well.
The other day I was slightly bummed out because I noticed my cinema was screening all the Evangelion movies and I'd missed EoE, which is one of my favourite flims. Then I found out it was still running in a few other cinemas and managed to catch its last screening today. The cinema was mostly empty and it very personal being at the front with no one else in the row.
I remember posting here about a year ago that I was rewatching Eva and crying my eyes out every episode. Have I really been here that long now? Either way, I'm definitely much better now than I was then.

>>85710741
It's been pretty alright, I'd say. How about you?

>>85716983
I'm hesitant to recommend it, but some intensive in-patient therapy might help if you can get it. What you've been through sounds horrible and I hope that one day you'll be able to live a life that makes you happy.

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>>85717306
>painting a picture of a river its not going great but oh well
cool :D
are you drawing it on a computer?
>not going great
that's how drawing is a lot of the time, I feel
just keep at it and try to finish it anon ^^
it might end up better than expected
>oen in 2 weeks
DD:
and how long is the essay supposed to be? In my opinion it's still fairly doable so don't lose hope
>december
phew at least that isn't too bad
>yea i kind of am
nice ^^
>thank you!!
you are welcome! have some nice dreams
you just reminded me I had a dream not long ago
but just as quickly as my memory of it reappeared, it went away, and I'm trying hard to remember it again lol

>>85717319
I don't think you are the actual hugging_bird ...

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>>85717419
wait is that cirno x3
Hello ^^
>and I'd missed EoE, w
noo :<
I missed the ghost in the shell
>last screening toda
woo \o/
sounds like a good time
>Have I really been here that long now?
feels like nothing
I'm the same way, apparently I've been posting this threads for like 3 years now wtf???
>definitely much better now than I was then.
aw very glad to hear that

>>85717419
im glad u enjoyed the movie :)
>I'm hesitant to recommend it, but some intensive in-patient therapy might help if you can get it
maybe.
idk where to get that i can barely get any talking therapy as i am. ill have to beg my doctor or something but thanks for the advice
>What you've been through sounds horrible and I hope that one day you'll be able to live a life that makes you happy.
thank u. its been some time since anythings happened to me, im finding things i enjoy, establishing myself as a person, doing things that make me feel like i have autonomy, the dissociative barriers are getting better. maybe things will get better but i dont have a lot of hope in me
>are you drawing it on a computer?
nope doing watercolour. i hope it gets better than i expected :D
>and how long is the essay supposed to be? In my opinion it's still fairly doable so don't lose hope
2000 words which isnt bad i just cant focus or get started im going to blame it all on my concussion. i actually like the essay topic i just wish i could focus
>but just as quickly as my memory of it reappeared, it went away, and I'm trying hard to remember it again lol
memory and dreams are fickle like that..

sleep time
goodnight everyone

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>>85711941
>it deleted by mistake
that's the worst :[

>it freaks me out so bad
i understand that. feels like these days everyone is either busy or burned out.

>vyuber rigging and making models but idk if that will actually make any money.
i think you should at least give it a try. from what i've heard, there's money to be made there. though you probably have to invest some time into it so you can catch people's attention with your creations.

>Maybe I should just give up and look for jobs for disabled people
maybe. just don't sell yourself short if you decide to go that route.

>why is my friend with just adhd getting meds and treatment immediately while the doctors say Im complex and look at me confused :/
you kinda said it yourself already. treating your friend is easy and straight forward to them. treating you takes much more time and effort on their part. guess you need to find a therapist who's up for the challenge.

>Everything freaks me out because every small change in behaviour seems like such a big deal to me.
hard for me to wrap my head around, since i've rarely ever felt that way, but obviously makes things a lot harder for yku. hope you'll manage and don't forget, if you get any intrusive thoughts, you can always share them here.

>Good night I am also going to sleep. I have a morning lecture
hope you slept well and the lecture wasn't too boring. :>

>>85712864
hey togata! o/

>I got the day off tommorow.
how did you spend it?

>Being drunk (already am).
on what?

>I scraped up my chest with a USB stick
odd choice. where did you get that idea?

>no more drinking alone for now
good choice, i think. good luck.

>Everythings coming up
awesome to hear. do tell how eveeything went, ok?

>btw veggie pineapple with doner is the BEST way 2 eat pizza
sounds like to lot of conflicting flavors... i think i'll stay with the classics. ^^'

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>>85714786
>>85714786
>Ummm I finished Signalis finally. I really loved the music and art style! Wbu?
still haven't. i bought it again for steam some time ago, bought didn't feel like playing since then. i'm sure i'll find some time and motivation this spooky season, though. definitely agree on the music and style. i love the world building. eastern germany in space is an inspired choice, that's for sure.

>>85717419
hey dinon!

>I noticed my cinema was screening all the Evangelion movies and I'd missed EoE, which is one of my favourite flims.
maybe you can subscribe to some sort of newsletter so you know what's running?

>managed to catch its last screening today.
phew. crisid averted. ^^

>The cinema was mostly empty and it very personal being at the front with no one else in the row.
can feel a bit strange to watch a movie like that.

>Have I really been here that long now? Either way, I'm definitely much better now than I was then.
yeah. time flies. happy to hear that you are.

>How about you?
could be better. just feel so exhausted all the time. looking forward to the weekend already.

>>85717991
sleep well! i'll head to bed, too.

good night, everyone!

bumo as in bump fumo 32

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100 on tha dash getting head while I'm still lit
>>85718092
>how did you spend it?
Playing street fighter, watching Naruto, and having my first BJJ class. Good day...
>on what?
Cheap ass gas station beer, the cans of 7.1% and I'm fucked. My preference is vodka, but I can't drink in the house lol... what do you drink?
>odd choice. where did you get that idea?
Nowhere really. I wanted to hurt myself (quietly), and with no knife this was the best I had. My chest has a buncha scratches now but I never drew blood.
>do tell how eveeything went, ok?
Once that day comes round, sure. As for the BJJ it was super fun, it's fun and the instructors are super helpful. I can flip people awesome

>How are you doing today?
I overslept and woke up an hour ago, got a little high so can't complain yet
>Any plans for today?
nothing, maybe organize some things since everything's a mess but probably not; tiktok and the couch, most likely
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
yesterday, mostly just cat scratches nothing too much
>Why did you hurt yourself?
bored, honestly
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
everything is but that's normal haha

i actually hate this board. its all fuck sex women i dont care. how is every post the same
>>85718092
>i think you should at least give it a try. from what i've heard, there's money to be made there. though you probably have to invest some time into it so you can catch people's attention with your creations.
yeah. it takes a lot of time..im planning on making free assets or something for streamers so at least some ppl are aware of me idk
>maybe. just don't sell yourself short if you decide to go that route.
i will try!ugh i feel so unemployed i dont even have a linkedin or a cv yet =.=
>treating your friend is easy and straight forward to them. treating you takes much more time and effort on their part. guess you need to find a therapist who's up for the challenge.
i understand, its so annoying though. i feel that every system meant to help or protect me has failed me in some way
>hope you slept well and the lecture wasn't too boring. :>
lol i didnt go to lecture i overslept

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hello everyone

>>85720343
hey togata

>>85720397
hey anon
>overslept and woke up an hour ago,
overslept for what?
>tiktok and the couch, most likely
anything interesting on there?
>bored, honestly
hm what hobbies do you have?

>>85721178
>hate this board. its all fuck sex women
yeah
I honestly wouldn't care is 90% of posts like that weren't just bait

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>>85718183
>bought it again for steam some time ago
I buy games in k4g.com and thfn cancel my subscription. They give you a code for getting the game in steam and its quite cheap. Very very cheap. Also free games in epic games

>>85721178
>i feel so unemployed i dont even have a linkedin or a cv yet =.=
Same situation. Its pretty deppresing. But I guess someone has to take the rest time. Just ask your classmates / family how they got the job.
>honestly wouldn't care is 90% of posts like that weren't just bait
What do you mean exactly ?

>>85716866
>Then why don't you cut all niggers in the process
That's what Im doing.

>>85717081
>??? I'm guessing you don't like yourself
Obviously....
>you get those often? do you know why?
Yes. Most of the time I can "handle" it. But yday hell broke loose in my head again. I told myself I would stop cutting after I had to visit the ER last week. But here I am again....

i want to do cuts on wrists
advice?

>>85722299
Why? Dont do it. There is no good reason for it.
Helps anxiety? No it doesnt
Masks emotional pain? No it doesnt
A scream for help? There are better ways of doing that
Because you hate yourself? Eh I have no good alternative there.

>>85722527
>There is no good reason for it.
ruin my life, i need to have visible "suicide attempt"

>>85722575
They wont see cutting as a suicide attempt. Probably the worst way to signal you want to die. Before doing something like this to yourself, just tell your psychiatrist/therapist/whatever that you want to die.

>>85722737
>They wont see cutting as a suicide attempt
yes they will, cut on wrists = suicide attempt

woah
had a good day and i wannna talk a little but my head hurts

>>85722785
Self-harm with intent to die counts as a suicide attempt yes. But why do you even "need" to tell someone you attempted suicide?

>>85723114
>But why do you even "need" to tell someone you attempted suicide?
for government

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>>85721918
>Obviously....
you could've been making a joke
>told myself I would stop cutting after I had to visit the ER last week
how did the er visit go btw?

>>85722299
don't, anon
it's not a good idea

>>85722575
>ruin my life
I don't think it's going to ruin anything
it'll just make people treat you a bit worse

>>85723064
hey rem
how r u?

>>85722299
dont do it too deep its rlly easy bc theres basically no beans unless youre super overweight and if you cut nerves you mess up your hand mobility

im so scared and anxious right now and i feel on the verge of breakdown, like im numb outwardly but i can feel something deeper and i feel so much i wanna throw up. how do i remove the bpd from my brain. i feel like an inferior creature..and the intrusive thoughts are so bad i spend all day obsessing over them thinking if i can undo them in my brain then i wont hurt anyoen. i think my friend is done with me and is leaving me im convincing myself i dont even care. i mean he sucks hes pushing 30 and all he does is play fucking roblox(not even good games) and talk to suspiciously young people online and im not sure what he even does all day. but hes put up with all my insanity surprisngly well and has or was kind to me for a long time. but i guess he gets bored. idk i hope he gets his shit together soon it would be sad if he was 40 and still unemployed and playing roblox all day. im terrified my roommates or new friends hate me theyre nice to me and invite me out but idk im so anxious and im sick of pretending like im not a mega autist. theres groups for neurodivergent people but last time i went i didnt like them really. and the flashbacks are so bad so painful, my body from the waist down and my genitals are completely numb from everything, i hate it. i hate how sexually dysfunctional i am, my concept of attraction and love and everything is so warped.im fucking this random guy in a few days and everytime im around him i feel sick, every time we do things i hate it, it feels like hes violating me, but i love that feeling of being violated idk its not right. and im getting a nice box cutter yay i dont enjoy using kitchen knives i feel like a produce.. also i think i saw self harm scars on my roommate, i feel a bit less alone. the whole world is self harm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think the scars mogged mine
>>85721876
>Just ask your classmates / family how they got the job.
usually its all nepotism:(. my friends searching for jobs r having the worst time rn i feel so bad

>>85723499
im just going to finish another pianting and sleep early

>>85723456
>if you cut nerves you mess up your hand mobility
double or nothing, LET IT RIDE, YOU ABOUT TO WITNESS RETARD BECOMING CRIPPLED

>>85723132
How will the government help you if you attempt suicide?

>>85723585
high ball knowledge require

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>>85720343
>Playing street fighter
who's your main?

>watching Naruto
rip haku and zabuza... (T~T)

>having my first BJJ class
how is it?

>Cheap ass gas station beer
yummy... i suppose it gets the job done.

>what do you drink?
mostly whisky and rum. really fond of rye whisky at the moment.

>My chest has a buncha scratches now but I never drew blood.
yeah, that makes sense.

>it's fun and the instructors are super helpful
that's great. just avoid anyone who'a too full of themselves. some people just don't know when to stop. :/

>>85721178
>i actually hate this board
yeah, i just filter it for this thread and whenever i browse the catalog i usually regret it

>so at least some ppl are aware of me idk
sounds like a plan. good luck, fren.

>i dont even have a linkedin or a cv yet =.=
aren't those just social media for people who need an excuse to be on social media at this point?

>i feel that every system meant to help or protect me has failed me in some way
definitely has. some people just fall through all the cracks. sorry it happened to you.

>i overslept
well, hope it was good at least.

>>85721876
>They give you a code for getting the game in steam and its quite cheap
i'm too lazy for that. i just wait for sales on steam or gog.

>Also free games in epic games
good idea, but i have enough stores to deal with as is. and for some odd reason i'd rather just pay for my games. got doom 1 and 2 for free on gog via twitch, though. didn't say no to that.

>>85723064
hi rem! tell me about it. :D

>>85723499
>im so anxious and im sick of pretending like im not a mega autist.
just tell them that you'd like to head out with them but that it's also hard for you. i'm sure they'll understand and accomodate you.

>>85723809
hey yuanon how are yu??

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>>85709656
heyo! :3 finally found some time to come back n post!

>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
Today at work

>Why did you hurt yourself?
same as always, loneliness

first time that i used fresh trapezoid blades today, usually sticked to shitty old rusty pencil sharpener blades or scraping with safety needles. felt good even though it was just baby cuts :>

aside from that, hope everyone is doing alright! been a rough week for me already, work is stressful. cant wait to chill at home n play games once the weekend starts x3

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>>85723991
hi catbro! :>

>how are yu??
i'm good. a bit tired, but ok overall. just watching a guy play the new hellraiser game atm. not much else happened. just work and that's it. what about you?

>>85724014
>heyo! :3 finally found some time to come back n post!
let's gooo! :D

>Today at work
oh. any reason for it? and why at work?

>felt good even though it was just baby cuts :>
not like it's a contest. best to stay as light as you can, i'd say.

>hope everyone is doing alright!
yeah, i'm fine. could always be better, but i'm trying to be somewhat content.

>been a rough week for me already, work is stressful
i feel you. wanna tell us about it?

>cant wait to chill at home n play games
what games?

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>>85724014
hello ^^
>found some time to come back n post!
nice :D
how long you can chill ?
>always, loneliness
hopefully it stops one day :<
>aside from that, hope everyone is doing alright
thanks I'm okay :3
been enjoying the autimn
>work is stressfu
:c
damn that work

>>85724039
>good. a bit tired, but ok overall. just watching
that's good
have a nice chill time
I didn't know there's a new game!? let alone that's been an old one
>what about you?
I've watched princess mononoko today!
honestly out of all the ghibli stuff ive watched I liked it the least, just a me thing probably, it's because there wasn't really a person I could relate to, I noticed all of the other movies are about something relatable or have a character who initially has no idea what's going on and we learn with them about the world around them
Btw i wanna rewatch the resident evil movie, desu it was really cool, have I told u about it?

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>>85724163
>have a nice chill time
thank you. i'm always surprised how little these graphic depictions of violence and body horror affect me.

>I didn't know there's a new game!? let alone that's been an old one
i suppose there wasn't. guess i counted clive barker's jericho as one. man, quite a while since i thought about that game. don't think i ever finished it.

>I liked it the least
hm. i can see why. it's more about the conflicting ideas of the clashing parties and finding a way to reconcile them and live together instead of a very developed cast of characters. also the guy is kind of a dick giving away the knife the girl gave him to monoke. i enjoyed the visuals a lot, though.

>i wanna rewatch the resident evil movie, desu it was really cool, have I told u about it?
i think we briefly talked about it, but i don't remember much. what did you like about it?

>>85709656

>How are you doing today?
Okay-ish, kind of a disappointing day but not so bad
>Any plans for today?
It's night so everything is done but I managed to revise about 25% of the work for the test I have on Monday
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
I'm 8 months clean, the longest I've ever been relapse free, I'm really proud but sometimes I still get dark thoughts. The most noticeable thing is that I still think stuff like "I should just cut myself" even though it's not really something the situation calls for
>Why did you hurt yourself?
Self-punishment for perceived failures. Maybe by cutting myself I could atone for my sins
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
Thankfully no, other than the calm/background anxiety of the upcoming exam

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>>85724219
>these graphic depictions of violence and body horror affect me.
well stuff like that is pretty normalized
>suppose there wasn't.
I gueess
>also the guy is kind of a dick
I actually don't think so
but I think I didn't find the over all goal very interesting and then character of the wolf girl wasn't very developed now that I think about it
most of the other movies were basically about making your own little life nice
and even in castle is the sky it wasn't really all that much about saving the world but about the relationships between people and especially the two main characters
hm I can ramble on about it but I'll stop here
>what did you like about it?
So for me it was a lot like a couple short movies, first section was very the thing and later was sorta silent hill and resident evil and even there was a the mist moment
I really liked it and I feel like it missed a lot of potentially interesting things
Have you seen the movie?
interestingly the person I was with really disliked the movie, and he made me angry because I think it's okay to dislike things and have an opinion but he was acting like his take is the only correct one and I'm stupid for liking it
Honestly I'm pretty sure he watched tiktoks about the movie beforehand to get an opinion and didn't watch it with a clear might, I also could ramble on about that, how I think its pretty common for people nowadays to watch a review or follow the most popular opinion about something instead of playing/watching that thing themselves to make their own opinion

>>85724381
>feel like it missed a lot of potentially interesting things
like I missed a lot of interesting things on my first viewing
>clear might
mind*

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thought about taking a tiny little break and do something weird just to get motivation
but i wont do it ig, it wont work ig
>>85723251
>how r u
im fine
you?
any activities?

>>85723809
>hi rem
hi yuanon
how are you?
>tell me about it
hmm i actually have two things i wanna talk about
a friend of mine was not feeling very well lately
he had some problems, i wanted to meet him so we could talk but i was busy most of the time.
later, he told me that he finally met a psychiatrist and got diagnosed with depression. in one session. yeah, one session.
im worried cuz last time i was about to meet a psychiatrist i was told that it'd take several sessions to get diagnosed.
is it really possible?

the other thing i wanted to talk about is about my bestfriend
like i was thinking, im very stressed a lot of times it's really painful and tiring, all the things im facing almost everyday and a lot other things are so tiring, i thought like maybe i could get contact with my bestfriend again, why dont i just show up and like vent out a little or tell him to help me feel nice which might lessen the stress? i thought it could work as a motivation boost or something.
if i did that i'm probably gonna have to explain what happened and why i disappeared in first place, though i think he probably knows some of my reasons.
idk if it sounds selfish in any way, maybe it does for people who dont know what happened between us but like, eh, it's a little hard to explain it, i didn't isolate myself for selfish reasons in first place (atleast that's what i believe). and again, i wasn't planning on cutting contacts until we die, it was just that i couldn't take the mental damage at the time. anyways im probably not doing that.
what do you think?

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>>85724515
>do something weird just to get motivation
what what tell me? o.o
>im fine
anything nice happened?
>you?
good :3
>any activities?
watched princess mononoko today
also cut little desig into a chestnut for fun