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Ho ho ho!

'Tis the season. The season for writing, that is. Post your Christmas-themed stuff, or just whatever you happen to be working on.

>>97092070
>>97103745
>>97124704
I haven't forgotten about these, I just literally have not had a spare moment this weekend. I'll try to get to them in the next day or two.

>>97124689
Thanks, anon, that's really helpful.

>>97122678
>>97123924
>>97123932
Bumpin my query from the end of last thread, hoping to discuss some more ideas and thoughts if anyone's got any.

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Not Christmas themed at all, some aura farming for a Martian colonisation themed setting:

The fronterize corporative (frontier worker) has a home, a fixed contract, disciplined habits, respect for authority, on whose side xhe will always be, even against xer better feelings.

But the caseríe net (out-and-out frontier folk) is the typical wandering lowland miner, here today, there tomorrow; gambler, quarreller, enemy of discipline; who flees civil service or employment and takes refuge among the Nomads if xhe knifes someone. Xhe never conceives of any attachment either to the soil or to a master: however well they may pay, and however kindly they may treat xer, xhe leaves them at any moment when xhe takes it into xer head, most frequently without even bidding them adieu, or at most saying, "I am going, because I have been with you long enough".

The first has the instincts of civilisation; xhe imitates the Uplanders in xer dress, and customs. The second loves tradition; xhe hates foreigners; xer luxury is xer rover, xer patched-up surface suit, xer canvas sash and xer fación. The first takes off xer surface-suits to go into a colony’s habs, the second goes there flaunting xer frontier trappings. The first is a strip mine employee, a dump-truck driver, a licensed shop-keep, a steelworker, a peon. The second hires xerself out for seasonal mining. The first has been a soldier several times, first for the people’s government, then for the free state. The second was once part of a reconnaissance squadron and deserted as soon as xhe saw xer chance.

1/2

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>>97134859
The first is always autonomiste, the second is no longer anything. The first still believes in something; the second believes in nothing. The caseríe has suffered more than any hab-dweller, and so has been disillusioned quicker. The corporative votes, because the company tells xer to, and with that, universal suffrage is achieved. In a word, the first is a useful colonist for industry and work — the second is a dangerous inhabitant anywhere. The former makes up the ever-increasing Lowland social mass; the second is all but marked for extinction.

>Dr. Dyah "Supraman" Londojo, Report on an Excursion into the North (2249)

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>The gang comes across a white man essentially doing native-face (pic semi related)
>This is a fantasy setting so nobody has any idea he's being offensive, they just think he's an eccentric tribesman
How do I make it clear that this is a white man badly disguised as a native american and not just me being very fucking terrible at writing a native american character?

What do you use to write stuff when you're not home and have access to a computer?
Any useful tool I may get as a xmas gift?

>>97134859
>>97134896
Idk what aura farming is and after I looked it up, I don't think this is the place for it. This is a place to post, read, and critique the work of others.

That's a lot of description, but it doesn't really show anything if you catch my drift. It appears one group is a bunch of toadies and the other is a bunch of assholes.

Each sentence runs on quite a bit. It took a couple readings to actually separate that you were talking about two groups. Advice an anon gave in that last thread holds true: If a sentence can end, you should end it.

There are some evocative bits in there, though. Basic components of a scene. So good job on that.

I have to ask, with the fear of derailment: What's with the pronouns? Transhumanism? It really throws off the flow of the sentences.
Are you trolling?

>>97133821
>>97092070
>https://pastebin.com/FZCB5Aj9
This is definitely a significant improvement on what you started off with. The style is better, you've fleshed out the protagonist as a person more and sprinkled in just the right amount of backstory, and while there isn't much dialogue in the section you've provided what you do have does feel a little more natural. The errors I'm seeing now are just minor things that would be ironed out in editing rather than systemic flaws that make it unreadable.

The only real note I have is that I liked your original opening line more. That punchy, staccato style was hell to read for paragraph after paragraph, but an opening line should stand out.
>The lands below are broken. Karsts jut from the ashen ground. Only the black smoke of battle shrouds the pitted expanse.

>>97133912
Just now found the thread again as I'm heading to bed. I'll get back to you tomorrow.
>>97136174
Has the gang encountered Natives before?

>>97140245
Thanks man! Does is pass the 'picked up from library and read first pages' test?

Slight correction on your assumptions as well. It's less about finding individuality and more about the idea that morality cannot exist without identity, it becomes clearer later. When they get to the city. One can do the right thing by following orders, but you can't do so of your own volition without a sense of self and belonging.

I also have a poem meant to start off the next campaign for my group:

Upon a little king was a little crown
On his face a vicious frown

His lands are all drained away
His people aren't on this final day

Past and present warped by this lord
But he would not turn the sword

Despite what the maw would insist
The king alone would persist

He throws the blade into the sea
If nothing else, he would be

But no force could ever cease
His will alone he can bequeath

And begin his reign anew
From his palm, he also flew

A final act as lights go out
In the steel a last redoubt

The sins of one brought to another
Inflicted on a distant brother


For each brings with him he takes
From the flight, the world now shakes

The final king will have his power
What he brings with him will devour

A simple snack and tiny bite
And thus descends the endless night

Do not fear and do not tremble
Ring the bells and do assemble

The one you love and your good friend
Walk with us into the end

>>97141301
>>97133912
Are you opposed to protag changing X to good instead? Or M using an underhanded option like bluffing as the bigger threat forcing protag to pull away from X? Hard to know what to do really without knowing history as well.

>>97143659
>Are you opposed to protag changing X to good instead?
X and M are both part of a group of primordial demons from the birth of creation. X's physical vessel was created at the dawn of life itself and has endured ever since, while M's has changed over time. (When a vessel dies, the Primordial Demon still remains and returns in time. M has "died" several times but X hasn't)
The core of the book is actually about the two of them and the fundamental conflict they bring. Because M's latest "incarnation" as it were, is very much not a villainous person. She considers life to be sacred above all else, and that directly goes against X because she's basically all about the cycle of rebirth and decay and considers death itself to be sacred. This goes into the broader state of the world mentioned where nothing can die. So its the question that the protag has to struggle with "Does she join the 'good guy' that wants the world to be stuck in an endless limbo of undeath, or does she join the 'bad guy' that wants people to die naturally again?"

Which with that context, is a roundabout way of saying X turning "good" isnt really an option. Her motivations are technically "aligned" with what the Protagonist is already trying to achieve. And even if she wasnt aligned, and could be persuaded, she is fundamentally an evil being.

>Or M using an underhanded option like bluffing as the bigger threat forcing protag to pull away from X?
X already sees M as the bigger threat, but because they're part of the same "group" they cant directly oppose each other. Hence both trying to get the protag to join them as the third party.

cont

>>97143659
Ultimately, the story that I've planned and I feel is most interesting and that I want to write goes like this:
>M meets with Protag and convinces them that she is the better option, despite their motivations being morally opposed.
>Protag agrees and decides to make [[some sort of insurance plan]] with M
>Protag then goes to X and alongside all the plots, she joins X and becomes a psychopomp.
>This is done through some sort of contract, a pact, something that cant simply be walked away from, on top of the physical/mental/ability-related modifications.
>The idea is for this change to be permanent for a good chunk of the story, until, that [[insurance plan]] mentioned comes into effect.

Whatever that [[plan]] is, it needs to break something in that contract, some sort of breach or clause that allows the Protag to be saved. To give a stupid example, the contract has the clause "I wont eat gluten" and X accidentally serves her pasta, you get what Im saying? That's my main issue right now, coming up with a satisfying solution to this situation I've created.

>>97144482
>>97144494
Sounds like M could throw in a "untill death" clause, and Deadman trigger a resurrection if protag uses their power on themselves. Or am I misremembering something?

>>97145082
If the protagonist kills themselves though, how would they get ressurected? Sure, M is a necromancer but I dont believe the protagonist wishes to live the rest of her life as a zombie technically.

And also, I dont see a way where that works. X wouldn't allow the protagonist to commit suicide once they're under their control. Wait but maybe someone else could kill them instead?
This might have potential actually.

>>97145082
>>97145336
Okay here's some additional context cause you just sparked a cool idea, and I wanna hear what you think.

Remember I mentioned in last thread's context that Protagonist went through a horrible tragedy that left them traumatized and slowly descending into a bad place mentally? Well that tragedy was that the love of their life died at the hands of two other of those "primordial demons" like X and M.

Now its been 7 years since, and unbeknownst to the Protagonist, their lover has "technically" returned recently. Its a bit complicated exactly how and why (They stole one of those demon's eyes, their soul was corrupted before death, M helped, etc) but their lover is alive and working with M from the shadows.
I think it'd work really well if the "clause" that X gives as part of their pact is that her servitude will only be released by "Death only by true love" sort of like a play on true love's kiss. X would think "well since her true love is dead, no worries" and it wouldnt be a foolish assumption on their part (dont want to make them seem stupid)
I think it'd be really cool if this was all part of M's plan, having the foresight and planning that the protagonist would join X eventually, and bringing their lover back to life to eventually save them.
whatdya think?

>>97145465
You could hit a few birds with one stone here actually if it's a route you want to go.
Make the Deadman trigger "a sacrifice to save their one true love." X and protag both know their one true love is dead so protag gets to legitimately join bad side. Then later find out their love is "technically" alive, and through mumbo jumbo whatever the protag can perform the sacrifice to turn them actually alive and break contract at same time. The sacrifice can then be whatever makes sense plot wise from losing the newly conquered kingdom to kicking a puppy. Or hell, go ham with a love triangle and they have to kill a new lover they'd taken after true loves death.

>>97147360
Nah, I dont want the protagonist to be the one doing the sacrificing because Ive done that plenty already, it will get repetitive at some point (and the act of her joining X is in itself a sacrifice already). I think its more thematically impactful for this character that decided to take the painful solitary path to be saved by someone else for a change.

Also there's already a love triangle going on, its a whole thing.

>>97147546
Already have a love triangle, go SUPER ham. Keep the trigger "a sacrifice to save their one true love" but have that 3rd person have the protag as their one-sided one true love. So when that character sacrifices themself to save protag it breaks the contract.

>>97147749
The love triangle unfortunately is over the person who died.
>Protag loves Guy
>Evil other character loves/wants to kill Guy
>Protag and Other Villain hate each other

Like I said, its complicated. But the reality is I cant use it in this scenario, especially because that other villain isnt involved in this plotline.

I've only done once a Christmas story in my campaigns.
One was set in WWI in a trench of Weird War, the night of christmas one day in the german trenches, the PCs prussian soldiers, while patroling the trench they find a ghostly spirit that seems to hunt down and brutalize other soldiers and officers, it seems like Krampus.
So yeah that's the plot IG, Krampus comes to punish the PCs and had to survive all my "points" like
>Point 1 if the PCs discover the first body it trigger point 3
>Point 3 the office in the mess will die for boiling water poured on him. Go to point 4
>Point 4 the PCs discover the body if they're scared Krampus will try to attack but at any action he will run away
Something like that, in the end my friends didn't do anything stupid and survived the christmas night and Krampus is no more.
anyway I was thinking for this year to make a Cyberpunk2020 Xmas Campaing, I had in mind
>PCs get together to party for xmas at the local pub/bar
>Plot point NPC appear and ask the PCs(They look like street samurai) to start a legit bodyguard contract with duration of 24 hours immediatly from signing and no take back.
>The contract say to stay near the guy for 24 hours straigh and i'll give back 20000€$ to divide between the guys but he doesn't give an explaination why he need to sign now (the NPC can be convinced to put 20000 more in case asked)
>The NPC is called "The crazy gambler" like the name imply he won big at the last mob Game (100000€$) he cashed out all the gangsters. Now he need protection just 24 hours so he can settle all his stuff
>The game will be oneshot or bishot and the PCs need to protect the gambler from other Street samurais, thugs, booster gangs and many more
>The game I have in mind he have to run between his wife to give money back he stole. Then go to his daughter who works as a waige and give her a lot of money.
So this is what I had in mind.

Sorry if is the wrong place. I've been trying to find a greentext for the longest time so I've given up and stopped lurking to ask directly.

It was about a group in a world with no paladins, or at least nothing named paladins. Every other class existed fine. The only guys called paladins were implied to be christans crusaders either from another world or newly formed. There were some passages about them that they worshipped only one God and were interested in destrying all other religions, that they had swords of fire and when people tried to use Speak With The Dead to talk to those they killed the only thing they heard was screaming of a person being burned alive (hell, obviously).
The main reason they went around hunting other gods is because the paladins stole power from them and the main campaign was trying to stop them from doing that.

To be clear, the paladins were the enemies, and the PCs were trying to stop them. The main focus of the campaign (from what I remember) was stopping them from destroying the idol of an old and forgotten god to steal it's power.

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>>97133821
>>97124704
I really like this story. It manages to be quite moving in a fairly short amount of space.

Also, I too have wondered what it would be like to selectively breed animals for super-intelligence.

>>97103745
Sorry, anon, the link expired before I could look at it.

>>97154820
>Thanks man! Does is pass the 'picked up from library and read first pages' test?
Yes it does. I won't say that it's at the level of 'too engrossed to put down' yet, but I would definitely keep reading.

And the premise you've outlined sounds interesting.

>Upon a little king was a little crown
The poem isn't terrible but - unless this is some kind of stylistic choice I'm missing - I think you've made the key mistake a lot of would-be poets make, and focused on the rhymes over the rhythm. A poem can survive a weak rhyme but unless you're deliberately doing some kind of freestyle, abstract thing (and if you were doing that you wouldn't have such a regular rhyme scheme) if you want a poem to sound good you've got to get the meter right.

Poems are meant to be read aloud. Or at least they were originally. Homer didn't go around passing out scrolls with the Iliad and the Odyssey written on them for people to take home and read on their own, he was (probably, allowing for the fact we don't have many concrete details about his life) hired to attend rich people's parties and sit there with a lyre reciting them. Even down to the 19th century, into the early 20th, poets would write in the expectation that even with modern methods of mass media they would still at some point be standing in front of a room full of fans reading them out.

It's not even enough to focus on making sure you have the same number of syllables in each line (another rookie mistake I myself have been guilty of), you have to make sure the stress lands in the right place too. It's got to be

>Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum
>Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum
not
>Ba-dum, ba-dum-dum-dum
>Dum ba-dum dum ba-dum

tl:dr meter > rhyme

>>97154820
>the link expired before I could look at it.
Here you go. Set it to 2 weeks. paragraph 53 is the new stuff now, though i think its just cause how the formatting swapped over.
https://pastebin.com/VECwXg1u

>>97154820
>>97154880
Righteous. Gonna keep plugging away at that book then. Glad you liked the little raven story! Same world as the book, actually.

>>97154880
And thanks again for sacrificing the time to read a stranger's work. You're very appreciated

>>97155224
My thoughts are more or less the same as they were last time: a few bits of awkward phrasing, some points where you get the tense wrong, but other than that it's okay. You're fairly good at creating a distinctive voice for your characters and writing natural-sounding dialogue.

The thing that concerns me at this point is that I'm not getting much sense of the actual plot. Digressing into old war stories would be fine for a later chapter, but right now I have absolutely no idea where any of this is going; you really need to set up what's actually happening before you give any more background information about characters.

>>97154880
oops, that was obviously a response to >>97141920

>>97161796
>tense
Yeah, as I mentioned previously, my by far biggest weakness.

I may need to sign post it a bit more then, but the whole plot IS the stories. Like, 90% of the book will be him talking to the captive audience. He's there to ostensibly to break up the day for the wounded soldiers and give them something to take their minds off of the pain and such. He's a good man that takes the little bit he has left to give to help the only people left who matter to him.
First story is about hate and rage and combat. Second story is about how bad winter down time was next to the silk road and watching his unit descend into drugs, gambling, etc. Third is about his childhood, local villagers and what happened to each of them as he grew, the local mayor and the scandals he fomented amongst the populace, and how he met his wife who he didn't know was pregnant when he killed the mayor which leads into story 1. And the final story of how he lost his leg, the broken supply lines, the hopelessness of being cutoff behind enemy lines and desperately hoping to make it home to his wife and then 3 kids.

All ending in Nurgle offering him a way out. He would make sure he survived and would live out a long healthy life with his wife and kids, but when she died he would become his plaguebearer and spend the rest of his usefulness converting more willing cultists, which he does to the 3 soldiers. It's why he's supernaturally durable.

Turns out the 4 gods had been trying to convert him his whole life. Khorne in story 1, Slaanesh, and Tzeentch in the other two. It's hard to keep the surprise though if you go in knowing it's a Warhammer Fantasy book.

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I wrote kind of an essay on my user page in the 1d6chan wiki. It tries to establish a critical perspective on the current state of pen&paper rpgs. It's not fictional writing, rather an attempt at writing in the style of ethnographies or similar treatise on cultural matters. Anyone care to read it?

>>97162556
I'd like to.

>>97162628
>>97162556

Though I'll only tall style and concise news rather than the points brought up so there's no derailment.

>>97162628
>>97162635
https://1d6chan.miraheze.org/wiki/User:Tanon

>>97162725
I actually think the two rant sections could be combined into a cohesive whole. The point about ritualization is a bit arcane considering the more 'mundane' pieces you bring in later on. Basically, starting from an 'occult' style of description and moving into a more piece by piece analysis is a bit off putting.

You're going hard against the nu rpg crowd (which I do agree with) but don't spend any time explaining why it's bad or listing the many examples that could back up your thesis.

Speaking of which, I'd really appreciate a thesis statement of some kind to lay out the texture of what you're going for. More concise points to drive home the idea would also really buoy the writing. All you'd need to do is back up those points.

It doesn't feel that structured if I had to sum it up.

Also, I'm not a weeb of any kind but the other stuff you listed tells me you have good taste.

>>97162725
You have a couple points I would directly counter against that have a lot to do with semantics, population expectations, arbitration, etc. But critiqued from a reading perspective it comes off both too clinical and too emotional. If you're going to screed, screed. Don't stop halfway to start lecturing. Either is perfectly good on its own, it's the dichotomy that wrecks it.
I'll also agree with the poster above me saying a thesis would be nice.

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>>97163056
>>97163467
thanks for reading and for your constructive feedback! I copied your replies to the discussion section, so I can use them as a guideline when I write on. I really appreciate the effort you put into your analyses and I'll try to put them to good use.

Just to give some context:
I'm not a learned writer by any means. I dropped out of university many years ago and never really wrote a proper paper. I'm just imitating the style of the kind of books I like to read (besides rpg stuff) and try to examine topics from the hobby in that fashion. I wrote the text because these things are going trough my mind and it's fun to write them down, further developing my thoughts in doing so. There's no clear aim or perspective behind the writing. I could just have hacked it into my plaintext editor, stored the file somewhere on my harddrive and forget about it, but I like the idea that it can be found in a remote corner of our sweet old wiki.

>>97164841
You bet! Glad it's useful, man.

I'm the first anon and would suggest you take a look at persuasive writing if you want to hone the idea a bit more. Keeping it opinion based rather than having to 'prove' your viewpoint can also make it a lot more fun.

Having to organize thoughts on paper is pretty tough sometimes.

What's the secret sauce to writing a humorous campaign and scenarios for me and the lads?
I'm genuinely perplexed on how to be funny and to do it without being snobbish to the players.

>>97170448
If there was a secret to writing humour, whoever knew it would be a millionaire. It's why comedy movies are basically a dead artform at this point: most of the time you don't know in advance if they're going to be massive successes or huge bombs. A joke that's funny on paper can sound completely cringe if delivered wrong, and what one person finds funny might sound totally stupid to someone else.

My advise is to simply write whatever you like then run it past someone else first to see if the humour lands.

>>97170448
My only advice would be an anecdote: the best humor campaign I ever ran was designed to be funny in hindsight. Humor is tough on tt because it flows more naturally from the group than from you.

In the campaign, aspects of the old gods would infect certain regions. Warping them to be like itself in different ways.

The campaign was played straight. The players couldnt quite guess what the old god was. Enemies were often giant apes, inhabitants became radioactive under a partial moon, the bad guys used swords and scimitars. There was a ton of other stuff. The people were crazy, there was a yellow malaise, the party was working for a trade guild that wanted the resources of the island, giant spiders hid among the populace, etc.

I like to think it was kinda spooky.

I played it perfectly straight. The only real clues that would actually give it away plainly was the music, but my choices were always a bit weird and only popped up every so often in the list so it wasn't really acknowledged.

It was the god of bananas. No one really noticed that the shop songs were things like "I like bananas because they have no bones" and "yes, we have no bananas" and a bunch of less recognized DK music to fit the island jungle theme.

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>>97133758

I know I'm a bit too old to be writing letters to Santa, but I figured I'd let my inner child have his moment. Things have been a bit rough up here in the Arcadia Block. the Central Street bombing didn't do anyone any favors and it affected a nearby hospital causing a few casualties after damaging the hospital generators. I wish I could say that the son of a bitch who did it was caught but they decided to become part of the fireworks they started.

Anyways, that was a few months ago. The Central Street buildings have been rebuilt or are partway towards being finished but it's essentially pulling your sleeve down to cover the bruises on your arm. The political drama that lead up to this hasn't died down and the political commentators are tickling the algorithims just right to pump up their engagement and view counts.

So what am I asking for in all this? I know the Earth is a big place and not exactly a hop, skip, and a jump away but if Rudolph can guide you across 300,000 miles in the void give Mars a fly by will ya?

>>97133758
But out the snowman.

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>>97178411
I'm going to assume you meant 'put out the snowman'.

I don't even know any snowmen who're in the closet.

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>>97180972
Unfortunately, posting the other instalments is going to be a serious problem now that 4chan doesn't support PDFs

>>97136244
>What's with the pronouns? Transhumanism? It really throws off the flow of the sentences.
In the 2230s and 40s, Mars was shaken by a brutal civil war between autonomist communists and unionist fascists. The fascist side won with UN Earther support, led by its brutal military junta, resting on the support of the 3 most powerful groups on the planet, male feminists, martian-indonesians and veteran child soldiers. The regime would eventually fall, victim of its own incompetence, replaced by a UN transitional authority. One of few the lasting changes left behind by the regime was the replacement of default pronouns in Martian English with xhe/xers. A bleak future indeed.

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>crossed the 130,000 words threshold
Three chapters to go, maybe four. Give me strength and excuse the blogposting.

>>97193080
Are you going to publish?

>>97195269
I self-published a bunch of books, but this one, I want to submit it directly to some literary agency.
If this doesn't work, then I don't know. Probably don't self-publish it and keep trying.

>>97196261
How does one even selfpublish while actually making money?

>>97133758
I am working on a ttrpg setting that is very inspired by Greek mythology and I am looking for a good name for a dragon humanoid race. I've been using "Ophoio" as their term for now, but I want to change it to something else. I'm thinking of something to do with the legend of Cadmus and sowing the dragon's teeth, like calling them Kadameans or Draksperi. Do either of those two sound good, or do any of you have better ideas? I'm totally open to sharing more info about the race to help.

>>97199588
Still trying to figure it out.
Your share per sale is higher compared to having a publisher publish it for you, but you have additional expenses (cover, editing (if you aren't doing it yourself), marketing). Apparently, it's possible, some people make money from it. Some people aren't really doing novels, but just flood the market with self-help books, cooking and fitness books and in general garbage. But even "real" authors can make it with a big enough following. Although, that following takes years to build and they often had a regular publisher before. For others, it's just a nice extra money.

>>97201087
>Kadameans or Draksperi
Both don't sound that good, but at least the latter conveys that they are dragons of sorts. At least to me, it's important that you can infer in some way from the name alone that they are not a regular human race. "Kadameans" doesn't really convey that to anyone that doesn't have a degree in ancient greek.

>>97201560
Alright. Thanks anon. I'll keep that in mind. I'll need to brainstorm a bit more. Maybe I'll save the more esoteric name for something else like what they call themselves or something.

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>>97178411
>>97133758
>>97180972
*Bust out

>>97180974
You put all of that into a zip file and I don't know, use meganz, or maybe something else.?

>>97133758
Happy Holidays, anons!

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>>97234049
Happy Holidays to you too, anon!

>>97229017
Snowman 2
https://mega.nz/file/64ZgXRzK#HRWHh9O667mGUFV1h379_QfGmYZ7ZtoEAPrwWYsiWa4

Snowman 3
https://mega.nz/file/i9Iz3YLB#BeCKpnCPvCnHmAoMZ1Vnj70MEKkV_Wu1Z4r0W5n713c

A few more Christmas stories:
https://mega.nz/file/bgYzHRqZ#XQBty7WxnsiMExpzBMwwvJSMgli8VfzHPPJFc83eGuw
https://mega.nz/file/Cs5VGZrS#8VzOyQ7FR-P1M_ji4Qxrc3nM3D5mkNJhy2PlPXKVgMU
https://mega.nz/file/u843URQS#OfJbUlBxHGZuGzoXu-NxTXFnDV3WwOwThh8T77AWcEU

>>97237143
nice

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Merry Christmas, anons!

Hope you all had a good one.

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>>97133758
What resources, random generators, etc. do you use when writing supers settings?

>>97251132
i like this pic

trying to come up with a title with the acronym "wtf". all I know is that the F is for setting name, which is an urban fantasy setting

>>97257571
"Welcome to F___" seems to be the most obvious one.

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Ok Born Under a Bl^ck Sun author, you asked for my opinions and I'm willing to give, but not on your page. Overall, it was very Avatar the last air bender as told by a mid level Pathfinder campaign run by munchkins.

Observation 1, the audience best-served by this work is probably 14 year old boys. I 'm not gonna tell you how to live your life.

Let's talk about the poo poo pee pee. It grows increasingly exhausting each time you try to shock me with it. When he 'whips it out' I want to strangle you. Farstride isn't a posh master, but she should have higher standards in how she guy talks w/ da boyz. MC gets covered in his own shit. I was not shocked, I was not surprised, just ready to die before I would have to read about any other poop 'splosion.

Next, please develop the voices of your characters, just a little bit more. It gets better halfway in when you have regional accents at play, you did a good job not going off the wall with it which I appreciate, but master and apprentice sound nigh exactly the same beginning to end with the only distinctiveness occurring in Chapter 13.

For awareness. I felt like I was reading an outline for a better book. The names are made up, points don't matter, with characters engaged in a regional political vigilance that is unified farther than it should be, and magic conventions that sound like conceptual placeholders. You lost my investment in the world giving the characters a unified and far more clear idea of the global intertrade and political landscape than I think they would have, specifically the apprentices. Give the senior homie more of a role and show he's ready to be a Life dude frfr by making him the voice of carefully researched reason. Someone ought to be loudly wrong a bit more, so that the worldly ones stand out. Speaking of naming conventions, MC's title follows none of your established logic. why does MC appreciate it?

...(cont)

>>97257571

Literally go for What the Fantasy

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>>97259855
About Chapter 13, I have a lot I want to say. The reason your book is still on my mind is because of it, because it broke my faith in your story having anything meaningful worth continuing to read it for. I was somewhat invested in it until then, but after that you got weaker as a storyteller and it marked where you started lacking gravity and planning, you dropped the ball. This chapter is a power fantasy apathetic towards it's own existence, Slouches around to say 'there are no heros here' and 'girlz get equal lefts' with an aw shucks voice where a lack of closure is the entire point of it's existence. clap. Good job, you did the thing.

I as a reader get that nothing matters to the MC, you don't need to beat me over the head with it. MC is a sociopath, it drips off every page like angst does as sighs in the Twilight novels. But it ought to matter a lot more to his Master, having lived a fuller life than he. This was a moment where you reveal that actually, your entire world is poison. As a bystander to psychosis, anything happens, and nothing mattress. You as a writer are willing to lie back and think of England, it's 'fun' this way. You tell me this though, and now no one's culture really matters, I become very aware of how much of my time you waste talking about 'common crowns' and world event politics like any of it matters, it doesn't. Clearly, the only answer is that no one survives past the age of 30 unless they have special elder powers like hawksight and a penchant for smiling so that when the retard hides behind your skirts and ruins your door you can maybe survive because he chose to throw the door and not You at the beast instead.

>>97260427
1 . It would have been a stronger choice if the secluded mountain people ran counter to expectation, and were not barbaric, unlike the city types. If you don't like that trope, consider how they would actually realistically live. They wouldn't need Paladin lawful ways of handling beefing, when they have a convenient temple of muscle bound JoJos literally up the hill. It would be very much within bounds and further plot for outcome of duels to be decided by the Monks instead of fought next to granny's hovel, send the knight up the road and killed off screen by the thing Rotwood fights with ease type of deal- arrange the result of an uneven match without having to waste time showing it. To make my beef clearer, dropping bodies next to folks that can't keep wildlife off their backdoor would create tangible problems for the community, and they would either find a method to mitigate it or else they die drawing man eaters wantonly. Wild hunt thing unremarked upon, because it's more interesting to think of that enclave as cannibalistic.

2. Maybe the lemminglike petal knights could buck programing and not go off the cliff one after another. It would be interesting if she did convince them she is there just to study ecology like the villagers said, and does it. Either given clemency and act up at a bad time where as a minor threat she has impact, or as an innocent she makes a final boss fight minor thing appear much larger with her death showing how fatal this non-threat is, like the nightmare shadows you choose not to do anything satisfying with. Have Rotwood appear to be paranoid for no reason, then justify him. Is he going senile with delusions of self importance, is it a fable, no he's really a bbeg of someone else's story, now he gets to throw his weight around without holding back- great. Tangible impact. A punishment for leniency, paranoia becomes justified- literally anything. As is, we only know that thought crimes are real, the ghost said so.

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>>97260600
>oops, dropped pic. guess I'll yell at you more so I finish with one

3. It took a long time for him to do his little stunt. If it wasn't important nor interesting enough to let the sacrifice speak before you killed her, then don't pomp on the encounter at all. You hang on this moment like it has future impact, it's a non sequitur. I waited for when it would come up again, didn't. A free idea; make the immoral group of munchkins work together exactly once, for how to kill her in the quickest way to go on with their romp in the trees. Maybe show how Farstride doesn't 'play well with others' by her handling this without Rotwood's blessing. Have her do something heinous breaking our idea of what a lifegiver is supposed to be, show don't tell us that she's capable of it, as a clue of what's to come with her turning traitor so we care about that more when it happens. A concrete example, lifer rewires petal knight's eyes so she can't see Rotwood. Fantastical, horrific, the reader becomes aware of the threat lifers possess. Say something with the death or don't, but don't undercut your own characters and what you build them up to be for shock factor alone, it's cheap. You show what you're capable of doing to tell a story and undercut the story.

Overall, there are no stakes, no reasons for anything. Reveal of ascension doesn't matter. You had an interesting thing you wanted to do with the moon which was cute, cool when I squint and don't overthink it's fever-dream execution.

The book is dipped over in marvel quality 'witty' banter and cynicism of itself. Like, you started teasing out plot for the next book by loudly exposition dumping into the face of a homeless dude then killed him. I wanted to strangle you again because I know you did it to be tasteless, after a hit of the funny. It aint. There are some things you don't see often because it's a novel idea, other times it's this. On the plus side God got to see his favorite animal, whoopie.

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A little later than I intended, but it's not New Year yet so it still counts as the holiday season. Here's my Christmas story for this year.

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>>97260971

>>97260971
>>97260984
Because I'm a complete idiot, I forgot to say that the inspiration was this pic >>97219356

Also, I deliberately wrote it to be more child-friendly than my usual fare. I wouldn't say it's a children's story per se, but I definitely wanted to try writing a Christmas story that suitable for all ages, so I'd be interested to see if it's still interesting to adults.

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Apparently, I can only write two types of female characters:
>pure, goodhearted maiden of virginal goodness and peace-loving nature
>aggressive, rude tomboy, will punch your teeth in as a form of mating ritual
Next year, I shall be a better author.

>>97263928
Learn2write sluts next.

>>97257571
Wyrd Town F____

>>97263928
>Inserts clip from As Good As It Gets

>>97263928
Could be worse. I can only write
>Trash goblin
>Monster in human skin who delights in the suffering of others (thanks mom for the endless inspiration)

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Happy New Year, anons!

May 2026 be the year we all finally get published! Or, you know, for some of us at least be the year we actually finish our novel.

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>>97273744
>May 2026 be the year we all finally get published!
I've been writing this into my to-do list for half a year.
Good luck anons. We all gonna make it.

MINDLESS WRITING EXERCISE
The Walls Are Hungry edition

"Rescue Mission"

...

"Yeah, we're almost there- I'll call you before we turn in tonight. Love you mom, tell dad I love him."

Beep.

A boy with blonde peach fuzz let out a sigh as he stared at his phone. He hated lying to his parents about anything, but the alternative was so much worse.

The van drove at exactly the speed limit as its occupants prepared for their self-imposed mission- some readied weapons in case there were hostiles. Others made sure medkits were stocked. Some prayed or were lost in thought.

With very few exceptions, going into an unreality was always risky. Even the 'safe' ones like the Forever Mall were deadly if you didn't know where to go, how to get out, and what to avoid. With the Forever Mall, there was always a chance one of the inhabitants would take pity on some poor lost soul and direct them to an exit that would get them back to reality, at least.

The rest were nowhere near as kind.

Reports of new unrealities kept coming in, most of which had yet to be verified. Tales of endless factories or playgrounds haunted by impossible horrors. Picturesque suburban environs in which the houses slowly became more and more bizarrely structured the further you went in, populated by vicious things that looked human only at a distance and hungered for flesh. A library with books on every topic, mundane to arcane, patrolled by ghoulish librarians who punished sounds above whispers with lethal force- and an environment that inflamed obsessions in all who entered, causing the unprepared to study to the point of death from starvation or dehydration. A casino with chips that exacerbated gambling addiction.

Or, far more often, just simple mundane environments turned into bizarre, nonsensical mazes with no apparent exit- devoid of any hostiles or deadly environments, but fatal all the same to someone who didn't know exactly what to look for.

>>97275738
Jeffery Clefton, now sixteen, was considered a veteran and expert by virtue of having survived two encounters with the Backrooms and having found a means to locate ways into and out of unrealities. Having knowledge of sorcery helped a lot.

"So what's the report on this case?" he asked the man beside him, a heavily build man with scarred chocolate skin, fresh off a honorable discharge from the Marines.

"Kid went missing in a waterpark." answered Trevor, checking an ar-15. "Went into one of the tunnels on the lazy river, never came back out. Security cameras were posted at both ends, and they already checked to see if he was taken out of the park."

"And they don't think it's just a kidnapping... why?" Jeffery asked.

"Older guy went missing a few months back. They didn't panic too much because initially they thought he just left of his own free will. Then his family started looking for him- last place he was seen was going into the same tunnel."

Jeffery frowned. It could be a coincidence, a false alarm. But rarely did the Backroom Survivors Group organize something like this unless there was a major consensus on an unreality being involved.

"There's been an uptick in unexplained disappearances lately." noted Samantha, a former Navy sailor in the front passenger seat. "Those parents and the abusive teacher, multiple kids... this feels less like your usual accidental entry."

Trevor and Jeffery shared a look. Samantha was as good an ally as they could get- marksmanship, loyal, knew how to keep her mouth shut, uncanny knack for sensing danger... but something had happened to her to leave her paranoid, sometimes seeing connections where there were none.

But then again, just because she was paranoid didn't mean she was automatically incorrect...

>>97175289
Lold reading this

>>97275922
They arrived at the waterpark around midnight, yellow tape and wire gates impeding their progress. "Wild Waves" had been shut down while an investigation proceeded, the owners unwilling to risk further lawsuits until things were resolved.

Kyle, a former felon who's first encounter with unrealities had happened while breaking into a mall at night, handily dealt with the chains and padlocks barring their way. Breaking and entering was a necessity for what they did, but it still made Jeffery uneasy every time they had to resort to such measures.

As he wove sorcery to deceive the security cameras, Jeffery couldn't help but look around nervously for any witnesses. Being caught with heavy weaponry in a place you weren't supposed to be wasn't something he wanted to explain to a judge... or his parents, who thought he was on a trip with friends. But it hadn't been long ago that he had been a victim, scared and desperate, managing to escape only by sheer virtue of luck.

Brightly colored inner tubes and closed concession stands greeted them as they made their way through the entrance, closing the gate behind them so it didn't immediately look like there had been an intrusion. Waterways and pools normally churned by turbines and an endless parade of customers now were starkly still, reflecting the scant moonlight coming through the clouds.

Eventually they reached where the lazy river entered the tunnel. He brought up his phone, the faithful discontinued map application that had proven to be an effective navigation tool.

Not fifty feet in was a glitchy distortion on the map- there was an entrance, but what it would look like or how it would behave, he couldn't be sure.

(Continuing later.)

>>97276102
The rest can be found here at

pastebin(dot)c0m/ ajv9ZmF8

If captcha is going to make me jump through more hoops, I'll do it this way now.