Shit GM Thread, because while you players are awful, there are some really shit GMs out there too.>GM advertises game as a destroyed world by demons and whatever and people trying to live through or retake the world>sounds good, throw my application in and get in>trying to make a character from a destroyed noble house destroyed from said demons>no info or lore or anything so just make one background that can fit in>ask GM if it's okay and if I can fill it in with finer details>he just says nah you're good>is there a map?>he just gives me some random borders map that looks like it was generated from some website>yeah choose a region where your noble house was from I'm still working on the details>his username is some pretentious TheLoreMaster btw>whatever as long as he can provide a good story as the game goes on>me and other players make our characters>he then tells us to create a shared backstory>one of the PCs is a shut-in mage, the other is a hunter, and another one is a up and coming cleric>we brainstorm ideas but decide it'd be better if we met on our first job/calling and we like the idea of meeting each other better than shared backgrounds>tell GM this>he starts some shit lecture about how this is not good storytelling and shared stories are so much better>fine, whatever, I was a a noble guy so I met everyone when I was looking for allies and followers >he starts with us having to kill orc raiders in some abandoned ruined city>we find orcs in a church>we start scheming about starting a fire outside to draw orcs out and take them in an ambush>hunter decides to drop out without notice>GM then decides to throw a random NPC hunter as back up>his description of her boils down to "she's an elf with bow and arrow">also she has a flash bomb>just passes over our plan for some reason and says she tosses it inside the church starting the fight(cont)
>okay, fine, since I'm playing a Swashbuckler Rogue I say I run to a destroyed house and ready my bow at the way back >cleric says she takes the front with warhammer and is acting as the vanguard>I say I position myself 30 feet from Cleric>orcs come out clutching eyes>but one big orc comes out angry>GM says he tosses a javelin at my character despite the Cleric fight there shouting challenges>wat>"it's a 16 that's a hit right?">well, I said I was 30 feet behind Cleric is that disadvantage>no this is special berserker that cancels out the disadvantage>yeah okay whatever I get hit>fight goes on and shaman from church casting spells>killed the berserker but cleric fighting two orcs>I say I jump down to the other side of the battlefield, hide, and start sneaking to circle the shaman, wanting to end my turn behind the cover of a wall>I stay out out of sight, use the houses as cover, he says to roll stealth, I get like 25 from expertise>the shaman turn comes up and he casts blindness spell on you>??? >tell DM my listed actions>he starts typing and then stops>takes like 5 minutes for him to reply>oh yeah its because there's a familiar of the shaman watching you >man whatever I'm so over this dumb fight>finish fight and we travel back to city>GM makes us start doing perception>says we hear singing>literally nobody wants to investigate this because why would we>GM is winking at us nudging us>okay whatever we investigate>it's a gnome taking a bath at a river>???>the others make some excuse to go speak with him while I'm just finished with the game at this point>turns out... he was... literally nobody, just a rando and he called us perverts for interacting with him while he was bathing>return to city>GM's description: "you return to the city, what do you do now?">no name of city, no description of city, just you return>players have all pseudo given up at this point>"hmm looks like people were too busy" he says as he deletes server
I'm sure your next online 5e game will be better. :^)
>>97269238Yeah I didn't read any of that but I bet you're probably a retard
>>97269238>Three year campaign through COVID>Interesting start: our starting town burns down after elemental attack>Our party awakes, somehow surviving the flame tornado with mysterious glowing tattoos> Our mentors systematically killed by elemental cult>Find out world falling apart as barrier to elemental planes are breaking>Of course kingdoms fighting in petty fashion as opposed to addressing existential threat>Learn of each elemental guardian (fire, water, earth, storm)>Learn of the 4 armaments used to control the elementals and lock them away>Spend three years on this main quest >Some minor side quests, one character dealing with daddy issues, one character dealing with being an orphan demon child>My character wants to find a way to revive his old mentor> Collect the artifacts> Kill the elemental guardians, trap their essence into the artifacts> Clues that Tiamat is an issue> It's a red herring, the big bad are actually illithids. > One player gives in to illithid mind control> Upset we beat his ass. Upset we refuse to kill our friend for years> Zero leads in spite of trips to libraries, meeting ancient sages, taking detailed notes (my notes doc ended up being 70 pages)>Godlike bards randomly show up at our camp>DM has us roll an Arcana check with a DC of 25. We re-roll till we succeed>"You just have to go to the barrier to release the energy">DM never told us how to get there (in spite of our asking). All 6 of us confused>We go to the barrier, restoring it>Restoring the barrier expels the mindflayers and restores elementals to their planeTBC
>>97270209>One of the bards is Melil- God of Song>Randomly reveals he is the reason everything happened. He broke the barrier. He called out to the ilithids>His reason? "You have helped me create my final masterpiece, a song about taking personal risk to save a realm">Melil also reveals the God of Fate named "Saver" (also introduced in final session) is claiming that he'll undo all of our work (we all know this is our last session- multiple of us are moving out of state)>DM makes it clear we can't defeat the God>Half of party wants to attack, other half basically giving up>Oh, after restoring the barrier, we've lost our powers (it cut us off from the source of power)>I ask if I still have access to my oath as I'm trying to protect the realm>DM "“Technically the oath was to protect the realm from those outside of it that would threaten it, and he was in the realm”>Just turned level 20, never got to use level 20 abilities>Beat God's "first form" and sent to a different realm randomly by the God>This restores our powers (DM clearly seeing we aren't enjoying the end)>We kill the God>We wake up in a villa, our mentors all alive, the starting city alive>DM: "Was everything a dream? You'll never know. You smell something burning in the distance...."Session ends.THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE
I played in a one-shot where the GM used hallucinated ChatGPT-drawn maps so bad they were actively useless. Not that positioning mattered, we were there to listen to the GM going on about his cool NPCs we didn't even get to interact with really. The maps were the worst part though, 10 minutes and graph paper could have made intelligible maps for the entire session. Hell, you could even use AI for reference, I don't care, just make them playable. Don't have us fighting in a 4 floor spiral staircase in a 2 floor house
>>97270217>DM "“Technically the oath was to protect the realm from those outside of it that would threaten it, and he was in the realm”Traitors are a-ok since they were there to begin with, checkmate atheists
>>97270217Cringekino
>>97269308>>"hmm looks like people were too busy" he says as he deletes serverThat's way too fucking real.
