>be in a game>it's going decently well>show up on time every time, know my character, know the rules, don't do anything retarded, don't schizo or do anything autistic, probably the most effective "support" character>the other players want to play vidya together>they want to watch movies together>I really fucking don't>I just wanna tabletop, no offense, and I'm tired from my 40-hour week job>refuse politely on any invites>GM contacts me asking if I'm alright>tell him yes, absolutely, I'm just tired from work and don't have time to socialize and do other things aside from the game>apparently he and the other players discussed shit and feel like I'm the anomaly>anon isn't playing vidya and watching movies with them and isn't doing side-RP and side-game discussion over at discord>they've been discussing getting another player and seeking someone who wants to be friends and more than just the guy who shows up to the gameI just want to tabletop. It isn't anything more than that and I'm not trying to be some condescending edgelord or whatever. Am I the damn asshole because I don't want to do "friend" things?
>>97749297You aren't an asshole you just don't fit the dynamics of what the group has evolved into.The expectations of the group and you weren't aligned and now have diverged enough you should probably find another group were the expectation is 'we are just here to play,' but I would warn that it is probably hard to find a consistent group were every person is solely in it just for the game. That seems like a situation where the second someone found something 'better' (fits their time schedule more, they know a friend in that group, they grow bored of the current game, etc) they would immediately bounce. I feel like a GM for such a group would also carry these sort of risks. Tldr you aren't an asshole, they aren't inherently assholes, but your expectations are now misaligned and your ass is probably getting the boot.
>>97749297Extroverts are the worst. I dont want you glued to my hip for my extremely limited and precious free time. I dont want to go outside more than once a week. Leave me alone!
>I have a tabletop group full of level 5 autists>No one wants to do this 'socialisation' thing>Just want to kill monsters in fantasy combat simulator>Everyone is happy
>>97749453I concur.
>>97749297Normally this is the part where we say talk to your group. However you have and they're fucking normies. You therefore have the blessing of /tg/ to derail the campaign. Godspeed.
>>97749297I don't think you're an asshole, but I don't think the other people in your group are either. It just sounds like a case of different and incompatible expectations.>>97749473If you follow this advice and derail the campaign you will be the asshole, though.
>>97749525>Sure they're talking about you behind your back>And replacing you because you vome to the game to game and not do non-game things>Because you're too tired from working>But they're not assholes
>>97749582Sure, if these people want a friend group rather than just a gaming group, they've every right to choose people who're into that to their group. Of course it sucks for OP and I hope he finds a new group that's more aligned with his interests, but just as OP has every right to decline invitations he doesn't find interesting, other people also have a right to decide both what they do with their free time and who they do it with.
>>97749297None of this happened, but here, grab a (You)>>97749453>>97749468(You)s for you, too
>>97749297This isn't reddit and it's a bad idea to seek validation from anons.You don't fit the group, you are indeed the odd one out.Deal with it.Way I see it is ether you can try to change to conform to the group or you can leave and try to find a better fit. But you probably already know that.
>>97749798>>97749826Cuckshit. Invest in surströmming and create a cool treasure hunt as a going away present.
>>97749297I found that dynamic (play game only) with a group using a paid GM.
>>97749900>reach the treasure chest at the end of a dungeon>GM unveils the giant random loot wheel>$2.50 for a spin
>>97749297Did you get raped again Kanami...
>>97749297I was part of this large gaming group for years. We had this long-running campaign that, at one point, had 15 people coming and going. It was a fucking mess, but it was fun and we showed up every week eager to play. Half the group was there to socialize and the other half was invested in the game.Eventually, a few of the invested players had to bow out. Moved away, new job, the usual shit. So the GM, feeling like the game is losing steam, puts it to a vote: Should we just start a new campaign? Fresh new characters, new storyline, etc. All the social players who were just gossiping and showing up for food voted for the new game because they felt upset that their characters weren't as important as the characters who actually played the game. So a new game was their chance to start fresh, on equal footing with everyone else, they insisted. They outnumbered the invested players.The next week, we started a new game. Invested players showed up, begrudgingly, we new characters, new ideas, etc. Most of the social players didn't show up at all that week. That new game lasted one session. The old game never resumed. Several of the social players stopped showing up. A few others made excuses for why they couldn't try to play the game, and then stopped showing up, also.Good ending is that it led to us playing some other games, which eventually led to me getting fed up and taking the GM seat, and that led to some of the best games our group ever had. If there's a moral to the story, it's that you should keep your groups small, and that they should consist of the invested kind of player (like you OP) more than the social kind. People will gladly lie to your face, and themselves, about wanting to play in a long-term, on-going campaign, but the second they have enough people to sway the group towards bullshitting, or group vidya, or movie nights, where they won't feel ashamed for their low investment, they will and your campaigns will die.
>>97749297>>97749354Unfortunately that's discord for you. If it wasn't all of them it would have been the GM and his favourite player slowly losing interest in the game because they're too busy talking and gaming with each other. This >>97749900 might actually be a good place to check out, especially if you have a FLGS that runs TTRPG nights nearby.
>>97749297I'd kick your ass out too. I don't run tabletop for random assholes; I do it for my homies. And if you don't wanna be our homie, you gotta get the fuck out.
>>97750219If you and your homies all agree to play a game together and then a couple of them decide they don't want to play the game anymore, even though other people do, you are not homies. You are mutual parasites.
>>97749825>(You)>just says (OP)B-but... my (You)...
>>97750219This. I am truly sorry for OP's lots, but if I had a player that only showed up for the RPG and refused any other interaction; I'd naturally gravitate to the other players. Suddenly we're 4 friends and THIS asshole? Na man this could be a homie game...>>97750265When you homiefy people over the course of shared RPG fun, and Cantankerous Charles refuses pizza invitations, movie invitations, talking, out-of-session roleplay, and even the sex club invite... He's not a homie. Cantankerous Charles just wants to use your established homie-group to have a good RPG to play in. Did you hear what he called us behind our backs? "Parasites". Doesn't sound much like a homie to me, I don't think we should play with this guy, we have nothing in common and he clearly doesn't care about any of us or as a group.
>>97750566Here (you) go.
>>97750689Thank (You) :DD
>>97749297Sounds like you are not into offline TTRP, but into online TTRPs. I ditch players like that too. The last ones were a girl that didn't care about the rules and forced the group not to gather at someones place because RAPE, the other guy always talked about builds and being effective support character (he is horrible at classic vidya). The truth is if you are a good GM, you don't want to be a glorified human computer. You want to use this skill to form the circle. My current friend group is the best I had in life. If I just wanted to play a game, I'd play vidya. You are not an asshole, you just a poor investment.
>>97750219>>97750677You sound like beer and pretzel assholes who have no investment in the game. In other words, the vast majority of tabletop "players" these days. /tg/ is done for.
>>97751101yeah it's grim
>>97751101While I personally prefer to focus on gaming during gaming sessions and do other activities at other times, I definitely also prefer playing with people I know and like outside games, too. I wouldn't kick OP out during a campaign because that'd be a dick move, but when the time came for the next campaign, I'd definitely invite my buddies over someone who, well, obviously doesn't want to be one of my buddies.
>>97749582They aren't talking behind his back, though, because he knows about it.
>>97751101How does>I want to run games for people i consider my friendsBecome >Obviously you only run beer and pretzels games you piece of shit! This is also the downfall of the western world!
>>97749297People who participate in an inherently social activity are generally going to form social bonds in the course of doing so. You’re within your rights to not click with the group, but that doesn’t mean that they’re in the wrong for preferring to spend their leisure time with someone who puts them at ease.
>>97751281You disagreed with anon on something, therefore you're the cancer that's killing the hobby. If you hadn't noticed, while one might expect that a low-moderation site where people can freely throw insults and profanities at each other would have pretty thick-skinned users, in reality people here tend to be particularly sensitive, easily triggered and poorly equipped to deal with any kind of dissent or disagreement.
>>97751216But I specifically don't want people who are my "buddies" because they take much greater offense when I shut down their attempts at "shenanigans". I want to play the game and have fun with it which does sometimes mean I'm going against the players. >>97751281Because that's what it means every single time as I have years of experience observing and interacting with you types. Your attempt at hyperbole is another redditcore reaction. >>97751339Is that why you bitched out the moment you were figured out?
>>97751383It sounds like you have problems maintaining boundaries with people. Totally a you problem. Seek help.
>>97751383>But I specifically don't want people who are my "buddies" because they take much greater offense when I shut down their attempts at "shenanigans".That is the exact opposite of how things work, or at least it's the exact opposite of how things work for people who actually mean "friends" when they say "buddies".>Is that why you bitched out the moment you were figured out?Sweet, schizoposting. Which of the other people disagreeing with you are you confusing me with?
>>97751395it sounds like you're a total newfag to tabletop games and have never seen this problem come up again and again.>>97751398Same goes to you, my friend who posted a minute after the other guy.
>>97749297>apparently he and the other players discussed shit and feel like I'm the anomalyyou literally are, develop some self awareness
>>97751403>Same goes to you, my friend who posted a minute after the other guy.I've played role-playing games for the past 18 or 19 years, largely with the same people, exclusively either with people I consider friends outside of games, too or with people introduced to the group by one of those friends. Our sessions are focused on actual play, because, you know, we like games, and we do other stuff outside rather than during sessions. I don't remember having had to shut down the shenanigans of my friends, at least not since the time we were all teenagers, because we do, again, like to actually play games when we're playing games. We've had frank discussions about what works or doesn't work in a specific campaign or a character, though. We can have these frank discussions because, again, we are friends and friends do that. I doubt I could talk things out that straightforwardly with strangers.
>>97750677Try grasping at something true, instead of straws.
>>97751403It sounds like you're probably too insufferable to actually keep a friend group, but instead of internalizing this flaw and trying to be a better person, you've convinced yourself that, actually, it's better that you don't have friends so you can focus on playing in a series of short lived games with random, who inevitably boot your ass because you're not an enjoyable person to be around.
OP is, once again, a faggot. Who woulda thunk.
Honestly if you want this kind of experience you probably need to stick to online play or meeting up with a group at your LGS. Showing up to someone's house for hours a week is much more intimate which is why it leads to people being or wanting to be friends. They sound like normalfags or adjacent so they probably are feeling rejected by you. On the other hand the whole 'side rp' dicksword thing sounds annoying. You can also be friends without engaging in everything, it's not all or nothing, though obviously you aren't interested which is fair. I would add good groups and good friends can both be hard to come by at times. Based on your wording it sounds like the group doesn't suddenly decides to cancel the session and turn on the tv after you arrive, which would of course be justification for blood eagleing the lot of them.
>>97751281Anon is experiencing a contradiction, but he is unwilling or incapable of modifying his beliefs to remove the contradiction. To escape the mental deadlock he has decided to add new people to his model, whose only defining characteristic is being wrong about HIM, so that his model can be maintained without the contradiction. Instead of simply chalking it up as a difference of preference, he has decided to classify people who want to be his friend, as being ideological enemies. Very sad.
>>97749297>don't do anything autistic>probably the most effective "support" character
>>97750219>>97750677Why does every social activity get turned into this horrible social blackhole that seeks to consume all of your free timeI play MTG on Friday, I play RPGs on Saturdays, I go to church on Sundays, and I want the other four days to myself. Why is that some crime against your existence? Why do you need any more of your time? Isn't meeting once a week enough for friendship?
>>97752257>Hey, Anon, session is off. Wanna go check out the new pizza place?>Why is it a crime against your EXISTENCE that I don't?!
>>97752257It's not a crime against anyone's existence. I don't think anyone ITT has either said or implied that anyone would be obligated to take part in social activies they don't want to take part in, just that other people are also allowed to choose for themselves who they want to spend their free time with.
>>97749297Sometimes nobody and everyone is the asshole. Sometimes things just don't work out.
>>97752422If you gatekeep who can enjoy RPGs with you based on time spent together outside the game, then you are obligated to take part in these out-of-game activities together.
>>97752702The way you look at friendships is fucking weird.
>>97752769What's weird about it?If I work with someone, that doesn't necessarily mean I want to RP with them on discord. If I play MTG with someone, that doesn't necessarily mean I want to go drinking with them. If I play RPGs with someone, that doesn't necessarily mean I want to play friendslop like Peak with them. Does that make them not my friends?
>>97752253The other guys might be even less effective, or anon may be underestimating his autism.
>>97752811I think the point is that no one is a bad guy in this situation, op just wants something different than the rest of the group wants, and it's weird to try and frame it as "good and righteous op and vile, evil rest of the group."We also only have OPs side of the story. For all we know, he's a grumpy tired cunt every time they play. If we make a bunch of baseless assumptions, either side can be painted like the asshole, but I think the much more likely scenario is that they aren't vibing, and that's fine, that doesn't always work out.
>>97749297Yes, you are the asshole because you are treating real life friends like they're a video game.
>>97749297Maybe you should try to hang out with them. If you're gonna leave the group anyways why not just give them a chance? Maybe you will like the friend thing. Think about that.
>>97751428>>97751666No clue why you're dogpilling the guy when it's pretty clear that this was an online game that he joined and the ground shifted beneath OP's feet. You don't go on Roll20 and post "btw, I'm running this campaign in the hope that we all become good friends and play vidya together as well." I'm not trying to frame this as a malicious thing, but a lot of the time RPG friends will stay RPG friends only. OP's come here to vent about it and people are treating him like some kind of defective because he didn't mesh with people outside of playing a game with them. If you think there's anything exceptional you're probably very young not too willing to put yourself out there socially yourself. Most RPG groups both in-person and online won't try to reach out to you to do something that isn't another RPG. Even more will dissolve the moment the game is done.
>>97753043He was getting "dogpiled" on because he was being a salty cunt.
>>97752868nah, op's group are the bad guys
>>97749582If they were assholes they would just ghost him and they never would have even invited him to get in on the non game stuff. Frankly if they didn't like him at the beginning they wouldn't have invited him, it seems like they had genuine interest in being his friend. But OP isn't interested.
>>97751383>But I specifically don't want people who are my "buddies" because they take much greater offense when I shut down their attempts at "shenanigans".Important lesson that it took me far too many years to learn: If you can't say no to one of your friends, he isn't actually your friend.
>>97753043People aren't treating OP as defective, though. This thread is mostly people pointing out that it's just a case of different and incompatible expectations with no one really at fault. Neither of the posts you replied to is even a response to OP's venting, they're both responses to an anon who may or may not be OP doing the /tg/ classic and claiming that peopple who disagree with him, like a different thing than him or have had different experiences than him must be newfags to the hobby.
>>97751428>>97751666What does your singular friend group you never venture outside of have to do with anything besides anecdotal evidence?
>>97752056Why did you reply to yourself again?
>>97754245Youre talking to two different people, schizo. I have two groups, all good friends I've known for years. You're a bitter shithead who apparently has no friends.
>>97754245Do you have issues with reading comprehension? If you don't, following the reply chain makes the relevance of that anecdotal evidence pretty clear. To summarize, though: anon claimed that it's easier to call randos than buddies out for their shenanigans and that people who disagree with that must surely be newfags, I pointed out that he's wrong, and another anon basically just called him - or you, I assume - an unlikable retard.
>>97750750Total socialite extrovert genocide>>97750689>>97750566>>97749825(you)
>>97749297Anon, its really simple. They want to be friends with you, and intentionally or no you are signaling to them that you don't want to be friends with them. That fucks with the social dynamics of the group in a way that positions you as an outsider, which isn't sustainable. Do you really have no other common interests with these people but the game you play? If the campaign ended tomorrow, would you vanish into the night and never talk to any of them ever again?
>>97752702Gatekeeping is good.
Sounds like OP already figured it out and different people can have different interests that cause group divergence. That's not a problem. It can be a bummer but overall better to sort out and move on than get dragged into social shit you don't care about or have time for. Overall interesting to read this many anons falling into the classic geek social trap about prioritizing friend groupings while simultaneously trying to shame op for not having the same priorities. While understandable many people want a more involved social group that ties into their gaming group, as it harkens to their childhood experiences with games, we have jobs, lives and other responsibilities over time and its alright to prioritize those while fitting in hobby time as best we can. If the gaming group is more about being social its less appealing to actual gameplayers. This is fine, some people want a friend group, some people want to play games more, there will necessarily be a balance there to being friendly enough to engage in group activities but this isn't a problem like many anons here are whinging about.
>>97749297No one is in the wrong here, you're just the odd one out for not aligning in interests.
>>97749297Yes you are. If you're socializing with these people during the game, they obviously are investing their "energy" into you and wish to socialize with you. Clearly you want to do it too, because you're playing TTRPGs with a group of people instead of playing CRPGs on the computer, or doing solo play. Thus, by you being standoffish, you're violating the social contract. So, yes, you're the asshole.
>>97751101That's not what beer and pretzel means you stupid fucking retarded nigger chud.
>>97756504OP is in the right and his group is in the wrong.
In my group, we have a player like this. He never wants to do anything outside the game; he's fine, I've never had an issue with him. He's usually one of the most engaged players in our campaigns, so I always invite him back.
>>97756576>you're violating the social contractShowing up to play games, being friendly at that time and otherwise not having significant contact outside that time is perfectly normal anon. No one is obligated to be your friend.
>>97756599Lmao who let the teenager in?
>>97756766You're correct. Nobody is obligated to anyone ever. And I also resent the use of the word friend. Americans throw that word around willy-nilly. A friend is someone who has your back through thick and thin. Someone you hang out with socially is just a buddy.Anyway, 'tism aside - OP isn't being friendly. He's showing up on the dot, participating, and then leaving. That's not being friendly. That's treating it like a job or a chore. The people that socialize don't want to be treated like a job or a chore. If you can't see why that's disrespectful, well... >>97756776Shut up jeet.
>>97756936OP's looking for people to do a specific activity with, the rest of his group is looking for something more. That's it. That's all it is. It's not disrespectful by any stretch of imagination to just focus on the gaming, but it does make OP and the group a bad fit for each other. I honestly have a hard time understanding why so many people ITT seem so unable or unwilling to accept that neither OP nor the rest of the group seems to be in the wrong here. This is a matter of incompatible desires and expectations, nothing more.
>>97756936Being friendly is acting in an amicable and agreeable manner. That's it. They're being friendly, they're just not austistically fixated on >FRIENDS 4 EVA NO MATTA WAT so many nerds fall into.
>>97757088No, that's just baseline politeness.
>>97757049Because they need a black and white, us vs. them narrative. You're not allowed to have nuance, you have to give people a villain to get mad at.
>>97757049There's a certain way of thinking (I don't know if "liberalism" is the right word for it, but it seems to be at least related) that is basically "everyone must be compatible with everyone else, and if they aren't, then it's a moral failing on somebody's part".It's the same mindset that leads them to think that mass migration from countries with wildly different cultures couldn't possibly have any social drawbacks, and if it does, then that's just because people aren't le heckin' tolerant enough.
>>97757185This is your esl problem. No one is obligated to be your friend. That you are stuck with shit like >If you can't see why that's disrespectful, well... while simultaneously pretending to hold that no one is obligated to you is a massive entitled hypocritical clusterfuck.Showing up one time, engaging with the game, being friendly aka making conversation and otherwise being amicable enough to get invited to other events is being friendly. There are no obligations to make that anything more. If you find that disrespectful you're the problem.
>>97757088>>97757571>friends 4 eva>obligated to be your friend>massive entitled hypocritical clusterfuckNTA but you've got your own issues to work out.
>>97749453>enjoy chatting in a discord centered around discussing games and sometimes watching movies>started in 2020>mostly talk in the discord, rarely in dms>last year most of my discord messages have been replies to one girl>come home tired, get 5 pictures of her cat, comment on her cat, now I'm stuck in an unskippable cutscene of the dullest conversion known to man where I feel extremely rude if I stop talking I am just exhausted at this point.It's like a never ending pit of attention.Made me talk less in the server and everyone else in it as well. Started keeping her on mute at times, but now it ended up permanent. Now it's gotten to point where there's an awkward backlog of messages I feel like I'd have to address if I check it.
>>97757637nou
>>97757647nono, you're being disrespectful by not indulging in the cat conversation and violating the social contract.
>>97757432>It's the libs what done it!You're a fucking retard.
>>97749453Introverts do not belong in the hobby. From the very beginning, this was always a hobby for people with tight knit friend groups who actually enjoyed socializing and hanging out at each other's house. Introverts latched onto an extrovert hobby because it's a nerd hobby and lots of introverts are nerds, but you actively make the experience worse for everyone else. The greatest mistake real RPG fans could've made was trying to make the introverts feel welcome instead of gatekeeping you immediately
This is older than most of the shitposters here but has not changed. https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/
>>97757826You should've linked that to me 20 years ago anon
>>97757958I think kids that really benefit from this aren't mentally ready to internalise it. The same way some adults walk ass-backwards through life and you can try to help them out but they'll inevitably fuck up some other, unrelated, seemingly unfailable task.
>>97757826Oh man, I remember seeing this posted for the first time in a worldbuilding thread or something about a decade ago. Still great.
