>hands you, the DM, a stack of papers. The one on the top is a 5-paragraph summary backstory of my character's backstory. the rest are sort-of stilted and sometimes-contradictory backstories of the character's lineage that, if taken the time to examine, contains a multitude of vagueness and specific plot hooks. Each of the supplemental characters' backstories are all less than one page long. Some pages even contain two character backstories. This isn't written down, but I don't know which plot hooks for my character you are going to integrate into your story. I want to be surprised.What do you do, based solely on the stack of papers?
Feed their character to a dragon, immediately.
>>98061592>[Player], did you write this for my game specifically? I sincerely doubt you did, because I would have wanted to talk this through so we could discuss these things and I could properly integrate them.>I imagine this is some sort of OC you've written and are now trying to slot into my game, but I'm not interested if that's the case, sorryI then proceed to reiterate my campaign hook to this goofball while reading to see if my assumptions are correct and if any of it is actually useable
>>98061608Dragon? Bro's getting got by a Carrion Crawled.
>>98061592Before the game starts? Return the pile to you and kick you.
>>98061592>"But anon, thieflings are banned"
>>98061592because we have a session zero, i can politely tell my players that theres a zero percent chance that i will be able to use 100%, or even 50%, of everything they wrote down and that it might be better to slim down their backstorybut at least i know what kind of experience they expect out of the game and can try to include some parts of the adventure for them to enjoyand if they have zero expectation that any of their backstory will be used, it will make any event that actually uses it a surprise
>>98061592I hand you back the stack of papers, tell you to cut it back down to one or two paragraphs like I asked, and if you aren't willing to then I dismiss you from the game and replace you.
>>98061592Make them read it out loud to the whole party in its entirety.
>>98061592Pick 3-5 random pages, burn everything else.
>>98061592Tell the player that I can integrate things my way, or he can take his wordy backstory and shove it.If he does take me up on my offer, then I create some plot twist that justifies me taking exactly what I like from the pile of paper and dumping everything else, usually implying the backstory was false or implanted memories.
>>98061592Use none of it. The player will certainly be suprised
>>98061592I feel like it's at least a good thing that they're excited about their character as opposed to someone who can't even be bothered to write anything.
>>98061592How do people who write such huge back stories cope with their character dying ten minutes in to the session?
>>98061592Toss it into the trash while the player is watching.
>>98061592>kono-DM-daWrrry...>5-paragraph summaryPaltry.D&D has an appendix dedicated just to recommended reading; 5 paragraphs is nothing.>contradictoryD&D contradicts itself, both in many of its mechanics, and in its conceptual aspects.>vaguenessNothing new or different from D&D's rules.>specific plot hooksThis is how many people advertise D&D, as a collaborative storytelling system, so including these is, if anything, helpful to any DM.>Each of the supplemental characters' backstories are all less than one page long. Some pages even contain two character backstories.Why are either of these things supposed to bother me, the DM?>I want to be surprised.Stab my fingers into his neck, draining his blood and life essence to feed my own, and turn him into an eternally-subserviant ghoul.
>>98061592>"That's cool that you wrote a short story, are you planing to post this on ao3 or something?"I have it pretty plainly written in my new players packet that I can't/won't integrate any backstories because of system lethality and focus on the emergent story through play rather than a narrative one driven by character arcs.>>98062288They usually either will happily write another novella for their next character (this is my experience with CoC players) or want to argue why their OC donut steel character didn't actually die (this was my experience with the last 5e game I was in years ago)
>>98061592>Read it>Pull out a document thrice as long>Say his document is inconsistent with the world>Tell him he's free to read through everything and integrate as best as he can without creating important canon events>Tell him I won't allow his character to metagame around this knowledge unless he has the equivalent to a high WIS score and some lore skill at least
>>98061592>hands you, the DMI don't run D&D.
>>98061981Kino art
>>98061592>"pare it down to one major plot hook for your character, specifically one that ties in to the premise I fucking told you when I had the idea to run a game in the first place">"bonus points if it's something reusable"it's a character you're throwing into a ttrpg campaign, not a fucking novel.
>>98061592Depends.... how does the paper feel, is it soft?
>>98061592Skim it to see if it's broadly compatible with the extensive setting notes that I've shared with my players. In the event that it is, sure, I'll work some of it in. If not, the player's getting it back with a lot of red ink.
>>98061592Feed it to LLM, use the output as NPC for my other group.
