>68% Rotten Tomatoes
>he looks up rotten tomato ratings
>Using Rotten JEWmatoes in 2026
>23% Rotten Tomatoes
>>220823660I have never wanted to love a movie more than Conan, but I just don't. As soon as he teams up with the Asian and the woman, it just turns into a basic, clumsy adventure film. The Nietzsche quote at the start, followed by his dad's speech set my expectations so high, but it just didn't deliver, and it has no more to do with Nietzsche than any other story about revenge. That famous speech before the battle is awesome, but the battle itself is so underwhelming and clunky. Also, the woman really drags down the film. The action in the beginning when he is a gladiator is so visceral and gruesome, but you can't really have that with a woman in an action scene, since viewers don't like seeing women get hurt, so they just have to make her invincible and remove all tension and weight from the fighting. I really hate how Conan overcomes Tulsa's two heavies in such a lame ways, when they both have been built up for two hours. One he beats with a silly Home Alone trap, the the other by having his gf save him from beyond the grave. Booooh.For me, it's a mediocre film with several individually great parts. It's a prime example of something lesser than the sum of its parts. Great villain, great music, but otherwise a whole lot of mid.
>>220824332
>>220823660I wonder how many ratings are from the 1980s and how many from later.
>>220824332spiritless post
I turned off RT scores on my Jellyfin. The wizard does not concern himself with the public consensus on Blood Feast.
>>220824518i use it. but it looks weird when some movies dont have ratings
>>220824498No, I love Arnold movies, and Nietzsche is based, but Conan is just so underwhelming. Its fans claim it as a masterpiece, but I just don't see it. The riddle of steel is not that deep, ffs.
>>220824549i bet you watch anime
>>220824535Damn son, your server sucks ass lol.
Fuck those faggots. The opinions of those simpering, racist faggots are worth less than nothing. Stop using that shitty site. "A POC did a decent acting role?! Yay for them! We're so proud cause normally they're so bad at everything!" These faggots highlight exactly why leftists are so far removed from normal peope and any kind of sanity and objective thinking.
People can't handle an utterly unpretentious film.
>>220824677>unpretentious movie>opens with Niche quote over flamesok buddy
>>220824717That's just blatantly saying what the movie is about.
>>220823660Imagine giving a fuck about what (((critics))) think.
>>220824568Only Cowboy Bebop, which I love, and that's it.
>>220823660This movie gets a lot of warrantless dicksucking the same way Heat does.It's cool and manly to like it, so people pretend it's better than it is.In reality it's pretty soulful schlock, which is a high bar nowadays, but we don't have to pretend it's better than it is. There's a lot of retarded shit in it and Arnold isn't particularly great either.
>>220823660more than it deserves
>>220824677But it is pretentious. The riddle of steel is recurring throughout the entire film, and both Conan's father and Tulsa Doom preach to Conan about the meaning of power and where it lies. It does talk about philosophy, but it's just not all that deep. Commando and Predator are movies devoid of pretense, and they're much better off for it. As far as Arnold movies with deeper themes, T1 and T2 are both far better and more profound than Conan. Sometimes popular things are popular for a reason.
>>220823660Critics think Black Panther is the best movie ever made. Who gives a shit about what communist trannies think?
>>220824830>In reality it's pretty soulful schlock, which is a high bar nowadays, but we don't have to pretend it's better than it is. There's a lot of retarded shit in it and Arnold isn't particularly great either.I wish I had gone in with this expectation. I would probably have liked it a lot more if I didn't expect a masterpiece. Even as far as soulful schlock goes, it's no Big Trouble In Little China.
>>220824830>It's cool and manly to like itIt is?How
>>220824936For Gen Xers the peak of masculinity is watching muscle men in minimal clothing.
>>220824830>It's cool and manly to like itI don't even think it's that manly, tbqh. His girlfriend and Asian sidekick are better fighters than Conan himself, so much for all that wheel-pushing. Commando is far manlier. Those dogs Conan run from in the beginning, John Matrix would have just punched them in the throat before dropping a one-liner like "sit".
>>220824936>It is?Feigning ignorance does not make you look smart, it makes you look retarded.
>>220824860>it's pretentious because... there's a n overarching themeWowee
>>220824332The movie is for straight alpha males like me to enjoy some bulging muscles and breasts.
>>220824381Why does she have a c-section scar?
>>220825381thats called linea nigra
>>220824332>the battle itself is so underwhelming and clunky.>I really hate how Conan overcomes Tulsa's two heavies in such a lame waysYou're mad. Do you want wire-fu or prequel spinning? The fights in Conan are one of its strongest parts.
>>220824332honestly this. i love the idea of the movie way more than the movie itself. the director is allegedly a "fascist right-winger" which i thought was going to bring something cool and new to the table, but valeria's presence did kind of suck balls. subotai was alright but he probably should have died, like conan's allies generally do in the novelsfor anyone who enjoyed the movie, please check out REM's other works and not just Conan too. way more pulpy and "soulful" without compromising the vigor of the film adaptation
>>220824332>>220825533Shit taste, pseuds, filtered.
>>220825336No, it's pretentious because it hits your over the head with its theme, with characters monologuing about it, and it isn't even deep or profound to begin with. That is the definition of pretentiousness.>wow, neither flesh nor steel is stronger, since steel cuts flesh, but flesh wields steel.That is kindergarten shit.
>>220823660
>>220824830As far as Arnie flicks go Predator mogs this by a pretty wide margin. Only the invisibility effect looks odd now where as all the fights in this are hokey shit.
>>220825508I just rewatched that battle scene to see if it was better than I remember, but nope. Tulsa's minions are completely braindead, just riding into Conan's axe one after another, and there are just so many jumpcuts, really bad editing. Conan will swing at an incoming horse, but you never actually see the impact, it just jumpcuts to the horse falling from a different angle. Bad choreography, bad editing, good music though.
>>220825600Where's the lie tho?
>>220824332>I have never wanted to love a movie more than Conan, but I just don't.I was in 8th grade when I saw the movie in the theater and was already a fan of the Lancer/Ace paperback Conan books (and a D&D nerd) so was resoundingly disappointed, as the flick just loots the books for the character name and a few elements but over the years I've come to enjoy the movie, even if it shits on the original Conan stories.
>>220823671/threadA shame about the Reddit frog.
>>220825712Why are you so insistent on the movie trying to be deep and profound and failing to do so? It's a simple movie about Conan's arc of being molded by failure to eventually learn that will conquers flesh and steel, delivered in a glorious romantic way.>but it's not deeper than it isYeah, cool
>>220826339dumb frog hater
>>220823660It’s highs are high, and its lows are snoozefests
>>220826495Don't get me wrong, it's a perfectly servicable and entertaining B-movie. It's just that its most diehard fans like to pitch this movie as a philosophical masterpiece. I retract my remark that the movie is pretentious, that was a bit too harsh and unfair, but some of its fans have a pretentious view of it, which skewed my expectations when I first watched it and left me feeling cold as the credits rolled.
>>220826990It does indeed have really poor pacing. Its world seems large and epic, but it doesn't ever justify its runtime.
>>220826495>will conquers flesh and steelAlso, I think the movie does a poor job at this. It's not his will that triumphs in the end, it's that he keeps getting saved by his friends whenever he gets into trouble. He doesn't defeat Tulsa Doom because of will, he does it because the princess he saved showed him the backdoor to his throne. If anything, it's a tale of teamwork rather than one of will.
>>220825984Opposite for me. Saw the films which made me want to read the books. Like you mentioned they are very different but I still adore the first Conan movie.
>le epic bad ass BIPOC girlboss goes toe to toe with the 350 pounds of muscle white maletired of this wokeslop disease
>>220827230dont talk shit about wesley snipes, faggot
>>220824332someones getting cast out of Valhalla
>>220824969anon this you?
>>220827056Yeah, I love the concept of Conan and certain scenes are so iconic it’s impossible to hate it, but the actual film itself is just ok. If the sequels to this movie had been better (I wish they adapted Tower of the Elephant, that would have been amazing to see on the big screen) I think that Conan itself would be remembered as an all time great.
>>220824332gayest postmaybe you'll enjoy momoa's shit conan better
>>220824830the music and script elevate it above any other movie the same genre.
So the riddle is just that you need to swing a sword to make it do something?
>>220827384Don't get me wrong, I love that scene, the one about what's best in life. Like I said, the film nosedives in quality as soon as he meets his sidekick and gf, but the beginning is awesome. If anything, the rest of the film after he meets his allies is him unlearning the brutality that was drilled into him in the beginning, but the switch is so sudden that it doesn't even feel earned. The "What is best in life" Conan does not feel remotely like the "Crom laughs at your four winds" Conan, they're practically not the same character, and there's no smooth transition from single-minded killing machine to jovial travel buddy.
>>220828012but the best music in the movie is when they sneak into that orgy thoughbeithttps://youtu.be/T2l--Px9vf0?si=f2ci5vSliWJ7cOQ5&t=137
>>220828134I did say that the music is consistently great throughout the film.
