>>221015666
immortality, fucking duh. On a long enough timeframe everything else will come.

>>221015666
That I was never born

>>221015666
That 4chan never existed.

a billion dollars

>>221015686
>you’re immortal
>you still age normally

>>221015666
That any girl I come across is completely okay with me sniffing and licking their feet and acts like it's no big deal

>>221015666
For everyone to be a bit kinder and strive to achieve peace and goodwill with all mankind. Also nuke india and israel and indie navarette comes over and bounces on it.

>>221015723
AIIIIEEEEE I'LL HAVE TO REPLACE EVERYTHIGN WITH ROBOT PARTS NOOOOO.

>>221015666
I'd wish for my soul to be transferred into Bryce Dallas Howard's favorite, most-used chair after a long night of eating Mexican food and holding everything in because she was among company, in fact of course.

>>221015666
for warwick davis to be shrunken down to 10 inches tall and appear in the palm of my hand. let's just say me and that midge would have A LOT of fun together

>>221015666
to fuck my half sister as much as I want without going to jail

>>221015666
>>221015686
>>221015723

Pro tip is just to use fictional worldbuilding as a template to avoid getting monkeys pawed.
I’d just say the immortality of Kirie + Karin from the manga UQ Holder

>>221015757
That's a waste of a wish, you can already do that if you have enough money.

>>221015686
Yeah, but you need to wait for shit to happen. Why not ask for a time machine? If you travel far enough into the future, people will have probably achieved immortality by then.

>>221015757
Anon they’re never going to solve rejection of foreign matter in the human body. Read: as an immortal, intractable pain. Not to mention if they remove your brain and replace it with a chip, you’ll still be the undying brain.

>>221015686
Great now you can still get hurt and lose limbs etc. you just won't die.

>>221015666
i’d wish for a really nice cow
just an exquisite heifer

>>221015666
I wish for the one wish willow to turn into a hot girl that loves me and be my gf

>>221015913
You are now 2d

My Dream

>>221015951
Just call your mother

>>221015951
>anon gets flawless red heiffer
>jews come in, kill his family, take his cow

>>221015666
The One Ring without any of its negative aspects

I'd wish for another wish. And then again and again and again

>>221016001
Isn't it literally useless unless you're Sauron?

>>221015666
big plump boobs hanging of my chest

>>221016023
>hanging of my chest
im not sure how this grammatical error could be twisted monkeys paw style, but im sure it could

>>221015666
Hamburger

>>221015967
Granted

>>221015964
Oh nooooooo.. anyways

>>221015730
I guess this, except for fucking them raw in the pussy. Don’t worry, I’m only interested in the ones with fat thighs

>>221015666
I wish my mom was still alive

>>221016112
She is now a vegetable

I wish agent Bill Wilson shot those men and threw them out of his plane

Honestly, imagine being such a fucking loser that you wish for a heifer or a midge instead of world domination. You retards are literally fighting over monkey's paw side effects like you've got lives to lose. Just wish to be the one who writes the code for this shit reality and delete everyone who posts cringe. Simple as.

>>221016169
You will now never be able to enjoy anything ever again and be paranoid 24/7

>>221015913
massive fag alert

>>221016122
At least it'd be able to say goodbye this time

>>221016205
I said manga, not anime

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>>221016191

>>221016169
GET THIS LAME AWAY FROM ME SATAN

>>221015666
Two chicks at the same time

>>221015666
go to heaven

>>221015730
>you're turned into a dog

>>221015666
I wish to receive [insert thing] in a way that guarantees it only improves my life and the lives of those around me, without any negative consequences

enormous penis

>>221016307
Ok, but you get raped by a pack of niggers. Monkeys paw bitch!

>>221016340
Guess it worked

I would wish to always have great luck.

>>221016384
It would just suck out the luck of anyone around you.

>>221015666
A full head of hair

>>221015849
>>221015849
Pics?

To heal physical and mental ailments

>>221015666
just to be genuinely happy and healthy

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>>221016395

>>221015849
Why would you need a wish for that

>>221016169
world domination is gay lame and overrated, i’d rather have a really nice cow

>>221016395
Easy curse. All brain matter replaced with a wad of hair

>>221015666
health, wealth, and wisdom for the world.

>>221015666
I'd wish that no one else would ever be able to use one to make wishes. Get that power out of people's hands.

Who holds the keys to the thread?

I wish for an indifferent gf that occasionally has sex with me. Checkmate

>>221015666
I wouldn’t wish for anything. I would listen, that’s what no one else did.

>>221016481
Well my wish came before yours so

>>221016510
The store owner said it’s the intention

>>221015686
>you’re immortal
>your immortality results in a shift in the balance of a system that would’ve perpetuated itself for eternity, thus leading to the true death of the entire universe that was not possible before. This results in a war between heaven and hell, over you. the only reward for victory is who gets to ensure your torment lasts for the rest of time.

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>>221015666
I wish that every person I meet likes and respects me. People want to stay on my good side, treat me well, and gladly do favors for me.

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>>221015666
a sweet camaro

>>221016578
Congratulations, you are now a retard

Wouldn't the best way to gain immortality be to say that you want to be invincible? If you're impervious to all damage, that includes cell damage and all of the wear and tear of your organs, muscles, bones, etc.

That would make you functionally immortal, wouldn't it? Your body would be evergreen.

>>221016609
Since my wish is my dream what’s my monkey paw?

>>221015666
>>221016563
For the store owner to treat me to one (1) beer

>>221016615
Everyone knows true immortality is horrible

>>221016630
matter can neither be destroyed nor created, we already are true immortals

>>221016615
Mutation isn’t damage. So congratulations, you are now an undying collection of tumors.

>>221016625
>brings a shitty beer

>>221016621
your grilled cheeses are sub-par

>>221016646
And how would I mutate exactly if my body remained perfectly healthy?

>>221016621
Retards don’t know they’re retarded

>>221016655
Hmmmmm
>could be code language to describe death

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>Yes, I would like the power of mastery over all reality; the ability to alter it at a whim with completely control as I please. I want the power of creation and destruction over the universe itself and all of its aspects and dimensions.

>>221016639
That’s energy nigga

No, matter is not slowly vibrating energy.

I take my back my wish Satan. Before 12:22. Grilled Cheese is code for loved one dying

Fine

I’ll do it myself

Because muh curse of Adam

Prick even though you did it

>>221016688
my retort is that matter is slowly vibrating energy

Why are you such an asshole Satan? Prick bitch

>>221016001
So a nice gold ring?

>>221015666
No women directors nor writers for film

>>221015686
low iq wish life is meant to end there's no upside to living forever
>>221015666
nothing satan (checked) wishes like this always ruins the wish

>>221015666
Permanently peak Scarlet Johannson to be my crazy yandere wife

>>221015694
this is mine. my birthday was yesterday

>>221016102
i got so used to raw sex i consider condom sex fake now. creampied a stripper 4 times in one night amazed i'm not paying child support rn

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>>221015666
i want a pure virgin wife of 100% european ancestry of >=16 years of age who loves me but she should be able to function as a normal human being

>>221016830
Cheats on you and leaves you instantly

>>221015666
nice trips satan
I'd wish for more wishes

>>221015666
That harambe hadn't died.

https://youtu.be/YsPEKgQNGlg

>>221015666
A monkey's paw

Probably nothing, if not the ability to destroy the other wishes.
The quickest way to destroy a man is to give him everything he wants.

>>221015666
i would wish for a complete set of all sets that do not include themselves

>>221015666
Explode earth

The movie made it clear that the willow branch was demonic and there's no way our of the monkey paw. Ian gets a billion then immediately is shot in the head. Bear's wish rips his world apart and dies. Nikki gets her wish for 10 seconds, then either goes to prison/psych ward forever with psychological damage or kills herself off screen. The store clerks who are hinted to be a demon said everyone comes in begging for it to be reversed, and those people presumably all died.

>>221016395
just take fin i still am horny af

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there was a thread about this a few days ago

>>221015666
I wish that my wish wouldn't come true.

I'd wish for the power to modify the physical bodies of any living thing in any way I can imagine or desire except while I'm sleeping and anything I change on anyone including myself stays that way unless I decide to change it.

Anyone wanna be high af forever?

>>221016395
>a severed dog's head flies through the window and lands on your lap

>>221015666
The end

>>221016679
>>Yes, I would like the power of mastery over all reality; the ability to alter it at a whim with completely control as I please. I want the power of creation and destruction over the universe itself and all of its aspects and dimensions.
You become a One Wish Willow.

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>>221015666
Saiyan biology

>>221015666
I would wish for a turkey sandwich on rye with lettuce and mustard. Id specify that I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises.

>>221017571
nice one

>>221017589
You should have specified that it tasted good. As is the one you'll get is probably a little dry.

>>221015666
for everyone to just be, like, cool and chill with each other, brah

>>221017654
>pluribus virus is unleashed

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>>221017571

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A 12 foot tall girlfriend

>>221017326
Does she eat people to get that big? This is an important question.

>>221018011
No she just has sex with me all the time

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>>221015666
>AW MAN! I JUST GOT ALL THREE WISH WILLOWS BEJITA! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
>ALMIGHTY WISH WILLOW, REMOVE MY LIMBS AND MAKE ME BEJITA'S NUGGET BABY!
>AWWW RIGHT! TWO MORE WISHES TO GO TOO!
WISH WILLOW! SHRINK ME DOWN SO I CAN FIT INSIDE BEJITA-SAMAS FORESKIN AND SPHINCTER!
>HEHEHEH! LOOK HOW TINY I AM BEJITA!
>ALRIGHT WISH WILLOW, NOW MAKE IT SO I SPEND 12 HOURS IN BEJITA'S ASS AND THEN GET TELEPORTED TO HIS FORESKIN, AND I SPEND 12 HOURS THERE TOO! AND IT NEVER ENDS, AND NOBODY CAN REMOVE ME! ALRIGHT! AND I CAN ONLY GET SUSTENANCE FROM BEJITA'S SMEGMA AND SHIT! IM GETTING EXCITED! OH, AND GIVE CHICHI BONE CANCER!
>MY WISHES GRANTED! TOO COOL!
>WOW BEJITA, GUESS IT WAS FORESKIN FIRST HUH?
>OH MAN ITS WARM IN HERE! AND WET! YOURE SO VIRILE BEJITA! THE SMEGMA IS LIKE SHELOBS WEB! HAHAHAHA!
>MHMM, I JUST GOTTA TASTE IT! OH MAN! LIKE BITTER CHILLI DOGS WITH AN EXTRA HELPING OF SALT! A TRUE SAIYAN BANQUET! BON APPETITE BEJITA!
>MHMMFH! MHMM! IT FEELS GOOD TO KNOW CHICHI AND MY KIDS ARE BACK HOME, NOT YET SUSPECTING THE SLOW DEATH SENTENCE I JUST GAVE THEIR MOMMY! AHA! SHES PROBABLY IN PAIN AND THEYRE PANICKING WONDERING WHY! THEYRE PROBABLY DESPERATELY TRYING YO CONTACT ME, NOT REALISING I WISHED THIS UPON THEM AND THEN MADE MYSELF YOUR MAGGOT SLAVE!
>MYMMHHH! SO GOOD BEJITA! YOUR DRY CUM IS SO GOOD! I CANT WAIT TO LIVE ON IT FOREVER LIKE A PARASITE! LIKE THE LOATHSOME WORM I AM BEJITA!
>THIS IS MY TRUE SELF! AWW MAN! THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS WAS WANTED, BEING A CUM SHIT MAGGOT MADE TO WORSHIP YOUR BODY! TO LIVE OFF YOUR BODILY DISCHARGE IN PERPETUAL WORSHIP! AWWW MAN!
>THE STENCH OF FISH IS JUST AMAZING!
>WHAT THE? 12 HOURS ALREADY??? TIME FOR THE NIGHT SHIFT! AWWW MAN IT REEKS IN HERE!
>FART ON ME BEJITA, I NEED TO CHOKE ON YOUR FARTS! YOUR ANUS IS MY PLANET! YOUR BOWEL MOVEMENTS ARE MY WEATHER AND MY ECOSYSTEM! SEND A NOXIOUS GAS ATTACK MY WAY!
>IS THAT… A LITTLE NUGGET OF BEJITA'S SHIT? OH BOY IM THE LUCKIEST SAIYAN EVER! MHMMFH MHMM AWW MAN!

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>>221015666
A new Robocop movie starring Peter Weller

>>221015666
Make 2B real and my sexbot and keep her 328 lbs

>>221015686
So when the sun burns out and you are just choking in space for eternity do you think you are going to regret that wish?

>>221015666
Unholy trips
My penis to be big

>>221018223
>So when the sun burns out and you are just choking in space for eternity do you think you are going to regret that wish?
Look at you like you know what the future will bring.

>>221015666
I would wish that my wish didn't come true.

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>>221015666
>what would you wish for, bros?
>666

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I want to drink a cup of the Breaking Bad superlab coffee.

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>>221015666
I wish that everybody has to do whatever I say (interpreted in good faith) and nobody finds any of my requests or their consequences weird.

Go on, and try and monkey paw that one.

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>>221018297

>>221015666
To win any gamble, that I consciously decide to win, once a day.

>>221018440
wtf is a day? and it's not a gamble if you know youll win

>>221015666
CKY 5 on DVD Realistically I'd just use a site like Kunaki to make one for myself kek

>>221015998
The red heifer has already been sacrificed by the way. They did it in secret last year.

>>221016248
came to this

>I wish all nonWhites would die horribly in pain and then disappear.

>>221018440
Just wish for perfect infalable luck when you wiggle your big toe or whenever you tap your index finger to your thumb or whenever you smile....

>>221016340
That's not how monkey's paw works, retard.

>>221018501
>pretty much all "white" Americans die because they have Italian/Irish/Polish admixture in them

I would wish for the power that when I play my guitar anyone (including myself) who listens to the music is healed of any illness or disease even while they listen they reverse aging growing younger by a ratio of 1 year to 1 hour of listening.. I could sell tickets and be disgustingly rich, and younger, in mere months.

i wish mom was de-aged to 17yo

>>221018793
Hope she likes classical guitar..

>My fingers hurt can I stop now >>221018746
>NO SHE'S ONLY 30 keep going

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>>221015666
That Daisy liked me.

>>221017270
I wouldn't say it's clear. Ian getting shot was a mixture of very bad luck and maybe poor judgement in rushing somewhere Nikki might be after having seen proof that she's supernaturally inflicted. The clerk says he used his wish and seems to be in good spirits so we can infer it went alright for him. I don't think he was a demon himself, more like a heroin dealer or illegal arms trader... he knows what he's selling is dangerous but doesn't think it's his problem as long as there's a warning on the box.

>>221018440
>>221017439
>>221018330
Something like this is probably the way to go, where you're given the ability but not the obligation to do something and can ease into it and test the waters.
But
>>221018330
>interpreted in good faith
The interpretation is being done by a demon so this isn't safe. Better make the trigger condition very clear-cut, like you have to write it down and then sign it with a magic word.
Also probably better to stay away from anything that involves directly controlling other people since we know that seems to end badly.

>>221015666
i want you

>>221017436
put *.4chan.org in your hosts file, redirecting to BLACKED.xxx
problem solved

>>221017571
i too am sad Peabo Bryson passed away this week

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>>221018840

>i wish that everyone else in the world had their wishes immediately come true

since i am anonymous nobody would wish anything that would affect me personally. eventually the effect of an errant wish would probably kill me ending the chaos and leaving everyone very confused.

>>221015666
Why is everyone acting like these things purposefully get your wish wrong? It only went wrong for Bear because he's retarded and didn't articulate what he actually wanted

>>221015666
The entire point of a monkeys paw is that you can't cheat it, whatever you wish for will blow up in your face. No matter how many logical constraints you amend to your request the wish will just make your life worse, law of equivalent exchange.

i wish for a pet monkey who is really awesome and nice

>>221015825
I think that's two wishes anon.

>>221015913
holy autism

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I wish for a portable DVD player that always functions perfectly, will reappear in my possession within 24 hours if taken or lost, and will show me any real event in the past or future.
I would use it to satisfy my historical curiosity and gambling.

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>>221020270
*pic

I wish for Spider-Man’s powers and to have sex with any hot woman I jerk it to off instagram. They will magically appear in my bed, be filled with my seed.

I'd wish for knowledge. Knowledge of everything that ever was, is, or will be. Complete omniscience.

>>221020270
>pic related
This is a blue board you sick fuck. Tell me where you got this image so I can avoid it in the future.

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>>221015666
Wish that every girl that was interested in me would grow enormous boobs

>>221015666
I wish for the ability to turn off and on a way to slow down reality by sixty times its speed or set it back to normal, so I could get a full 15 hours to sleep on my 15 minute breaks at work. No matter what I'm doing, or where I'm at, I can find a place to get rested.

I can handle the rest in my life. Yes I'm sure there's other scenarios it's useful but I just want more time to sleep knowing I have all the time in the world to rest up.

>>221020570
>t. zoomer who has to commute 15 minutes one way to break rocks in the stock room at Target

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>>221015666
To time-travel back to 1984 or 1985 to go to the mall with Phoebe Cates.

>>221020538
>every woman on the planets tits stay exactly the same as they were

>>221020335
the women who appear in your bed file rape charges, you are incarcerated

>>221020604
Yeah, so what? Not everyone needs to be Mr. bigshot, the liquor store needs someone to run deliveries and I like my coworkers.

>>221015666
I wish I wish I had a fish

>>221020607
>she gets help from mall security making you stay a certain distance from her because you’re following her around from store to store

>>221020335
>the girls you jerk off to on instagram won’t go away after you cum and you’re forced to deal with their vapid and grating, terrible personalities now

>>221020570
reality slows down, but you do not
you age at a constant rate and quickly grow old before your time

>>221015666
I would wish for the wishmaster would owe one wish to the guy who invented the one-wish willow.

>>221020723
>age 1 1/3 years for every year (assuming 8 hours of sleep per days of work) for quick sleep and enjoying more life in real time
Fair trade.

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>>221015666
I wish for the ability to wish for anything I want, whenever I want.

I wish for a ham and cheese grilled sandwich on gluten free bread with a nice spread of mayo.

>>221020794
>infinite inwardly degrading monkey paw
Just wish to be able to “have” anything you want whenever you want it. Something is sure to go wrong but in this case not EVERYTHING you ever wish for goes wrong.

>>221015849
hispaniard momento

>>221020857
>it’s also covered in chives and capers
>absolutely slathered, its the majority of what’s on the sandwich

>>221020883
I mean I guess that kinda sucks how does this ironically punish and kill me though? Heart attack?

>>221015849
Why would you go to jail? Would it be rape?
>as much as I want
Okay so does that mean you currently just rape her a little bit and that’s worked out okay I guess but you want more?

>>221020902
It’s a really bad sandwich. Even if you try to scrape as much as you can off, the flavor has already completely seeped into the ham and mayo. There’s no saving it so yeah, it’s that bad.

>>221015666
I wish for a device that, when turned on, puts me into a Groundhog Day style timeloop until I turn it off. I can experiment with doing anything I want and then turn off the machine once I'm ready to lock in the final result for the day.

>>221020644
I meant to satirize the modern condition, not to criticize your socioeconomic standing

I would wish for true wisdom to know better and help those around me

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>>221020538
They get disgustingly huge

>>221021116
black + japanese is such a kino pairing. im so happy theyre being flooded with Nigerian, Jamaican and Haitian migrant workers to boost their failing labor and birth rates

>wish for whatever you want
>add in "with no negative effects to me or anyone else or anything"

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>>221021231
>dictionary switches up the meaning of positive and negative

>>221021231
Reality relies on interaction of both positive and negative effects anon.
It all goes boom.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B62RlgB799g

>>221016218
It's okay bro. It's a good wish. I'm sure she's glad she had you as a son. And it gets better through jesus. At least that's whats I'm telling myself

>>221015666
>I wish for OP's legs and arms to shrivel into vestigial nubs, for his body to shrink to two inches, and for him to be teleported into my foreskin

>>221021204
kill yourself.

>>221021385
>>221021399
>i wish for [wish] with no negative effects and no semantic word trickery

>>221021116
I don’t understand…bigger is better, right?

>>221021470
Your mind, heat, and life is now fixated on your true [wish] but you've already used your one shot to attain it.

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>>221015723

I wish for the ability to identify, speak, read, and understand any language with complete fluency.

>>221015913
you die instantly because they aren't actually immortal since they aren't real

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>>221015666
>i wish to be lucky. no matter when or where, fate will always be in my favor

>>221015666
>wish for money
>demons disguised as money make you eat your cat
>wish for immortality
>a demon named Immortality wants to skin you alive and make a dildo out of your skin
>wish for happiness
>a demon named Hap fucks you with his penis
this is all you can expect from zoomer monkey's paw, same concept but created by a retard

>>221015666
>I wish for a million wishes
checkmate

>>221021582
Like >>221021514 but a million times worse

>>221021567
Dr Doolittle but it's even more of a psychological nightmare.

>>221021623
>you're now jackie chan

>>221021576
Fate is never in anyone else's favor now. You garner resentment universally. But hey, you're winning. Not a bad one anon.

>>221021602
>I wish for the ability to grant wishes, including my own

>>221021640
What if I wished for the ability to identify, speak, read, and understand any HUMAN language with complete fluency? I can see no downsides to this, I would simply live without any language barriers ever and I could work as the ultimate translator and/or interpreter.

What started this weird trend of warping the monkeys paw? The original story isn't anything like this

>>221021680
>Nigga hasn't seen Aladdin.

>>221015666
Easy: I wish to know the jackpot-winning Powerball numbers for the next drawing.
Then I go buy a ticket with those numbers, claim the prize anonymously (legally possible in my state), and never worry about money again.

>>221015686
>On a long enough timeframe everything else will come.
Yeah anon, but one of those things that will come is you getting trapped under something for eternity.
Like just imagine being immortal, but you were at Pompei when the volcano went up. You wouldn't die, you'd just get blasted by super heated volcanic gas moving at the speed of sound, and then buried under tons and tons of volcanic ash and if you're lucky you might get dug up a thousand years later.
But what if you were in a boat or sub that sank over a subduction zone in the ocean, pinned under the weight of the wreckage and you've just got an eternity of being sucked into the crust of the earth.
And the longer you live, the more the certainty of something like that happening approaches 1.

>>221021697
>genie I wish for you to shut the fuck up

>>221021710
>he doesn't know that the lotto is rigged
top lel, you get the winning numbers and they'll call something else.

>>221015686
immortality is one of the few things specifically spelled out as disallowed

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>>221021679
>Fate is never in anyone else's favor now.
Why does it have to fuck everyone else?
>i wish to be very smart
>now everyone has single digit qi
>i want to have peak athletic body
>now everyone else is a morbid obese
>i want to be the richest man on the planet
>now everyone else is poor
this shit fucking sucks and whoever created it deserves to be shot

>>221021681
That includes body language. People find you unnerving to talk to due to your unfailing knowledge of their inner life. Hedgehog dilemma on steroids.

>>221021744
wishmaster/monkey paw rules

>>221021693
>The 2025 horror film Obsession, written and directed by Curry Barker, was partly inspired by the monkey's paw segment from The Simpsons episode "Treehouse of Horror II".[24]

I wish this thread didn't exist.

>>221021693
Yes it is?
In the original story the dad wishes for 200 pounds and his son (Herbert?) dies horrifically in a machinery accident the next morning, the factory pays him out 200 pounds. He buries his son outside and wishes that he was alive again, in the middle of the night someone starts knocking at the front door. His wife goes to let them in but the dad is so batshit scared of the zombie son that he quickly uses his last wish for everything to go back to the way it was, and the son vanishes.

>>221021744
>>221021733
Anons itt clearly not understanding the moral of "be careful what you wish for".
>>221021693
Obviously there's the Simpson's monkey paw ep but there's plenty of media (The Incredible Mr Limpet was a fun one) discussing wishes going awry. Mostly I think these are fun logic games though. If anyone's mad, might I suggest alt-f4?

>>221021763
>one of the tranny jannies gets possessed by a demon and deletes the thread, then shoves a cactus up your ass and spends his entire life stalking you
heh, tricked you with my epic monkey's paw bro
should have wished smarter

>>221021745
There was an X-man who had the mutant power of instant comprehension.
It started out as just being a universal translator, but eventually his powers developed to the point where he was almost psychic by reading body language, as well as an ability almost like taskmaster because physical combat is an extension of that.

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>>221015666
I wish for my oneitis to love me more than anything or one in the fucking world, as I do not have any friends to kill, do not care that the original personality will actually be getting Eiffel towered in hell by who gives a fuck, that she shits, pisses or screams at random, and I certainly don't give a flying fuck about any of you or your feelings on the matter. Check and mate, thank you demon man!

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i wish for perfect internet connection. 0 ping no matter the online game i play

I wish for an immediate, swift, and painless end to all existence in both the current universe and any possible afterlife or future universes thereof.

>>221021773
>"be careful what you wish for".
is there an example of a wish someone made with 0 downsides?

>>221021760
>The 2025 horror film Obsession
But it's 2026.

>>221016830
shes 100 and dies in 2 weeks :)

>>221020018
You are retarded. You can't get out of the monkey's paw, but you also can mitigate it. That's the point of it being a deal. You don't know what you're signing away, which means that these narratives always have the character getting fucking owned since they don't take any steps to mitigate what can be taken. A simple way to mitigate the monkey's paw is indicate what you're willing to trade. If the entity or supernatural whatever inside feels that isn't "fair" it simply won't act. Sort of like asking a genie for more wishes. It just won't because it doesn't want to, or perhaps it can't. If you used a One Wish Willow, and the source of its power is indeed a demon, and it's literally the Abrahamic God sort then you could wish for it to redeem itself in the eyes of God. It won't do that because, depending on how you frame it, it won't because it doesn't want to or it won't because it can't. The willow now does nothing because it won't/can't follow through. Just like if you wished to have all the same aspects of the trium God, it clearly couldn't do that either since that's not within its power. It can't make you the prime mover. If you keep that in mind you can also work out what at least some of the other limitations are. Not all, but some. For instance, you wouldn't be able to wish for the earth to explode in the next five minutes. That, again, would invalidate the purpose of the One Wish Willow's true goals, it probably doesn't have the power to do that, and it also doesn't have the authority to do that. Granted, all of this is based on knowing what it is you're fucking with. But if you know you're fucking with some sort of metaphysical being, that alone gives you a foundation to use to protect yourself. It's the difference between high technology and actual magic. An AGI could perform the same steps, but the way would be different and likely so would its constraints as well as heuristics for the reward/punishment side of the exchange.

>>221021576
Luck, natural charisma and a big pp

>>221021801
Banned for impossibly good connection speeds, you clearly hacked the servers. Or you broke space time due to exceeding informatic causality.
>>221021825
Usually that'd look something like an Isekai, Harry Potter, or some other wish fulfillment genre. Stories need conflict or tension of some kind to be engaging. So "made a wish, nothing bad or interesting happens" isn't a good story.

>>221015666
If I had but one wish in this lifetime. I would wish to relive my life again and make better choices

>>221021802
Don't worry, it's coming! Heat death is reliable.

>>221021865
>Stories need conflict or tension of some kind to be engaging. So "made a wish, nothing bad or interesting happens" isn't a good story.
This sounds a lot like that Butterfly Effect movie.

A bag of "Limitless," Pills based off the movie that refills every 24 hrs and doesn't go above 20 or below 1 and the pills don't have any side effects.

How bad did I fuck up. I gave it clear and concise instructions while taking out the bad parts and still have the free will to either take them or not.

>>221021876
What would you change anon? I've thought about that one a good amount, without memory of this life you'd likely make the same choices depending on what metaphysics you believe/is true.

>>221015666
But does it work like a monkey's paw, or did the guy phrase it badly? For example, he said, "I wish she loved me more than anything in the world." Would it have been better if he'd said, "I wish she'd start liking me more than just as a friend"?
The confusing part is that he calls the number, and an evil guy answers and he has the girl's soul or something shit.

>>221021914
>you are now using 10% of your brain except when you take the pills, thus making you a retard with a crippling addiction.

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>>221015666
To go back in time with only my present (future) memories intact. My brain would probably melt because of the information overload but still worth a try.

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I want Scary Monsters.

>>221021944
that doesn't make sense, why would I become retarded wouldn't that constitute a 2nd wish that I didn't make? Or is this dumbass thing doing a Bedazzled trope?

>>221021914
This technique doesn't work that well, a whole movie was already made discussing the downsides. You only included that supply isn't a problem. Also the pills are addictive (even if there isn't a "downside" when don't you want to be your best self?) and success breeds resentment and envy. You'd be stuck in a world of idiots unless you became the world's most prolific drug dealer. Let's say you do that, then your name would be cursed as long as oral tradition keeps it alive after the inevitable collapse of society from no longer having access to the pills.

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>>221015666
easy

>>221021947
Someone else asked this as well, the other issue even without the neurological angle is that you knowing too much about what happens could be a problem. People getting freaked out by your knowledge, not being taken seriously by people because you're a kid, having to go through humiliating parts of childhood, etc. Not a bad attempt though, that's the kind of wish that wish givers would allow without a built in negative because it generates an interesting enough story.

>>221021955
You are now Diego. Enjoy it while it lasts. Lovetrain is coming.

>>221021977
He worded it poorly, but nothing is stopping fate from intervening. You could take the pills and then immediately get into a car accident, which gives you a TBI, and now you're borderline retarded unless you take the pills. That's how monkey's paws work. You got your pills that have no downsides but that doesn't mean you got one over.

>>221022033
Even on the off chance that someone wishes to get D4C -Love Train- why would I try to fight them in the first place? Seems like a stretch.

>>221022037
I don't think "gets hit by a car right after" hits the right ironic twist that monkey's paw/rules lawyer wish givers go for. >>221021852 has the right idea.
>>221021744
Fate is literally a zero-sum game. If you always get your way, that means the hopes and dreams of others are subordinated to yours. Or are you so selfless that all of your efforts and actions taken with perfect luck only have universal benefit?
>>221022080
You have Scary Monsters because you're Diego, stands are a manifestation of the soul and only Diego's soul manifests Scary Monsters. We know how Diego's story ends.

>>221021923
The first time I ate a bag of Cheetos. I know for some that might sound insignificant but out of all my dirty habits that I have or had. This one is the worst habit I've ever formed. I have given up drinking, smoking (cigarettes and pot), and making reckless choices. I try to go off the rails and the most I can last is a month before I fall into the same cycle baka

>>221021947
Time manipulation is explicitly disallowed in the OWW faq.

>>221016253
Based

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>>221017571

>>221022127
That's a difficult habit to break for sure. Don't beat yourself up too much about backsliding but be aware of the triggers that make you crave goyslop and behaviors that enable it. Good job on breaking those other addictions, you can do one more.

>>221015666
Every indian in and outside india has a heart attack, kill the halfbreed gypsies too

>>221017571
Most clever one ITT

5 bucks

>>221022167
They now only have full blooded gypsies to import by the boatload. Also, Bangladesh still exists.

I would have it as safekeeping and then live a high risk high reward lifestyle knowing if it fucks up I have a get out of jail free card

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I want every straight man to become a fullblown faggot except those who share my blood.

>>221015694
if you were never born THEN WHO WAS WISH

>>221018474
Their predictions haven’t come true though so they’ve probably already decided it was not the correct one

>>221022218
You now live in a world of faggots and women who will put you in a breeding camp, not the sexy kind though.

>>221022218
>You father is Genghis Khan

>>221022218
Billions of faggots team to use other willows for presumably suicidal time travel, not to stop your wish mind you but for calculated blood transfusions directly after you make it.

>>221021572
Wishes aren’t real either

>>221015666
Easy: Super genius Adolf Hitler

No Indians

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I'd wish for all the children of the world to hold hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

>>221015787
the only wish ITT that couldn't go wrong

>>221015666
The ability to look at a woman and if I decide so, she will be automatically down to fuck me. No downside because I have to decide on a mental level if I let her want to fuck me. I guess the only way to fuck up is if she has something and I don't know

>>221015787
>>221022734
She was on location for a set. You sit there all night knowing the braps another chair is getting while you remain in her home.

>>221022167
Ok but it's only a minor heart attack. They all live to claim disability. You only eliminated a tiny fraction of their bulk because only a minority of gypsies are truly only half and half.

>>221016435
>"Am I balding?"

>>221022357
Until they die?

>>221015666
I'd wish that you had tastebuds in your asshole

>those trips
>make a wish
No I don’t think I will Satan

>>221022176
>5 bucks
you're gang raped by a quintet of negroes

>>221015666
every time i have sex with a woman they grow a couple of inches taller and bigger in the right places
eventually ill become a cult leader or hunted down and experimented on by the government because some hotties in my area grew as big as a house, but i will enjoy the blissful months of size-addicted stacys riding my dick every evening

>>221015666
sarah :3

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>>221015694

potato knishes

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>>221015686
Immortality has some serious downsides-
Sooner or later there’s a very good chance you’ll
>get stuck somewhere like a crevasse or a shipwreck
>imprisoned for life by some fucked up government
>used as a guinea pig by said gov when they figure out you’re immortal
>the sun burns out and you’re screaming into a void (as anon mentioned)

Know everything there is to know about making music

I wish for the power to rewind time whenever I want and retain my current memories. When I die, my current consciousness with all its memories is given the option to become the sole occupant of my body at any previous moment of my life and thus resume living from that point onwards.

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>>221023837
Best use of the wish ever. Technically that might be considered two wishes tho.

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>>221015666
Probably something like "never losing faith again" or "making everyone proud"

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>>221023827
Wish granted, you know everything about music but your taste sucks and no one likes what you do.

>>r/monkeyspaw

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>>221024154
You could simply wish to be happy?
Who knows what could happen tho.

all "wish and downside" threads inevitably devolve into this...

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>>221024386
There are no shortcuts.

>>221015686
NOOO YOU CANT JUST BE IMMORTAL!!! GOD MADE YOU MORTAL FOR A REASON!!!!!!!!

>>221015666
I wish I was a little bit taller.

Realistically, what if you just ask for godhood? Ask for admin rights over the universe.

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>>221024649
granted

>>221015666
That people would stop talking about this fucking movie

>>221017953
Holy based

to become the next Jeffrey Epstein

>>221020538
>Every woman's breasts shrink

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>>221024994

>>221015686
Every single person criticizing you is a retard. Great wish

>>221015666
I wish the genie was gay

>>221024649
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her
Wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six-four Impala

>>221015666
Does it work, or does it fuck you over for the lulz