>"Tell me you saw that.">"I don't know what I saw."
Only Muhammed (pbj) may perform mirackles
>>221085568>Can you fly this thing?>Only one way to find out.
>Tell me I'm not crazy>Well if you are... we both are
>>221085568>And may God have mercy on our souls....
>What... the... HELL was that?>I don't know doc, you tell me.
>No way, uh uh, there's no WAY I'm doing that.>*scene cut* HOW THE HELL DID YOU TALK ME INTO THIS
>It's quiet... too quiet
>>221085568>Mr Anon, tell me more about this "girlfriend" of yours
>character is doing something that's not what it looks like>someone comes in>"It's not what it looks like!">no one believes him
>>221086068She goes to another board you wouldn't know her.
>I checked him out. He's clean.
>it might be a trap>you're right, I didn't think of that, we should try a different approach
>"how did you know that it would work?">I didn't
>*checks rear view mirror*>"we've got company"
>>221086102>Wait! I can explain![Doesn't explain]
>>221086195>I just didn't think->That's right, you DIDN'T think!
>>221086165>"How do you know all this?">"I built it."
>>221086186>"I've been keeping an eye on them since we left the station, turn left"
>>221086217>You just- *hand to side of face, shakes it* don't GET it, do you?
>>221086217>I thought that->I don't pay you to THINK
>I'm so scared bro>So am I bro, so am I
>I don't even know what's real anymore...
>I'm not afraid of you>Well, you should be
>>221086222>Wait, you are... Mr Faggot?>Oh please, everyone calls me "OP"
>"The quantum fluctuations in the gravimetric field could lead to a chain reaction of catastrophic proportions-">"In english, doc!">"Big thing go kaboom"
>we're about to make the deal of the century>a deal that will change everything
>>221085568>shit just hit the fan big time>run into the room>See character furiously looking for something in the cabinets, desk and drawers>Its something totally mundane that doesn't have anything to do with anything like a flask of whiskey or a picture of their daughter smiling at a carnival.
>If you're and I'm here then... WHO'S DRIVING THE BIKE???
>>221086441>character trying to break into computer>looks around guy's desk>types in title of giant hardcover tome sitting right next to screen
>"I'm Samuel! He's lying!">"No, I'm Samuel! Help me!">Character shoots one of the Samuels.>"How did you know which one was me?" >"I didn't."
>"please tell me you got a plan b for this">"homie this IS plan b"
>"THAT'S IT? IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?!" >*gets crushed to death by falling structure*
>Just let it go, man. I'm three days to retirement>I can't let it go.
>Keep yer eyes on the prize, anon>*sexy woman walks by*>Oh I am, chief
>"It's over, McVillainov.">"IT'S NEVER OVER!"
>>221086186>You saved her! You're our hero! >"I was just doing my job. You guys are the real heroes."
>"one wound to the head... no casings, this is the work of a professional"
>Old Earth is under attack by green, giant-eyed aliens that saw a few hitler speeches and holocaust video reports >retired spec-ops operative learns via his old contacts that a giant colony ship, The Ark is being built in Area 51 >gets there in his old RV, turns out there is a giant line of last-minute passengers at the gates>gets to pass through just because he and the guard at the gate served in 'Nam in the same unit >hops on board in the last moment before take off, giant alien laser shot obliterates launch pad a second later>after some time it turns out there is a mutiny among the crew in the making, the Rebels are led by the main mechanic, the Wolf >ship captain turns out to be the old boss of our protagonist>"So it's you Kowalski... Listen, we got this situation and-">"Not interested" - he begins to slowly light up his last cigarette right under No smoking sign>"Do it for the old times sake, this will be our last job. Make Laura proud!">puffs a giant cloud of smoke, fat enough to make everyone else cough - "I'm in... So where do I find this "Wolf" guy?">"Here is Dr Richard, we call him Little D but-">"Just Doc is enough" - a black man in glasses, wearing sweater and with a clipboard interjects and draws protagonist's attention to old paper ship blueprints >"So we expect they have their base of operations in main engine compartment, right now they are trying to bypass our interlock quantum fusion flux stabilizers and when the critical capacitance reaches Sneedenkov's limit we won't be able to sustain the react-">"In English Doc!">doctor drops the clipboard, puts both hands together with opposing fingertips touching, then expands them in front of Kowalski
>>221086580>How does this guy manage to always stay one step ahead of us?
>>221086580>"check the scene for fingerprints">"you won't find anything, this guy leaves no trace"
>cops interview working man on the street>barely even glances over his shoulder at them while loading bags of sand or something on truck and telling them the whole story>"What, you think I killed him? Hell, I wish I did! He was a bastard, I'm only sorry I didn't get to do the job myself!">"Damn, he's not our guy, back to square one"
>>221086621>I want you to run background checks on everyone who's working on this case. We've got a leak.
>*pshhh* got a visual on the suspect?>negative
>god dammit anon, you're a loose cannon>i got the mayor up my ass for that little stunt you pulled there>you could've gotten hundreds of people killed today>but by god you get the results, which is why i'm giving you one more chance
>>221086685>what you did was unprofessional >it was disgusting and reprehensible! >it was….. The best God Damn police work I’ve seen in my life
>>221086711camera zooms out to floor covered in black corpses
>>221085647>who are you talking to ?
>>221086711>you owe me a drink
>>221086675>I need to speak to Johnson. Hey has anyone seen Lieutenant Johnson?>Sir, he left the building ten minutes ago
>"You and what army?">"I'm a one man army!"
>>221086683>*psh* He's moving north, should be entering your sector, confirm observation>... nope, nothing. Where the heck did he go?>Damnit, he's onto us!
>>221085568That's 8 seasons of X-Files.
I want someone to make a film/film series containing all of these cliches/tropes
>did he say what i think he said?>i don't know, what did he say?
>>221086480>what did you say your name was again?>i didn't
>sarge, you're not going to believe this
>>221085637>You sure you can do this?>Well I've never crashed one?>How many have you flown?>This is the first
>>221086633>No instagram, no tiktok, no Onlyfans>Man's a ghost
>he's right behind me, isn't he?
>"nothin' better to start the day with than a cup of good mornin' america"
>>221085568>Two way mirror>"Who is this guy?">"I dunno but he asked for you by name."
>What are you going to do to him?>Well... I *am* going to kill him... but first, a word from this week's sponsor: Raid Shadow Legends
how many frogs are there
>>221086961>we meet at last
>>221086975>https://vocaroo.com/1fEElchSI84F
>I don't want to alarm you guys…>…but I think we have a spy in our midst
>*folds piece of paper in half and punches a hole through it*>In English, doc
>>221086986>Trust me kid, you don't wanna know
>>221086975you forgot to censor "kill"
>>221087005>I though you'd be taller>You on the other hand look just as ugly as I thought
>I'm CIA
>>221087092>they were trying to grab your prize, they work for the mercenary, the masketta man
>>221086133underrated kekliterally can think of 15 movies with this quote
>>221086480family guy did this one besthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBz2_fzDK-U
You don’t get to bring friends, no, no, no!You don’t get to bring friends, no… butIt was a cloudy day (It was a cloudy day)We were getting Pavel and there wasn’t a big guy in sight(No big guys allowed on this flight!)Masketta drives in with three large, hooded men-NO CHARGE!!Are you filing the flight plan, or am I??(I'm sorry CIA, go oooon...) Masketta says they work for BANE (What did he bring them for?)In confirming, I bulge my neck vein(Go on get ‘em on board)Who’d like to stay on my PLANE?(First to talk will stay, but anyway)You don’t get to bring friends, no, no, no!You don’t get to bring friends, nooo!Hey! High up in the sky, there’s no stuttering or stumblingI’ll hang'em out the plane with a gun without fumblingAsking about Bane to every wiseguy in their hood *click* *click* *BOOM*It’s a big drop, it’s gotta be kinda humblingStill this hired gun stayed quiet without mumblingLotta loyalty, too bad he didn’t fly so goodWill you fly as good?>>A seven-foot frameMask under his hoodUntil he put it on, Bane was misunderstoodWho he was mattered notWhat mattered was his plotYou don’t get to bring friends, no, no, no!You don’t get to bring friends, nooo!I asked him if he would dieWithout his mask (No, no!)He said it would hurt a lotThen that big guy askedWhy would you shoot a man before seeing if he couldn't fly (Why, why?)For me, Bane was disproportionately sized!Bane told me how you had come to be meeting here with us nowRefusing his offer (): Hey Doc, what else did you tell them now, too? (Nothing! I told them nothing!)Um, hey Bane...Yeah about that plan, Bane...I really need to know that plan, BaneTell me the plan, and the whole plan now, Bane!(CIA, we're crashing this plane!)NO SURVIVORS![REPRISE]Don't bring any friends, no! (Why did he bring along friends? No!)Crashed my plane and took Doc, oh!I never should have let him bring friends, no!
>how do we know you're telling the truth? >you can't, you're going to have to trust me
>no one believes the main character and he's about to be confronted>bad guys attack openly, instantly relieving the tension and avoiding any anxietyNot sure if I like or hate this.
>>221087281>What if I don't?>Then...we're all dead
>>221086770>You and what army?>This one>*pulls down pants*
>>221087005>"I was told you could be trusted.">"Told by who?">"Jack Ribble.">"Jack Ribble's dead.">"Can we talk somewhere private?">"Clear the room."
>*fires gun at bad guy until clip is empty*>"you missed">"did I?" *something wacky happens*
>We've traced his signal but->This can't be right>According to this he's inside the building
>A METEOR THE SIZE OF TEXAS IS HEADING STRAIGHT FOR US
>>221087569>What level of destruction are we talking about here? >Well, we can say goodbye to the eastern seaboard
>I wouldn't go in there if I were you
>he's hacking the white house, sir!>WRONG! He's Hacking THE World!!!
>>221087029duracell made me shart oil
>but that's a story for another day
>>221087684>good thing I'm not you
>>221087475>*throws gun*
>>221088037>catch!
>it's probably just the wind>it's never just the wind
>"Anon, I-">"Yes?">"......nothing"
>>221086165one of the worst feelings is fixing something that was very difficult to fix but you don't know what you did to make it work
>>221086929>Do we at least know where he lives?>Negative, his last known address is his mother's house but that was over 20 years ago.>Jesus Christ, he could be anywhere.
>>221085568>doesn't look like anything to me
>oh my god, he's inside the system!>stop him!>i can't, he's firewalled himself!>can't you shut it down?>it's the best one in the biz... I know, I designed it!
>>221088354I've been battling with this exact thing for months>Do card tricks because I'm that type of loser>Learn new trick>Like most card tricks it's incredibly simple once you know how>The only hard part is the reveal at the end>This is because you need to reorder two cards from two dozen, one from the top and one from the middle, and do it within half a second and without covering the packet because it's the reveal>Usually if you need to reorder a top card to the bottom or something you just take the top card and use that to turn the others over>The vast majority of people don't notice that>You can do that with this trick, sort of, but it looks shit and really obvious>There's lots of different ways people get around it with this trick in particular, but they all look bad and it's the only thing that lets the routine down>Practice this routine one night>Come up with a way of doing it no one else has>It's entirely my own method and it works flawlessly>Make a note of how I do it on my phone so I don't forget>Don't do routine for months>Try to do it again a couple of months ago>Can't>It's alright because I have that note on my phone>Don't consider that my notes are often cryptic because it keeps them shorter>Now I can't decipher my own cryptic note and I can't remember the methodIt's like trying to recall a song lyric without looking it up or listening to the song. You know you know what it is, but for the life of you it just won't come to you.
>well you know what they say, you wouldn't shit on your own doorstep>wait a minute, what did you just say?>what, shit? i dunno jus sayin is all, I get it yeah yeah I should keep quiet>...we gotta move
>What's plan B?>This was plan C
>>221089089>What about plan B?>We had a plan?
for me it's the meme when a cop has to turn in his gun and badge
>>221088596did you try slippin' the pickle? rock the baby? Miami vicing the double dogs? coming out as a homosexual? turning the card over?
>>221085635>pbjPeanut butter job? Peterson B Jordan? Peanut blowjob?
>>221089353A Black man invented peanut butter. Sit down and learn.
>>221089317All of these suggestions are unhelpful when I'm a man in need.
>Word around the office is you have a huge cock>It's actually smaller than average, and it has become much harder maintaining an erection, my passion for life just isn't there anymore>I bet you say that to all the girls *chews on pen*
>>221086654>>cops interview working man on the street>>barely even glances over his shoulder at them while loading bags of sand or something on truck and telling them the whole story>>"Yeaaaup Ah keelled the bastard">*drops a bag of sand on the cops and runs away*
>>221087343>Welp good time to tell you about my secret weapon>*starts sucking*
>>221086654this is the one
>>221089562>cop assumes the wrong person is responsible for the sexual assault>beats the shit out of mechanic who had nothing to do with the case>goes back to the station>he's free to go, his alibi checked out>never mentioned again how he beat the shit out of an innocent man
>>221086685thanks for the purple, there's too much green
>>221085568>That's the dumbest plan I've ever heard. I'm in.
>>221089787DUN DUN
>>221089368>sit down and learnI only listen to Black peoples when kneeling like a true alloy
>>221089451>>Word around the office is you have a huge cock>Yup *takes out a huge rooster*>>*sucks on pen while furiously fingering pussy*
>*sigh* I'll never solve science>heh, reminds me of that time I raped a hamster>what? say that again!>I uh.. raped a hamster?>anon you're a genius! *solves science by raping hamsters*
>>221090063Kino.
>>221090063kek I love when hamsters get raped
>>221086217I cri errytim
>keep the car running... I'll be right back
>>221086480>Actually kills the real guy
>I hope you know what you're doing>This is my first time doing this
>>221090749I wish this actually happened in any show except South Park.
>>221090929Family guy
>>221087029comfy
>we're not getting any younger, it's a young man's game
>>221089562Every episode of Law and Order where the guy at the deli never stops slicing and serving sandwiches while getting interviewed by the cops.
>how long would it take you to do it?<at least a week>you have an hour
>>221092808this one makes me hard
>you won't believe what just happened
>Ctrl+f>search "off the charts">0 resultsim mildly disappointed.
>WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO NOW!?>RUN!
>>221085568It was some kind o bird creature
>>221094634>>221094649you deleted your failure to post AI shit
>>221094819yes and?
>>221094911i just wanted to tell you i love you
