>character goes to bed>his anus doesn't instantly become itchy>he doesn't smell his fingers after scratching
>>221091725>he doesnt wash his hands too
>>221091725you know that's intestinal worms, right? they lay eggs out your butthole that itch. you scratch, then lick your fingers and re-infect yourself
>>221091725Your post made me audibly heh, so here's your (you)
>character goes to bed>doesn't put earplugs and an eye mask on>sleeps perfectly fine
>>221092064No it just itches because I don't shower daily anymore because I'm depressed
>>221092064It could be that or a small anal fissure if op is prone to hemorrhoids.
I had it and it's 100% parasites. Take a dewormed and it will disappear. Don't be embarrassed about parasites and just get rid of them. It's probably not your problem. A lot of people have these ass parasites so when you eat fast food or really any food there is a chance that someone put their ass parasite hands on the food and that's how you caught it.
>>221092254What do I take to get rid of them?
>>221092064I had those worms once. It's a completely different feeling than a regular itch. You can basically feel them crawling out of your asshole. A really strange experience.
Just get some ivermectin for livestock.
>>221092540Birds
>>221092631There's an image!
>>221092540Ivermectin or do a parasite cleanse
>>221092540Butt chug half a liter of vodka or do a parasite cleanse enema. You could also fast for a week.
I had itchy asshole and the internet told me it was worms. So I took deowrker. It did nothing. So I started using apple cider vinegar on my asshole. That helped. I finally went to the asshole doctor (a female) and she and two female nurses put a camera in my ass and saw some hemorrhoids. She prescribed me some cortizone cream and it helped. But she should have told me and what really solved the problem was getting a bidet attachment for the toilet. I havent had itchy asshole since.
Clean your dirty fucking ass you disgusting slob
>>221091725>>221092064>>221092631>>221092136if you have an itchy asshole, its worms
>>221092064I had a really itchy asshole one summerwent to the doctors and everythingturns out it wasn't worms but it was ass sweat dripping down my crackstarted showering right before bed and put baby powder over my entire butt and lower back and the sensation went away
Wash yo ass playa and use some gold bond powder. Feels good man.
One time I was going down on this chick in the dark and when I went in the bathroom and turned on the light there were a bunch of little white worms in my beard.
>>221093888Checked and thanks for another horror that is beyond my comprehension added to my brain I guess.
>>221093888strigoi!!!
>character goes to sleep>they sleep for more than an hour or two at a time without being woken up by their family, their family's untrained dogs barking or running around all night, mice fighting in the walls right next to their bed, or the need to piss>they get full deep sleep instead of just lying there with their eyes closed and their mind racing, half lucid, then suddenly realizing it's morning
>>221092767So you're too retarded to know how to wipe properly?
>>221095262>they sleep in as long as they want instead of being loudly awoken by their family who can't stand them sleeping in on a day off despite being a grown ass man>they don't spend 30 minutes writhing around in bed begging god to either change their life or kill them before falling asleepTotally unrealistic
>>221095333>touching your own assholegay faggot behavior. I NEVER touch my butthole and no amount of homosexual gaslighting will ever change that.And no, jew, I will NOT install water jets on my toilet to blast water on my butthole, that's also gay.
>>221091725>character wakes up>there's not drool all over the pillow and the sheets aren't shining with greasenot realistic
>>221092761>Butt chug half a liter of vodkaDo not do this, you will die
>>221092135>earplugsholy fuggin based. I've never encountered another earplugs sleeper. I had a retarded housemate years ago, so I tried a few different kinds and found ones that are soft enough you can wear them all night. You can't hear little things while sleeping, people in other rooms, the AC, a bit of road noise. They're brilliant. Don't have housemates or live in a noisy area now, but still love them. I have the windows blacked out so it's pitch dark in the room before sunrise, so no mask needed. I wouldn't go anywhere overnight without them.
>Wise man says man who who goes to sleep with itchy butt, wake up with stinky finger.
>>221095262>being woken up by their family, their family's untrained dogs barking or running around all nightI miss when my dog would wake me up with sounds of being out and having fun. Old age has been rough on my little guy. Have fun with your dogs while you can, lads
>city ducks up hot water supply line for the entire district >shower in cold water for a week>hair get noticably thicker and healthier Honestly, who writes this shit?
>>221091725same anon, my ass feels like its on fire, all sweaty and smelly, smell my fingers, and it reeks of shit. its probably because im just not showering daily anymore, combined with really hairy ass. i inspected my shit, no worms. just in case i chugged an entire thing of worm medicine, did nothing. it just gets all rashy and hot. like if i slipped an ice cube inbetween my ice cheeks it'd probably melt in seconds. i simply live with the pain..
>>221091725>character gets out of the shower>doesnt floss his ass with the towel and then smell it
>>221095622If I wear earplugs I hear my heart beat, can't sleep that way.
>>221092761I read that as fast travel for a week.
>>221095921you'll adapt to that quickly.
>character goes to bed>doesnt immediately turn on a podcast on his phone, to not go insane from intense tinnitus ringingjust like you guys, am I right?... guys?
you can also get a little blood drawn and sent of for a CBC (complete blood count) which will give you an eosinophil %. It's not a bulletproof indicator but eosinophils are cells that usually respond to parasitic infections so it might help. I would start with that instead of having someone shove a camera up my ass
>>221096000Everyone has that shit get over it
>>221092064Nah, it's skin irritation from now washing your ass and sitting on your ass all day sweating. Not saying what your opinion isn't a thing, but it's a different kind of itchy.Also you know it's hemmoroids when:>Asshole is itchy>You go to scratch it>Suddenly blood pressure feels weird
>>221093613Why not just lose weight?
>>221092135>>221095622How the fuck do you guys know when to get up for work if you can't hear your alarm? Or am I assuming too much here
>>221096027I used to not have it and therefor I know thats not true.
>>221096037NTAs but I still hear my alarm through the earplugs. Just make it louder >>221095622This is misophonia. I also need to turn a fan on in addition to the earplugs or the tiniest noise will piss me off while I'm trying to fall asleep.
>>221096037i have a smartwatch that vibrates
>>221092767>>221093613>>221095871It's hemmoroids or you need to wash your ass before bed. Want a pro tip? Start using wet wipes to clean your ass after you shit. Just don't flush them. Basically take some toilet paper to wipe like normal, and then use the wet wipes to wipe up any left over stuff. You'll be surprised how much shit is just left dried on your asshole from the toilet paper. One or two wipes is enough for most people plus some wipes have like soothing stuff to keep the skin hydrated and clean.
>>221092135>sleeping with earplugs Sounds like a good way to get an ear infection honestly. I lived right off the road in a major city for years and you just learn how to sleep through anything.
>>221096037they dont block 100% of noise, alarms get through
>>221093888So which zoomer director will adapt this post into a feature film
>>221096048It's not that you didn't have it it's that you weren't aware of it until someone pointed it out.It's not really any different to all of those whores in Hollywood who didn't realize they were raped until decades later when they were told they could get an easy payday.
>>221091725>character goes to bed>cat doesn't keep them awake wanting to snorgle
>>221096249My current cat doesn't really cuddle me, he just sleeps on top of me. If I'm on my back he posts up on my chest, if I'm on my side he sleeps in the little triangle that your legs make. When he was a kitten I suspect he was always the guy on top of the pile.
>>221096139never had an ear infection in my entire lifeit probably does increase the chance of getting one though
>>221096212So you are just a disingenuous retard.I had severe temporary hearing loss and still have slight hearing loss above 8k, on one side.I used to be able to sit in absolute silence for hours.Now I cant lay in bed for a minute without hearing screeching.Go fuck yourself, with your brainlet assumptions.Or have someone almost deafen you and learn how a subjective sound can give you physical pain.
>character goes to bed>doesn't wake up with stinging, bloodshot blurry eyes>doenst wake up with the sensation of a hangover without drinkingHollywood is too unrealistic these days
>>221096317lucky you, shit sucks. I was one of those lucky kids that had to get tubes put in and if I got too much water in my ears I'd spark an ear infection. My sinuses and eustachian tubes are fucked in general though.
>>221096396Drink a glass of water before bed. Also you might sleep with your eyes open. I know I do it, or at least enough people have told me I do it that I have to take them at their word.
>>221096561my sister has been getting them repeatedly her entire life so I know how brutal they areI got plenty of other problems but my ears are always pristine for some reason
>>221096396bro that sounds like carbon monoxide poisoning get your fucking gas pipes tested ASAP
>>221092135I'm in my late 30s and only recently started doing this (some of the time, one of my ear canals isn't built for easy plugging), and it does help. I've always just lived with being an extremely light sleeper who gets awakened by the slightest thing, but it's really started to impact my memory and daily functioning as I've gotten older.
>>221092064That's just NEETs not washing their asses and have a high-fat diet which leads to very slow anal leakage.
>>221092135>put earplugs on>all I hear is my loud tinnitusNope
>>221096784could try having a loud fan on
>>221096810Yeah, even better just get a small air purifier and set it to max.
>character goes to bed>doesnt start hearing extremely loud noises like screams and explosions as he's falling asleep
>>221096396Yeah if you're running a heater check for carbon monoxide. You SHOULD already have a detector in your house by law. Carbon monoxide only happens when combusting.
>>221093888Why in God's name would you ever eat out a rando? Save that shit for your partner who you can trust wtf you sick faggot.
>>221096842Exploding head syndrome. Means you're probably not getting enough sleep. I would get this in the morning in my old house, would hear a loud ass doorbell ring, get up fast and check the front door with my eyes barely open only to see nobody is outside. Several times I asked if anybody heard the doorbell ring and it was a no so I looked it up. I think it's like a leakage of REM sleep symptoms into non REM sleep.
>character is able to fall asleep within minutes instead of taking half an hour or more>character wakes up full of vigor instead of stumbling around half-asleep
>>221096037You can hear loud stuff, they don't reduce 100% of sound, but you are very unlikely to be awakened by more typical noise that you'd easily hear without the plugs, like someone closing a door normally in a hallway 20 feet away. >>221096139There's a risk, maybe small, but I've been using them for eight years now, 0 problems. I do clean my ears every day just with fabric/water. I used to live in a city with real road noise too, fucking buses right out side. Whatever, if you queers need a little help sleeping try them out, some of the tough foam ones hurt though.
>character doesn't treat his dreams like zapping through tv channels because his years of fucked up sleeping messed up with his ability to remain fully asleep during dreams so he can just force himself to blink IRL to disrupt dreaming and then it's a new dream in 1 minute or so if he doesnt like itUnrealistic.
>>221092135>>221095622I just use a sound machine and crank the volume up on the burning campfire setting. Biggest sleep hack of my life
>>221096907I was drunk and I was trying to jumpstart my whiskey dick. Also everything else about her seemed clean and her pussy didn't stink. Sometimes you gotta give a hot slut you met at the club the ol' lickaroo bro don't judge me. I still fucked her too. Plus when I told my bros about it they started jokingly calling me Wormbeard the Pussy Pirate and still do sometimes so all in all it was a net positive. I've done worse things, like fatties, in a time of desperation.
>character doesn't wake up in the middle of the night completely unable to move and sees a creepy alien like figure at the foot of the bed
>>221092136cheer up, faggot
>character goes to bed>he doesn't have dreams where he falls asleep and then wakes up 3 times in a row in different places until he actually wakes up>or does he...
>>221092135>character doesn't have to sleep with forensic files playing in the background
>Character doesn't wrap his finger in tissue and jam it up his itchy asshole and scratch a deep itch that has been killing him all day and they don't grunt and moan because of how good finally getting that itch out of his shitpipe and forget that they are in the bathroom with the super thin door and air vent off of the kitchen where the whole family is eating and they can hear everything and when the character walks out after washing their hands their mom doesn't loudly say "WERE YOU MASTURBATING IN THERE AGAIN?" while the character's dad just shakes his head and their siblings laugh at them What is this unrealistic bullshit? If you're gonna make show set in real life make it realistic!
>>221096000i can’t sleep without listening to a specific conan the barbarian story bc of my crippling tinnitus.
>>221091725>character goes to bed>doesn't wake up 30 times through out the night gasping for air
>>221098586>Fatties worse than worm pussyNah nigga. Nah.
>>221098622His name is Glorpbert and he comes in peace and is checking on you if you need anything.
>character doesn't hope to die in his sleep as he lays down in bed>doesn't wake up 3-5 times a night to pee despite barely drinking anything before bed and feels like he never slept at all during the day
>>221099532Acid reflux or sleep apnea. Try sleeping on your side with a pillow between your knees and another under your arm, or try one of those wedge pillows so you are propped up on your back.
>>221099581Probably too much coffee or sugar, or carbs. (Otherwise check for diabetes if you're also really thirsty or have blurry vision after eating)
>>221095375You're trying too hard and you come across as a closet. Fingering your butthole with a thin paper towel is a lot gayer based on your bad logic.
>Character didn't just move to a city for work after living in the hills of their country for the rest of their lives and the elderly woman next door with night terrors doesn't wake them up four times a night because she is screaming "EL DIABLO! EL DIABLO EN MI CASA! JESUS CHRISTO POR FAVOR! EL DIABLOOOOOO!" then immediately falls asleep and starts snoring loudly while the main character lays awake wondering what the old lady could have possibly done or had happen in her past that makes her do thatFeels fantastico.
>>221099578I doubt it. He always looks angry and mean and I'm pretty sure he dragged me out of my bed once while red lights were shining through the window.
Having hemorroids fucking suck
>character wakes up in the middle of the night in severe pain >lets out a horrible fart that stinks bad and feels wet >doesn't immediately jump out of bed to be sure he doesn't shit his sheets
>>221099156>specific conan the barbarian storyWhich one?
>>221099640I only drink one cup of coffee in the morning, and I've been to a urologist and they didn't find anything abnormal. I don't really consume much sugar or excess carbs so I'm not sure what to do. I do have hypothyroidism but my levels are normal according to my doctor.
>>221091725>character goes to bed>brain doesn't remind him of something embarrassing he did in the past right as he is about to fall asleep
>she doesn't wake up in the middle of the night to stretch and get inflicted with a double charlie horse
>>221093546skidmarks>>221092064
>>221100045magnesium and water dood
>>221099799Pro tip: pay a hooker to rim your asshole and tell her you only enjoy it when she really sucks on your asshole and tongues it deep and to do it with a mouth full of cool mint listerine (has to be listerine Scope doesn't work for shit) and if she tries to refuse tell her she's not getting the other half of her money for fent if she doesn't if you partially paid up front or not getting paid at all. It burns like a motherfucker at first but then it feels amazing and basically kills the infection and hemorrhoids. Then use cotton balls soaked in witch hazel and peroxide if there is still any pain/itching/infection. It's like sucking the poison out of a snake bite and it will be the best $40 or so you ever spend. She can be a gutterslut, just make sure she uses the listerine, if you don't actually want to fuck her or get your dick sucked too. I found out about it after a whore I met in a hotel room that was literally drinking listerine because the beer stores were closed tongued my asshole without even asking, and Tucks pads (that's what they're called here in Canada no idea what they're called anywhere else but just search for witchazel cotton pads and add peroxide or just buy bottles of both and cotton pads/balls and soak them yourself) I found out about from my doc. Every few months when I get them I do that and within 48 hours it's like I have a pristine non itchy or painful asshole.
>>221100045YWNBAW troon.
>>221095262>>221095262kek, mice duels
>>221100075Can confirm witch hazel on cotton pads helps a lot and helps clean and shrink them. Cannot confirm having a crackwhore suck your butthole works though.
>>221100075>>221093888I hate every single one of you degenerate pieces of shit and I don't know why I keep coming back here.
>>221100666I'm glad you hate us all, Satan. That's a good thing. Enjoy sitting on your throne of lies and being the biggest punk bitch in history ever FAGGOT.
>>221092064This is true. Also, don't bite your nails.
Sometimes I think I can hear the radio when I lay in bed. Sometimes it's a song or broadcast I can't make out.
for me it's a loud cracking sound like my brain is cracking a single sort of organic sound like something has gone horribly wrong very disconcertingbut only happens once, about one night a month
>>221098622I always got sleep paralysis but never any humanoid at all.All my "figures" were like a 9 tentacled smoky eye or stuff like that.
>>221099770Are you drinking enough water? What color is your piss at night? If it's really dark you might be retaining a lot of stuff in your kidneys that should be getting flushed during the day.
>>221100856Unironically if you have braces or old dental fillings there's a possibility that you could pick up radio signals.
>>221100941Exploding head syndrome. >>221096938>>221099770That's just how they all look. He's being silly. Also meant for >>221100022
>>221096000I just have a white noise machine in my room thats always running
>>221100022>I don't really consume much sugar or excess carbsYou should be eating a ton of carbs and sugar if you're hypothyroid, you need to be doing everything you can to stimulate your metabolism.>my levels are normal according to my doctor.Most doctors don't know what the fuck they're talking about. The number one cause of death in most countries is medical malpractice. Are you taking supplemental thyroid hormones?
>>221091725My anus is sore and I think it's because I'm addicted to spicy food because I don't take cocks up my ass like you.
>>221091725ass worms from lazy wiping
>>221101100I was a kid when it last happened and have changed the amount of water I drink, but I also have hyperhidrosis so it could have been dehydration. I remember pissing in a cup when I was younger at the doctor and the nurse saying "Your urine shouldn't be that dark.". Of course nothing was ever done about it because 99% of medical "professionals" are fucking worthless but I later did my own research and started drinking tons of water and dressing all in black so my sweat wouldn't show as much. I'm thinking about having botox done or trying those new pills that shut down your sweat receptors but I recently moved to a super hot climate and I'm worried it will be a death sentence. >>221100976Mine was always an alien looking creature or black shadow. One time when I was really young, I think it was the first time I ever had it, it looked like that electricity monster from the original Scooby Doo episodes.
>>221092135sounds like a good way to get easily murdered if you can't sense your surroundings at all
>character goes to bed>doesn't immediately start humping his mattress in order to prone masturbate
>character goes to sleep>wakes up instead of dying.......
>>221101232Yes it's the capcin or whatever oil burning yet bum hole.>>221101301Nah man it's ok to sweat. It'll keep your skin looking young too and you'll be expelling tons of toxins. I swear a lot too and I always carry a clean cotton handkerchief in my back pocket to dab the sweat. Nobody who lives in a hot climate expects you to walk around dry, my dude. Also when you drink water do you sip it or chug it? Try sipping it so you absorb it more and it'll also help you retain water so you don't piss over and over from chugging.
>>221100856I heard the radio one time just from the dehumidifier running. I was on a couple Benadryl.
>>221100075>40$ hookersfucking hell i'm jealous for that amount i can get maybe bj from 5/10 tops
>>221096037lol i haven't been woken by my alarm since high school, i just go to bed at 10 and get up early
>>221100856Tends to happen after a way drawn out bender.
>>221091725>>his anus doesn't instantly become itchyright after you go prone? uh, might wanna see a doctor, theres meds for worms you know
One time I was getting over being sick and I was shitting into a pringles can because I was too lazy to go to the bathroom and when I looked in the can I got terrified because I saw a ton of bloody worms, but then I realized I had eaten pasta and my body still wasn't processing food and had just evacuated it out the back door instead of digesting it. Pretty scary fifteen minutes though. I almost called the amberlamps.
>>221100856That used to happen to me a lot when I was a teen to early 20s. Sounded like talk radio or talk TV, but you can't make out the words. Other times it was a static that vaguely sounded like music. And if you moved your head at all to try and pinpoint a source, it went quiet. It slowly went away but it bothered me for a little while. I looked it up at the time and read a theory about how it's your brain trying to declutter things it overheard (like radio or TV in the background). But since you weren't paying attention, it doesn't actually know the words, just vague patterns. >>221101137This is apparently a true phenomenon that I also read about. But you'd have to have the old metal type of fillings. I haven't seen those on anyone IRL except old people.
>>221102263>except old peopleDefine old people. Tread lightly.
>character goes outside
