So what would your ideal adaption of Homer's Odyssey look like?
>>221846557>Agamemnon: (Standing atop a mound of looted tapestries, arms spread wide, gazing toward the Anatolian interior) "Look at it, Odysseus! The dawn of a new empire! Troy is ashes, but the horizon is ours. Yes, the men are scattered across the hills, but they are merely seeding the land with Mycenaean blood. I will build a new capital here. A grander palace! We shall subdue the Phrygians, press the Carians into service, and march all the way to the edges of the known world!">Odysseus: (Slouched on a broken chariot wheel, staring blankly at the sand, slowly pouring a handful of pebbles from one palm to the other)>Agamemnon: (Pacing excitedly, gesturing to the smoke rising from distant, unauthorized raids) "Let the lesser kings crawl back to their rocky islands. We have outgrown Greece! The men aren't deserting; they are establishing outposts! Tomorrow, I shall issue a decree. I will command them to gather at the river, and we shall forge an empire that will make the gods themselves tremble with envy! What say you, King of Ithaca? Shall we write our names across the heavens?">Odysseus: (Stops letting the pebbles fall. He doesn't look up, his voice completely flat, utterly devoid of anger, just exhausted.)>Odysseus: "You really are god's perfect idiot, aren't you?"
>>221846557Every male actor must have at least 7 inches.Every female actress must have DDs.No trannies.
>>221846557If Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert produced an Odyssey movie in the late 90s, that's what I'd want it to look like
>>221846557Xochitl as Helen of Troy
>>221846946>No trannies.Shut the fuck up, you don't speak for this board.
>>221846997Obviously completely unfitting casting but at least she doesn't look like a chimpanzee
THE ODYSSEY: RISE OF ITHACAEXT. OPEN SEA – DAYA Greek warship limps across calm water. The mast is patched together with rope, shields, and what appears to be someone's dining table.The exhausted crew rows in silence.SAILOR #1...Is it weird that I miss getting shot with arrows?SAILOR #2At least arrows have the decency to come from one direction.At the helm, ODYSSEUS studies the horizon.ODYSSEUSQuiet.The crew immediately freezes.EURYLOCHUSWhy "quiet"?ODYSSEUSBecause every time the ocean gets this peaceful, something enormous tries to eat us.Beat.A fish jumps.Everyone SCREAMS.ODYSSEUSOkay... that one was on all of us.The sea suddenly bubbles.SAILOR #2Nope.The bubbling gets worse.SAILOR #2 (CONT'D)Absolutely nope.A GIGANTIC TENTACLE erupts from the water and slams onto the deck.The ship tilts violently.Everyone slides into one another.EURYLOCHUSI hate this job.Another tentacle appears.Then another.SAILOR #1How many arms does this thing have?A monstrous voice echoes from below.SEA MONSTER (O.S.)ENOUGH.SAILOR #1That... wasn't the answer I wanted.The creature rises—a towering sea beast with glowing eyes and far too many teeth.It stares directly at Odysseus.SEA MONSTERODYSSEUS.ODYSSEUSThat's me.Beat.ODYSSEUS (CONT'D)...You don't happen to have the wrong ship?The monster ROARS.ODYSSEUSDidn't think so.He draws his sword.The blade is noticeably chipped.He looks at it.Looks at the monster.Looks back at the sword.
ODYSSEUSYou picked an incredible day to become decorative.The monster swings a tentacle.Odysseus ducks.The tentacle SMASHES the mast in half.Everyone watches it fall.Silence.EURYLOCHUSPretty sure we needed that.ODYSSEUSIt's fine.EURYLOCHUSHow?ODYSSEUSI haven't figured that part out yet.Odysseus grabs a rope and swings dramatically toward the monster.Halfway there—The rope SNAPS.He drops straight into the water.A long beat.The crew stares over the side.SAILOR #2...EURYLOCHUSShould... should we pretend that was intentional?Odysseus bursts back out of the water, gasping.ODYSSEUSNew plan!A giant wave immediately slaps him in the face.He disappears again.Beat.He pops back up.ODYSSEUS (CONT'D)Still workshopping it!The sea monster laughs.Actually laughs.SEA MONSTERYOU ARE THE MAN WHO DEFEATED TROY?ODYSSEUSIn my defense, Troy stayed on land.The crew collectively nods.
SAILOR #1He's got a point.Odysseus climbs back aboard, soaked.He reaches into a storage crate.Pulls out......a massive bronze spear glowing with divine light.Everyone blinks.EURYLOCHUSYou've had that this entire voyage?ODYSSEUSYeah.EURYLOCHUSAnd you waited until NOW?ODYSSEUSI was saving it.EURYLOCHUSFor what?!ODYSSEUSA special occasion.He gestures toward the sea monster.ODYSSEUS (CONT'D)This feels pretty special.He hurls the spear.It streaks across the sky like lightning and strikes the monster between the eyes.BOOM.The creature explodes into a tidal wave that drenches everyone.Silence.A fish lands on Odysseus' head.He slowly removes it.The fish stares at him.He stares back.ODYSSEUSLong trip?The fish flops away.The crew bursts into relieved laughter.Then thunder rolls overhead.Dark clouds gather.A colossal silhouette holding a TRIDENT forms within the storm.Everyone looks up.Everyone immediately looks back down.SAILOR #2If we don't make eye contact, maybe he'll leave.A bolt of lightning vaporizes the front of the ship.SAILOR #2 (CONT'D)...He saw us.Odysseus sighs.ODYSSEUSPoseidon.The clouds rumble.ODYSSEUS (CONT'D)You ever consider a hobby?The storm instantly becomes twice as violent.
EURYLOCHUSWhy do you keep provoking gods?ODYSSEUSBecause apparently apologizing isn't working either.The ship charges into the storm.EURYLOCHUSOne day we're going to have a normal voyage.Everyone looks at him.Then bursts out laughing.CUT TO BLACK.
>>221846946Why do you need to see male dong?
>>221846557source?
>>221846557Blaxploitation setting in 1970s New York. Black Odysseus must return to his native Harlem after switching up a rival hood in Detroit. Driving home in his Lincoln Continental, Black Odysseus encounters many foes, like an evil she-devil White woman (Circe), tweakers on bath salts (Laestrygonians), and suburban kids (Lotus Eaters). Telemachus played by Kevin Hart.
>>221846557kill yourself, advertiser.
>>221848512I can dig it.
None of you chuddy niggas knew about the Odyssey before this movie was announced.Stop pretending you care about Greek culture and just admit you are shitting on the movie because you are addicted to culture war bullshit.
It's an animated movie depicting painted Greek vase figures fucking each other in the ass for 172 mins.
>>221851255Everyone knows it because of the story of the trojan horse and achilles but whatever you say
>>221851339>the story of the trojan horse and achilles but whatever you sayThat's the Iliad, not the Odyssey. Thank for proving my point
>>221851379No one cares, its the same shit. Literally its in the movie
>>221851393>No one caresExactly, none of you uncultured chuds care about Greece and its history. You just want to criticize the movie because it has black people on it.
>>221851469We care about historical accuracy and being true to Homers vision. Greeks back then had blonde hair and pale skin
For one thing it would have authentic Greek people and zero minorities
>>221851563Greek people today aren't related to the Greeks of Troy
>>221851516>We care about historical accuracy I doubt since you are only complaining about the black actors, if you cared about accuracy you'd also demand Nolan to also get rid of the Anglo actors and replace them with Greeks.>being true to Homers visionHow would you know what Homer's vision is, if you dont even know the difference between the Iliad and the Odyssey?
>>221851622Thats not true, the 2004 was plently historically accurate and it wasn't that hard for them
>>221846997Should actually be a European but an attractive Mestiza is preferable to the uggo in Nolan’s Oddity.
>>22184655790's Hercules/Xena. In fact I want all my fantasy to look like that.
>>221847040She looks more chimpy than nolans. Have you ever seen her smile? lmao
>>221846557It would look like an 80s fantasy portrait come to life and it wouldn't remove any of the sex or violence Also the cast would be reasonably Greek looking but have no Greeks or jeets in it
>>221846997What's wrong with her face?Is it always like that? Did her mom drink while she was pregnant?
>>221848512I would watch the shit out of this
>>221848512Isn't that just The Warriors?
>>221846557It would be extremely painful.
>>221846557basically master and commander: the odyssey
the tv miniseries was passable enough
