jonah hill? thats the fat guy from superbad right?
He could beat me up but I'd definitely end up with his lunch money.
>now fall atop me and I shall destroy youI'd just punch him and he'd cry
jew
>>222267981>jew-jitsu? lmao
>>222268216He never recovered from this
>>222267981Why are blue belts like this
>>222267981Everyone has a plan until they're punched in the mouth.
>>222267981
>monsieur jonah i... i was merely joking, please, no, AAAGGGHH NOT THE HEEL HOOK
>>222268597If he dared strike a bitch there would be piles of simps he'd have to "annihilate" until he finally was felled from exhaustion and crushed under simp shoes.
>did i ever tell ya about my good friend Jonah Feldtlstein?? Oh man that guy was badass and a real one. He was a 10x black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and he'd knock your head clean off if you challenged him. He also surfer 8 hours a day so he was a beast on the water too. That's what makes a true Navy SEAL he was a combat option in every terrain. That's why we respect em on /tv/ yo
>>222268651Gotta say I was skeptical but if our local burning legend here says he's ok that's good enough for me.
>>222267981I'd bet that this Jew cannot do a pull up.
>>222267981Is every other celebrity now doing BJJ so they can do some form of martial arts, without having to get punched in the face?
>>222267981He's not annihilating anyone with that attitude. That French interview really fucked with his head. Never seen an actor so gotten to, he changed his entire look at life, even almost decades later.
>>222267981This has "What are you going to do, shoot me?" vibes. Dudes going to get beat up on the street.
>>222267981Type of dude to get turned into a fat pretzel
if he assaults me i'll perforate him
>>222267981Jonah Hill’s celebrity flow grappling, in a small weak willed jewish beta male body, vs an angry man from any of the physically non pathetic races would be a fascinating fight. Imagine him, arguing with a naturally athletic, but untrained and mentally subnormal black man, who says “man shut the fuck up superbitch!”.Jonah will then erupt “I’ll fuck you up, I know Jujitsu now!”. Assuming the black man doesn’t escalate to a hidden weapon, and the fight remains one on one, then it will be fascinating. Jonah should take the win on skill alone. He will know how to wrap up and pull guard, and how to transition to several real working submissions. But my prediction is he’d choke, and the brother would use his chicken wing “boxing” guard and clumsy overhand haymakers to win the day. Any anons feel free to chime in why I’m wrong. But at the end of the day, we don’t know until we see it happen, and that’s probably six months away at least, on his current schedule of sanity decline.
>>222268924We've all seen his training video, if the black guy dutifully lies down when prompted so jonah can "submit" him then jonah stands a real chance.
>>222268924I'd bet a single dollar on a wild ethnic haymaker jumpstarting his fat production, causing him to rapidly balloon like an aviation liferaft and cushion his fall before he hits the pavement.
Isnt jew jutsu abbout defense ans grabbing? How would he fuck 3 Guys Up with Tag?I bet he has a glassjaw too
>>222267981U MAD?
>>222267981>looks jewish, sounds jewish, behave jewish>Jonah Hill Feldsteinlike a clock
>>222269027It's also bullshit in a real streetfight.>uh let me just slam us both into the pavement, nothing bad ever happens from being on the ground in streetfight
>>222268810This
>>222267981Depending on his belt level, he might be right.But considering his attitude, I'd say he's still white belt. Just enough knowledge to think he's dangerous, but not enough to not get run over by a haymaker swanging ragemode retard.
>>222269070It's not bullshit, but it's vulnerable to being ganged up on.If you actually get a 1v1, you're going to win unless he pulls a knife or something. The concrete isn't an issue, adrenaline lets you ignore it.
>>222267981cool, now he will spend the rest of his life fantasizing about hurting people in front of him if they don't agree
>>222269070jujitsu is judo for people afraid of dynamic takedowns after all. it’s why they pull guard. the idea of being hip tossed terrifies them. it’s a flow state art for the non athletic. maybe a decade in you can finally get a little dangerous. the grappling equivalent of karate. because athletes do judo, or boxing, where their fast twitch explosiveness makes them a real threat to almost everyone maybe one year in to training max.
>>222267981Is that the fat guy from the Hangover? He was soooo funny
>>222269203I'm sure you're enjoying your jiu jitsu hobby but i dont believe you. 3 weeks of boxing > 3 years of jiujitsu in a streetfight
>>222269250The context with this stuff is always vs. likely untrained attackers.When you bring other training into it's always gonna be more murky. This is why you shouldn't just do one martial art. BJJ + Muay Thai or boxing. Personally, Combat Sambo(with gi) + Judo is the peak, ideal street combat preparation.
>>222267981Maybe I'll go easy with the Jonah posting from now on...
>>222269310sounds like you agree almost completely with me>>222269236by the way a stud athlete who could keep up with and succeed in combat sambo could skip all the feel good vibrational nonsense and the “no strength flow training” stuff bjj pedals to it’s unimpressive clientele, and get the useable bits down in a couple of years. again the karate comparison is apt. if a karate man wants to learn muay thai he has to drop his faggotronics and start from the ground up. a muay thai man could just be taught the five or so nasty tricky kicks karate has to offer, and skip years of katas, which are a desperate attempt to let the physically mediocre figure out their right from their left. it might be six months of stretching (less if he already likes high kicks and or/is naturally flexible), then a two month intensive course. no amount of seething can change this.
>>222267981He fell for the joe rogan meme
>martial arts mentioned>fa/tv/irgins who'd die if you gave them a mean look suddenly turn into expert street fightersYou're supposed to make fun of the fat jew, not match him in patheticness you cringy LARPers
imagine existing as jonah hill
Say it again.
>>222267981>highly successful actor whose material needs are completely satisfied and he can seemingly do whatever he wantshe wants>has a pathetic inferiority complex about not being taken seriously which ironically results in him not being taken seriously
>>222267981Test
>>222269483Jokes on you I have severe anger management problems, and have been in many violent altercations
>>222267981What did you say, jewboy?
>>222269492Jonah proves that money can't buy you happiness
>>222269483martial arts might be the number one most larped thing. meanwhile if you meet someone actually good at martial arts they will never brag at all.
>>222267981He's still such an insecure faggotWhy lose all that weight and learn how to fight if it won't give you any true confidence in yourself
>>222267981I hope not all ex fat people are this insecure. People who are socially retarded, have zero friends/pussy, poor as dirt, fat as fuck, short as hell, even midgets seem to have more self esteem than Jonah Hill. That French bitch mind broke him lmao.
>>222267981He's exactly like Steve O. Got healthy and went from a likable dude to an insufferable little cunt.Some people should stay on drugs forever or be fat forever.
Okay.Go to website.
>>222267981Jiu look like you smell bad
>>222270024Well being a skater didn’tAnd being a surfer didn’tAnd being a “serious” actor didn’tAnd being a sneaker bro didn’t And being a weed bro didn’t But surely being a martial artist will
>>222267981who would win in a fight, jonah hill or jon bernthal?
>>222270284Kek I would pay top dollar to see that
>>222270284thats tuff
>>222269956>they will never brag about itThat comes from the understanding that no matter how good you are someone else can always be better, or have a knife, a gun, or 6 friends you don’t know about. You have to get hit in the head a lot to internalize a preternatural avoidance to street fights. But newbies like Jonah always get a false ego because they assume because they learned to strike or roll with some other overcompensating accountant they’re now the tough guy
>>222270284The lawyers theyd both hire after getting a scrape on their knees.
>>222268745makes them feel badass without the absurd conditioning every other combat sport requires, and without getting punched in the faceno one’s telling them they’ll feel it in their joints in a few years instead
>>222270341Jonah is an even bigger faggot about it because he doesn’t even go to a gym, let alone compete like Tom Hardy or Zuck.He just rolls with his faggy private coach, and without the mandatory experience of getting folded by a 45 years old polish construction worker you develop that kind of ego.
How is he so fucking unlikeable? I remember when the Ornella thing came out everyone was on his side and then he just completely fucked all the good will he was given by being an annoying weird twirp.
>>222269496You can see the insecurity and pain in his eyes.
>>222268134He prefers Jonah Feldstein, or else.
>>222270499IDK if you’ve seen the clip OPs pic is from but he’s talking with will Arnette and Jason Bateman about how he could totally crush them, then he gets weird and says “the next guy who says ‘aren’t you the fat guy from Superbad’ is in for a world of hurt”. He isn’t even in a striking sport for Christ sakes, nor has he done manual labor a day in his life. He’s in for a world of hurt if he decides to pick a street fight, which he won’t, because he’s a giant pussy
>>222268216OH NO NO NO NO WE NEED MORE TIME
Martial arts seems fine in a ring but I don't understand what stops a random guy on the street from crushing his opponent's instep, or windpipe, or eyeball, etc etc
>>222267981Bjj is made for people afraid to be punched in the face. That easy. All these delusions end when the first punch connects
Jonah is basically a lolcow
>>222267981Is there a link to this whole thing? Nothing on youtube just a interview from 3 months ago
The only way he would fuck someone up is if he had a weight advantage and he lost that even though he's still the fat guy lol.
>>222269496Look at those girly hands, he's not doing shitl with those paws.
>>222270186MORETIME!
>>222267981>*Make fart sound*>UH OOOOOHH! STINKYYY!>Poop>Ahahahahahaha>Poop poop poop poop poop poop poop, funny>Tee, hee, hee>UH OOOOH>I think you made a poopie!>Poop in pants, no diaper, that's funny!>Hahahahahahahahaha>Oopsie, poopy underwear now>Hee heehee>We want poopies>We want poopies>Hahahahahahahah>Hahahahahahahahahaha>Hahahaha>Poohoohoo-ah *cough*>Poop!
>>222271103Jiu Jitzu is fucked for street fighting, it’s a grappling asked art that doesn’t deal with striking. You’re guard might work in a controlled environment but also might have you hitting the back of your head against concrete and won’t really have an answer for someone thumbing your eye, pulling out a blade or having 3 guys start head stomping you when you try to crabwalk their buddy. It was very efficient in early Wild West MMA like 90s UFC when facing a bunch of guys who primarily trained in one style (and when you dress in a gi and use it as a weapon against opponents who aren’t wearing clothes you can choke somebody with)But in the modern era everyone who trains MMA is going at multiple disciplines that will include striking and a ground game. Jonah is also like 5’6 and is at a disadvantage against 90% of people who engage in a street fight by just being tiny. He’s probably way too much of a scared fag to ever start a fight, but if he does he’s gonna wind up dead or crippled
>>222270271What do you think the next thing will be? I'm going with failed Alpaca rancher next or some shitty alcohol product.
>>222271659I dont know why but I think he's going to make coffee his next thing.Start talking about the right pressure for optimal consistency and all that.Maybe even pretend to be barrista for a few days.
>>222268597Only way for Jonah to get his esteem back is to have deep, discreet, consensual sex with her. That's the only way he's gonna heal.
I would flatten every cunt itt if I met you on the street.
>>222270024Dick cavett once said fame is the most harsh on the young because it warps their whole worldview. Essentially Jonah is still the fat kid from Superbad, because that’s when he became famous and that’s when he stop developing. It’s really hard to grow as a person when you are already successful, so he’s spent the last 20 years glomming on to weird superficial identities a teenager would think are cool>skater guy>weed guy>surfer guy>Dicaprio orbiterAnd now>MMA DoucheMe and Jonah are the same age and I stopped thinking about outside perceptions of me and ceased acting affected somewhere in my mid to late 20s, which shockingly led me to a wife and kids and general feeling of content. He’s too warped by his fame to ever reach that because fame has made him hyper aware of other people’s perception of him and given him false hope that he is in charge of the way people view him. So he keeps adopting new personas he thinks will finally make him cool to a general audience, which won’t work, because he will always be the fat kid from Superbad.
>>222268216/threadstein
>>222271659Some guy on the last thread said “Napoleonic wargamer” and that would be my pick if I could choose. But my guess is he’s to start walking around with an acoustic guitar
Brazilian JuJitsu legit looks like gay rape. It was created by a jap named Mitsuyo Maeda, who learned early-phase Judo from its founder (Jigoro Kano). However, Maeda was expelled from Japan for 2,400 acts of forced public homosexuality. So, he took his manraping skills to the jungles of Brazil, hoping to rape many exotic species in the rainforest. One day, while chasing monkeys, he found the Gracie brothers. I dont have to tell you what happened next. Rather than run away, the gracies decided to become his students, becoming proficient in the arts of homosexual rape. When their training was complete, Maeda excreted a 4-foot long turd on each of their tests, telling them it was their "brown belt." All the elder gracies still have those giant Rio steamers, in glass cases on their walls, as heirlooms to be passed on to their descendants. Truly, brazilian ju jitsu has a glorious history.
>>222271659It will be something a 19 year old thinks is cool, so he’s gonna try to be a Thompson style gonzo journalist but never write anything and just be drugged put of his mind
>>222267981Jiu jitsu is a meme. To its credit it does allow guys who don't have a fighting bone in their body to overachieve in MMA. If you watch MMA enough you'll see these memejitsu guys meme themselves into fights that they have no place being in. They take a few punches in the face, and go all wide eyed. They shit their pants when their little tricks don't work. Always fun to see memejitsu nerds fraud themselves to a heeming.
>>222271659He's gonna pretend to be really into 40k and try to strike up a fiendship with cavill but hes just going to get relentlessly mocked for always picking shitty armies and not painting them himself
>>222269496why is dying his hair and beard like a fat homo
could Jonah Hill defeat Andrew Tate in a fight though?
>>222271852He’s gonna play Tau and just commission all his mini painting
>>222271880Because he’s 14 emotionally and this was a look in 1998
>>222267981>learns jewish martial arts to... fight people who remember him for his most memorable role???did he consider just getting another memorable role?
>>222271898Nah as fake as rates bonefides and as many times cans as he fought, he at least has been hit in the face enough to power through a strike. Jonah is going to crumble to the ground the moment he takes a hit to the face
dunking on jonah seems to be one of /tv/s favorite hobbies
>>222271841>tfw when the heemer becomes the heemed topuria-sama....
>>222271841>OH MY GUARD!
>>222269445Dude has fell for every affected meme personality there is
>>222271131Ain’t no basically about it
>>222271659Well he's stupid, and rich, and getting old, he's probably surrounded by fakes and betters, so whatever it is has to be something that an old faker would do to make him happy. Not too much effort, not too little, probably has to be pretty quick on the turnaround as far as dopamine goes. Does he have a podcast? Did he do that already? Probably gets super into Hollyweird and gets a bunch of D and C listers to putter around a podcast with him for a few months.
i hope his next personality is a breakdancer. imagine jonah busting out some windmills
You spent years calling Jonah Hill a fat slob. He loses the weight, gets jacked, and you're still making threads about him. Same with Kumail. I thought /tv/ respected self improvement, but apparently it only counts when it isn't woke.Keep coping. Keep coping while pretending this isn't insecurity..
>>222272296He's still seething>respected self improvementThat's more of a you thing prajesh
>>222272296I still prefer a serious actor, Jonah.
>>222272371Moneyball and war dogs exist
>>222267981GET THAT FRENCH COCKSUCKER
>>222272436Doesn't he play a fat clown in both of those
>>222272296>improvementJumping from fake persona to fake persona isn’t improvement
>>222267981>instead of looking like a fat guy, he looks like that type that gets into fistfights over Pokemon cards at TargetThis is an improvement...............?
>>222272296And he's still going on tv crying about internet comments so we win. The entire point of bullying is to make a sperg upset to the point of changing or ending their life.
>>222272460What else would he be cast as
>>222267981He wants to fight three guys at the same time? With jiu jitsu? Even with some combo of boxing + wrestling for takedown defence those are shit odds, but jiu jitsu is particularly bad against multiple opponents.>>222268745Iirc, Machado even had some celebrity course which was specifically there to avoid possible injuries to the face.
>>222269929Or a personality
>>222272246Woodworking
>>222272296> You spent years calling Jonah Hill a fat slobPeople called him the fat guy from Superbad. People make fun of him because he’s an affected manchild who would learn BJJ (poseur core, fake and gay btw) to fight people that call him the fat guy from superbad
>>222272934That always seemed like a nice hobby
>>222273057If bjj wasn't legit joe rogan wouldn't advertise it
>>222267981he should have just embraced being a fat rich fuck and chill instead of getting psycho like this. its always the fat guys who lose weight that become so unlikable. i had a friend fat as fuck, i started this guy to cycling, fast forward some years he became an actual cyclist going to races and shit and he is the most annoying, dislikable, piece of shit ever. he used to be funny and fun to be around.
>>222267981I can understand being annoyed at the >fat guy from Superbad comments But man he is just pathetic
>>222273172I know you're joking but the guy thinks that a gorilla could defeat 100 men in a fight, he's literally retarded and I don't understand how anybody takes him seriously
>>222267981Is he on roids yet?
>>222268924Dawg just look at the guy. Do you seriously think he's ever taken a hit or got into an actual confrontation in his life?
>>222272934Nah he wouldn't like that. You need to take a lot of time and care and fail a bunch before you're good, then also it's a pretty solitary hobby. Jonah needs something loud and visible that he thinks will get people talking. I would recommend becoming a juggalo, but Jonah hasn't answered my texts in hours.
>>222273660Because you think he would seriously do it.Really he would just get a whole new flannel wardrobe and talk about the best ways to sharpen axes or whatever without ever setting foot in a forest or touching any wood.
>>222273715Oh yeah if that's the case then I think he might still get bored with it because nobody is going to listen to him talk about wood whether he's sincere or not. If he's allowed to fake it he should become a real life Hammond from Jurassic Park and buy an island and fill it with rare monkeys. He doesn't really have to do anything, he doesn't have to visit the island, but he could yap everyone's ears off about the island and the monkeys and actually no because he would be a jew with an island, those optics are bad. He should just pretend to get really into retro gaming.
>>222273752>sir, another iced mocha latte cinnamon matcha frappucino has hit the pavement
>>222273752That iced mocha called him the fat guy from Super Bad
>>222267981OH N-
>>222273939this picture was from when he surfed around Cape Horn for his chest tattoo
Afraid yet, /tv/?
>>222273857>get really into retro gaming.That's even worse because all it takes is for him to run into an interviewer or celebrity that happens to like whatever obscure uncslop he pretends to like and out-nerd him
>>222269496>You 36 and in a karate class
>>222274042If he was smart or had an ounce of social wits about him he would just say something like "wow I had no idea, that's really cool!" and accept that he's still learning
>>222269496Those are the hands of a person that never did any actual work in his life lmao
>>222274013I really thought they were just going to bro hug on the ground, then it felt like they should have kissed, there's just no aggression here whatsoever
Barking dogs don't bite
>>222270284Elliot Page
BJJ is effective as a non violent way to overpower someone else. But BJJ doesn't work if your opponent doen't play along.UFC has shown that in a real fight most positions leave you vulnerable to getting hit
OH N-
>>222274381Whenever I see people demonstrate BJJ I always think I'm missing something because my first thought is always something like "why isn't the other guy raining hammer fists into the back of the tackler's neck"
>>222272934>hey jonah!>I heard you spend your free time polishing your wood!
>>222271898Anyone can beat up andrew tate, he lost his last fight against a retard that doesn't know how to fight
>>222274444That's when he throws his semen at her like that inmate did to that lady detective in the Silence of the Lambs, and we all clap
>>222274013zero explosiveness, power, or leverage behind his movementsguys been yes-manned in his gym into thinking he's actually dangerous. your average middle school JV wrestler would demolish him
>>222270876the fuck is a twirp? sounds like tranny lingo
>>222274198>He isn't a goypc so he is bad
>>222267981Can't these people just not do interviews holy shit everything they say is embarrassing
>>222274013Afraid of a fat jew trying to fuck me?
>>222268216MOTO JIKAN
>>222269015kek
>>222274563?
>>222274613>Play wrestling with Jonah Hill because he pays 12 thousand an hour>Pretend to go to the ground under Jonah's weak ass game >Jonah starts pulling your pants down>"Jonah, what the FUCK, man?">"Sorry, sorry. Muscle memory kicked in. Let's reset."
>>222274013Literally shaking rn
>>222267981Fuck up you fat jew
>>222274525because BJJ has become a commercially driven enterprise and cult like Crossfit. You go to a McDojo and roll around for a while and feel good about yourself. Then you walk onto the street and get KO'd by a regular guy with natural athleticism.
>>222267981Could he beat al bundy?
>>222267981Ah the fat fuck wants to get shot got it
>>222269496logan paul's scrawny jewish cousin
>>222267981Years later and he's still haunted
I wouldn't fuck him up
>>222267981can I get a link of the video where he says this?I want to feed off the energy of the comment section
>>222269532good summary of the situation. Yeah, we get it, people know you as a fat loser who they laugh at. Instead of just embracing it with class and enjoying the good fortune of being a rich celebrity with a wife and kids... he goes around doing these stunts like dying his hair and blabbing about his karate skills like a total desperate loser.I'll never respect someone who changes their birth name and rejects their lineage to appeal to hollywood, anyways.
>>222273172>Tae Kwon do as a kid>BJJ as an adultHe really the king of strip mall martial arts
>>222273715100% what I was envisioning
>>222273980Holy fucking Christ lolAll to get cucked by his surfer princess
>>222274013He’s gonna try this on the street and be completely befuddled as to why he is getting punched on repeat and why everything didn’t go the same as when he practiced it lol
>>222274835yeah people need to watch cm punk's """"fights"""" to see how utterly useless and potentially harmful even top level training is if you have zero athletic aptitude/ability, and i would bet punk is GSP compared to jonah
