What would you do if you were in this situation?
>>222768610probably stay in the tent and goonwouldn't smoke weed tho, too much paranoia
>>222768610I would listen, and that's what no one did
Why did they simply not beat up the Blair witch? If two of them ganged up on her they could easily fuck her up. She might be a witch but she's still an old lady. That's what I would do, I'd just run up to her and beat her up (but then again I am strong and brave)
>>222768726wtf that's like beating up ur own mom, you can't hit a lady u fag
>>222768610Not kick the map into the creek.
>>222768610Die i guess. From what i remember time doesn't really pass and they can't leave
>>222768610I would give the witch an offering or ask for an audience and try to join her cause or something.
>>222768610Fuck the witch
>>222768795What about heather
>>222768759You are allowed to in self defense and I think the witch is trying to get you to do gay stuff so it's acceptable
Curbstomp the faggot that kicked the map into the river
>>222768726this, if you're even slightly afraid just grab some rocks to throw at her, or even grab some sticks to hit her while keeping your distance, when she's down grab a rock and pop her skull open with it
>>222768610Rape the witch
>>222768726just cast your own spells back on her. you just mumble some dumb shit and tie some sticks together, it's not complicated
burn the forest
i would have narrated to the bitter end just like heather.
>>222768610I would jump really high, like far above the treeline. Citizens from all nearby towns would be like "Huh? Did you see that? Must've been my imagination" so basically I'd land with both legs smashed and nobody would call for help and nothing would change. It was all im vain
>>222769027hi vain i'm mike
>>222768671>>222768726You won't get it until you find yourself in a pitch black darkness in a remote place, with a long way to the nearest place with street lights.At some point you and your buddies get quiet and start to listen. Do you know what kind of sound is alarming in darkness? Any. Do you know how often do you see something unsettling in the flashlight? All the time.The paranoia slowly sets in and you will get a full blown panic and descent into insanity as soon as the 2nd guy joins the most scared one.
>>222769826what if i just pull my cock out and start shouting to the witch while violently jerking off?
>>222769870If they ever remake the movie (again), this is how the witch should be defeated
>>222768610For one thing, I'd make sure to blow my nose fairly often.
>>222768610Night: make a large fire, make sure there's always 2 people awake at the time.Day: follow the river, you will eventually reach the civilization
>>222769870You wouldn't be in a mood to get hard.
I get really irritated when characters in such movies act so irrational. I get that tiredness, hunger and whatnot psychological effects will impair your judgement but come on. Try to come up with solutions using logic!How about following the creek for a while. Surely that will get you to some human settlement. Why is this not even a suggestion? I want characters who can logically, even scientifically analyze the situation they are in. Very little of this was in the Cube but what else?If I was one of the characters I would try to bend the mechanics in the same situation (of course if I could keep my composure), start a fire for example, burn down the forest.
>>222770000They were urban libshits, that kind of people who get lost in a large park. What do you expect.
What happened in the end of this movie?
>>222770214Its a "found footage" horror movie where the camera man dies. camera man walks in on what the rumors say about how people die when the witch kills them.
>>222768610i would rent the sequel (fan edit)
>>222768671
>>222770000They do follow the creek and it just loops them back to where they started. They were trapped in an endless forest dimension by that point.
>>222768768>>222768899The map was useless.
I would not be in that situation because I would have respected the woods and the witch. They only got fucked with because they kicked the rocks and stole a talisman.
>>222768858
>>222768726Wait I thought it was some rando killer using the blair witch as a cover.
Mary Brown was the witch btw
>>222771078the chicken sandwich lady?
>>222770000This, are there any horror movies where the characters make rational, reasonable decisions the entire time?
>>222768671/thread
>>222768780It do be like that
Nothing, you're fucked. You can't leave because the witch warps the woods to intentionally lose people.
Shoot incendiary bullets in the forestPost on /k/ afterwards
>>222768784Yeah that’s kinda cool but she’d probably monkey paw you or whatever
I'd call the police
>>222768610I've been in witch/curse situations before, the solution is to stick close to people.>look upChristopher Case
>>222771685Cabin in the Woods
>>222768726There is no Blair Witch
>>222770534We'll never know, will we? Because some chubby bitch kicked it into the creek.
>>222771938Yes there is I met her
>>222768610Pick a direction and start sprinting until I eventually end up back at my house
>>222768610went to Best Buy and purchased a video camera with higher quality/resolution
>>222768610Stand in a corner unmoving.
I would have brought a gun
>>222768610Leave lolAfter we found organized piles of rocks that somehow haven’t been fucked with after decades I would be like fuck that thats nuts
>>222769986You underestimate my power.
>>222768610As an experienced outdoorsman, I'd already know the lay of the land and I'd have at least two firearms and enough supplies/implements that would allow me to live for quite some time. I'd also just start the forrest on fire to get some eyes on the situation at hand
>>222769969Night: increasingly invasive encounters with weird freaky shit you have no capacity to fight against, these things never even allow you to see them, only hearNight: somehow despite following the river you pass the same landmarks repeatedly in a loop
I would order a pizza, suck her dick, murder her in a gruesome way. Ding Dong. Shit, almost forget the pizza! "Come on in guy lemme grab my wallet"The delivery guy begins to notice the blood splatter and signs of a struggle. He looks nervous. Quickly suck his dick. He is frightened, aroused, and confused. When he sees the cocked and locked Colt 1911, he begins to mutter "I'm not even gay" Yeah, whatever faggot. Me neither. Shoot him in the face. Just a day in the life of a West Virginia Playa.>pic unrel
>>222771685>1408I just figured why it's one of the more entertaining horror films for me. Could never put my finger on it.
>>222771078Would have just shot this bitch and posted the footage to rotten.com
>>222772841Except for the part where John Cusack actually goes into the evil supernatural room that killed everyone who stepped into it because he wants to prove it's all bull. It's the right balance of practical and stupid.
>>222768610the first and only thing I thought of when I saw this thumbnail was that meme/emoji of the retarded cat with the human teeth, I think it's called "xD" or some shit. Also no I will not contribute to this discussion
>>222768610burn the forest down
>>222772362Such an experienced outdoorsman that you spell "forest" with two R's.
>>222771938Then who the hell did I just beat up?
>>222768610360 and drive home
>>222770000
Probably not throw the map away
>>222769826Oh shut up it's just the woods nigger the natives lived in the woods for a couple thousand years before they got darwin'd.
>>222770000Waste of digits. They follow the creek, the woods are magical and it turns them around.>>222774083This is probably the only genuine flaw in the movie. Mike should have torn it up in a fit of rage after following it does nothing.
>>222769826Sounds like pussy leftist shit>waaah I'm afraid of the darkKEK
I CAST SPECTRAL SHIELD!YOUR DAMAGE IS REFLECTED FOR 3 TURNS!I DRINK A POTION OF HEALING!AND FINALLY, I SUMMON POT OF GREED TO DRAW 3 ADDITIONAL CARDS FROM MY DECK!ROLL MY DICE!_It's that easy. Idk why they didn't do it.
>>222774396Not the thread but I genuinely think it's worth a study to find how many people who have general fears like being afraid of the dark correlates with political leaning. wood b cool
>>222770000They do, they walk in a straight line and just get back where they started. The forest is basically a pocket dimension which they can't leave.
>>222771938There was merch of the Witch at the time, this is what she looks like
>>222774374Wven if you throw a tantrum because the map seems useless because they walked in circles mark didnt even know how to read a map so his autistic tantrum was because he was too stupid to use a map
>>222774493Grim. Looks like Jeepers Creepers' inbred sister.
>>222768610I would bring a flamethrower and play this at max volume innawoodshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7c187E5BxY
>>222768726It's not some generic Gruntilda kekeke witch. It's implied to be a practically supernatural horror. The kind you and your bro can't just punch to death.
>>222774427You'd be surprised how easy it is to walk in circles if you follow the natural lines of drift. It happens a lot, even of this case it's for supernatural reasons
>>222774545Have you tried? Maybe punching it was the solution? Or slap it woth holy water. Or rape it.
The most common and objectively correct answer is to start a fire in the woods and hope search and rescue comes
>>222774545Yeah, it's the ghost of a witch or some shit.
>>222774374>the woods are magical and it turns them around.Objectively the best horror movie genre. In The Tall Grass (2019) and YellowBrickRoad (2010) are pretty fun ones, too.
>>222768610Oh noooooo Blair Witch don't make me strip naked and face the wall in the corner while eating my ass with your slimy cold long tongue and furiously jacking me off noooooooooooo
>>222768610The blair witch was a made man, there is nothing I could have done.
>>222774607>"Omg anon, nearly everyone died!">"Half of this small town of 100 people were wiped out!">"How did you kill that witch??">"Well... I took out my dick and just started fuckin"
I would do everything in my power to prevent the witch from stealing my semen.
The absolute best theory about what happened is that in the final 3 days, the witch cast a spell that dragged everyone decades into the past. That explains why the map wasn’t accurate, and they couldn’t find any cars or civilization. It also explains why they found their cameras buried under a house that was built decades before. It explains everything.
>>222775588>the witch cast a spell that dragged everyone decades into the pastTO PLAY THE SHITTY GAMES THAT SUCK ASS
>>222768610Those poor kids, I'd have the same reaction if I suddenly found myself in Maryland.
>>222775625I've always found it funny that they're in fucking Maryland. They're not lost in the Canadian or Siberian wilderness, with no humanity for hundreds of kilometers in every direction. They're in the North Eastern US, one of the most developed and populated places on Earth. They're like at the most a couple of miles away from a road.
>>222775588But didn't the 2016 movie show it was aliens?
>>222776265Dunno did anyone actually watch it
>>222768610I'm glad they never showed the Witch in the original film because the monster in the 2016 version was lame as fuck
>>222776321It was an alien. The movie ends with the house being abducted by a spaceship.
>>222772925Many people go their entire life without seeing supernatural phenomena. It isn't unreasonable to dismiss the supernatural if you have never seen good evidence. What irritates me is when characters are given VERY good evidence but still remain skeptical. I really hate the psychiatrist in poltergeist 3 for this exact reason .
>>222768610follow the creek and hope the witch hasn't looped space on you.
G.P.S. unit.
>>222768610Fuck Heather until I have a heart attack.
id stand in the corner of the witches hut facing the wall and jack it furiously to show dominance.
>>222776321This wasn't the witch though, like everything in that movie it was a manifestation of stuff they talked about. The girl tied to a tree and stretched out who was accused of being a witch. The directors comments about the witch being in the movie for like a few frames doesn't line up with this scene either as it was much too obvious. That being said it seemed like that whole hunt for the witch was bogus as the reception of the movie was less than stellar.
>>222770000The witch was using magic spells to confuse them.
>>222768726You just have to avoid bunching up or she'll drop aoe
>>222772782This. This is the way.
>>222774396>>222774419It's not fear of dark, it's survival instinct kicking in when you are in complete darkness, in unknown place, far away from anything that could pass as civilization.Add to it a nasty suspicion that there is really somebody or something out there, and there you have it, all reasoning gets reduced to be a part of a freeze- fight- flee mechanism.You might not want to admit it, but in such situations your brain realizes you have no chance against a sabre- tooth nigger jumping at you out of nowhere.All of it in a forest, when a random pest making noise in the dry plant litter sounds like steps of a fucker coming to fuck you up.I would speculate that lefties are too dumb to feel fear, just like those retarded bitches who go to African hellholes to get raped and murdered. All of their political views originate from an underdeveloped brain area responsible for detecting danger.
>>222774427It was a neat part of the movie. It's fucking hard to walk in a straight direction when you have no landmarks and the only thing you can see around is a line of trees.And of course the lefties didn't take a fucking compass, the last line of defense against stupidity in the wilderness.
>>222768610Shoot myself since I am in this dogshit movie.
>>222773727>you spell "forest" with two R's.Oh, the humanity!
>>222776321It never shows the witch cause the witch doesn't existThe sequels are gay
>>222768610Rape the ghost
>>222769246ohai mike
>>222776250>>222774427
test
>>222771994Except we do know because the movie continues and confirms that a supernatural force has them trapped.
>>222778700>the witch doesn’t exist I’d be hard pressed to think of something more Reddit than these types of shitty fan theories. This one in particular doesn’t hold up under even the slightest bit of scrutiny.
>>222780202Your result:Beloved actress, Charlbi Dean
>>222780279Hmm, thanks. She sort of resembles Dafne Keen from that angle.
>>222780275Then where's the fucking witch?All we see are two guys and a girl and some spooky stick figures
>>222768610rape
>>222768610I wouldn't be in that situation. The characters are far too shit for me to associate with.
>>222780455The house at the end shouldn’t be there. When their footage is found, it’s in the old foundation of it.
>>222768610smack the fucker who threw away the map for lulz
>>222780486I see no witch in said house
>>222780521Again, a house that shouldn’t be there. So what’s your explanation?
>>222780547>cultist loons kill three people>tear the building down
>>222769969This. I would probably just start a fuck huge forest fire to try and destroy the endless purgatory forest.
>>222768610I would take pity on Heather and convince my bro to abandon our plan to gaslight her about a witch and murder her.
>>222780572And in your mind, there just happens to be a cult living in the rural Maryland woods just outside of the town that no one has ever heard of or mentioned before this Blair Witch documentary?
>>222768610When in doubt, set the forest on fire
>>222768726If I was in that forest, it wouldn't have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that old-ass cabin...
>>222780632This fan theory has never made sense because the documentary was Heather’s idea in the first place. They didn’t lure her into participating.
>>222768726because she kept manipulating them into walking in circles, for the crime of having fun in nature
>>222768726Man you guys are so funny,this type of gut busting,side wrecking humor is why I come here
>>222777748They had a compassAt least in the original they did idk about the newer oneThey argue about who gets to hold the compass after the tubby dork admits to kicking the map into the river
>>222780633Yes. The cultists run the town
Still the GOAT found footage movie. The original concept was for them to use the scripted stuff they shot for what eventually became the Curse of the Blair Witch companion piece and intersperse it with the footage in the woods, which would’ve been way less effective.
>>222780853Except you ran into the same problem you have with the witch. If these are just normal human cultists, why are they never captured on camera? The cultists all having S-tier stealth abilities is even less believable.
>>222777748The sun is a good landmark in kost instances. You won't go 100% straight, but you can go in one general direction.
>>222780883Heather was spooked solid and a terrible cameraman
>>222780923She wasn’t the only one filming.
Noroi mogs
>>222768610>>222768726There is no fucking Blair witch. Two guys lured a woman into the woods, fucked with her, and then killed her. That's it. It's not a supernatural movie, you never actually see anything supernatural happen, it's all just implied.
Last time i followed a stream it just petered out into a marshy swamp
>>222781011So you’re saying if you were in her situation you would simply get raped and killed?Gayass LMAO
>>222781011See >>222780744 and >>222780486. Also, their car was found left behind so what did the two guys do after killing her? Just wander off somewhere?
>>222768610Carve Algiz runes on each tree for protection. Antediluvian evils require ancient solutions.
>>222781110Iirc the movie had a christian angle with that old lady at the beginning telling her story about the witchRunes like that hold no weight in christian theologyI think they wouldve had to have done some “put your faith in the lord” thing to surviveOr just fucking leave before they got too deep into the shit
>>222781340I think the point of no return was when Josh disturbed the rock cairn they found. Then they woke up with three cairns in front of their tent. Don’t fuck with mysterious rock cairns innawoods.
>>222781011>transgender take on basic movie
>>222771078bingo. it's alarming to me how many people never figured this out. pay attention when heather opens the gate to her yard and the camera focuses on it for a second, no way it's an accident or coincidence.
>>222782167nigga said “alarming” lmaothat shit got you stressed lil bro?
bumphttps://youtu.be/BSoXLCTjnTI?is=3TKnsbO00DyGZD_7
>>222782274you're white, shut the fuck up with the ebonics.
>>222782747damn ol’ dickinabootylookin ass lil nigga in his feelings type shit lmaooo
>>222782747There's actually a higher chance you're talking to a jeet or a bugperson
>>222782765that shit had lil bro feelin some type of way fr fr
>>222771685The Thing is probably the best example.
>>222768610Just light the forest on fire or rape the witch
>>222770000>How about following the creek for a while.They got trapped in some forest dimension retard but even so, I can tell most of you have never been in the wilderness before. There's roughly FIFTY THOUSAND search and rescue missions EACH YEAR in the USA alone and hikers make up half of that. Depending on which national park you visit, you could fuck yourself really good without a compass and by going off the path because everything looks the same in the woods. No signs of civilization. No trails. No gear. You're fucked.
>>222782981The most of urban rats would fuck themselves with a simple mushroom picking trip to a forest 30 minutes of fast walk away from an express road.
>>222782785This 100%. There are almost no actual Whites left on /nu/4chan. We broke the containment many moons ago
>>222782747It would be fun to watch a Blair Witch movie but about a bunch of retarded nignogs. An ambiguous movie leaving it up to interpretation if they got killed by their own stupidity, racist rednecks or by a spook angry at them for nigging around a very important pile of rocks.>SHIEEEEEET
>>222783510Just to be clear though, the actual movie is completely unambiguous.
>>222768610Offer to work for free and get a percentage of the profits instead
>>222781011>There is no fucking Blair witch. Two guys lured a woman into the woods, fucked with her, and then killed her. That's it.Nothing in the movie supports this speculative theory.
>>222784186Where's the witch?
>>222768610I'd look up and head the direction of the nearest road or town which I'd know by simply looking at a map once or twice before going in the woods. I know they had a map, but they clearly couldn't read it. I've hiked the Appalachian trail, you gotta be retarded to get lost in most of the woods that have hiking trails in this country. Remote back country sure, but 99% of the time people are getting lost like less than 5 miles from a road or town. It's pitiful
>>222784275Where are the rednecks?
the 3 hour 25 minute roadshow edition of this movie is much better than the theatrical. and the roadshow ending is 100x better too, where the final scene does not have sound, because the sound isnt being recorded on the 16mm camera. immersion breaking addition to the theatrical.
>>222784275In the story it's the unseen villain, though it is vividly pictured for us, through the lore.
>>222784670An unseen supernatural force in the forest makes a lot more sense than murderous rednecks with ninja tier stealth abilities.
>>222768610
I would strike the witch down with my katana.
>>222784343You forgot the part where this is a fantasy and a witch was doing magic on them causing them to get disoriented.
>>222780218That doesn't mean they couldn't have escaped if they had a map.
>>222777404nowhere in the movie supports this.It's more plausible it's just an artsy mockumentary done for their film 101 class.
>>222781011They had a trilogy planned about the witch, who was real in their mind in 1999. Stupid zoomers came up with that dumb murder theory years later.
>>222768610Call Jesus for help
>>222784775How would a map help them get out of an alternate dimension?
>>222768640This, but goon with the witch
>>222784814Not even sequels. The Curse of the Blair Witch companion doc reveals that their footage was found in the foundation of the old Rustin Parr murder house, which had burned down several years earlier.
>>222784906They were just stupid and malnurished.There was no magic involved.
>>222785036See >>222784949. The house shouldn’t have been there.
>>222768610someone post the screencap of the one anon's process. it involved following the stream walking forwards and then backwards, a bunch of other shit, then ended with him ultimately saying fuck it and slitting his wrists kek
>>222768610Open my phone and walk to nearest point of civilization. What a bunch of newbs since they didn't think of that lmao
>>222784765You would need an ancient meteorite katana blessed by a Shinto priest
>>222784814Well maybe they should have made the damn sequels then
>>222784774The sun exists, as does the moon. You can't get disoriented if you just look up
>>222768610The sequel is worth seeing only because we get to see Erica Leerhsen naked
>>222785593>>222784949
>>222768610If that happened to me, I wouldn't even be scared, I'd just be annoyed. I'd be running and slaying.
>>222768610Try to start a forest fire. I also refuse to go camping unarmed.
>>222780744Yeah so they used her idea as the perfect opportunity to do it.>>222780486Heather has the camera for the whole house portion right? They could have filmed that somewhere else and dubbed her voice in later. Why? I don't know, i'm just saying the theory is possible.>>222784814Death of the author. Which is more valid in this example because the three leads basically improvisationally wrote, directed, shot and acted the whole thing. The intentions of the credited directors isn't that relevant, they didn't even really make it.
>>222786304>Heather has the camera for the whole house portion right?Mike and Heather both have cameras. He runs into the basement first where you see his camera drop. Heather then runs down there and sees him standing in the corner before her camera also drops to the ground.
>>222786304You’re forgetting Curse of the Blair Witch. It was released alongside the main movie to flesh out the lore and provide additional backstory.
>>222785745isnt it for like half a second?
>>222785700Bro is trying to use normal reasoning to solve a supernatural problem
>>222768610>omnipotent, all powerful antagonistHow mediocre...
I’ve always looked at it like Silent Hill. The group who found their footage was in the normal world where they never experienced anything abnormal. Heather, Josh and Mike were trapped in the fog world during the daytime parts wandering around the forest. They were fully in the dark world by the end.
>>222786905Not shown to be omnipotent at allOnly shown to have some amount of reality warping ability within a certain area
Has anyone seen the 4 hour version with deleted scenes and is it worth watching?
>>222787121If I was playing a game and I entered the `100% fucked zone` where you're 100% fucked as soon as you enter because the boss there has reality warping powers strong enough that you're 100% fucked as soon as you enter, that isn't fun it's just retardedThe source of many regular movies are the fetishes of the film maker, but it seems like the source of most horror movies is some nightmare the film maker had where the monster or whatever had full control and could warp reality (really their overactive dream imagination) and so they're 100% fucked and can't do anything in the nightmare
>>222788012It is never shown to be the case that they are 100% fucked, and regardless this isn't a genre movie with a hero's journey where the villain even needs to be beatable. TBWP is an experimental arthouse film despite it's reputation as a horror flick with a gimmick.
>>222768610i wouldn't be in his situation because i am an university professor however my phd students would probably die
>>222786513no, that's only the first time, you get to see her more as the film progresses
>>222788012Idk where this came from but like nobodys playing a game lol
>>222788662The point is that if you could zoom out from any given scene and see what every other character is doing, what would you see? Some witch crouched giggling behind a tree as she zaps some fuckin magic spells at the woods making time and space loops just to fuck with the other characters? And the other characters simply have no fuckin chance to escape because the witch has complete control over the environmentI'm just saying the mere premise of most horror movies like this is really fucking stupid -- which isn't necessarily a bad thing -- but whenever you break suspension of disbelieve it just seems so comical. And I'm not saying that all enemies have to have some weakness but if they DON'T have a weakness then your characters are just going up against a retarded meat grinder and it showsLike, the blair witch project is a good movie but it has the same hackneyed problem as many, many other horror movies: they have the same quality of a nightmare the audience is having, where they have no control over the situation and are at the mercy of a omnipresent, omnipotent enemy. The remake or sequel or whatever it is is even worse with this
>>222788982The atmosphere of the movie is about the weight of the dread setting in as their situation becomes worse and they realize that their options are dwindling as nothing seems to be improving their situationIdk why you’re so pissed off about movies like this not always having a win condition, maybe the thought of such things happening makes you uncomfortable in some way?
>>222768610I played the game from the 00s so I know how to escape the woods. Thir first mistake was disturbing the rocks and destroying the effigy.
>>222785745shieeetNever knew there was nudity in those films.Gonna look for it now and report back.
>>222782981>sun rises in the east(ish) and sets in the west(ish). >stars can be used for navigation at night.>creeks flow downstream.Stuff like this is basically gospel if you grew up outside of the city.
>>222789293Im with that guy though. If there is no point to win then it feels pointless to watch. Its why i dislike most horror movies. For instance i liked the nightmare on elmstreet movies when they fight back.
>>222789429I mean they had a compass in the movieThey had the ability to navigate, shit was just fucked up
>>222789429>stars can be used for navigation at night.In this scenario you really don't want to go anywhere at night
>>222780218It was still extremely foolish of the woman to discard of the map so carelessly. Which is the entire point. Casting a spotlight on the woman's foolish behavior.
>>222789465It is never explained if the characters could have theoretically “won”It is possible that if they were devout believers in Jesus and prayed for safe passage, they may have escapedIt is possible that burning the forest down would kill the witch, as the forest may have been an extension of herIt is possible that meditating and maintaining a calm zen state of mind may have fended off the witches attempts to disorient them and fuck with their headsWe have no idea if any of these things are true because the characters didn’t try any of these thingsYou are assuming because the MC’s were met with the bad ending that thusly the main characters must have been totally fucked 100% right from the get-go with absolutely no chance when that isn’t necessarily true
>>222789547There is no witch it's all the fault of a demon that got trapped in that forest by native americans.
>>222789479The tubby guy discarded the map, not the womanHe was frustrated with it because despite using a compass alongside a map they somehow were going in circles, which isn’t physically possible so he discarded it
>>222780218The only logical plan would be this:1. Instruct the female to get nude.2. Tell her the only way to get rid of the witch is to perform a specific sex ritual.3. Have sex until the witch kills us.
>>222768610Start a fire and the burn the forest and the witch with it.
>>222789429ok Magellan, I'm sure you could navigate your way using stars.
>>222789293No, I like the movie, I'm saying that SO, SO many fucking movies are just simulating literal nightmares (dreams) where the characters (a proxy for audience members (you) watching it) have absolutely no chance getting out of the situation, and it's boring that they ALL do it. It works fine in places where it's done well, but it's done fucking all over the place and not very well in most circumstances. Hell, despite that I like tbwp, it doesn't even do it well. To do it really well almost invariably means focusing on something other than the literal object-level circumstances in the movie and focus on how the characters feel and interact with eachother, both of which tbwp doesn't actually really do all that much iirc. It really is just more akin to torture porn. Why do I even like the movie then? The aesthetics probably, which is another avenue for quality in films>>222789465>elmstreet movies when they fight backTHISThe characters having some kind of traction is usually much more satisfying
>>222785745The sequel got recut to hell by the studio. The original cut is one of those holy grail cuts we'll never ever see.
>>222789592It was her fault dude
>>222790445It was her fault that traveling one cardinal direction with a compass somehow led them in circles?
>>222790160Youre describing exploitation films like the human centipedeWhich yeah are essentially shitTbwp isnt really that at allLike others have said the main characters weren’t necessarily fucked at all they just did everything wrong lolThey were specifically told multiple times what not to do and they did it anyway and didnt listen to any of the warnings or stories told by the people who supposedly encountered the witch
>>222768610Make camp. Sit down and activate my emergency locator beacon. Wait for the Coast Guard chopper to come get me.
>>222790639>stories told by the people who supposedly encountered the witchWhich means its possible to get out of the woods if someone else did it. Just listen to advice.
I hate how city slickers cant relate to the fear of being exposed in the woods at night. Its the entire basis for the horror aspect
>>222768610https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8yUGE3kUsEhttps://pompasaur.itch.io/gnarled-hag
>>222769870genuinely a lot of people say that if you jerk off when you're in a paranormal situation it solves the problem. it might be related to how monkeys jerk off aggressively in confrontation and it dispels any illusions and hallucinations
>>222791473some people online say jerking off during sleep paralysis will dispel it. it might have something to do with serotonin idk. >tldr fap when you're about to get fucked by a ghost
>>222786304>Death of the author.>Therefore this movie about supernatural horror can instead be about how men are bad!Fuck you
>>222789587source?
>>222784458I didn’t know they released the cut from sundance or a bunch of unused footage…anyone know where to see these fan edits?
>>222771685Like >>222771816 said, Cabin in the Woods. In fact, a plot point was that the main cast had to be drugged in order to make bad decisions on purpose
>>222785429The witch! !!!!
>>222768610They acted like fucking idiots and seem like they had a bunch of chances to make it back to civilization, only they fucked it up each time.
This is just a worse version of the hit CBBC show, 'Jeopardy'
>>222791561>some people online say jerking off during sleep paralysisThats retarded you are supposed to be paralysed
Crazy spooky situation
>>222768610Buy a better camera.
>>222791473According to /x/ scholars, the most of the paranormal fuckers willing to mess with humans does it only for some kind of energy and jerking off releases it
>Two dutch girls go exploring the Panama jungle in 2014>take bunch of pictures>suddenly, around 4pm, on April 1, sent two distress calls from their phones, but neither call went through because of poor service>missed an appointment with a tour guide on April 2>on April 4, one of the girl's phones died from lack of battery>on April 8, 90 flash photos were taken in the middle of the night, deep in the jungle and in near darkness, including picrel>between April 5 and 11, the other girl's phone would occasionally turn on>April 11, the phone died and was never turned back on>weeks later, on June 14, a local native found one of the girl's backpack by a riverWhat horrors did they see?
i cant believe they're rebooting this movie again next year
Haha hey, it's this thread.
>>222795958Hollywood is dead
>>222768610They fear his name,Say it in faith and the evil runs away, shrivels, disappears.
>>222795958The first one was really lighting in the bottle.It’s not even that good, but yet, still it works really well, I liked the movie a lot but it’s impossible to replicate the found footage aspect. If you do/show anything more it’s cringe, if you did the same amount it would be boring,
>>222781011they need more players for this explanation who did the baby sounds when they were all in their tents?
>>222768610rape the bitch
>>222795902they were retarded sheltered white girls. they think the world is a cindarella story and brownoids are all nice people. they either got lost and died by the hands of nature or some brown dude saw a couple of bitches in the jungle and raped and murdered them. i go with number two. because the el pianista trail is only 4 km long so the girls to get lost for 11 days seems retarded.
Games>movie
>>222775588My theory is that the blair witch trapped them in a pocket universe or alternate dimension. The witch dropped the cameras under a house in the real world as a lure for future victims.>>222776265>>222776314Nothing in the 2016 movie implied aliens.
>>222784186They messed with her by doing the guy in a corner bit. The other one wasn't dead and knocked her out. The pile of bloody stuff was animal parts.They GASLIT!!!! her the whole time about being lost.I thought it was pretty obvious. Some of the dialogue in the first act was foreshadowing of that. I know they improvised a lot of it, but some important bits were scripted.
>>222796931100% they were raped and murdered by some jungle spic, sadly
>>222795902Its not even interesting, one girl fell and the other wouldn’t leave her so they both died
>>222768610In 1994, we'd smoke weed and enjoy nature.
>>222768610Absolutely based film from a better time
>>222797129Did they also rewrite the rules of reality to make going East with a compass for 16 hours end up in the exact same spot they started in?
>>222784186>supernatural shit is realDo you believe in god too? Of course witchery and shit isn't real.
>>222799919It’s a movieAnd in the subsequent film, they literally reveal a monster
>>222799619They led the girl around the forest for awhile.
>>222799956She was holding the compassThey were moving eastThey moved east literally the entire day while she was holding the compass confirming that they were going eastAnd they ended up in the same spot that they started in
>>222771797>post on /k/ afterwardsabout how your successful transition surgery is helping ukraine defeat le orcs?
>>222774493that's a mcfarlane toys dark fantasy line, not canon
>>222775588i like this, but it doesnt explain following the stream all day only to end up where they started
>>222800259She could also still be fucking with non euclidian space or magically disorienting them in some way
>>222781011How has your brain been able to keep your heart beating and your lungs breathing with dumb shit like this running through it.
All i know is i would have handled it a lot better
>>222799919both supernatural shit and god are real, as your beloved söyence is starting to discover
>>222789587what a twist
>>222768671Much of the ending is Heather listening to spooky sounds and then dying
>>22278274790% of 4chan is Latinx so he’s prob one
>>222768671Did you know Marilyn Manson removed his ribs so he could suck his own dick?
>>222801399prove it. you can’t
>>222768610Reminder the witch never existed and her two friends killed her
>>222800069tampered compassit had a tiny digital motor attached to the needle that made it slowly turn clockwise, making them travel in circles even though the compass showed they were travelling "east" the whole time
>>222801682>prove that supernatural is natural>using one of the formal languages and human perception limited by it
>>222801589>Much of the ending is Heather listening to spooky soundsNot really how I’d describe the ending of BWP.
>>222768610Break the one wish willow and wish for the Blair witch to love me more than anyone else
>>222790053>he can't find the north star
>>222801839kek it just has to be that men are evil lmfao
>>222768610I'd do what Arnold did, make a big fire, a torch and call that fucking whore with a tremendous battle cry. See who's who. Fucking whore witch my ass. I'll punch her in the cunt.
>>222801839The internet was a mistake. We need another Carrington event to take us back to pre-dial up days.
>>222768610Walk north or south. They were in the Maryland panhandle, it's like 20 miles thick
>>222804077Unlimited access for everyone was a mistake, not the internet itself.
Once you're in the fuckzone dimension I think it would take some outside of the box thinking to get out. They just kept walking, losing their mind and doing fuck all. I think burning down the forest is probably the safest bet anyone has. Either that or sacrificing one of the retards to the witch in an attempt to appease her.
>>222801839we do a lil trollin
>>222801839She wouldve noticed because East wouldnt coincide with the Sun properly
>>222801839Just keep a magnet in your pocket and stay on her right
The blair witch is actually innocent and did nothing wrong. Those kids just got a little too silly
>>222791473what in the fuck am i reading
>>222768610Find witch, grab her ass and bite her fat tittiesViolently rape the witch anus full forceFilm so can watch later
>>222768610Who camps in 2026?
>>222808818Something that just might save your life some day
I'd set the forest on fire.
>>222809676Who throws a shoe, honestly?
>>222768610Camouflage and plenty of it. I'd be up all night outwitting and outcrafting and also outmaneuvering the Blair witch. She has met her match when dealing with me. I'm like the predator but would cover myself in mud like Arnold and also loose debris to blend in if I had to take my camouflage clothing off. Good luck Blair Witch. You're going to need it.
>>222805380Someone with a compass probably isn't gonna be wondering about where the sun is. You see a similar thing with drivers who have a GPS navigator, they often trust the navigator more than their own eyes.
Hey bro...let's kill that old hag
>>222768726>>222771938>>222774493>>222800237There is a Blair Witch, the games are canon aparently.The last game came out in 2019, it was Game Pass fodder but you really bond with the main character and the dog.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m50j3t52TtY
>>222798620Uhoooo BELLY BUTTON!
>>222797025>Games>movieTrue dat
I used to confuse The Blair Witch with The Last Broadcast and I used to think The Last Broadcast was the better movie but I recently rewatched it and it was fucking awful.
It's such a comfy fall movie bros. Really captures that feeling of being in the woods. Aesthetic is very 90s too.
