>*enter grocery store* >just wants a bag of chips >*heads to snack aisle*>“LOW-FAT HIGH-PROTEIN KETO CARNIVORE PALEO WHEY CRISPS” >*turns bag over* >"not a potato mentioned anywhere">*asks clerk what the hell he is holding* >“They’re a healthier alternative, sir.” >“An alternative to what? Food?” >*clerk shrugs* >“Back in my day we had cheese or spicy. You picked a bag and got on with your life.” >*takes them anyway*>*goes to checkout* >“Apple Pay or Amex, sir?” >“I’m buying chips, son. Why are we bringing Apple into this?” >*pulls out Charga-Plate*>*places it on counter with the confidence of a man whose bank manager knows his name* >*cashier picks it up by the corner* >“Sir, is this a dog tag?” >“That’s a Charga-Plate. Get your imprinter.” >“My what?” >“Your manager. Get your manager.” >manager is somehow younger than the cashier >"What the hell has happened to this country" >*taps customer on shoulder* >“Excuse me, fella. I’ll give you my Charga-Plate if you Apple Pay these chips for me.” >“Sir, that belongs in a museum.” >“SO DOES THE CONSTITUTION. DOES THAT NOT WORK HERE ANYMORE EITHER?”Tulsa King
