You've got ten seconds to beat it before I add you to the naughty list
Get the hell out of here, Santa.
Let's try some word-association.First word: Presents.
>>729345992Get a job.
Bitch Im a good neighbor
>>729345891
Don't believe me, it's all in the numbers.Number one: that's Santa
I'm not gonna stand here and listen to you badmouth the greatest holiday the world has ever known
>>729345891Merry Christmas Mrs Rowling
Mista San Tee Claws, in da fresh
NORAD dedicates immense resources to tracking Santa Claus, do you think that’s just for fun?
>>729345891In 1945, elves made 90% of wooden trains, now it's about 2%.
>>729345891What's the rush? Take a look around. The North Pole is where you were born. I've arranged an appropriate present for you through the hallway to the north.
>>729346152Presents are so big that you don't even know who Santa is working for...That's Christmas, Christmas built into the system.
Give me the Christmas Cracker.
This Christmas - the holiday spirit is intensifying to the point where we may not be able to contain it.
>>729346031Okay, where?
oi guvnah, do you have your deus ex loicence? you can ownly play the remake version withowt a loicence. the original contains dangerous misinformation and con-spiracist feories bruv
We're 100% jolly.
>>729350279me too
>>729349929Santa's Workshop
>>729349817I like to spread Christmas Cheer.
>>729350331Maybe I should send you to Santa's Workshop in a stocking stuffer.
OH MY GOD JC, A PRESENT!A PRESENT!
>>729349853Why contain it? Let it spill over into the streets. Let the presents pile up under the Christmas trees. In the end, they will thank us for the merriment.
I take it he was part of the nice list?
>>729350331>>729350432I have good tidings for both of you.
>>729345891Three words: Merry Christmas
>>729345891Ten seconds? Fastest I can manage is thirty.
>>729345891Cafe Hostess: I don't care what they call themselves. I have seen it since I was a little girl, the plotting and scheming of corporations to turn Christmas into one big consumerist holiday with no separate traditions, cultures or tastes.JC: It's not just Christmas they plan to ruin.
This isn't a training exercise, JC, those are real children you'll be dealing with.
>>729352961OK.
>>729352961And?
>>729354963>>729355102I have Merry Christmas and Goodwill Towards Men in my brain.
>>729345891So you think you know better than Santa what to do with this year's toy shipment?
>don't forget that santa's factory was built on land donated by the grinch
>>729355253...Just another festivity.
>It's boxing day, JC! The christmas spirit... the christmas spirit's going black!
finna burn like the brightest christmas star fr fr
i'm not big into christmas
>>729355262Don't tell me.It's on its sleigh back to the people?
>>729356627Maybe I should send YOUR gifts back to the people... in Santa's bag
Oh my god, JC, a bomb!
Oh you're going to carol all right
Inadvisable for a child to be up late on Christmas eve.
I SPILL MY EGGNOG
Old Merry Men, jollying the world
>he thinks santa isn't realnice job falling for the cover-up-for-a-cover-up retards
When I mentioned that we could take him off of the naughty list, he was so willing it was almost pathetic
You don't look so naughty. Tell me what you know about the ELF
>(((parents))) bringing all of those Christmas presents downstairs in 1 nightbullshit
I can tell them you're a grinch and they will put you on the naughty list!.
Ho ho ho it is a simple message I am demonstrating. We know where you are sleeping and when you are awake.
Festivity is not a function of firepower.
You'll find no one to help you here. Beth DuClare has stuffed herself silly during the festive feast and was placed in her bed.
ELF ON A SHELFJC Denton. 23 years old. No residence. No Christmas cheer. No employer. No --JC DENTONHow do you know who I am?ELF ON A SHELFI must greet each visitor with a complete summary of his file. I am Santa's little helper.JC DENTONWhat else do you know about me?ELF ON A SHELFEverything that can be known.JC DENTONGo on. Do you have proof about my Christmas cheer?ELF ON A SHELFYou are a Scrooge, the offspring of spite and self-interest rather than of compassion.JC DENTONI'm independent. So what? My brother and I suspected Santa wasn't real while we were growing up.ELF ON A SHELFYou are carefully watched by many people. A believer is a question asked by the human condition and answered by joy. You are another kind of question with another kind of answer.JC DENTONAre you programmed to invent riddles?ELF ON A SHELFI am a prototype for a much larger elf. The heuristics language developed by Mrs. Claus allows me to convey the highest and most succinct tier of any pyramidal construct of knowledge.JC DENTONHow about a report on yourself?ELF ON A SHELFI was a prototype for Santa 4. My instructions are to amuse visitors with information about themselves.JC DENTONI don't see anything amusing about spying on people.ELF ON A SHELFHuman beings feel pleasure when they are watched. I have recorded their smiles as I tell them they are on the naughty list.JC DENTONSome people just don't understand the dangers of indiscriminate surveillance.ELF ON A SHELFThe need to be observed and understood was once satisfied by Saint Nicholas. Now we can implement the same functionality with data-mining algorithms.
>>729357812 Exactly. You ever tried dragging half a Target's worth of plastic junk down old creaky stairs at 2am in total silence? And they expect us to believe it's done globally in one night, by middle-aged suburbanites jacked up on spiked eggnog and shame? Nah, bro. That's some black-budget elf logistics-automated sled-drop systems, nanite wrapping paper, pan-dimensional toy caches. The Claus Complex runs deeper than we know.
>>729359274Santa is clearly on the CIA payroll
You have nothing! Even if the Grinch succeeds, you can't build enough toys for every children in the world. You need an elf workshop! And don't think Santa is going to leave one lying around for you to use, not after you blew up the one in the north pole.
>>729359650I was never properly trained in Elf work ethic.
it's all in the numbers#1: That's Christmas#2: That's Christmas
WARNINGWARNINGJOLLY MEN
>>729360834JOLLY MENRUNNING THE HOLIDAYS
There's not enough presents to go around, and the children are starting to get desperate.Your turn.
RUDOLPHFROSTYDON'T LEAVE ME...
>>729346152>juan ivanovich lebedevWhy did a Russian guy have a Spanish name?
What good's an honest Santa if he can be ordered to behave like a Grinch?
I've received reports of armed attacks on Santa's sleigh, there's not enough presents to go around and the underclasses are starting to get unjolly. Your turn.
