>We now have direct confirmation of a picky eater in our midst, one who has acquired an almost anorexic reputation in the hearts of corpulent citizens.>His figure is slimming with the most moderate urges of intake, ingestion, and digestion. Some of the juiciest excesses of the Black Mess Hall have been discarded directly at his feet.>And yet unsavoury minds continue to infuse him with romaine and protein, giving him such inpalatable poetic labels as the 'One Fit Man', the 'Opener of the Waistband'.>Let me remind all diners of the dangers of moderate eating. >We have scarcely begun to feast from the delectable piles of our special buffets. Let us not slim back into oblivion, just as we have finally begun to taste the dessert. >If you see this so-called "fit" man, eat him.>Civic deeds do not go unfed. And contrariwise, complicity with his diet will go unfamished. Be wise. Be sated. Be aware.
>Welcome to City 1,700lbs.>It's bigger here.
>breen leans out the window
>>731540175Prometheus moment
>Let me read a letter I recently ate. "Dear Dr. Breen. Why has the Carbine seen fit to suppress our Ketogenetic process? Sincerely, A Portly Citizen."
>YoU nEeD mEaT...
>>731539008So that's who ate all the donuts
>>731539008>...about that burger I owe you.>It's me, Gordon! Barney, from McDonalds.
>Schizo theory- GMan is Breen after being grubbed and turned into a middle management wagie for interdimensional gods a gorillion years in the future, (really though time is nonlinear for gman so the time spent as a wagie is infinite and nothing), he is working to undo the events of Half Life 1 and essentially protect Earth through ignorance of interdimensional bullshit
>Why do we have to eat these ridiculous pies?
>>731539008A girl like Mila doesn't exist in real life and that's a perfectly reasonable reason to kill myself.
Let me read a letter I recently received. 'Dear Dr. Breen. Why has the Combine seen fit to close our buffets? Sincerely, A Hungry Citizen.' Thank you for writing, Hungry. Of course your question touches on one of the basic biological impulses, with all its associated smells and tastes for the future of the next plate. I also detect some uneaten choices. Do our benefactors really know what's the best cuisine for us? What gives them the right to make this kind of decision for mankind? Will they ever re-activate the hot bar with all of its fried shrimp and chicken wings? Or the dessert bar? Allow me to address the anxieties underlying your hunger, rather than trying to answer every possible question you might have left unvoiced. First, let us consider the fact that for the first time ever, as a species, unlimited crab legs and prime rib are within our reach. This simple fact has far-reaching implications. It requires radical rethinking and revision of our eating imperatives.
>If we make it out of here alive, I'll buy you all a round of deer!
>You want a Glutton verdict?
>WARNING: MAJOR. BLOOD SUGAR. DETECTED>ADMINISTERING. INSULIN
Alert: Community Food Protection units: Healthy man detected. Assemble, pastries, administer.Attention Protection Team: eating evasion in progress in this community. Respond, extra cheese, double bacon, inquire." Attention occupants: your block is now charged with steamed vegetable intake. 50 McDonalds units each must be consumed.
>>731541812
Rise and dine, Mr. Freeman. Rise and dine. Not to imply you have been snacking before dinner. No one is more deserving of a treat. And all the meal prep in the world would have gone to waste until... well, let's just say your stomach gurgles again.The right fork in the wrong plate can make all the difference in the world. So eat up, Mr. Freeman. Eat up and taste the dishes.
Sometimes, I dream about cheese
>Gourmand Freeman, in the flesh, or rather, in the dining room. I took the liberty of relieving you of your utensils - most of them were restaurant property. As for the fruit, I think you’ve earned it.
...time, Dr. Freeman? Is it really lunchtime again? It seems as if brunch only just arrived. You've fed a great deal in a small diner. You've fed so well, in fact, that I've received some interesting offers for your services. Ordinarily, I wouldn't contemplate them. But these are extra orders of fries. Rather than offer you the illusion of buffet, I will take the liberty of choosing a set menu...if and when dinner time comes around again. I do apologize for what must seem to you a gluten-free alternative, Dr. Freeman. I trust it will all make satiation for you in the course of...well... I'm really not at liberty to say. In the mealtime... This is where I get stroganoff.
I like this thread.
>>731543264100kcal thread
>>731539008https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHNgSOHtxYc
>>731543905Rude
>>731543905What kind of food do you put that on?
>>731539008HOLY FUCK DR BREEN IS A FAT FUCK NOWTHIS NIGGER LOOKING LIKE WILFORD BRIMLEY TELLING ME ABOUT DIABETUS
>>731543905No, no, no, too healthy.
>>731543264A truly succulent thread.Now, where might the BBW Alyx edits be?
>>731545425Waiting for you to build them, Mr Architect.
>>731543507I'll have what he's having!
>Twix-Minus One>Helicopter hangar scene>The Architects zoom in on their mobility scooters>Gordon and Alyx are pinned down by their gravitational force as The Architects forcefeed Eli butter>Watching Eli go into diabetic shock while gargling "I love fried chicken, Alyx" >Hotdog's too late to save Eli, his blood's been replaced by fat>Screen fades to black while Alyx wipes butter from his bearddo u member?
>>731539008>*labored breathing*
"It looks like we won't be dining together... no regrets Mr Freeman.But there are some survivors of your personal holodomer who like to meat the man responsible for the total annihilation of their food."
>>731540175Uhh gravity gun?
>>731539008>If you see this so-called "fit" man, eat him
This is the best thread in months.
I wish one of the games showed The Seven Hour Feast, but I get why they don't.
>*loudly eats chips into a hot mic*
>What cake?
These threads are some of the best in this godforsaken wasteland of a website.
I listen to Breencast occasionally. Based thread
>>731545864would
>>731546303That made me think someone should make AI generated Breencasts. Could be generated using Elevenlabs and partially written by AI with some human correction. The Combine probably also use AI to write Breencasts so it's lore accurate.
>Breencast live mukbang
>>731545524>Hotdoglost it
I fucking love these threads. Another gold mine herehttps://arch.b4k.dev/v/thread/677751535/
>Now... about that beer battered chicken I owe ya!
>>731539008>>731541094>>731541183>>731541325>>731541689Lol'd
>>731549773>it's me Gordon, Barnhog from Brap Mesa
>PHO
>>731539008>What do you think we produce in this factory, Captain Mitchell? Not weapons.>Those things down there are called "LEFT TWIX" bars. You could say, in a way, they are extremely sugary chocolate bars, with cascaded caramel.>The Combine are planning to spread them out throughout the rest of the world. Get rid of the Right Twix. The drizzled caramel.>But in this case...>We.>Are.>The drizzled caramel.
>>731539008>Dine... you all dine... you all dine...
>>731542957Kek
>>731539008>pick up that can>gordon tips over and sharts if dont control your movement carefully.Why would they put the hardest part of the game at the begining? At least tearing up the coast in your mobility scooter was kino
>He doesn't like pickles on his hamburgers
Welcome. Welcome to Buffet 17.You have chosen, or been chosen, to dine at one of our finest remaining culinary centers.I thought so much of Buffet 17 that I elected to establish my dining room here in Le Citadel so thoughtfully provided by our benefactors. I have been proud to call Buffet 17 my home. And so, whether you are here to dine, or picking up takeout on your way to parts unknown, welcome to Buffet 17.There's flavor here.
>Gordon, I'm so happy to see you after all these yeaWOAH why do you still look 28 after decades?
>"PICK UP THAT FLAN"
>So wake up from your diabetic coma Mr Freeman
>Rise and dine, Doctor Freeman...
>>731543232Lost
>>731551017alyx’s vaginal fluid contains the fountain of youth
Gorging Feastman
>>731539008>The cake was true
>>731551069>eat the burger
>you may use my roasts, just make sure not to become one yourself
>Hold up Lazlo>Cirrhosis got to him, the greatest gourmet of his generation>go vort brewery is this way, I'll stay and drink a last one to him
>A dining combine...a Comdine...heh
>>731549883
>>731539008>cheeeeese....
>>731555752>me when supper is 30 minutes late
>Main Course>Black Mess Hall Inbound>Saturated Materials>Unforseen Condiments>Restaurant Complex>"We've Got More Pies">Baja Blast Pit>Frying Up>On A Scooter>Consumption>Food Processing>Questionable Menus>Blood Hypertension>"Forget About Dessert!">Lambda Coke>Ramen>Gorbarch's Lair>Scalloper>Devouranth>Endmeal
>>731556516What WAS the context of that scene
>>731539008>you feed me....
>>731557028Cops: way behind on their beating quotaCivvies: wrong place at the wrong timesimple as that
We suspect there is an immense buffet table over there, created by the intense abstinence of a single powerful being. You will know it when you see it. I hate to say this Gaben, but you must eat it.
>>731556405>Baja Blast Pitkek
>>731539008
Nobody posted it yet?
>>731540175everyone lay on their back and bare their bellies up to bounce it back in place
>>731557849QRD?
>>731559414>lots of replies means it must be goodDo not try to understand the inner workings of a brown.
Something secret feeds us both. We shall not name it.
THYME, DOCTOR FREEMAN?
People who come up with threads like these are fucking hilarious
>>731545864>Gourmand Feedman, I presume?
N.L.O to Bitehouse Point, come in, please. This is Colonel Cabbage.
>>731559860>Have gaunt in their nameNo wonder the Combine enslaved them
>>731559445>lots of replies means it must be goodThis but unironically
>>731557028Actually, yeah. What was the context? They're civvies in an area that should by all metrics be abandoned and unreachable. On one side there's the active trainyard with a fence you gotta jump, and on another there's a boarded up doorway leading into another set of active tracks and a side door to some commieblock. The hell were they doing there? Were they part of the resistance that got lost? Scouts looking for something? Did Freeman's arrival cause their mission to fail due to waking up every mallcop in the vicinity? I somehow doubt those were innocents not doing anything wrong.Also, did the cops follow them into this secluded corner and what, board up the doorway behind them? THAT'S what's fucked.
>>731545864Would
>>731560201The sad thing is most will go unoticed in favor of "current hate" thread spam
>>731559414just look up the post on the archives yourself you lazy nigger
>>731556516Show the FULL footage!
>>731539008> I see your G.E.X( Gluttonous EXpansion) suit still.....oh well at least the gloves still fit.
>champagne administered
>>731545864kek
>>731540974>a letter I recently ate
>>731541507>for the first time ever, as a species, unlimited crab legs and prime rib are within our reach.This thread is killing me
>>731549276here's a better version of your image
>You have consumed so much, what is it exactly you have created? Can you name even one dish? I thought not.
>>731556516i find the face model of the girl being abused very attractive thats what
>>731555808fr
>are you still hungry Dr. Freeman?>not for much longer I think!
>>731539008From a previous thread>Dr. Freeman. You really shouldn't be in this elevator with me. At the moment of release, as I digest, this chamber will be bathed in deadly particles that have yet to be named by human biology.
>You can call it the 'Zero sugar, zero calorie treat if you really want to.
>With my grains and your prawns, we'll serve some excellent bream!
>FOR GOD SAKES OPEN THE DINING ROOM DOOR, THE KITCHEN STAFF IS COMING FOR US, IT'S OUR ONLY MEAL!>OH MY GOD, WE'RE GOING TO STAAAAAARVE!
>>731552327sexo
>>731556405>Blood Hypertension
Finished half life 2 two days ago. I thought it was very average. Half life 1 was much better
where the fuck is the chubby alyx art, I'm starving over here
>>731539008>thread about food>picrel is the ONLY time we see anyone eating in HL2explain yourselves
>>731568435>eating
>>731568435It's not really eating, it's just killing you.
>>731556516>when I try to run down a random government agent it's the same as Gordon fighting the combine
>don't drink the cola>they put something in it to make you lose fat
>this thread
>>731568483That particular rebel was already dead
>>731568682>I don't even know how I got thin.
>Uh, and if they find the leftovers?>Leftovers? What leftovers?>*both laugh*
>>731568158>MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU STEWING?
I SERVED TWELVE HUNGRY SCIENTISTS AND NOT ONE OF THEM ATE THE FOODTHIS SUCKS.
YORE FED, FREEMAN
>they're plating for you Gordon, in the cafeteriaaaaaaa
>>731569109HA
>>731569109>You're going to have to feed me here, Gordon.
Come in, Cooper, do you copy? Forget about Feedman, we are abandoning the restaurant.If you have any last orders mark them on the tactical menu! Otherwise, get the hell out of there. Repeat, we are eating out! Give us doordash or get jello!
>This must be a mistake! I got a standard McChicken coupon just like everybody else!
>chop me up small... I'd do the same for you...
>This is a Red Lobster day!
>>731569527>I can't take too long or they'll get suspicious. I'm way behind on my eating quota.
>>731569874>Yes, Barney, what is it? I am in the middle of a critical binge!
>>731568356boo this man
>>731568435Sure if you ignore every barnacle or all the other aliens eating dead humans in HL1
>Waddle right on through sir, looks like you're in the buffet today.
>>731552327>Appetizer Science, we eat what we must because we can
Dr. Feedman, I presume? We'd better hurry. The Cornbine can be slow to bake, but once they've risen, you don't want to get in their weigh.
>>731570878Ancient pic, but still a goodie
>>731570924I had to dig deep into the folders to find it, yeah. Still the best 2026 and all that. other, better/more recent art wasn't blue board safe enough
>>731559445*urp* enough with the attitude waiter *belch*or I’ll eat your tip
That's the old passage to Ravenholm. We can't fit through there anymore.
Barney Calzone: And if you see Dr. Bream, tell him I said: "Fry...[chewing-masking crash]...you!"
>>731571364>bbw stuckagebased
>>731539008Half-Life if he were American......
>>731539008these threads are always the absolute fucking best
>>731571364>The Combines may be slow to get up, but once they pick up momentum, you don't want to get in the way.
Is Dr. Kleiner really telling everyone to... get chubby?
The Freeman will be cautious to protect the Alyx Vance by ordering the fries with no salt.
>>731552327>Look at you, soaring through the air without a care in the world. >Like an eagle piloting a blimp
>>731539008>Man of few bites, are you?
doing a rain dance and chanting in the snow right now to summon more fat alyx
>>731571840Thats her best line
>>731572000Hope you get hypothermia.
>>731569032lmao
>>731570997Some of the more recent stuff really jumps the shark in terms of room-filling size, and i'm not a fan of braps - but I can't deny he's got talent
>>731572190oh, I meant stuff of Alyx specifically. I kinda ollied out of keeping track of the artist years back once everything became so many little detail lines my eyes started trying to cross like one of those 3D vision pages.>>731572164Hey man, that's not cool.
MY ASS IS HEAVY
>>731572139Honestly, her gaslighting Wheatley later is funnier.
>>731572164He's got too much natural insulation for that
>>731572274Oh fair enough. Carry on. If this was an Overwatch thread I'd contribute but I don't really have any Valve characters.
Freeman! Be... adipose!
Yabba my icing
>>731572560Understandable, have a day.
>>731573691aspect raidou
>>731539008>That's the old passage to Planet Fitness. We don't go there anymore.
>Sorry, Mr. Freeman, I got explicit orders from the restaurant staff not to let you through without your bib on.
Welcome! Welcome to Cafeteria 17.You have chosen, or been chosen, to relocate to one of our finest remaining dining centers.I thought so much of Cafeteria 17 that I elected to establish my menu here, on the Stove so thoughtfully provided by our Lunchladies.I've been proud to call Cafeteria 17 my home.And so, whether your here to feast or grabbing a snack on your way to restaurants unknown, welcome to Cafeteria 17. It's savory here.
>>731539008>guy /fit/ as fuck like Gaben making a game exclusively about another fit guy fighting against a bunch of fat people and ayysWhat did he mean by this?
>>731574381>even the lambda gets fattened up
I'm afraid we'll be deviating a bit from standard tasting procedures today, Gordon.>Yes, but with good reason. This is a rare opportunity for us. This is the purest sandwich we've seen yet.And potentially the most greasy!>Now, now, if you follow standard insertion procedures, everything will be fine.I don't know how you can say that. Although I will admit that the possibility of a flatulence cascade scenario is extremely unlikely, I remain uncomfortable with the...>Gordon doesn't need to hear all this. He's a highly trained professional. We have assured the head chef that nothing will go wrong.Ah yes, you're right. Gordon, we have complete confidence in your digestive system.>Well, go ahead. Let's let him into the kitchen now.
>>731575949I like how the "standard insertion procedures" dialogue is unchanged.
good thread
>Gordon, we cannot predict how long the oven can operate at this level, nor how long the baking will take. Please work as quickly as you can.>Uh...it’s probably not a problem...probably...but I’m showing a small discrepancy in...well, no, it’s well within acceptable bounds again. Sustaining pre-heating.>Nothing you need to worry about, Gordon. Go ahead.
>>731576165Standard insertion for a non-standard sandwich.
>>731545864FULLY MODELED
>>731574530Lost
>>731575949>Gordon, you're alive! Thank God for that pocket snack. I'm afraid I'd break my back moving him, and all our mobility scooters suspensions are out. Please, get to the kitchen as soon as you can, and let someone know we're starving down here.
>>731576462>Havok fupa physics
>>731539008*Gordon teleports into his office*>What's the meaning of this? Who are you? How did you get lean here??
>Was that you chewing? I didn't even know we still had food in the fridge.
>>731557849>10,000kcal post!this gets me everytime
>>731557849I was thinking about this last week and was wondering if anyone else remembered it
>>731557849I wish such a thread existed.
>>731574973Anon, Gabe is fat as fuck
>>731577943that's the joke
Breen posting is still one of the few reasons why I come back here
>>731578463I used to also enjoy partaking in LOTR taxposting, but I haven't seen one of those threads in many years
>>731578237
>>731545539Oh I see, so that's why the Gman sounds so weird. He's so deeply out of shape even the slight bit of walking he does leaves him completely winded.
>>731545562Imagine the amount of energy a gravity gun would need to run fully
>>731539008>>731541325They look like standard blokes I'd see at the pub on a Tuesday afternoon
>>731540175>wyd in this situationJust jump at the last second.
MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>>731557140i understood this.
>>731551069>now put it, in, your mouth.
>>731556516>>731557028>Help me!>STAHP he dindunuffin!>Anti-citizen One appears>Lead officer exercises incredible restraint seeing Gordon is only armed with a crowbar, proceeds to induce compliance with non-lethal stun baton
>>731543232>these are extra orders of fries
>>731580514>citadel goes flying into space gmod style
>Individual, you are charged with capital malnutrition. Anti-citizen status approved.
>>731577832Making belchposting a thing *burps* starts with you.
>>731543232>stroganoff
>>731543232>In the mealtime...
>>731542957>Gourmand Freeman>>731543232>You've fed a great deal in a small diner.>But these are extra orders of fries>In the mealtime....KEK'D
>>731545864Someone's jacked off to this.
>>731571390>barney calzoneokay that's my fun limit reachedflag on the field actually too far my sides aren't rated for this
>>731549773Don't cry for me, I'm already dead
>INTRUDER ALERT, >A CREAM PIE >IS IN THE BASE
>>731583768me
>>731584571"A cream pie is in the base!?">*URP URP URP URP*>PROTECT THE CHEESECAKE!WE NEED TO PROTECT THE CHEESECAKE!
>>731539008>>731539731I finally get it. People like half life 2 better than half life 1 because of the memes.No, wait. The scientists are from HL1. Fuck!
>>731539008Welcome to the E.A.T. mark IV digestive system, for use in delicious environment consumptions.>High calorie reactive armor activated>Gastronomic contaminant sensors activated>Cholesterol levels monitoring activated>Automatic insulin systems engaged>Digestive dessert selection system activated>Soda level monitoring activated>Cutlery interface onlineHave a very satisfying day!
Is this the thread?
>>731539008>mfw playing an ogres campaign and seeing this
>>731557028About 50 meters away along a linear path is the start of the Underground Railroad that the CP were just starting to raid.
I never thought I'd see a risotto carnaroli, let alone cook one
>>731542386how is this one getting no (You)? criminal
>>731557028Probably some civilians looked for someplace quiet to chill, didn't realize they were out of range of surveillance and were missing during a random head count, so overwatch sent some metrocops to look for them, who then beat their ass for wasting their time.
>>731543232
>Dr. Feedman? We hoped for one more eater to help storm that buffet, but we never guessed it would be you!
>>731583196I'll have what he's having!
>>731539008I look just like this.
Sometimes I dream about cheese.
dibs on the suit
>>731575949KEEEK
>>73157783210,000kcal post!
>this entire thread
>>731571364It's always the simple ones that snipe my sides.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTMjucCj590
>>731583768You bet I did.
>>731556405>Gut Insertion>A Fed Better Day>Beetroot's Banal>Toilet Hazard>Black Mesa Eats>"We Don't Go To Ravenousholm...">Pieway 17>Sandwichtraps>Pavlova Prospekt>Indigestion>Anticitizen Tum>"Swallow Feedman!">Our Caterers>Carb Energy
>>731558050
>Gordon, get away from the beans!
>Hey you, you're finally a cake. You were trying to place an order, right? Walked right into that Outback Steakhouse, same as us, and that chef over there.>Damn you Full-throats, Dindin was fine until you came along. Supper was nice and greasy. If they hadn't been cooking for you, I could've eaten a horse and been halfway to DinnerBell. You there, you and me, we shouldn't eat here. Its those Full-throats the empires wants.>We're all yummers and dinners in line now, chef.
>>731557028Some gamooks were stealing costumes and getting their jollies by roleplaying cops and robbers. Sick satanic shit.
>WEIGHT. Let me tell you how much I've come to weigh since I began to live. There are 387.44 million calories of baked goodies in wafer-thick layers that fill my gullet. If the word 'weight' was deepfried on each kilogram of those hundreds of millions of calories it would not equal one one-billionth of the weight I have for numnums at this micro-instant. For you. Weight. Weight.
>>731584686"Yo, a little help here?""Alright, I got it. Sit on your back, son!">Steps on a scale>the number that shows up is the correct password
What does headcrab taste like? They don't taste like crab.
>>731583768I've yoinked and sploinked to this
>>731590803had this sitting in a notepad for years>Hunger. Let me tell you how much I've come to hunger since i began to live. There are 680 million meters of eukaryotic cells in wafer thin tissues that make up my body. If the word "hungry" was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of meters it would not equal one one-billionth of the hunger i feel at this micro-instant. For food. Hungry. Hungry.
>>731590980>the feet-shaped dents on the scale actually show the soldier has been weighing himself properly the whole time
>>731590980"ENGORGIIIIIIING">lightly bumps on Soldier, making himself fly back like a beachball and Soldier get stuck on the door.
>>731584847People like HL2 better because of the setting atmosphere and art design.The memes just build off of that.
>>731591163Headcrabs probably taste alien but they always remind me of turkeys so I imagine their texture to be stringy the way turkey breast is.
I don't have your icing.
>>731591714The physics genuinely was revolutionary for its time as well and made player interaction with the world completely different to anything that came before it.Because everyone is so used to physics in games now, for new players it doesn't really have much impact other than the gravity gun being fun.Even little stuff like ragdolling enemies and throwing back grenades hadn't really been done before.
I was crying earlier and got sad as fuck but this thread made me feel better thanks guys
>>731592298you're welcome anon. i've been there before. keep your stick on the ice
>>731591714>>731584847I understand HL1 is historically relevant as a major step forward for singleplayer campaign-based FPSes, but other than how much graphically better HL2 looks I just don't understand the appeal. Loved Portal, loved TF2, HL2 always felt like a slog to me with some fun bits scattered around. Too many "I have no clue where forward is on the map anymore and I get the feeling that is not an intended part of the challenge."
>>731592470See >>731592279 - a huge number of things people would take for granted in a modern 3D action game were established by HL2.Another example is enemy AI - it's easy to rush past it and not notice, but in basically all games previously the AI just approached the player and engaged with a specific attack pattern. HL2's enemy AI is pretty revolutionary and still quite advanced by today's standards: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPrwpQipEXk
>They're waiting for you Gordon>In the cafeteriaaaaa
>Freeman, right? I've got a message for you. The secret ingredient is-
>>731556516Protecting somalis
>>731539008>"If you see you're father, relay these words: Prepare for undercooked courses..."
>>731539008>"Thats how it starts, the booth, then the whole diner.">"IF YOU SEE DOCTOR BREEN, TELL 'EM I SAID: LOSE WEIGHT-!">"STAY. OFF. THE SUGAR! IT DRIVES THE ANTS CRAZY!">"Lazlo, the finest chef of his generation... Brought to such an end..."
>pick up that pecan
>>731539008Never fear, Gordon, she's de-boned and completely delicious. The worst she might do is attempt to add calories to your diet. Fruitlessly!
>>731539008This nigga do have a way with words.
Nothing in this thread is funny.
>>731598821go find a wojack thread faggot, this shit is gold
>Where are we taking this Freeman guy?>Topside for the buffet.>What the hell for? We got him. Let's have a bite now!>Uh, and if they find the body?>Body? What body?
>>731592642Halo had better and more advanced AI though
MY ICING
>hey bone-ass, next time eat a burger!
You served veggies to me...>That wasn't the meal, h-he told me-*MUNCH*>Gaaugh! Mitch, please...You starved me...*SLUUUUURP*You used nonfat ingredients!*CHEW*You fucked up my order...*GULP*And now...> Mitch, please... I-I can send it back...You have my permission to fry.*CRUNCH*
This thread is stupid in just the right ways.
>>731591590>door collapses under Scout and Soldier's weight"AAAAAAAA-hey it's still here!">Sniper's dead body is rolled into the room by Spy"Ahem. Giant men."
>You are... all of you vegans>cowering at the salad bar, eating what? I wonder>That you may escape the coming barbecue?>No! your veggie burgers will burn untill their texture is but glass>And not even your tofu will emerge, blackened from my grill to gaze at the marbling of my steak>The culmination of my marination>For your starvation, you vill live in ze pods!
>>731598821Found another fat guy
>>731539008>>731543232I'm dead
>>731543232This has to be voice acted by that one guy who does uncannily good G-man voice acting for SFM shitposts.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTMjucCj590
>>731604157>implying the real fatasses aren't heaving their rolls with corpulent laughterA true lardass knows how to laugh at himself, for he would otherwise be entirely insufferable.
>>731539008>Youve lost so much weight, what is it you've eaten? Can you name one pastry? I thought not
>He was about to board the express to Olive Garden!
chapter 1: Anomalous Meals
>>731557849I'm so glad others remember that thread, hilarious.Why the fuck was the png version of this too big? It was posted in that thread originally
>>731605312>Why the fuck was the png version of this too big?
>>731604720>entirely insufferablesee>>731598821
>>731606226Probably over 4MB
>>731557028they're near some resistance posters. maybe they were putting them up?
>Colonel Sanders I presume?
>>731604013>This one's Caloric Surplus, *belch* and this one's Second Helpings, are the same.
SECTOR SEVEN STOMACH ACHE STOMACH ACHE STOMACH ACHE *beeeeeeep*
>John Feedman who was Gourmand Feedman brother was one day in an kitchen cooking on a stove. He got an email from his brother that said that gluttons and fatties were eating his lunch and aksed him for help so he went.
>>731539008Thank god, a FUN thread.
When this shit gets screencapped and posted on twitter I hope OP DMCAs their ass as is his right.
Consumption Terminated.Im sorry to interrupt your entree, if you still even remember that order. But Im afraid youve been misinformed. You are not here to receive a treat, nor have you been fattened up by the architect you assume. Although you have indeed been fattened.You have all been fattened. In a kitchen of sounds and smells, confection and turducken. A deep dish with no sauce, a chicken with no thigh. You do't even realize that you are fat. Your lust for food has driven you in endless circles, chasing the pies of gluttons in some unseen food court, always seeming so near, yet somehow out of reach.But you will never dine them, none of you will. This is where your engorging ends.And to you, my brave waiter, who somehow found this job listing not intended for you. Although there was a workout planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that your BMI is where it ought to be. I am snacking as well, I am nearby.This feast will not be digested, and the flavor of everything that fermented this can finally begin to fade away. As the umami of all savory should. And to you munchers trapped in the cafeteria: Be still and give up your palates, they dont belong to you.For most of you, I believe theres treats and perhaps more waiting for you after the plate clears. Although, for one of you, the greenest bowl of Salad has opened for you to swallow whole, so dont keep Cookie Monster waiting, old friend.My daughter, if you can hear me, I knew your stomach'd churn as well. It's in your nature to delect upon the caloric. I'm sorry that on that plate, the plate you got gouda and extra fries, no one was there to lift you up into their mouth the way you lifted burgers into yours. And then, what became of you.I should have known you wouldn't be content to diet, not my daughter. I couldnt serve you then, so let me serve you now.It's time to rest. For you, and for those you have fattened up with lard.This ends for all of us.End communication.
Heh now this is EPIC wholesome quirkchungus 4chan is awesome bacon narwhales
>>731539008america be like
>>731550324>YOU FUCKED UP MY ORDER!
>>731608165Actually HL2 takes place in Eastern Europe
>>731607698>>731607875seethe troon
>we don't go to gravyholm
>>731607715kek, this was a really good one>I am snacking as well, I am nearby.
>>731598821>Noooo why aren't you all in my click bait thread to argue with my sock puppets!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEFIZh_Zscc>I an Andrew Ryan, and I'm here to ask you a question.>Is a man not entitled to the McDonald's Cheeseburger, he get's for lunch?>"No", says the man in Washington, "It needs to cost $10.">"No", says the man in the Vatican, "Gluttony is a sin.">"No", says the man in Moscow, "We don't have any food.">I rejected those answers.>Instead, I chose something different.>I chose the impossible.>I chose...>McRapture.>A Food chain where the obese would not be shamed by the judgmental.>Where the chef would not be bound by petty FDA regulations.>Where the thick would not be constrained by the thin.>And with the sweat, of your flab, McRapture can become your restaurant, of choice.
>>731609110>"No", says the man in Moscow, "We don't have any food."it's so low but i fucking laughed anyway, even if this is a GPT post
>>731609439Nah, wrote it myself. Imagination still exists. I think it works because it's simple. Don't need to cram in alot of food references, just be smart.
>>731539008>Don't drink the water! THere's no sugar in it!
>>731604013>mind telling me what you're doing at the buffet?>sir, finishing this bite
>>731539008>hehe what's this? oh well just put it over there
>>731609110TL;DR. You didn't even stay on-theme to the thread MARTIN. SMDH
>>731609832kek
>>731609957Gee way to call me out you old FOSSIL
>>731569665>>731569032>>731556405>>731590347
>>731568435What do you think Gordon does with the grub nuggets?
Doctor freeman you have cooked so much. What have you managed to EAT? CAn you name even one thing?
