You wake up on the Normandy
>>736240214What do they eat?
>>736240728bugs
>>736240214Ok who's next to me?
>>736240868Jacob
>>736240214Guys, why does the walking boxers commercial need 1/10th of the ship to be his quarters? Which are almost completely EMPTY?!Aren't we in absolute panic turbo survival mode or something? What the FUCK is this utter nonsense?!!
This pistol doesn't have a thermal clip.
>>736240214where does all the crew poop and piss go?
>>736240214>EDI, probe my anus
>>736241168It's the SR1 retard there is no EDI.
30 seconds! God bless you all!
>>736241209Oh whoops let me try again>Computer, probe my anus(I've never played ME1)
>>736240214non stop sex orgy in there
If I am Shepard, fuck Liara.If I am not Shepard, cuck him and fuck Liara
>>736241478you are femshep
>>736241518would that make me a troon?
>>736240214Cool.
>>736240214Wish James were here because I'm pretty sure he'd be the only dude who'd be friends with me
>>736241592it would be extremely painful
>>736240214talk to saren and become his advisorreapers win by the mid point of me2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxBnyciBNa4>Ruins your thread and franchise
>>736240214Shoot myself. You won't trick me into having a j*b, even if it's as a space cowboy.
>>736241143Destroyed or compacted by small Mass Effect fields. Or maybe it's ejected out into space in a capsule like the garbage disposal does in ME2https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzkt4vNYk-I
>>736240214RAPEAPE
>>736240214get raped
>>736240214I immediately activate FTL speed and head to the edge of the universe.
>>736244219You do realize that's still going to take years, right?
>>736240214Do I keep my memories? Can I meet up with Marauder Shields early to prevent the ending this time?
I would love to live and work on a spaceship. God, I hate being born in this millennium.Im about to become a mariner so I can at least work on a ship, but fuck my stupid chud life.
>>736240214Go to Kepler-452 to see if humantroons finally colonised the exo-planet or if they got defeated by a superior race like the Turians
>>736240214been my dream for decades now. First thing I do is smack ashley's ass and get beat up
Immediately start spying on Liara fucking all the female crew
>>736244385Centuries**
>>736240214I'm probably a cook
>>736240214I rape Joker.
>>736244918
>>736244918EDI???
>>736244513Same, it's a shame that space travel is basically never happening, Artemis 2 went up yesterday. And even if they started sending far more people up, unless you're a pilot and scientist you're not even going to be considered.Ships are cool. Probably the closest you can get to being an astronaut and probably something that is relatively transferable as a skill for selection if someone miracle happens and space flight becomes common.
>>736240868Ulfric Stormcloak, the true High King!
>>736244513>>736245298We're 5 decades away from mining the surface of the moom for helium 3 to power fusion reactors, necessitating an increase in space-ready personnel. Just freeze yourselves, you were so close.
>>736245298Space travel will happen but we are not gonna be alive at that point and it will probably be to nearby solar systems and not the entire galaxy... provided that humans don't kill themselves with nukes first
>>736245424>Wake up from cryo, all went well and you are in spaaaace>Jeets designed the toiletsfuck you too, monkey paw
>>736245472Space travel is happening literally right now.
>>736245680>go around the moonWow, humantroons can't even colonise Venus or Mars yet lmaoooo
>>736245818It's sad that you think that's a trivial accomplishment.
>>736245367>Ulfric Stormcloak>true High KingWhat a laugh.
Where's that fucking bombshell android I need to fuck something
>>736245680wow just in time for the war with Iran
>>736240214>Anon?>Good, you're awake. Get your suit on, we've got Batarians to kill.>Also after that we bang, ok?
>>736246259Who can refuse?
>>736246259Based, total Batarian DEATH
>i am shepardcool>i am a party membercool>i am a random crewmemberas soon as Sovereign is destroyed, i get off the Normandy ASAP. So i prevent being fucked by the Collectors. Then i spend all my money and time for the next few years to find some remote place on some backwater planet, build a bunker and start doomsday prepping for when the Reapers arrive.
>>736246732Why wouldn't you warn people about the reapers arriving anon?
>>736246867because i know how that worked out for Shepoo and i know that Shep will save us through the power of plot anyways. The issue is that im a NPC so my survival isnt guaranteed.
>>736246867People don't listen
>>736246732What if Shepard found you and wanted you back on the Normandy?
>>736246867>We have dismissed that claim.
>>736240214Restructure the robot girl to be more of a waifu and less of a western whore
>>736247215i politely decline, tell him (or her) what an honor it has been and all, but my life now leads me down a different path.
>>736247215To bang?
>>736247385Shepard loses enough assets from this to not stop the reapers. Good job asshole.
>>736247419or i means the Collectors will bow me up when they destroy the Normandy 1 (unless im among the few lucky ones who made it to the escape pods). And should Cerberus re-hire me for the Normandy 2, there is a 95% chance the collectors are going to snatch me and i will die a horrible death.The ONLY way i will survive is if the alliance re-hires me for the Normandy 2 under alliance flag (so ME3). In that case and that case only, im back on board.
>>736241102TIM spent billions making Shepard a rad fuck pad.You bet your ass he’s gonna use it to the fullest.
>>736246732>>736247697Based as fuck anonAlso I love the Collectors... the ost, the way they look like and the lore is so creepy
>>736240728Ramen, it's a Japanese delicacy you know?
>>736240214>Friend playing through the series for the first time>Won't stop bitching about EDI, keeps making parallels to Grok and ChatGPTIt's been tiring, though watching him get more racist about Geth has been funny
>>736248501When you thing about it, is (s)he wrong?
There is another psyop.
>>736248842The reapers?
>>736248938no... something far more insidious...the idea that Batarians deserve to live
>>736249172SEND ANOTHER ASTEROID
>>736248501KEKGrok wishes it had the same level of awareness of EDI>racist about GethWith the Geth or against them?Because as my as I love my wife, Tali, the Geth are just superior>better weapons>due to being synthetic, they are not as fragile as the Quarian (who can die to the most common flu)>WAY MORE powerful fleetImagine being btfo so hard by your own creation who were originally farmer/servant bots
>>736249409as much**
>>736249409>better weaponsThe only use the Geth rifle has is as an ugly paperweight
>>736249409That quarian arc shotgun thing in 3 dabs on any geth gun desu.All the real best guns are human made though. Makes you think.
Oh man this brings back memories.
>>736250340women should dress like this on a daily basishow do we make the faggots in dior/armani/versace etc make this fashionable???
>>736250340I prefer the loyalty outfits so much I downloaded an ME3 mod that makes that their default appearances.
>>736240214I stand around waiting for femshep to talk to me
>>7362413621 is the best one
>>736240214get drunk with Garrus
I'm tired of alien pussy which human girl do I romance this playthrough?>Ash has the entire trilogy and the ups and downs are very realistic, the hospital scenes are also much better if you romance her. But she feels unfinished in 3>Miranda is the hottest, and she has the most complete arc in 2, turning her good with your dick. There's no settling down with her but that adds to her tragic romance. But she feels unfinished in 3>Jack is bipolar, but you can fix her just like Miranda, even better in some opinions. By the time you meet her again in 3 she's much better. Even still though, she feels unfinished in 3
>>736240214I head immediately to medbay and rape Dr. Chakwas.
>>736251732Ash is best girl and I have replayed many times and never felt compelled to romance anyone other than her.
>>736251732I hate literally everything about Miranda and Cerberus. Simple as.Ashley was better than Liara in ME1. More character and depth to her. Jack's ME2 romance SCENE is top tier, but the romance itself is honestly bad. There's barely any chemistry until the scene itself. And then as you stated, basically forgotten in 3 aside from Citadel DLC.
>>736240214I immediately find Chakwas and flood her post-menopausal womb with my seed.
>>736251732>me1 don't have time for romance I gotta play space detective and save the galaxy>me2 aw shit going renegade fuck it romance jack>me3 stay loyal to jack cause she's awesome
>>736251732Ash has the most interactions so she wins by default.
>>736252428>don't have time for romanceEven with Relays and FTL ME1 takes place over the course of weeks.
>>736249409>the Geth are just superiorI do love cosplaying as a Geth in 3>Geth Rifle>Geth Shotgun>Geth SMG >Silver colored armor and death mask with blue lights>(soldier so I can actually carry all this shit)
>>736240214>call the council>hang up
>>736240214what about Shepard?
