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I'm tired. Dealing with cPTSD. In the last year my personality changed several times. Half of me is still mentally in another year. I have definitely reached the end of it, processing all the traumas I had, and now I'm just numb to everything, can't even recognize myself anymore.

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>>6019061
>reached the end of it
I hope that means you're are getting through it.

I personally live 1 day out of 8 or something with the feeling of hopelessness about the future and the present, whishing I wasn't born and that the universe didn't exist. I started seeing a therapist (which I always thought was a loser move) and am planning on trying a psychedelic experience as explained on the Andrew Huberman podcast. The frequency of these thoughts is getting more frequent but I can still believe that I will manage to reduce the frequency of these thoughts one day, via behavioral changes or/and a change in my attitude towards life.

>>6019057
>those vewn clips
Fucking based, that's my favorite animator

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>>6019074
>I hope that means you're are getting through it.
Yes I am. That's what I meant, as in recovering from it all. Months ago I kept thinking about death and how I rather not live than remember all those things, now I just accept it all, but I'll never be the same again, I'll get used to being a different person.

I was just talking to a friend and she says my tiredness is from wearing a mask all the time because I don't have anybody besides her I can talk about this stuff so I just hide it under the surface in my day to day live and it's been wearing heavy on me. It makes sense

Hope things work out for you, and that's it's just a phase like the one I just got out of.

>>6019137
Thanks for sharing, I appreciate it

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>>6019212

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>>6019212

>>6019212
>join masons as teen
>suck dicks
>bruh i got a good idea
>lets make videos
>boomer masons trust the retards
>they end up seeming like unhinged barely coherent faggots constantly grasping at control

>>6019074
>am planning on trying a psychedelic experience as explained on the Andrew Huberman podcast
Free mason faggot.

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>>6019373
i don't know too many Masons who are this Christpilled or critical of Israel.
you only hurt yourself carrying all this bitterness around anon. let go of it...or be dragged by it

>>6019137
sad that some of yall would rather be a suicidal creep man instead of a happy trans woman. there is still time.

Anyone got the Barry Lyndon edit with the grimes song?

made youtube channel for archiving some of YGYL and feels videos

https://www.youtube.com/@ygyl-bump

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fart fart

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>>6019891
Buy an ad faggot

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>>6020206

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>>6019053
Tried plan s 18 years ago, Im glad it failed. Am I functional, barely. Did it get way better, no, but it did get better. Will I be in treatment till I die, yes. Is life worth living, yes. If only to see what happens next. Plan s isnt worth it, find another letter.

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>>6019891
Thanks for the work anon

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I see now
A bright horizon
The world was
Beyond the reach of man
I reach now
For the unknown
And lay foot down on virgin seed

What gemstones
Hide in your rivers?
What secrets
Under your oceans foam
Maria
We stand before you
As planet explorers
Far away... from home.
We're planet explorers
Finally home.

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>>6019053

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>>6019053

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>>6019053

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>>6019053

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>>6019053

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oc

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>>6019891
Nice, could you do the first two and >>6019096 ?

>>6020241
This video man... Been years since I last saw it. That version of me killed himself like he said he would.

>>6020237
Fly high sky king.

>>6019447
I'm a happy creep man. It's you troons who are suicidal.

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Been thinking of making this into a real video. Got myself a STALKER-style gas mask from army surplus. Lots of local trails around, some with rusted out cars and such. Been researching ruined places nearby. I don't think I could be walking around those but I could at least get PoV shots there.
Just started dating a cute petite girl, maybe she could play the dead girl. Or something. I don't know.
I'm 32 laid off NEET so now's probably my best chance to do this stuff. Just not sure how to go wandering around some of these trails with a tripod and camera in a STALKER get up without ending up lit up by the cops cause of my old Airsoft AK47 as a prop. It'd be kinda sus to call them beforehand as a headsup, but it might be worse not to. I dunno. It's just gonna be shots of me walking.

Either way, this song gave me feels, back when I could still feel things. After 5 years of wagecucking, I don't really feel much at all. Just was outside in the November chill and doing some yardwork, which used to make me really feel the coldness and uncaringness of the world, this deep sadness that was very beautiful and relieving to feel, but now it's like none of it is even real or even matters.

Does somebody happen to have a music video webm about russo-ukraine war with femail vocalist.
I only remember small part of the lyrics "if i have a spark".
In the video was a crying babuska and war material

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>>6019053

>>6021891
>waa i'm suicidal
well i'm happy
>nuh uh actually i'm happy and you're suicidal
>another internet argument won

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>>6019053

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dogshit thread full of subhuman redditors

>>6023236
movie is Revolver (2005) btw, I should rewatch it again soon.

>>6020222
So many russian songs I hear being sung and I can never find what the fuck they're actually singing

>>6024718
A Glass of Vodka on the Table by Grigory Leps

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I recently realized that the first night I couldn't sleep was because of the trauma, my whole life I suffered insomnia, so that's why I could never sleep. This webm hits me hard
>who are you
I've been asking myself that my whole life, I'm literally this guy, when I found out who I was I nearly killed myself. Still can't sleep tho, not without meds. Even had a factory accident once

>>6026047
>muh trauma
Shut up faggot, quit being such a drama queen and get over yourself

>>6026068
That's not how it works

>>6026441
According to...?

>>6020035
I've never seen this one. TR has always been one of my heroes, now I respect him even more, Nixon too. Thank you anon, this was phenomenal.

>>6026447
Everyone that has, or is living with, someone that has serious trauma.

Does anyone have that video of the japanese MMA fighter dedicating his win to his dead kitten he rescued a few weeks prior? Can't find it anywhere

>>6019137
coal
The original was gemmy

>>6027187
>according to reddit and my trans discord friends
Grow up. Guarantee I've been through much worse shit than you and I don't act like a scarred faggot about it

>>6027207
Son, this isn't how you talk to others. I know you don't feel stronger, or better about yourself now having minimized what others have been through. Treat yourself better, so that you may treat others better.

There is no pouring from an empty cup

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>>6027191

>>6027457
You're a saint, thank you! It's nowhere to find, even ai says such a video doesn't exist

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[Verse 1]
Dark is the Night. Only bullets whistle across the steppe
Only the wind hums inthewires, the starsflicker dimly
In the dark night, mylove, I know, you are not sleeping
And by the baby's crib you secretly wipe away a tear

[Verse 2]
How I love the depth of your gentle eyes
How I want to press my lips to them
The dark night separates us, my love
And the anxious black steppe lies between us

[Verse 3]
I believe in you, in my dear friend
This faith kept me from a bullet on a dark night
I am happy, I am calm in a mortal battle
I know - you will meet me with love, no matter what happens to me

[Verse 4]
Death is not terrible, we have met it more than once in the steppe
And now it is circling above me
You are waiting for me and you don't sleep in a crib
And that's why I know - nothing will happen to me

>>6027503
>And they heaved a mighty breath, every soul on board but me,
>As they saw her nose again pointing handsome out to sea;
>But all that I could think of, in the darkness and the cold,
>Was just that I was leaving home and my folks were growing old.

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>>6027207
>>6026068
If you've been through worse I guarantee the first time you confronted it you would have acted similarly and I don't doubt you experienced something as bad or worse because I bet that's what turned you into an emotionless cunt so I forgive you, the other guy wasn't me, after confronting my trauma I am becoming emotionless, you probably don't even remember that's what did it, for me this process got delayed into adulthood after blocking it out so long.
I'm not gonna let myself turn into an asshole tho I laugh with things now like an asshole would, I'm gonna be an asshole with principles.

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>>6027521

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For some reason this video gives me the f e e l z. More moderate melancholy than depressed

> POV: you did too much acid, now you get a webm to remember

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I feel depressive-aggressive rn, so i'll vent here with reddit spacing.

I'm 27, and it's been 10 years since I tried to end my life, never stop thinking about suicide since then. Depression and loneliness has become such a normality in my life that I live with that "hole in the chest" sensation pretty much 24/7 and I've grown accustomed to it.
I don't even fucking know where i'm going in life, I'm supposed to consider myself "lucky" to have a job which pays more than the median salary in my shithole but it just feels like i'm a slave anyway.
There's no yes-life, you're either born in wealth or lucky enough to become wealthy, or you're just a fucking slave that will never taste true freedom of living however you want. There's no more "hard work pays off" in our time... you fucking scam, trick, steal from people or you gamble and keep gambling until you win big or you lose everything.
There's no love, there's no happiness, there's no peace, there's no freedom... at least for me.
And cucks who believe in god are gonna tell me:
>if you kys, you go to hell.
Bitch, why would god even bother with a "hell" dimension? I wouldn't accept heaven or a better afterlife even if it was guaranteed, just fucking delete my soul, no need for anything else.
I'm so tired of living, and thinking about all that...
I wish my parent could die fast so the last people on this planet who "care" about me are gone and I can blow my brains the fuck out rather than waste my time writing all this shit in the void.
Have a webm.

>>6019559
As one who moved out of his hometown and built up a new life, this does hurt

>>6020237
Fly high, Sky King.

>>6028603
I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. When I was like 12 I would tell my parents they're to blame for my (bad) behavior because they put me on this earth against my will. I never expected to live past 18. I had my method ready and never made any plans beyond that age. Yet the system somehow manages to push you into the rat race. I dropped out of school, I passed 18,I had some shitty jobs and some better ones, I got a car, I got a house, I got a wife, I got some money, I passed 30, but nothing changes the feeling of not wanting to be here. The emptiness inside of me. I don't even want to be "happy", I just want the weight on my chest, the pain of life, the numbness, .. to get a little lighter.
It took a complete meltdown, burnout, crash, whatever you want to call it; to learn that I'm simply not fit for this world. The world is built by a certain type of people and it's built for them. If you can't hold on to the train, they'll give you pills, therapie, anything. But if all fails, you get tossed.
I tossed myself, I tossed the expectations from society, people around me and myself. I accepted that I will never be alright but that I can find peace and contentment, by simply giving up. Stop fighting. Just live a simple life, the bare minimum. It's a process but I'm in a better place.
I hope you'll find peace some day, search it where you don't expect it.

>>6019562
This shit gets to me every time

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This one gets me in my feels, yk with it being november and all

>>6022237
you think too much, sometimes its just better to go and do it

t. adrenaline junkie

>>6019074
song is terrible

>>6019559
ouch , that one stings

>>6022939
I was wondering when someone was going to post this one

>>6029036
Fuck me dude...

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>>6029141
i'm collecting variants

>>6027527
The American remake was so much worse

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>years of being exploited in complex but low-paying jobs
>finally land a high-paying, high-pressure job
>dad has multiple strokes at 51 and dying after a month in the hospital
>after he's gone we discover cheating, secret debts and hidden accounts
>now I'm burning time and money on lawyers and bills to keep mom afloat
>moved states for the job, lost contact with "friends"... NEET fuckers say they have no time to talk to me
>Come home to an empty apartment, just work and the gnawing feeling of being completely alone

>>6030176
i feel for you anon.

>Come home to an empty apartment, just work and the gnawing feeling of being completely alone
Unfortunately this is the circumstance of most young men around the world (esp straight white) and while the ends are no different, the means (who dies, forcibly ruins your life, what medical condition they get, whatever adverse events they experience) vary, although the pain is similar in magnitude. what to do? surely there is something we can do collectively beyond the individual approach of get good, work harder & smarter and improve your life

although we are alone in our battles we are not alone in being the only ones experiencing ones like them. This thread existing is proof of that

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>>6030437
oh, and heres a webm so this doesn't just become a chat board

>>6029051
How do you suggest I avoid getting arrested?

i was involved in a gruesome death at work today and had to spend several hours around the mangled body to deal with cops and such since i was in charge
i'm a little shook, anons
truly nobody's fault, but i wouldn't mind some music for the feel

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im gonna do it if im still alone at this time next year

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Finally coming to terms with the fact my life is going to be nothing but suffering and indifference. Perhaps it could have gone different, but it didn't and that's that. I used to think, the right job or the right girl could give me that something that would make me different, make me appreciate. But, nothing does.

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>>6030981
it's never too late anon
look toward God

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>>6022237
i don't think it would hurt to call your local police station and ask if there's any risk with what you intend to do and what would be the best way to react if a cop takes interest in you
also, start hiking and taking pices before you ask your girl to help you
im sure your videos will be comfy ah

>>6020246
what are the bottom two movies?

>>6031760
Left is "Shame" - 2011. Right is "Possession" - 1981

anyone have that edit of uptown girls (2003) with mitski - first love/late spring playing?

>>6031147
Yeah I mean I know the best thing to do if the cop is interested in me is to not move and not touch my (fake) gun. But it would be really embarrassing to waste their time on that shit, especially if my family found out somehow it would be very humiliating.
>also, start hiking and taking pices before you ask your girl to help you
I have. Gotten some nice shots of sun through trees in the pine forests and such. And of some rusted out cars and ruined places. Been looking up some other places to get shots like that. It will mostly be those kinds of shots but I want some pics of me walking there in a STALKER type costume and I have to bring a tripod and shit to actually go there.

Guess I could do it without the airsoft rifle but it feels wrong.
Also don't know if I should use my gf because if we break up later then it's gonna ruin my enjoyment of the video.

>>6030675
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug4rs1jLMKk

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>>6019444
This. Nothing cool will ever happen to you inside your house (unless you have a garage band) but as soon as you go outside cool stuff can happen and will happen but you have to make the effort to be happy. Bad stuff can also happens but so what, pick yourself up and dust yourself off and keep trying. That's what it's all about. You get knocked down and you get back up. You get knocked down again you get back up again.

https://youtu.be/FObG0l9xgmM?si=GdGSJ3O4hP6P6MKn

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Remember, you only live 100 years if you're lucky. I could do 100 years standing on my head with one arm tied behind my back.

>>6019053
just watched synecdoche, new york
heard it was a very depressing film on /v/
right now I'm feeling pretty down after getting myself worked up the other day
met a girl I liked and got some signs from her that she might like me
asked her out and she accepted so I felt pretty good
but she kinda put it off until later than I liked and it ended up just being us chatting at a bar for a little over an hour
I don't think it's going anywhere
why did I ever have any hope whatsoever
I should just move back home and become a hikiNEET
that or kill myself

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>>6034305

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>>6034305
>>6034396

>>6034397
>>6034396
>>6034305
kek

>>6022237
>Just started dating a cute petite girl
This could interfere with your life line, positively, or negatively, one thing is certain, it’s that you will be partially an actor in the direction taken.
There is still time to think about it, it's not too late.

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>>6019053

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>>6034592
I love full series too, same goes fro "the best part of making meatball series and its 9 different videos"

>>6023134
Correct

>>6034596
What do you mean? I'm gonna try to make it work out. But I can't force it.

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>>6034240
You would imagine not having a purpose but still having to work a 9-5 just to live sucks even more

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I realized how long ago highschool was as I was cleaning up some old files. Not even photos, just memes I had saved from the time.
I am only twenty-three and feel so lost. I am spending the evening with my father tomorrow because it is his birthday. I hope that it goes well.

How we doing bros?

My dad has stage 3 cancer. I'm not doing great.

>>6030176
Play out the hand life dealt you, dear anon. Don't give in to despair. There is yet something to be gained from this existence. Abandon everything else and pursue it.

Wishing you the best, condolences for your father.

>>6034240
rich people always tell us how being rich isn't fullfilling and how money doesn't buy happiness but how many gave away all their money and posessions to seek happiness and meaning?

>>6035962
Having money isn't itself fulfilling, it's more or less the prerequisite to fulfillment. Once you have enough to not work it doesn't make a difference.

I worked for 3 years out of college, I've saved up now about 350k. I quit my job and now I'm trying to figure out how to live my life in a way I don't hate. What I'm more or less concluding is that enjoyment in life is derived from

- learning hard, useful things and getting good at them. Facing a challenge and creatively overcoming it.
- wife and children

Incidentally, you can get fulfillment from point 1 by working on solving the problem "how do I get enough money so I don't have to work". That's the recommended course for all poor people.

>>6029181
true classic

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The first 25 years of life you're a dumbass.

The last 25 years of life you're a senile old dumbass.

The 50 years in the middle will be filled with pain and suffering so you might wanna learn how to be happy and more importantly how to hang on to happiness. The sooner the better.

>>6020234
What's the sauce for the music video?
It's NOT Serotonin Airshade

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>>6019053

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>>6036630

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>>6036633

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>>6036634
gwmpx

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>>6036635

>>6019061
go to South America to a reputable ibogaine treatment facility. Best of luck anon.

Being a whiny, mopey faggot will never solve any of your problems.

>>6036795
why are you posting a fed?

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>>6030981
>>6030992
>yeah just be a good little goyim and just slave away. every day is a gift after all! :)
You are an NPC slave.

>>6036851
I don't preocupy myself with that. I thought there was a comedic intent to it because people make a number of odd videos around Richard. Mythologizing Richard Spencer is a funny concept to me. I also thought the video was kind of kino for what it is.

>>6036884
alright. lets hypothetically accept your faggot reddit-tier NoGoD premise.
now
what are YOU living for? and what's the evidence that it's true?

>>6036884
I have the one without rallan gosling, which is a better video. I have to check in my folders.

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>>6036635
ah man this hits me, feeling like dead weight lately. I had a purpose but there was nothing left to do and the job is over and now I need a new purpose. Also I feel like I'm past my peak, it's all gonna be down hill from here hoping I'm wrong

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>>6038111

Any of you guys spending Thanksgiving and Christmas alone?

>>6038140
>thankgiving
Not a thing here.
>Christmas
maybe with my mother? we never cared much about holidays, but we will probably eat together or something

>>6037085
>3.14MB

>>6038127
Don't ever give up, anon

>>6038140
Naturally.

>>6020459
sauce?

>>6020484
btw they broke up

>>6024328
sauce????????????????

>>6039291
the movie on the count of three

>>6019447
trvke, if you have a female friend and think you have some made up acronymshit you may as well cut your dick off.

>>6039299
tq anon

>>6019891
these are already low-quality and you are uploading them to youtube to compress further, at least use odysee.

>>6039292
HAHAHHAHAHA good.

>>6022386
it usually means they are narcissistic and have a bad character.

>>6039294
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZ6jQvu3ES0

>>6030992
>be grateful of getting fucked in the ass goy its a gift by El Shaddai!
go fuck yoursel, rabbi.

>>6039315
tq anon

>>6039307
i have many female friends who call me pretty and compliment my eyeshadow. what do you have?

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Live your life and let others live their life. Make the world better not worse. Doesn't matter what you look like. Doesn't matter how much money you got. Help people out that have it worse than you. If you're out there making the world better you might even find a girl and live happily ever after. If she turns out to be a bitch than leave her and find another one. Pretty simple shit. It's not rocket science. Do something with your life. Be somebody. What's the alternative? Listen to the idiots saying positive people who try to be somebody are suckers? Yeah ok. Makes perfect sense.

life is shit but you can choose to be happy
i just made myself a toasted sandwich and it was great and i'm happy for it

>>6039917
sauce on the song?

>>6039929
google the lyrics, retard

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lurk less

>>6039324
>yes goyim don't worship Jesus Christ, the incarnate Logos (who we hate & openly mock)
>worship tree stumps and poop demons
>worship yourself
>hail Odin!
>hail Ganeesh!

faggot

>>6036635
what is this from?

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If you could go to bed forever would you?

>>6040132
its from a recording of a russian rocket launch back when the ISS was still hosting astronauts from russia, canada, usa, and europe

Does anyone remember/have the song sung in Russian about wanting to be 2d? I remember the image being an anime girl inviting you in through a portal on a rainy day. A girl sung it with a gentle guitar.

>>6040402
i thought the iss was faked with strings and stuff

>>6039929
Sublime - Badfish

>>6040641
tq anon

File: 1691760907478100.webm (2.42 MB, 1920x1080)

2.42 MB WEBM

>>6040234
No and neither should you

>>6040234
april
it's the end of my work contract
if I still feel like shit I'm going to kill myself