So it's not very easy to explain what I mean by this, but alas I'll try to. I used to trip Acid quite a good bit. Loved it. Made me feel a way I've never quite been able to replicate, except for a few brief moments sober. A sense of nostalgia for a place I've never quite been before. When I think of this place I think of images of insects (maybe not actual insects but just the characteristics of them, probuscis, hairy legs, tentacles, bug eyes ect..) dingy low light scenery, the sounds of snarling from the back of the throat, an electronic sort of feeling something tech related. But the thing about this is that I felt this before I've done Acid. I have No mental problems. But I have very overbearing thoughts about finding this place again, this feeling of bliss. I feel Like i have to go psychotic in some kind of way to reach this feeling again. Don't wanna use psyches to do it either, I developed DPPD and it bugs me already, dont wanna make it wore worse. Is there any kind of way to go psychotic controllably? That's an oxymoron... I know... but I dont wanna break stuff around my house or do some crazy shit. I just want my mind to be how it is supposed to. Or how it feels like its supposed to. I dont know. It doesnt make much sense to me sometimes. Has anyone experienced something like this before? If so what did you do?
Perhaps you remember your old Home.... when the glory of the Sun was not obscured by clouds
>>41010542and how do i find this once again?
>>41010409Longing is your body's response trying to extend itself to reach some "needs" it developed in some sort of context. Nostalgia is an intense visual manifestation of longing. Like when you starve, you get all kinds of dreams about food and feel empty. So what do you lack in life?Nostalgia comes from a dark place. Og you're familiar with occultism, it's saturnine or demiurge's way of trying to keep you in this world, missing chaos, longing for some dark something, using whatever your memory keeps against you as a defense mechanism. But you don't have to do this anymore, as a grown man you can transcend your lower nature, but it requires willpower for a reason, the illusory visions will do anything to keep you searching for happiness in some memory one way or another, but really all it shows is a craving from either loneliness, emptiness, wherever they come from, that's what I can't accurately guess.Memory is like perception, and normally when someone deceives you once it is a rule not to trust them again. There is a faint light beyond this world, however, it is invisible and generated purely by will, by existence alone, but it has no feeling or form or shape. Whatever your body is craving, it simply means you are getting higher above in spirit and your ego (Saturn's fear) is trying to keep you stuck here on Earth by grounding you with memories, all of which claim they are real, appear real, full of supposed sorrow, yet they have no substance at all. I have been in this place before, my visions were a darkness from which emerged a woman that I really longed for, maybe childhood or past crushes. But these are shadows of the abyss, you must accept them and you will see that they do not exist. But you don't want this because it means you need to move on with life into new areas, and that's what scares you. What exactly is happening in your life recently that causes these changes, if I may ask?
>>41010409Also, your picrel is a perfect representation of my point; a husk or shell of something which is dark, yet cracked open there is nothing in it. Even if you didn't intend for this, a dark feeling had drawn you to posting that image in this context and it revealed itself.
