I know better than to make /x/ my therapist, but I feel spiritually depleted and demoralized. I'm 18 and can't bring myself to do anything anymore. I don't see a reason to keep going; even something simple like getting my driver's license doesn't seem worth it. Long story short, throughout school, I was the quiet kid, but I had a good friend. At 15, he took his own life, and that caused me to go down a spiral. At 16-17, I started browsing this board, and out of grief and loneliness, I made an idol with a tulpa/spirit. That was a horrible experience mentally, and by the end, I would constantly refresh /x/ for some answer that would guide me to her. I stopped and found God, started wearing a crucifix, and started praying to him rather than her. I got a job and finished high school while homeschooled, and got my learner's permit. I'm 18 now, but that momentum has rapidly stopped, and now I just sit at home scrolling through 4chan and playing video games. I don't see a reason to keep going. My problem is that I don't feel loved. Looking at Maslow's hierarchy, it makes sense. I want to ascend past that. I doubt I'll find some form of love. I just want to get out of this hole he put me in. How do I ascend spiritually? I don't want to create another tulpa, and God is too abstract for me to feel his love unfortunately. Yet I need a reason to keep going.
>>41171459Get a job and a drivers licenseIt's very paranormal trust me Basically take the utility/practical pill and just do what's good for you even though your feelings are incongruent
>>41171459You are a living replica of the being that conquered this entire world, by thought alone.You are 99.4% the same as Albert Einstein, genetically.You are the result of 4 billion years of evolution and growth from nothing.You incarnated from the chaotic position of this Universe's baryonic matter within 3D space-time.So, why are you distraught by the primate game?Here's an explanation of the primate game.There was nothing.Then there was everything.14 billion years pass.Suddenly, you, for seemingly no reason, wake up on a rock flying through space.You are told you are a primate, by other primates that also just woke up on the rock flying through space one day.Everything those primates know about reality, was also taught to them by other primates that woke up on the rock flying through space one day.Do you let the turmoil of primate decisions force your feelings?You are an integral part of reality itself.Your body is not a temple, it is a cockpit. (You) The you in your head, the one that never meets anyone else. The one you don't use to talk to people.The real you.He sits in the cockpit of that body, getting clouded and having filters applied to him, by the primates on a rock.You can be and do whatever you want to, in game worlds this world can never know.You need to begin understanding the placement of the real you, versus this Universe around him.Blue Eisenhower November
>>41171459The one thing that unites all of your problems is the fact that you're a fucking retarded sheep who does whatever other people tell him to. My advice is to grow up and move on with your life instead of worrying about bullshit all the time.
My only advice would be to find a church and to go and meet people there multiple times a week. I don't know much about ascending spiritually but logically social connections should come first. You did say you were lonely.
>>41171459>>41171532https://youtu.be/a2jGczO-nGMhttps://youtu.be/wfYbgdo8e-8If you can see the connections that the world leaves as silent letters in the word of life, then you will find what you truly seek, between these two videos, the concepts unspoken, that leak between them.I have left you puzzle pieces, you may assume, but I assure you, this is just a lock and key. It is simple. You can do it. We already know you can.
>>41171459People will tell you that you need to do this, or that ritual, or pray or meditate, bla bla bla. Take it from me, I'm only few years older than you, around 24, however, I was at the same place as you at 18, except I didn't play vidya. Look, if I could go back in time, I'd get off 4chan as soon as I hopped in. It was singlehandedly one of the worst choices, alongside many poor decisions, I made. I know you have a job, however, try to enroll in uni, it's a meme but it'll force you to get out there and meet people. Yeah, it's pretty normie, but so are most people on this site who aren't oldfags, me included. I mean, I even reddit space as well, at times. You're not horrible or unlovable, you're just 18, but if you don't get off of this hellhole of a site, you will become horrible and unlovable. You'll convince yourself that you suck, that maybe you're ugly, that Earth is a hellish realm or some Gnostic shit, and all kinds of things that'll only fuel your isolation and depression, and you're probably partially convinced of that already. Fact is, you don't want to ascend out of it, probably. You just want to feel more than constant apathy, depression, loneliness and maybe even despair. My words won't convince you that you can obtain love, only experience will or will not. My best advice is to cut off everything that makes you feel like life isn't worth it because prison planet or because you're cursed or ugly, and try to meet as many people as possible. I'm coming from a place where this advice would've made me seethe at 18, and I hated it, but I missed so many opportunities and now I regret it because I know I should've followed it. Good luck
>>41171459>How do I ascend spiritually?This will probably come across trite, but if you're asking that question here or anywhere really, you simply won't. You have to find that answer within.That doesn't necessarily mean anything specific. Maybe for some the answer will come after 10 years of wageslaving and rat race, for others its 10 years of NEETdom. Others will need some sort of crisis to act as a catalyst. Maybe it won't take you that long, who knows.It took me until pretty much now (38) to feel like I reached something even resembling an answer.
>>41171543>Just stop thinking , be a good goy cattle and stop worrying about your mental healthI'm not sure if I wanna follow your advice considering that you're taking it out on random people like some mumbling schizo
>>41171459Actual reality is far more wonderous than you know and can possibly imagine. Feeling unlovable is due to not learning how to love yourself yet. There are many forces, mysteries, secrets, that you don't know. The bleakness of existence is a thin veneer over the top of an endless mystery.At your age it is hard, it will get better as time goes on. You learn more, discover more, and know how to apply what you know in better ways. I'd say if you can make it another decade then life will actually seem pretty cool, and you will likely look back on your time now with some warm nostalgia, and yet also knowing that things are better than you thought possible.If you don't know how to transition to college from homeschool, id recommend going for a 2 year associates degree at a community college, to get your general education credits, and then transfer into a 4 year university. Apply for FAFSA and get pell grant, it can basically pay for community college, and part of real college.I lost a fried too, a couple years ago. It hurts, but I know he would want me to go on and fulfill my dreams.
>>41171459>I'm 18That's the first problem. At that age it's nearly impossible to be happy. And this time nowadays is the worst to be young.Also that you're gaming and wasting time online at that age is normal, if you're not a super extravert sunny boy with 1000 friends, or a fanatic sport freak.My advice, go on and wait for an idea what you want to do with your life. It usually comes in the 20s. Sometimes it comes in the 30s, so that takes time. Until then try to not get addicted to alcohol or drugs, because that messes up most of the chances in life.
You are so lost that I can't even start to throwing mad facts towards you. AVOID DECEPTION AT ALL COST.
>>41171551>My only advice would be to find a church >I don't know much about ascending spirituallyyour religion precludes it, what do you expect
>>41171459get proper exercise, first offpersonally I'd advise to drop following the abrahamic blood egregore as wellyou are here to learn and enjoy, dont forget that>how do I find a reason to keep goinga well functioning endocrine system imbues happinesssloth cultivates dysfunctionyou dont need a reason, just keep goingyou're 18 and your brain will not fully mature until your mid 30s, so be patient, grasshoppa
>>41171459It's the little things.I'll be honest, as someone much older than you but who had his own dose of depressing shit (and not of the "dullness of daily life" but actual dysfunctional family situation and crap) at 18, it's taking it day by day and finding worth in small stuff that does.The very fact you try to take up a retarded label like a chud seriously, rather than laugh about such is something you should change.If your life is shit, start looking around to shake it up and try many different little things to change the routine. Less bullshit scrolling, take up daily walks and/or exercise, start reading books and not only of /x/ variety. Cook little things, meet people, you're still at the age where you have opportunities aplenty. Maybe there's some free college course, maybe other such stuff. Join a club, or local cultural event, exchange remarks with friendly, "safe" strangers.It may be presumptuous of me but your woes and actions suggest it's not that you suffer a tough life, just that you're lonely and are trying stuff, be it tulpa or religion - to deal with that.The truth ispeople are social animals and while many say they're fine on their own, in reality they are just resigned to it.
>>41171459>My problem is that I don't feel lovedThen you need to resolve that through radical acceptance and self-love. It's normal to romanticise and far too many people have fallen victim to the trap of externalities. This is an externality that you speak of. You want something from the outside to be applied to you internally. This you think will spark a catalyst of change and success. But it won't, it'll act as an opiate, it'll bring happiness for as long as the presence is there. But afterwards the withdrawal and the lowest low.I know people turning 50 who still cling onto the juvenile idea of the 'love fix' and have spent decades refusing to resolve their traumas, shortcomings, toxicities. They holdfast and become worse and worse and more bitter and crippled every year passing that this messianic moment doesn't occur.The true love is self-love, because firstly, that's the only love, in Judaism the concept of loving another truly actually entails making them a part of yourself, because that's the only honest and true love. But you cannot make someone a part of yourself if you hate yourself, because that's not love, to bring someone into that hate. It's using an opiate.But I digress, dismiss that if you will, but of all conventional concepts of love, you can only really truly dispense it with inner-peace, with achieving that integrated oneness of self-love. Then you can love all, and everything, everyone and anything from that place.That is what you need to move towards and that's a trek of twists and turns with much trial, error, experimentation and examination.It requires courage and self-sacrifice, fearlessness of not seeking identity within a construct of what you think you are, i.e. ego.
