Hello /x/, this is my first post here, so if I got something wrong or if I say something wrong, please excuse me. I haven't lurked here long enough, but it can't be helped since I am in a hurry. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible, but it is still a long story. It all started back in May, after my father's cousin suddenly passed away — from what most of the family, including me, believe was an alcohol-induced illness. This event would have been bad enough on its own, but other things happened, like the fact my father slept in his cousin's room the night before the funeral (not in the same bed, but still), and other weird things, like seeing only black animals on our way back home (black dogs on the road, a black bird flew by our car, and, a bit comically, there was a black cat walking beside a couple of garbage containers holding a banana peel in its mouth). Ever since then, I have experienced a heightened sense of fear and anxiety for both myself and my family — especially for my father, who also has his problems with alcohol abuse. As a result of all that, plus the fact that a family member didn't wash their clothes after attending the funeral and then decided to just casually stroll into my room with those same clothes, I came up with my own type of daily ritual to cleanse any perceived impurities, especially those connected to death. The ritual is really bare-bones — I came up with it on the spot after said family member left my room. First, I make sure to clean myself (by showering, with a towel, or sometimes even with just a wet wipe), then my bed (I either wash the bedsheets or, if it really can't be done, I just go over them with a wet wipe). Afterwards, I flick some water onto myself and my bed before going to sleep. More recently, I also added a prayer after doing all of this to cement the positive effect of the ritual. But anyway, I am not here for that — I just wanted to give it as background information for better understanding this next part.
Pray to the Lord that nothing tragic will befall you or your family, be armed in Christ, and do what He wants you to do, which is love the Lord and to love people. And if these fates do befall you or those you love, then know that God truly did it for a good reason, even if it's one you will never comprehend in this life.
>Can i reverse a fate that seems set in motion?You can literally do anything if you focus hard enough.
Continued.Over time, the ritual’s purpose shifted from cleansing me to protecting my father (this is actually the reason why the prayer was added — I just kept the cleansing part since I thought it would be better to pray while I was cleansed). There was this small glass jar in which I used to store the water for the ritual. It was given to my family by a type of old woman mystic, which is something rather common in the Balkan peninsula where I am from. Its purpose was to hold “alive water” for cleansing against bad thoughts, fears, and anxieties (you pour the alive water onto yourself while showering, mixing it with the shower water to wash away the bad thoughts, or so I think). I initially started the daily ritual without it, but after some time it got really tiresome to constantly go to the nearest sink to get my arms wet and flick the water off them onto myself or my sleeping space. So I decided to get something in which I could store it until I had to flick it. Since I knew it was given to my family by a mystic, it definitely felt charged with spiritual energy (aside from that, it was the only clean and available vessel I could find at the time). I thought it would fit the intended purpose. However, it broke one day while I was preparing to do the ritual. The way it broke carries an extra layer of negative associations and feelings for me. It happened when I was washing it before performing the ritual. At the time, I was in the middle of an argument with my father. He was upset because I was taking too long in the bathroom, so I stepped out to let him use it and then went back in. When he saw me go back, he came to the door — which I hadn’t closed since I was only using the sink and was in a hurry. We started arguing again, and while I was distracted, the jar slipped from my fingers and shattered on the floor.
ContinuedThe specific day it broke was June 24th, which in my culture is associated with witchcraft and heightened paranormal activity. Also, this day was the 42nd day since I started to perform this daily ritual. That might seem random at first, but as some of you may know, 42 is considered the most unlucky number in Japan, since its kanji can be read as “to die,” and its mere mention is sometimes considered to bring misfortune. It made it hard for me, knowing that the jar broke because he got in my way while I was rushing to do the ritual so I could protect him. But add to this the two things (that it was the 42nd day of me performing the ritual, and that it was witchcraft day too), and it really fucked me up. It feels like the universe is telling me not to bother, since there's nothing I could do to save him from impending death. All this shit has got me stressed out. Actually, tomorrow is my first day of university, but I don’t feel confident that I’ll go, since there are some associations in my mind about that place that pester me like crazy. One of them is that one of my cousins also goes to that university, and she is the niece of the cousin that died. So I am worried about that too — particularly how it would relate back to me when I start going, and if something similar will happen to my dad. Because I’ll have you know — and I’m not making this up — my cousin’s father also passed away last year. And now her uncle is gone too.
So here's my question for you anons. Is there something I can do to reverse this fate I feel that has been set in motion? I was in contact with some Shinto shrines and priest. They helped me with what they could, mostly concerning how to carefully and respectfully dispose of the broken object in line with Shinto practice. But they either didn't really get my case any further than that or felt that they can't really help me. So while probably most of you are gonna make fun of me, I feel that you would also get me since you guy's here on /x/ and 4chan as a whole, are just as much schizo as me, if not more so. An Anyway that is from me thank you for reading my personal blog.
>>41197722How do i do that?
>>41197746There's nothing spiritually wrong with you. The feeling of impending doom after losing a family member is totally normal, and it makes sense that you'd worry about your father when, like you said, he suffers with alcoholism the same way his brother did.These rituals you've created, it's just your way of processing the grief and trauma. I wouldn't worry about breaking the glass. Nothing bad is gonna happen because of that. If anything bad happens, well, they were always going to happen if that makes sense. If your dad dies, he dies, and there aint much you can do about that. Sorry.
>>411976576 months of intense grief is standard for close family members. be patient and hopeful
Bump
>>41197657If it's to do with you just run away ASAP maybe I guess
If I may, I would like to offer my personal opinion on your story. Black creatures are more sensitive and drawn to the deaths and passing of human spirits, but rarely do they harbor malicious intent unless possessed by vengeful beings. Has there been any more sightings after the initial mourning period? If not, then you should be alright with those beings.
Do not be discouraged about the June 24th/ 42nd day incident. The specific timing unfortunately coincided with the negative energy of you arguing with your father, allowing for outside influences to manifest and interfere with your efforts. These influences should be more mischievous in nature than evil (as the spirits like to play pranks to feel 'seen'). All you need to do is to be firm with your resolve and efforts, and that should be enough dissuade the spirits. Replace the purifying vessel and be more careful with it this time. And buy a backup one if you can afford it. The Vessels are sacred, but they can be created again. The price you pay for them is more than enough, and will always be appreciated.
Finally, regarding the rituals. I understand your sentiment but I must firmly disagree with your sense of urgency. You have time. Your father is going to be okay. At least for the short term. Frequent ritual and prayers will only yield diminishing returns, especially if they are done in a rush. Not to mention the mental strain and exhaustion it imposes on the user. Cleansing the self is important, yes, but devoting the proper time, space and mental energy for these ritual is also important. You should consider praying half-weekly or weekly, with deep sincerity and clarity of the self. Consulting with a medium you trust to further flesh-out these protection rituals would greatly enhance their effects. These rituals should also be mirrored with practical efforts as well. You should talk with your family, especially with your mother about your concerns, and encouraging your father to see a doctor for a health checkup (they can run a blood test/Ultrasound scan for alcohol damages). These different methods will give more room for outside forces to aid you in your goal.
There's inevitable fate that can happen quickly and cannot be stopped. And there's slow fate that happens as an accumulation of one's pattern of karmic action. Your father is the second kind. Fate can be changed, but it takes careful understanding and patience to redirect the flow. It's okay if you fail, but don't give up.
I can't comment much about your university or how it will affect you. But you should go there at least once. If there's danger or ill omen, you should be able to sense it. I have faith someone like you will have the strength to do something about it.
Good luck, and do your best.
>>41198067Actually it wasn't my uncle, but the uncle of my female cousin (that one that goes to the same university). My actual uncle (father's brother) is alive and well and doesn't suffer with any sort of substances abuse.>>41200262That's the plan, yeah.>>41200629There's being a few sightings of such being's after the initial mourning period yes. And most of them were at night. But I feel that these were more random and they didn't have any significant pattern that I could come across for the most part. Well if I have to tie them to any sort of a meaning I guess it would be that I was going to a friends house in those instances. But again I'm still not sure if it was any sort of warning or the universe was playing a prank on me. Like in one of these instances a white cat crossed my path right before a black one did. There was however one particularly chilling evening where I heard gawking at night right before sunrise, from what I figure was either a crow or a raven. That happened after about a month passed from the funeral.
>>41200638>>41200649>>41200656>>41200661>>41200668Thank you so much for the advise anon (and sorry for the way I gave you (you)s 4chan is retarded and think a I am spamming), I will surely take it to heart and improve myself as of forward. I knew that posting here was gonna help me out somehow. I did talk with my mother about it, unfortunately she thinks that if he is going to change he should also want that himself. And yeah she is correct but what she doesn't get, or doesn't want to get, is that he thinks that things are fine as they are, even if he himself knows that this is not case really. He prefers where he is now currently, even if it's not that good of a place. Rather than to try and change himself for the better. And to be honest he is doing better as of lately after my grandparents came over to our house one day when he didn't go to work because of a hangover, to scold him about it. But I still fear the possiblity of a relapse that has happened many times before.
>>41200857>The black bird cries out in the darkest night, followed by the crack of dawn. It really does paint an imagery. You will have to figure out for yourself what it means,
>>41200864...where my dad is from, cigerettes are dirt-cheap. Most of my uncles smoke. My childhood memory of family reunions is the nostalgic smell of dinner and cigerette ashes. My dad lost a brother to lung cancer when I was 12. Despite my advice, I honestly don't know if you can change someone else's fate just like that. Everyone has their vices. Some people would rather die than to change who they truly are.
>>41200864Your father lived a different life. The drinking is a part of that. He will not change until the body hits a breaking point. You can try demonstrating it, but nothing ever feels real until it actually happens.
The best you can do right now is to probe into his circumstances and try to sympathise. Do more than to ask the spirits for protection. Ask for answers and clarity of the past. Pray that someday, your dad feels comfortable enough to talk more about himself with you. Try to offer him something else he could turn to instead of the bottle. Fate itself is a circular cycle. If nothing else, Don't let your thoughts go in a circle. Look for new truths and understand the world.
>>41201543Okay I over dramatized it was maybe an hour or two before dawn and it was summer at that so I guess I was some what lucky with how they lined up. >>41200661That makes sense yeah, however my fear here is that I will start the cycle of death that befell my cousins family, in my own one. All of that shit happened to her after she went to the university I will be going to. What's more anon this actually what her older sister did. I don't think it was in the same university but still, she went to uni for one semester or something like that also, so I don't want to risk it this way either. What will work for me would be to either not go at all or find a way to be in class without going (online learning or something of the sort's). Sorry if I seem to be making things up on the spot, there was just so many things happening the last 6 months that lost count.
>>41201896>Try to offer him something else he could turn to instead of the bottle.Can you recommend something of the sort's anon?
>>41201896I do try to sympathise with his situation I just can't figure out what the fuck his problem is. His wife is still with him and despite constantly criticizing him, she does truly love him. Both of his children (me and my brother) are healthy and doing well (I'm not right now, but as a whole I am I was doing fine before the cousin's passing). His parents are alive and healthy also and he has a brother that will do anything he can to help him. He also has many friends (many of them are deadbeats though) and is generally well liked by all his peers and colleagues. His job is not ideal and his boss is an ass but who's isn't? That's not a reason to slump over and drink. We also have some financial difficulties right now but that's also not a substantial reason for drinking, it's not like we are losing our house. Honestly it's probably my fault, since I spend the last few years locked in home wasting my time doing nothing substantial. That's where I noticed a more general shift in his attitude.
>>41201854>Some people would rather die than to change who they truly are.Yeah, he has said that it doesn't matter to him if he dies due to alcohol use. Hopefully he was talking out of his ass.>>41201861My hope is that it doesn't have to come to this, that's why I am trying to convince my mother and other family members to help me in this situation and put up some barriers towards him. That way, I'am hoping that he'll see what he is set to lose if he doesn't change something about his vices and gets his act together.
>>41201899yeah I also overdramatized too, I was in a mood and accidently wrote something like that. sorry if at any point I sound a little too out of touch for youmy main point is that you should stick to your rituals, and talk with your father more>>41201916i would say hobbies and achievements. give your father something to look forward to in life. He might be comfortable with the way things are but trying something new once every few months should be reasonableStart by making time to hang out with him. Movies, different restaurant to eat at. And then try pointing him to some social stuff for middle aged people he might be interested inExperimentation and gentle encouragement is key, and you should pay attention to what your father is responding to. If you don't mind a bit of reading, i would highly recommend reading the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. More specifically, part 1 (chapter 1-3) and the last chapter. It takes about people with bad habits and how they live their lives, and the theory behind why how habits are formed and brokenhttps://ia803102.us.archive.org/35/items/CharlesDuhigg.ThePowerOfHabit_201808/Charles-Duhigg.The-Power-of-Habit.pdfit might bit out of your field, but the mysteries of the human mind and its complexity is also truly /x/
>>41201899If it would help your father out for you to drop out of the university, would you do it? It's not just university when you will be vulnerable. Moving out of the house. a relationship with a significant. a job/ career. These are all responsibilities at different stages of life, and potential new sources of misfortune and bad luck. Is it worth holding off your life just to keep your father safe from curses?
apologies, i'm starting to slip, need to sleep for a bitjust... don't worry your parents, and go to university tomorrowit's a leap in logic, but with the same possibility of this being a curse, sticking with university and not dropping after a semester might also be enough to make a differenceyou living out your life, and making your parents proud, could also be a deciding factor in breaking the cycleof course, if the university turns out to be useless, do not hesitate to drop it, but you will only figure that out after attending class
If what you say is true, OP, you need to consider the possibility that you suffer from some level of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). The main symptom of the disease is the need to perform ritualistic actions in an irrational attempt to prevent negative events. Many people who suffer from OCD also have an irrational preoccupation with contamination and cleanliness. It seems like the possible symptoms of this disorder already make happiness very difficult to achieve for you and without proper treatment, they will only get worse. Please seek mental health support immediately. At the very worst, you may be able to get some counseling to help you with your grief.
>>41202129Don't worry about it anon I liked how it sounded, I just felt I that I lead you on, so I tried to make sure I corrected that. And thank you for the advice, to be honest I don't know how much of that we would be able to do in this shithole country of mine and also since i'am a bit pissed of at him now and we don't really communicate that much. So it will take time to break the ice, however thank you very much for the book recommendation, I guess I will start with it. To be honest though, I don't know how effective that approach would be regardless, my mother is trying it when she can can and it doesn't seem to really work since most of the time he refuses to go anywhere unless it's music related and with music he listens to. Here is the moment that I feel I should add I may have painted a really unfavorable caricature of my father though, he isn't some deadbeat that constantly misses work due to being hungover. His problem is that he drinks a bit too much and that he drinks daily, and most importantly that he starts drinking rather than do something productive when he has time. So actually you may have a point anon.>>41202246I guess, that's really the most important think for me right now. I don't know, if I was the one in danger I probably wouldn't have reacted like that. But since it's for a close one, I really lost my marbles. But as a whole I don't really like the degree I'll be pursuing, I only started it to so I can get a well paid job with and to make my mom happy. Also for the chance to be an exchange student somewhere abroad in a more civilized country. But the well paying job came on it's own, so I know feel really stupid for going with the whole process of singing up for the university degree and especially for going through with it and actually paying for it.
>>41197657Nothing is truly set in motion, and fate can be changed with enough knowledge you can learn from the current cycle to fix and change the mistakes in the new one
>>41202335Don't worry about it anon, I truly appreciate the time of day you have given me. Thank you for the help and the advises. Sleep well.>>41202439I am already seeing a therapist and she says that this seems to be the case even though I think she has formally diagnosed me. But I'm not sure how that really works, so maybe she has.
>>41202548Learn the most whit your soul and heart cause if you change thing or event knowing everything will be useless at yhis point.. be bigger change always come fromwhitin.
>>41202656No, I will not accept this corrupted and marred world. I will always attempt to change it and fix it, no matter how many cycles it takes.
>>41202700This
>>41202439>>41202568Also I don't think it's only because of my diagnosis, that i'am the way i'am right now. I'am truly feeling that their are some dark energies concentrated around myself and my blood line, that are influencing it negatively.
>>41207305Every mental illness.feels "true" to the people who experience it. As a young man I summoned a demon and it possessed me, filling my head with the "wisdom" for which I had summoned it. Thankfully, I already knew both that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and that was a well-trained skeptic able to detect that the "demon" was flattering my pre-existing ideas and was not likely real. One dose of anti-psychotics was enough to get rid of this "demon," no matter how real it felt to me at the time. Reality is something that exists outside of our thoughts and perceptions, and it's only by accepting the help of other to challenge those thoughts and perceptions that we have a chance of seeing reality for what it really is. "Dark energies" do not exist but OCD is very very real. Focus on OCD and you will become happier and healthier. Focus on "dark energies" and you will spend years in confirmation bias hell trying to battle with something that exists only in your own head.
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>>41210042I don't think i agree. I mean i know, or rather I understand what you mean with that which you wrote. Your judgement can truly be clouded by your mental condition yes but outside of that, I feel that there are invisible factors that you in some cases you can have enough influence to cause a change, while in other's that's not the case. And I've been feeling this way since I can remember, even before I used to do any sort's of rituals. Sorry if my reply seems condescending, I didn't mean it to be this way, I just do think that true reality is concealed for everyone not only for me and you, but also to the so called healthy people.
Here's some additional information that also can help. There isn't a pattern only with the university that is similar here. There is also the job I was about to get to support my family. The pattern similarity here is that half of the cousin family (the mother, the big sister and her boyfriend) went to England to work And for me I was set up by a friend on a job interview for a British company with a branch here in my country. Also for the first time in my life we have a cat as a pet inside. What by this is that we had cats in the vicinity of our house that we took care of as pets, but they never lived inside with us until now. That because my mother didn't want any sort's of bigger pets in home because she would have to clean after them. But all of a sudden that doesn't matter anymore and she brought a cat home one night. Well the cousins also had a cat (and still have it) and their son, brother, uncle is gone. And lastly I don't know if I mentioned this but the big sister cousin also went to university for about one semester or more I am not sure, and dropped out soon after. I don't know if I mentioned this before, if I did I apologize. Anyway what I am saying is that I can't really go there check it out and if it doesn't work for me check out. So really don't have many options with the state of my higher education here, particularly with this university. They are either go all the way with the degree I've got for which I'am way to scared and anxious to do. Go and switch to a degree with a mode of learning that let's me not be there most of the time (don't know what it's called in english), since that's what my actual uncle did and my grandfather is okay. Find a way to take my courses online, which they don't offer. Or just drop out without going there even once, but that sounds to similar to case of my older cousin, so I don't know. I am currently trying to pursuing the second option, problem is they don't allow it immediately after you start you first semester.
>>41215345So fingers crossed that they will make an exception for me this time.
you can do magic and create your own reality. however it also works with negative energy. so the more fear you pour into your fears the more real it becomes. and running from something makes it chase you and moreover you cannot learn how to handle it if you dont accept it. i will not speak of all the bs i have been through and did not escape it, i got in its face and challenged it. its resistance that makes you suffer. evil wants you to fear it because it is weak if you scrutinize it. bullies can do nothing if you dont resist. ok faggot, hit me, yell at me, do whatever your 5 year old faggot ass wants, like i care and boom they fuck right off. fear is the mind killer.
>>41215594>fear is the mind killerThanks for reminding me of this anon
You should be able to.
