Be meFrench, 31Around age 8 I realized something was deeply wrong.Feeling so intense I clawed my face with my own nails until it bled.Since then: absolute certainty I’m the only real consciousness.Permanent first-person view, camera glued to my eyes 24/7.Can never leave it. Ever.Everyone else moves, talks, cries, laughs… nothing behind their eyes. Empty.Not philosophy. Physical perception, as real as pain.Can only fall on one being. Me.I’m not crazy. I work, I’m a father, I function.I pretend every day, never tell anyone.Told my ex once she cheated and left.Absolute solitude: can’t love or be loved.This pain made me alcoholic and insomniac, but I’m lucid.Cope with music, graphic design, horror movies.Thought about suicide, never the courage (and it wouldn’t fix anything).When I snapped (stayed in bed, slept on streets), system sent cops/firefighters to force me back.Searching meaning 23 years:Did I erase my memory on purpose?Did the world start in 1994 and end when I die?Or countless previous runs?No clue fits, and if I’m unique, no past “me” could coexist.Hardcore run: hard life, body wrecked, constant pain.Sometimes hope death = freedom… terrified it just restarts, same hell.Tried everything for awakening:Age 21 punched concrete wall twice triple fracture. Nothing moved.Drugs, withdrawal, every limit nothing.I refuse.Refuse to accept, to find beauty or peace.Refuse to stop searching.~30 more years of no.Posting for two reasons:Leave a trace.Last try: maybe an NPC gives me the clue I never found.Always too scared to speak.Tonight I’m not.
>>41515535delusions of grandeurseek professional help anon
>>41515535Sorry but the one real consciousness is definitely not French.Look into Christian mysticism. Or advaita vedanta. Brahman is universal.
seriously my thread about first person view inspired some shizo? oof, but that's true, the real 'existence' is the guy who watch the world from the first person, someone HAS TO, logic
>>41516907but in all honesty, this is interesting, how does that even work? if you are the only one in the first person view, then what are other's first persons? are you all fake? if the first person guy leaves this world, will you all die?
>>41516907>>41516923There is only one first-person perspective -- the I Am -- that all beings participate in. There is no third-person perspective; the 'outside world' is illusory.
>>41515535>Be me>FrenchStopped reading there
>>41515535>hmmmm
>>41516923forget that, I'm stupid, seems like the first person guy is simply the existence itself living in the world and observing it and it does not affect the others, but you all agree this is interesting that the first person guy must exist, it's like life cannot just happen in real time, if everyone live, then all is alive, including this world creator
>>41516944Only consciousness exists, with God as its source.
>>41516954but there has to be someone in this world living the same life from first person, logic requires it as hard coded
>>41516961>this worldThere is no world. There is only consciousness. All consciousness is "first personal" by definition. All belongs to a single self.
>>41516971sweetheart, no, only one is able to watch this world from first person, it's literally not possible to have separated first person beings, I'm sorry
>>41516984>this worldNo such thing. There is only the one Self, the singularity of "I Am" that is Jesus Christ. The rest is illusion.
>>41515535>French>consciousness
>>41515535“I had pretty much the same theory when I was your age. I realized that maybe I’m the main character—the chosen one—which would explain why I’m the only one who can feel my consciousness despite everyone having the same physical brain. Why me? Why can't I feel others' too ? Perhaps it's not their turn yet, I'd to imagine that we are, After all, one being playing each character one by one, pretending we know nothing to make it more fun. Sad, isn't it ?
>>41515535>Always too scared to speak.>Tonight I’m notIf we're all NPCs, then our responses will all be canned ctrl+c, ctrl+v utterances. Why would your sperging out about your inherent narcissism (o rly, YOU are the most important person in existence? Wow, so cool, we got ourselves another Neil Breen here, boys!) be important here? Why not sperg out in your bedroom or on the street? If you're the only prima facie consciousness in existence, then existence will meet you wherever you choose to engage it. So get your inane bullshit out of MY feed, and go fuck yourself while you're at it.
whatever it is im so fucking tired of it, please let it end.
>>41518946i'm with you. this is what i'm going through myself.maybe this whole thread emerged because i've been feeling this way, merely mirroring my state of consciousness. sadness, despair, nihilism, suicidality.
>>41518946do a flip faggot>>41519007and you too
>>41515535No lol
>>41515535Ur retarded if you dont think there is a fuck ton of people with more philosophical knowledge and introspection than you. You are just arrogant af but you write like a pseud. Grow the fuck up fag. You aint deep. Produce a work of art that you know would resonate with somebody concious. You should know right. But you wont. Talentless hack.
NTA, but this is the first post I'm seeing in X, lol, never coming back. get help anon
what about your celestial gf?
No arrogance.Just the rawest reality.I’m not crazy, I don’t need a shrink.I’m simply the first-person character, camera locked.I have no way to prove it to you, but I know it with the same certainty I know pain.Today I’m completely burned out.I live with this feeling every single day, nothing I can do but endure it.I don’t understand the point of any of it.I wish it had fallen on any of you instead.Maybe I’m just the witness to this scenery.That’s all.
>>41515535>Everyone else… nothing behind their eyes, emptyDid you kill someone already or are you not there yet?
>>41520081You misunderstood.Having this camera locked in first person makes it feel like others have no inner consciousness.It means I’m in extreme solitude facing this feeling.I’m not a psychopath.To me everything should be love.
>>41520282But how do you know that people also do look first person view
>>41520282I’m certain there is only my first-person view.No one else has it.It’s hard to explain, but the feeling is physical, intense and permanent.Because of that, everything around me feels 100 % scripted.Every person, every reaction, every word, every coincidence feels pre-written.As if everyone follows a perfect pattern with no free will at all.If I’m the only real consciousness, then the “consciousness” others seem to have is probably just an illusion.I don’t know. It drives me insane.I just keep trying to understand how it works, but I have no answer.In any case, if you had the same feeling and the same consciousness as me, we should be seeing exactly the same thing at the exact same moment.But we don’t.So the idea of a single shared entity is impossible.There is only me.And I keep asking myself: why does there absolutely have to be a main witness?Why couldn’t it work without one?What’s the point?Is all of this based on some equation I’ll never see?
>>41520639it's literally your problem, your mental illnessseek help or kys, either way get lost schizo
>>41515535Solipsism is an arrogant, baby's first mystical experience tier philosophy to have in life. Take your stinky pits back to the mental drawing board.
>>41515535well, I know you're wrong because I know I'm conscious.
>>41515535>Around age 8 I realized something was deeply wrongYes, you’re French.
>>41520639I also recently came to the conclusion of myself being the only real consciousness.But I made an alternative cosmology just in case others are conscious.How I say it, is that only 2 philosophies answer the problem of many minds.1. Divine Solipsism. I am the Only Conscious Being.2. Ontological Polytheism. Every conscious being is an eternal Monad. Each with our own dream reality. We sometimes sync up to play together.I reject the 'we are all one' stuff. It's not intuitive experientally, it doesn't answer the problem of many minds, and it is such a heinous proposition that I would bring it all back to God 1:1 with Ego ( Divine Solipsism ) if it were true.
>immortal/always existed/how or why unknown>exist with zero senses>nothing but your minds eye>after a time start to imagine. to dream>create a universe in your minds eye>imagine you enter the dream>experience for the first time love joy ect>die in dream>"wake up" in void with nothing but minds eye again>now what?>back in i guess. what the fuck else can you do? >torture someone (whats that like)>be the one tortured (whats that like)>die again>awaken in the void nothing but your minds eye>let me see what it would have been like from this other prospective>go back in>infinity years of this because time doesnt existWhen you dream at night experiencing something you've never seen or done is proof to me the above is possible. The question is why did we decide to forget? Is it because you can't experience true risk if you're "God"? I really hope this isn't whats going on. Just something I've been pondering lately.
>>41515535I love how God put you people into my world just so I can see how much pain others can be in, and it makes me happier in my life.Thank you for your NPC existence.
>>41519193DO YOU SLEEP?I HAVEN'T SLEPT SINCE 2012
>>41523021>1. Divine Solipsism. I am the Only Conscious Being.>2. Ontological Polytheism. Every conscious being is an eternal Monad. Each with our own dream reality. We sometimes sync up to play together.Both of these are false.>I reject the 'we are all one' stuff. It's not intuitive experientallyYou have much to learn. But reasoning and observing will not teach you. Only gnosis shows you the One within.
>>41515535There is no separate individuality and all life is of the same substance
>>41523386"We are all one playing as many" does not answer the problem of many minds. And it is aligned with Tiamatic chaos.If it were true, I'd bring it all to One Ego. God 1:1 with Ego. Divine Solipsism. As is Good.
>>41519114Prove it faggot.
>French, 31>Around age 8 I realized something was deeply wrong.>Feeling so intense I clawed my face with my own nails until it bled.Is being French really that bad?
>>41515535It can't be you. The first person camera is Chris Chan. He said so in his prison letters.
>>41523432>"We are all one playing as many" does not answer the problem of many minds.There is no problem. The One Spirit -- the I Am -- inhabits all minds and subminds simultaneously.
>>41515535Anon...You have a severe mental condition...
>>41523432Ego is illusory. There is only one unified consciousness, the infinite source of all awareness.
Alright, some replies genuinely made me laugh.Maybe you’re right: I’m just schizo and my real issue is being French (though I’m actually Spanish-blooded lol).Jokes aside, the odds of actual schizophrenia are basically zero: 23 years of rock-stable certainty, no voices, no hallucinations, I function perfectly.But keep saying “meds”, it cracks me up.Thanks for the bumps and the few serious crumbs.Thread can 404 in peace now.Back to living with my camera.Peace.
>>41523562>>41523575There is a problem. Your belief cannot answer the problem of many minds."Why am I this conscious aperture rather than another?"Nothing but Divine Solipsism and Ontological Polytheism answers it.
