How do you exorcise a binge eating demon/tulpa?B4 you start coming in with “just stop eating you fucking fatty please listen to some backstory>currently 30 years old, 5’6” 135 lb. Bike 20 miles a day for work, work and outside and active outdoor job and often run on lunch breaks, etc>grew up a little chubby, parents were loving struggled with narcissism, sex addiction and instability >they divorce, nasty affair with lots of verbal abuse and a physically abusive stepdad>I turn to binge eating for comfort, balloon up to 180lbs at 13 years old>eventually say fuck this, start researching eating well and exercise>get down to 120lb over the next few years through morning runs, bicycling, and weightlifting>become obsessed with exercise and weightlifting for several years, become the most active person I know and people often ask for advice. Bike intensely to school, work out for 2 hours a day and come home with lots of pushups and pull-ups>during this period I eat 1 can of tuna, an apple, a protein bar a bowl of cereal and some raw veggies and pretty much stick to that every dayI was able to maintain this discipline for years but it follows me everywhere. The hunger. If I slip up for even a fucking moment it’s like I’m back to square one, like I never had discipline. Twice in my 20’s I went into a full fucking spiral that cost me relationships, jobs, everything because my eating and the cost of how that affects my body and brain function. Basically I become fucking ravenous and the hunger NEVER goes away. It feels like literal possession. And here’s the thing: I’ve never gained more than like 15 lbs since age 20. I usually fluctuate between 130-140 and dipped to 125 this summer. But I’m tired of this constant fucking demon living in my body. I’ve experience moments of clarity but it usually takes a serious candida protocol and then my body/brain/hunger go back to normal after a day or two.
Sorry about what you've had to live through. It sounds like it was difficult. I don't think you have a demon living inside you, in the literal sense. I think that your demons are moreso an inability to adequately cope with stress and an inability to process your feelings. Extreme exercise regimens coupled with self starvation is one side of your coping coin. The binge eating and decompensation is the other side. I don't believe any deworming or antifungal protocols are going to solve what is very likely to be an issue of the psyche. I think, if you were open to it, you may benefit from talking to someone about these things you've experienced. Someone who can help humanize your feelings and your perception of self. Maybe then you can begin to heal.Love ya buddy.
>>41742742You might be right, I don’t know. I’m going through the worst breakup of my life and I just can’t keep doing this. I wish I could force myself to never eat, I’m so so tired and just want to feel soft again. I want to feel whole and creative and connected again. Thank you for your kindness.
>>41742826It's hard. One of the hardest things you can possibly do. Taking that step though, letting yourself see a professional, I promise it is worthwhile.T. Anon who has experienced a similar misery this year.
Bumping. Sorry for not also replying with a lovely image. I like picrel quite a lot. Be well anon. Happy new years.
It really does sound like a tapeworm OP.
>>41742263In this case therapy might be advised. But finding a good therapist might be difficult. Look at the few first exercises in Initiation Into Hermetics for introspection.
Unironically you might have worms, use a dewormer, you can buy them on Amazon. Also, it sounds like you don't eat enough carbohydrates/fiber, try eating oatmeal and brown rice as well as more fruits and vegetables. 20 miles a day is a lot so you're probably not getting enough calories and/or you need more carbohydrates.
>>41742263Most fat people are fat because the deeply long for a true hug. They just expand like plants do to grow out of the shadow into the light, no matter how useless this is since they are placed on a window shelf.
>>41744861yep, time for some horse paste, not joking
