A few years ago I experienced intense joy in my life, I was able to truly appreciate and relate to works of fiction, which brought me great happiness and distraction from this horrible world. I was masturbating often and was living like a shut-in, but I wasn't unhappy. But I got tricked in late 2024 and I took an antidepressant for a very short period of time, then I stopped because it didn't help me in any way. After a month I was fine, same as always. but since then I have "genital numbness" and no libido.I've always been a pure soul. But before this happened, the very last month, I was getting tired of regular erotic books and was only watching videos that were pretty gross. The kind that make you feel bad after you fap to them (I think this is where I really sinned). I also feel pretty disconnected from everything and have less highs and lows now. And I find it hard to connect with most of what I used to like.I have never been a religious person, but never an atheist either. I'm more interested in spirituality. But could it be that God did this to teach me a lesson? I know masturbation is a sin, but I have never been a devout christian... Maybe it happened to balance my karma. Maybe I was punished, there's no way this rare condition could be a coincidenceSorry for blogpost, just wondering what happened to me.
Before that happened, I also remember thinking I would be happier without a sex drive. I thought I would be a more pure person. I even remember mentioning it in a conversation with a friend, but I didn't mean it very seriously, I wasn't ready to let go of it. I wonder if God is trying to test me.
>>41840354You've fried your dopamine receptors.It's not God's punishment; it's you mishandling yourself.Detox from as much of whatever you chase for dopamine (internet, porn, drugs, whatever)Challenge yourself with books & exercise.Go outside more and just sit in the silence (relatively speaking).It'll take a few weeks to a few months depending on how bad your fried yourself.Once you do that (and actually commit; no half-assing), you'll SLOWLY start to find interest & a raise in your libido.You'll be alright, anon.It's not permanent unless you let it.
>>41840354That's just life mate, God both rewards and punishes us, it's random, and beyond our control. Regarding the genital numbness, look into supplements to help like zinc, maca, boron, citruline, argenine, gingko etc.
>>41840354what type of antidepressant was it?
>>41840595I exercise and go out on my bike pretty much every day lately, but I feel like I'm forcing myself. I guess the last thing I can do is limit my internet use and read more, you're right. Sitting in silence outside is a good idea, I need to stop talking to myself like an autist. I climbed a hill the other day and felt nothing, I'll keep trying>>41840619Tried maca for two months and it didn't do a thing, unfortunately.
>>41840690it was prozac, 20mg I think. really I took it very rarely, so i'm not even sure that's what killed my libido, the drug should be long gone from my body now
>>41840797btw, this is what makes me thinks this is God's punishment. I have done efforts to be better and yet no results.
>>41840354I think everyone is just worn out spiritually.
>>41840354I was thinking the same thing for a while.The background isnt very similar and I have no libido issues (its better than ever these days for some reason)But I absolutely lost all interest in anything, i just cant be bothered to care, i quit my job, cut off my family because i got tired of the same superficial conversations, quit all my hobbies and I basically just wait for the last person I care about to get sick of me so I can kill myself, I dont even feel sad about it and i just dont want to endure this agonising boredom anymore.And no, I have never taken any drugs.
>>41840354Nothing paranormal really, It's not uncommon for some antidepressants to have those kinds of side effects. They can have long term negative effects on libido, sex drive, and overall pleasure for things, among other things. This is especially true for SSRIs. Hopefully after awhile you can regain your libido and pleasure back. Remember the brain is very malleable and adaptable compared to the rest of the body. Things are never truly set in stone for the most part. So anyways, speak with your doctor for more information. If you're a man of faith and God, they pray to them for hope and resolution and keep that nose on the grindstone. Good luck anon
>>41841446>just wait for the last person I care about to get sick of me so I can kill myself, I dont even feel sad about it and i just dont want to endure this agonising boredom anymore. And no, I have never taken any drugs.Sorry to hear that anon. Have you considered taking some medicine to help with your depression and getting your vitamin D levels checked? Those two things helped me out with the problems you're having right now. Usually these problems aren't paranormal, they're biological or psychological.Anyways, just remember that your brain has the potential to change and adapt at any time of your life, you just have to keep trying without giving up hope. Eventually you'll make a breakthrough. Good luck and take care anon
