I wake up. That awful recurring dream again, where I'm living alone no family, friends, or gf. Check my surroundings.
Familiar place, house I grew up in & lived in well into my 20s. Dad's watching his boomer shows. chat with him, run some errands. Hug & pet my dog before I go. whispers of dejavu, but can't focus on it now, got shit to do. After that seemingly endless nightmare everything is RIGHT again, here. Make plans to meet up with friends after. I'm happy to see them, & they me. Most of all, let's call her Lana. she was my exgf once, but that didn't matter, in fact my current GF is hanging around somewhere too. What really matters is the overwhelming sense of relief & joy, so much it's painful, hits me when I see her.
'Thank God, youre alive!' I think to myself as I hug her, tightly. 'It was all wrong, in that awful dream you were dead-'
Usually the first sign of actual awareness hits me here.
I've thought those thoughts before. I've felt this feeling before. I've DREAMED this before
1 - 2 - 3, the house, my dad, my dog
4 - 5 - my friends, my gf
6 - Lana

Fuck fuck shit it's happening again. She's here and she's real but she's dead and it's not.
She will break the hug turned death grip & smile, saying something soothing to the effect of 'its ok, I have to go now'
I have no words as I plead with my eyes though I know what she is saying is true. Soon I will have to go back to that awful recurring dream called reality where I'm all alone again.

As the dream unravels at my perception of its falsehoods, I'm dragged into sleep, very unlike how I must willingly (with the help of alcohol) go to it in our world, it just takes me here. Dragged into its abyssal embrace.
Then I wake up in my 1bdrm apt, alone, left with the memory of them being here with me again hovering just on the edge of my senses.

>>41872956
To clarify, I've not time traveled in the dream - I'm still the same age - it's more just a translation of my consciousness. Nor does it feel 'dreamlike' or uncanny the entire time. It's in real time. All events happen over the course of just one really, perfect groundhogs day. But time only continues on in the bad one

My dad died of diabetic comorbidity and organ failure complications a few years back. I sold the house shortly after. I took care of him until he died because my mom divorce raped him and abandoned us. I'v been no contact with her for years. Lana died of an overdose in the mid 2010s. My dog we had to put down due to age around the same time. Over the years every friend abandoned or betrayed me. Every ex did both and more

Anyone feel like trying to interpret this cyclical recurring 'is Confucius dreaming of being a butterfly or vice versa' phenomena beyond the surface level psych of
>you're grieving, miss your friends and family and can't let go

>>41872931
>uses anime to explain mental health crisis

there is no hope for you

>>41873023
if you've seen it, then you know it fits pretty well

>>41873034
i don't watch anime, i'm not a fucking degenerate

>>41872972
maybe we're dead or on some type of life support and this sort of dream is like a struggle to exit an induced coma. maybe we have some level of interaction with the conscious world through our version of the waking world.

>>41872972
>>you're grieving, miss your friends and family and can't let go
our recurring dreams are our subconscious trying to show us what we choose not to see.