Idk my whole life I've felt this dissatisfaction with the world my first nihilistic thoughts started in elementary school. But now I'm more absurdist but that's besides the point.I want to experience a transcended reality a suspension of the normal reality. Also like I'm studying physics and learning about all these things like time cones a causality in quantum physics the world being a projection of a 2D quantum space etc is so frustrating because we can theorize this but not truly like experience it. And I want to become a mage but I lack the faith to grind a way at studying magic for no garunteed reward.I feel like beholding an elder being would solve all these issues. I'd see something transcendent that shatters the bounding field in my mind. I'd get to experience the seemingly impossible things I'm learning about and maybye witnessing the Eldritch would give me a path to learning magic. Maybye it would even cure the psychic corrosion I've experienced from social media.Doesn't have to be a great old one really anything who just contacting them would shatter the fantasy reality barrier and suspend my sense of reality. Like I always thought visiting the Fae if they exist would be fun.>Inb4 christcucks Not Jehovah tho as he is evil and to mortal in his temperaments that he's kind of a useless being for these purposes. And may be an egregore designed to enslave humanity
>>41984197Don't get tricked into it. That is my earnest advice to you.
>>41984197These fags beg me for an audience and i reject them on the daily
>>41984197What makes you think you would be able to recover after the experience ? If material and very commom things can destroy people, don't you think that you are giving yourself some sort of self importance that isn't actually true to who you really are as a person? Honest questions.
>>41984700How do youake them seek you out what's different about you>>41984681If not the elder ones what sort of spiritual creature should I seek out as a sort of muse/mentor. I don't have any mortal spiritual people I don't see as frauds to listen to so my entire spiritual journey is just me flailing in the dark>>41984860Idk I recovered from bad mental illness before. But also shamanic themes through out human cultures all have these themes of death and rebirth and shaman sicknesses you healed from to get powers. And I've developed this belief that the ideal psyche partially dissolves into madness before recoallesing under rationality, idk makes me picture Odin sacrificing himself in urd or achilles being dipped in the Styx but not all the way.But also I'm not like the others because of how much my heart aches for it.
>>41985195So you have no idea. Because the "wounded healer" meme is just Western projection over the buryat, Yakut and evenk peoples, and even so, they are not healed because the "sickness" is just a symptom for the fact that they might have the gift. They get trained. Not healed. You heart ache for it, as long you get totally reassured?
>>41985496Idk I guess I just feel like witnessing the old ones would like damage my brain into having the gift. Like a vase sucks at cutting things but if you chip off the edges it can become sharpBut idk it's just my mind is fricked where I'm a fairly skeptical person but also a very fantasy oriented mind as well. So I feel this need for spiritual experience but am unable to actually believe in any of it unless I'm having a strong ADHD hyperfixation that supercedes my skeptical side. Causing me to be in this weird belief limbo where I both believe and dont believe until the hyper fixation ends and I feel stupid.So mostly the only thing that has stuck so far is dream interpretation tarot and some meditation when my time management is good enough for it
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