how can you tell if you were a monarch type victim? i don't really know if it is real stuff or. not but i think something of some kind is really wrong and i don't know what. basically i routinely have these intense episodes of disconnection from reality like invasive daydreams and feelings of places and things that are like memories but those of things which i have never experienced. often they are complex symbolic networks like for example flowers - gardens or white lattice fences leading to gardens - dark wood rooms and burgundy colored sheets - dim sunlight - the air feels different like from a different time entirely and the light too, like my eyes are different or were - i spy - marbles, also a sense of wonder and amazement but also profound melancholy and depression, it immediately makes me sink into dejection and a feeling that there is some mysterious and latent thing i am completely missing or which is always out of my reach, just incredible frustration and upset ness at not being able to identify what it is that i am "remembering" gives way to fatigue and misery. i am obsessed with these thought loops and they can randomly invade me with imagery and symbolism. my mom says it is parallel lives but i wonder if it's related to something else like monarch type stuff or some other esoteric things i dont know abut
