i started jerking off to gay porn 5-6 years agosince then my life went from being absolutely fucking great to deteriorating slowly. i feel like god cursed me for my sin.first i lost my passive source of income and had to go back to living with parents.then i lost some very close relatives (they died)then i lost all my friends, they magically just all moved to different universities or cities and i lost contactthen my performance in college just took a huge dip.then my dad got a stroke and almost diedthen my we got kicked out of our old house because we couldn't pay rentthen one day as i was watching gay porn and jerking off i felt something in my chest.later it became apparent i had problems with my valves and aortic lining and needed surgery and medications for the rest of my life.i also developed extreme OCD and anxiety around the same time. sometimes i get very extreme episodes that disable me completely for days.i started getting very bad dreams when i sleep at nightsometimes when i wake up i see weird beings crawling over my sleeping body and they run away and disappear quickly after i catch them.sometimes these beings strangle me when i am sleepingam i cursed? wtf is happening? how do i reverse this? if i stop being gay will that get rid of the curse and reverse what has happened?i have never slept with a man. but i started jerking off to gay porn a few years ago when all this started happening. and most of those things happened while i was jerking off.will a year of semen retention could fix me?
>>42267955>will a year of semen retention could fix me?can't write a sentence i meant will a year of semen retention fix me?also >if i stop being gayi am not strictly gay. just bi. which is still gay. i could probably force myself to just fuck and jerk off to women
>>42267955Yes, homosexual lust is spiritually damaging, even more than hetero lust. Most are simply unwilling or unable to notice the effects. What you describe is about what I'd expect, what you're dealing with are astral parasites. Pray in the morning before bed, at least, and keep a crucifix near where you sleep. I recommend Psalm 23 and the Lord's Prayer, the Jesus Prayer (which is: Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner; spoken repeatedly and meditatively) as well as prayers some simple Marian prayers. Don't expect instant, dramatic results, but don't discount them either. This is a long-term process. Also let go your ideas of what a Christian is and don't hold an expectation of what type of person you are/need to be to maintain these practices. If you fail, recite one or more of the Penitential Psalms. Remember this is a process. Good luck and God be with you.
>>42268127This.OP, what you experienced are sleep paralysis demons. Yes, they're real and they're very common. No, they're not hallucinations. Yes, I suffered from them too. Like anon said, pray to God. Also read the Bible daily, sign the cross before sleeping, and abstain from porn. (Yes not just gay porn, but any porn and active lustful activities make you prone to demonic attacks. Trust me, I know from experience fighting my own addiction....and failing at it.) Never stop praying, even if you relapse! Jesus's name alone has power over the demons, and if you feel them attacking you while sleeping again, ask Him to save you and He will.
porn in general dampens general enjoyment of most thing. excessive masturbation almost completely depletes the reward center, causing you to be less engaged in other things
>then i lost some very close relatives (they died)Damn, imagine having to die because your relative liked watching buttsex.
>>42267955SR can’t fix retardation
>>42267955I think so, I'll send you a link from an anon who has posted the concept several times:https://archive.4plebs.org/_/search/text/mantak%20weor%20bardon%20gurdjieff%20%20steiner/
>>42268505https://desuarchive.org/_/search/username/Magical%20Fap%20Doctor/
>>42267955You like being fucked in the ass? Anon, one thing is a sword fight here and there, but taking in the arse? I mean, you are cursing yourself for doing that. Do you realize that taking in the ass will ruin your asshole? I mean, be careful. If you are gay I advise you to eat ass, don't give your ass, you know? Like, be active, if you are passive then be prepared to use diapers or a an anal plug.
>>42268302A sign that God is not good if that is really the case. I mean, you get killed because the person next to you is consuming gay porn? It doesn't look fair. If anyone should die is the one watching gay porn. What the hell his friends have to do with the fact that he is wacthing gay porn?
>>42268302They could be NPCs.
>>42269226Aggressively verbal bottoms who finger their tops is likely the best compromise.
>>42267955sleep with older men to get connections and money dummy.
>>42269226>Do you realize that taking in the ass will ruin your asshole?QRD?
>>42267955I have a hard time believing this because I met a lot of gay people who were really nice and helpful caring people such as social workers. Granted I have also met some weird ones but that's any demographic
>>42269604Bleh.
Being gay is basically the same thing as doing a demon summoning ritual on yourself. You're surrounded by dark energy now.A manifest maxxer would never do these kinds of things. Thoughts, words and actions always need to be aligned well.
>>42267955You need to be saved. Jesus Christ is God in the flesh. He died on the cross as a sinless sacrifice for all the sins of the whole world to save you from eternal hell, the punishment for your sins. He was buried, then rose again from the dead. One day you will stand before Him, and He will judge you. You can either repent to God by receiving Him and be saved, or reject Him and go to hell for your sins.The reason you suffer is to make you realize that you're not right with God, and if you accept the gift of salvation, you will become a child of God and will be chastised for doing things that you know you should not do, like homosexuality. Christian is supposed to be a vessel of honor (2 Tim. 2). Not a vessel of dishonor. A sinning Christian can lose his fellowship (1 John 1:6-7), his testimony (1 Cor. 8:7-13; Gen. 19:14 cf. 2 Pet. 2:6-8), his service (1 Cor. 9:27), his rewards (2 John 8; 1 Cor. 3:15), his health (1 Cor. 11:29-30), and even his physical life (1 Cor. 11:30, 5:5); but never his salvation.That's why you should choose to surrender to the will of God for you, because even if you fail to serve God, you won't go to hell, however vengeance for sin will be harsher for you as a child of God. Don't reject the blood atonement that the Lord Jesus Christ made on the cross for you. The gift of salvation can't be earned, it's a gift: Eph. 2:8-9: “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” Rom. 10:9: “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” Confess The Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in prayer, that you trust in Him, not your own works. He atoned for your sins on the cross.If you have received the Lord Jesus by faith (John 1:12) in your heart, you're forgiven of all your sins and are saved, once for all; finally and forever! (Rom. 8:38-39, Romans 4:5)
it's cuz you fapped to the wrong homosswitch over to furry bara and your life will turn around
>>42268127i am not super religious but sounds fine i will do anything to get back my life.>>42268158alright i will abstain from all porn starting from today
>>42268302crazy right?>>42269226>You like being fucked in the assboth fucking and being fucked. but mostly i just like dick (alongside ass and the other hetero stuff)>>42269561i would never sleep with a man>>42269604well maybe they are good in some parts of their lives but they are still suffering from demons and curses in other parts of their lives.
>>42268185yeah. but this feels more than just dampening of life. it's almost like a curse. just bad luck after bad luck.>>42268420i don't think i am retarded.>>42269790>A manifest maxxer would never do these kinds of things. Thoughts, words and actions always need to be aligned well.well i know. i fucked up. now god needs to help me. but i need my intention to be pure. i ask him to help me to align my desire with good.
Get a job with your gay bros. Loads of disposable income, no kids, all involved in some weird crazy profitable shit. The gays are a network. Use it.
>>42268505i honestly don't believe the whole semen retention benefits. i think sexual desire is good as long as its well aligned with nature.the only issue is deviation from nature.i don't think having sex with your wife everyday or other day is harmful or depletes you in anyway. as much as immoral sex acts (promiscuous sex, adultery, homosexuality, sodomy etc..)>>42270535i am praying
>>42271080Perform an exorcism on yourself. Cleanse all dark energy and impurities in your energy field. Your energy should feel holy, clear and white.If it feels dark, anxious, demonic or heavy you have to keep clearing. You should have no subversive or evil motives if you exorcise yourself well.
>>42267955You are reaping the rewards of your sin. You're an idiot that thinks hes gay because he was subjected to homosexual content at a young age. You're just lost and need to find christ. Do some searching around your area and find a nice, quiet non-denominational community church and start attending service. You dont need to tell anyone in the congregation about your faggotry, thats between you and god and it will be revealed when it's the right time.
Homosexuals dont exist because of porn, they exist because of molestation at a young age.Maybe you blocked it from your memory, but try to remember the source
>>42271054>i would never sleep with a manbut you're gay? it's okay to be gay anon.
>>42271537in the navy!
>>42267955I know that feel. Everything started to be destroyed in my life the day I discovered gooning and sissy hypno. Intelligence, health, optimism, luck, etc., everything gone.I still remember the day I discovered that. Reading captions, literally telling me i will be trapped in this forever and that I will worship my addiction and my failure and I was thinking "bro, who the fuck is retarded enough to be hypnotised my some random porn captions"... I have the answer now: me.
>>42267955you have demons, you should pray the gay away from you.
>>42271132www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VRT2FFXntc
