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Sure, I've tried therapy (lol), exercise, all kinds of meditation, been dipping into all sorts of philosophies and esoteric systems for as long as I remember myself - with everything eventually returning to the same old conclusions each time - about how this wretched existence is simply vile, disgusting and abominable on so many levels that you cannot realistically do anything about it, anything other than chasing temporary copes and distractions - which I am honestly tired of doing. I obviously don't buy into organized religions/cults, and I've quite regrettably never been contacted by nor experienced anything "paranormal" in my entire life despite being interested in and actively seeking it.

The only thing keeping me from ending it all at this point is something akin to curiosity. I still have this treacherous hopium that I get to "witness the fall" eventually. And this ever-hanging question of "what if there is more to this after all? what if i'm missing something?"

Thanks for reading this if you did. So, how do you guys deal with this or similar mindsets? How do you keep on living?

>>42281201
I isolate.
Uf I were to mete stick with stick, theft with judgement, hurt with judelgement, there would be death.
You know those kids who kill their parents?
People who shoot up work?
Dad's who kill their child's rapist?
I would do more for less.
But prison is not worth it.
And I don't know how else to protect my IP - it gets stolen when I create it, People say they want to collab and then just take it and cut me out if the smallest part I wanted to help me rise up.
People capitalize me and treat me like shit
My job is to save people from themselves and I'm punished and hated for doing my job.
People outright disrespect and spread rumors behind my back
Over 40 years of this.
I have so much anger and hate.
But prison is an even worse situation.
You People continue to take.
And the stick I wield I don't get to use.
Therefore I'm bot a threat, which signals even more taking and even abuse - like that monkey video that went around where all the other monkeys beat the baby monkey up.
That is the world.
Little monkey found solace in the stuffed monkey
My heart is full of MDK.
I limit contact with people as much as possible, that's how I deal with it.
I quit my job to avoid my abusers.
My life is now one of avoiding conflict, because if I were to fight most...
funny enough, big buff people don't treat me bad. I'm a bigger person, beefcske frame even out of shape.
But the pipsqueaks love to pick on me, postal by 1,000 cuts, then gaslight me as well.
I'm currently at a crossroad, or hard road.
My own stuff isn't making enough money.
But I desperately don't want another job and to be abused.
I don't know what's next.

>>42281294
typos*
but you get it.
I operate on conflict avoidance and social autism, because if I let the workd get to me, it wouldn't end well.

>>42281196
Have you tried the frank yang bbc back workout?

>>42281196
You loathe the state of humanity because you love humanity. Simple as.

I am not reading all that. Try forgiveness. Google "forgiveness dhamasukha" and you will find a meditation that may help.

>>42281294
Understandable. I isolate as well, or try to communicate with individuals rather than social structures. Individual human beings can be alright (tho i guess it's rng, possibly dependent on your own luck & karma among other things), but any sort of collective or society is always the same shit in the end.
My condolences for what it matters.

>>42281315
Interesting but idk. Never really felt anything as what "love" is described in literature. And the kind of "love" i see around feels fake, performative and deeply utilitarian beneath the mask. Also I find the subject of human (and zoological in general) breeding and procreation extremely disgusting. The mere notion of it invokes lovecraftian visions in me.
I guess you could say I "love" consciousness and hate the state of it being stuck in flesh.

>>42281325
I forgive you for having goldfish attention span.

open your heart chakra on the premise of free goodwill and the iota that everything is a misunderstanding

the only true trespass is against showing respect (consent and intent under the hood)
or so help me if the religious wave doesn’t become cringe. They are only fractal willpower, a single pillar out of the three pillars of alchemy (willpower, discipline, and imagination)
you will then face a fork of being intelligent and driven or trusting as a king and stupid which is simply a bandwidth paradox
I chose the latter. Become Zyzz and mog all the haters

>>42281455
Same dude I hate so many things in life too just because it feels so fake and performative and it's linked in my mind to the painful feeling of social rejection from Autism, so it's really hard to stop.

Sometimes I like things a lot and enjoy "normal things" for a little while, but I later find myself loathing and feeling so angry towards something that just feels performative.

When I do enjoy "normal things", it's most of the time just one thing and I don't care about the other "normal things".

>>42281196
same
never found a real way to "deal" with it; only, as you pointed out, with temporary copes and distractions

I'm killing myself the moment my neetdom ends and returning to my real life in the beyond, which I still remember

>>42281741
>I'm killing myself the moment my neetdom ends and returning to my real life in the beyond, which I still remember
I do too. But I am still suspicious that these memories were implanted in my mind by a trickster.

>>42281196
You'll fit right in with the Righter than Righteous Christcucks!

>>42281196
Just gotta have hope some how and accept Jesus.

I'm not talking about religion. But otherwise I am very similar to you I think a lot of people here are.

>>42281196
Hate the game not the player. Love other's in a kind of distant manner knowing that surely if they had the power to change it all and magically free themself form this world consequence free they would.
Or do what I do and just do as much escapist thoughts and activities so much of the day that you can temporarliy forget how awful it is here. Daydreammax what a good reality is and reject anything that isn't that.

>>42281201
>you cannot realistically do anything about it, anything other than chasing temporary copes and distractions
I can't do anything, so I try to do nothing.
When it gets too heavy and difficult for me to go on, I just remind myself that none of my pain, nor my loved ones' or the world's matters in the context of everything. I try to restrict my desires, my senses, my thoughts and my feelings until the slightest variation in any of these is enough to move me: whether that be remembering a good memory I'd never assume to relive, a random and absurd connection between completely unrelated things, or a millimeters-long scratch on the ceiling I had never noticed before.
It doesn't always work, I found it can actually be pretty hard to do pure nothing, but it often helps me to break from that chronic state of meaninglessness

>>42281325
Ultra based

>>42281325
Trash person trash comment

>>42281196
for me, i just embrace it. i don't loathe biology, but how pathetic people are. everyone just tries to fuck over the other. it's obvious that the current status quo is fundamentally wrong. so, when i fantacize about human extinction, i think about how to help it emerge. accelerationism comes to mind. ted kaczynski described how collapsing the system sooner would be better than letting it grow too big to take the whole planet and innocent nature down with it. but obviously, humans are too selfish to work together in face of crisis, so spreading fear and terror would just make a power vacuum that would allow degenerates to exploit the vulnerable. but sometimes i feel like it doesn't matter.

>>42281196
>AI takeover in any shape or form
This already happened. Satan took over the world a long time ago. That's why everything sucks ass.

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>>42281196
Sounds like projection. You hate humanity because you hate yourself. The fix is fearless introspection and radical self awareness. It is painful and difficult work but necessary if you want to get anywhere.

>>42287760
>WE DINDU NUFFINS
t. humanity

btw shitmemes like that are one of the reasons I will not miss dailystormer

>>42288012
Whether humanity dindu nuffin is irrelevant when it comes to your own self loathing.

>>42288031
the relevance is you fucking humans makes this world such an worse place that people like OP wish death on you, then you deny all responsibility and victim blame him

every single time

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You hate humanity because you hate yourself. So because you are a sniveling filthy fucking waste of space you see everyone else as that too, and since you are a waste you see everyone else as a waste but do not fear there is always hope. Of you become better you will start to see the world as such

>>42281196
Mitigate contact with useless people. See them as the risk and liability they are.

The tragic view of humanity may be on to something.

>>42281201
You're full of wrath. It's one of the seven deadly sins. You have to repent. In Greek the word is metanoia. Meaning to change inside. Even if you are not of a religious bent if you think about this you can see that wrath is bad for your body, mind and spirit. Give it some thought friend. I was right where you are for years and it did not go well. I went to a church but if you really want to change you will change with or without a religion. I just find it simpler to follow a religion they have a lot of experience with this sort of thing.

>>42281294
I jokingly put my location on X.com as "fifth circle of hell" and when I looked it up I saw that it is where the wrathful go. The violent fight each other to the death for eternity but there are also thos like you who refrain from violence but hold wrath in their hearts. I realized that was really me, after all. Now, I do noot expect you to take Dante's Inferno literally but it definitely gave me some insight. I have been spending my days at a monastery lately and working on changing myself as a person. There may not be a literal Hell waiting for you but as a man about 15 years older than you, I can tell you that if you do not change you are in for a bad time. Changing is simple, but it is not easy. The first step is just to admit that the way you are now is simply unacceptable. Then choose a method to change and stick to it for as long as it takes. Don't give in to doubt, perservere.
You can do it, if you really want to.

>>42287760
People hate wretched disgusting things anon. No weird internal psychological hang ups required.

>>42288104
>there is always hope
No there isn't.

Scream
Break stuff
Play drums

People who are angry should listen to more heavy music I find it's the only thing that can come close to matching those feelings of seething hatred for everything

Also having a good physical stress release is good

https://youtu.be/9Zwvcek7og4?si=jh9x1MGPTs9j0VzR

>>42288183
Generally more interesting to consider that the levels of hell are all the same place and experienced as unique places by the unique perspectives of each person. Thinking that you need to repent and change is just another level of delusion that never amounts to anything. It’s cope all the way down. Internalizes external problems or blames external problems on internal perspectives. There are no answers, there is no peace.

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OP here. Some of you seem to be conflating hatred with rage/wrath/anger. I'm not raging, I'm generally quite chill on the contrary. The hatred I'm talking about is the cold and dejected kind, the one where you smile but wish everything burns. I don't feel "love" for anything - neither nature nor humanity. At various stages in life I was trying to delude myself into this or that brand of quasi-religious copium, but like I said it always goes back to the same old stuff.

What I've observed is that the majority of normies condition themselves into accepting reality by eventually copulating and breeding, and then pretending they persevere "for muh chilluns". Well, I find both copulating and children deeply disgusting on many levels, so that's one major cope off the list for me. And beyond that there isn't really much else to this existence, it seems. I wish I could experience something that would make life seem truly interesting and worth it, but so far I have not. No real exaltation, no contact with entities of any sort, just grey mundanity all over. By the time I discovered "gnostic" and adjacent ideas, I had basically already made similar conclusions on my own.

Anyway, thanks for sharing.

>>42286298
What the eye speak of it?

The end of 4chan has come at last.
>>>/pol/533694223

>>42288183
Yeah, it's unacceptable and rude to I troduce myself in Japanese to the guy who said he's been learning Japanese for a year and hopes to move there.
Apparently I embarassed him, because he had no clue what I was saying, nor how to introduce himself - after his supposed 1 year of study.
I need to change, right.
And you're right!
If I were to lut on a mask and be a fake asshole 8nsyead of a good & hinest person, if I paid attention to social hierarchy and prostrate myself to it, yeah I'd "fit in"
But if taking people at face value and trying to connect with them on a genuine level is wrong, or bad, or somehow hurts egos, which means _I_ need to change
I'd rather die
You can change and be fake. Sounds like it is working out for you. But how do you sleep at night? Knowing you're living a lie?

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>>42288226
based.
>>42281455
Same, Anon.
And Checked

I've felt this way my entire life too and I'm older now. It doesn't go away if you see humans are they truly are it will never go away. It's because you probably aren't human yourself, you are another species, or an evolved version, or you have abilities beyond humans, yet forced to live among them.

>>42287760
>>42288104
>>42288139
Holy projection
Humans are masters at this weird skill

>>42281196
I just distract myself with video games and funny videos. I can still feel the smouldering ash just sizzling in the background, but at least I'm not focusing on it in the moment.

>>42289557
Same anon doubleposting. I don't even hate humanity as a whole, I just hate the current times we live in, and I think it just collectively deserves to be punished for even having the audacity to get as shit as it is. No I don't hate myself like some retarded arm chair psychologists in this thread suggested to OP, no I don't hate any of the people in my life, I just can't take this world seriously in it's current state. There's fuck-all to do on a day to day basis that doesn't involve staying in your house. Nobody goes out to do anything anymore. If they do, they're not even engaging in the moment, they're just talking about some shit they saw on the internet. Even when I go to different events it's not as interesting as the old ones I see in old videos. It all feels fucking watered down and... "performative" for the lack of a better word. Everything just feels phoned in, and it doesn't have the atmosphere to go with it because nobody is even paying attention. Everyone around me has their stupid fucking phones out recording the event instead of actually participating. And it's not even a case of "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" because social media is shit. It's boring, and I don't need to know every single bit of everyone's thoughts at every moment delivered in the most artificial way possible. No I'm not interested in signing up for farcebook and seeing my family members communicate via baby yoda memes, I'm not interested in signing up for instagram and seeing staged photographs of some vacation that only happened for the sake of social media fodder. I'm not interested in signing up for twitter or bluesky and just watching people argue with bots about bullshit red vs blue political poison jargon (all modern politics are poison), it's all garbage not worth participating in. I can't take any of this shit seriously at all.

Error: Comment too long (2018/2000).

>>42289657
I can't take the social media performance shit seriously, I can't take most people seriously with how they speak in fucking memes both online and in real life. It's absolutely retarded. People actually speak in real life now the same infantile mushmouthed way they speak online. I don't know how many times I've rolled my eyes after hearing some idiot in a store talking about a "birb" or using "heckin" in a real sentence. How am I supposed to take this seriously? This is stupid, and it's not even a "fun" kind of stupid, it's bad. It's just dumb. I can't even get away from this retardation either because it's in real life, and it's in nearly every social circle on the shitternet too. I have many people in my life that I very much love and am thankful for, but that still doesn't really fix this problem. I've expressed this shit to my friends multiple times, and they don't really have an answer, and I don't expect anyone else here to have a satisfying answer either. I have close family that I stay in touch with, but whenever I go to their gatherings, all they do is reminisce on better times that I wasn't even here for. Those were times that I would actually be able to engage with and take seriously, not this artificial social media cyberpunk circus. It feels like I'm in the middle of a bad stage play that just never ends. It doesn't help now that everything is fucking expensive, and they're shoving this AI trash into everything just to drive up the costs even more. They're pumping that shit into everything, and it's going to blow up the whole world economy even more. How am I supposed to take this seriously? What is this fucking retarded clown world I was born into? This shit is so dumb, watered down, destroyed, and hollowed out, I wouldn't miss it if it all disappeared. It had it coming.
I don't expect there to be any kind of satisfying answer to this whether it's one I like or not, you just need to get this shit out of your system every now and then.

>>42289704
>People actually speak in real life now the same infantile mushmouthed way they speak online.
my elderly mom started doing this, it's simply ghastly
I want to die

>>42289728
I hate how much influence the internet has over every day life. It's tiring.

Ok I admit it, ive been getting raped by an alien. The pains pretty extreme, probably an 8.5/10. He rapes me throughout the day. Feels very similar to having a part of my body burned, except it’s not a real body part, it’s like burning something attached to me which isn’t physical. He seems to write all the threads on 4chan, that’s not too hard to do it’s all crap. Not expecting it to stop any time soon. It’s been a very long time.

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Well, we're all stuck in this clown show together. That's how I cope. If you killed yourself, nobody else would.

I don't know what happens after death. I don't remember who I was before I was born. But, I'm stuck here with you, OP. There are billions others like me right now living in bodies where they have go drink water just to undrink it and then drink more water.

Life as a human is innately FUBAR, even when viewed from a hylic materialist perspective. But I know myself to be deserving of a less absurd existence, and so everyone else does too. I need to keep living for their sake. Life is inevitable. I can fantasize about extinction events, but the result would just be more nonsense since life would just return, and this isn't even accounting for the possible aliens on other planets that still live likely ridiculous lives.

If we just try to share the burden, then it's less hellish. If I exist, then you guys exist too, buried underneath your bodies, and from that fact I never recover my suidical proclivities.

There is no path forward except life. In time, we will create a material world that submits to reason, if we have kids and improve life for them until they grow powerful enough to make human life not be so ridiculous. We're just the unwilling sacrifice. It's up to us to decide whether or not to live and die for a good reason, or to live and die for nothing. We suffer together either way.

>>42281455
>I guess you could say I "love" consciousness and hate the state of it being stuck in flesh.
Then go buddhist i guess. Book: mastering the core teaching of the Buddha.

>>42288616
>By the time I discovered "gnostic" and adjacent ideas, I had basically already made similar conclusions on my own.
If you truly find nothing at all interesting in this world, you might have a easier time to reach nirvana. All you to do is get rid of the hate, and you are done.
By the way, i just realize, hating this world, is still having a relationship with this world. True detachment, is indifference.

>>42288616
>And beyond that there isn't really much else to this existence, it seems
This reminds me of a dead can dance song from 1990. "Black Sun"

Murder! Man on fire
Murder!
I've seen the eyes of the living dead
It's the same game, survival
The great mass play a waiting game
Embalmed, crippled
Dying in fear of pain
All sense of freedom gone

Black sun in a white world
Like having a black sun in a white world

I have a son, his name is Eden
It's his birthright beyond estranged times

Give me 69 years
Another season in this hell
It's all sex and death
As far as eyes can tell
Like Prometheus we are bound
Chained to this rock of a brave new world
Our god-forsaken lot

And I feel that's all we have ever needed to know
'Til worlds end and the seas run cold
You might also like
Xavier
Dead Can Dance
The Garden of Zephirus
Dead Can Dance
The End of Words
Dead Can Dance
Give me 69 years
Another season in this hell
There is sex and death
In mother nature's plans

Like Prometheus we are bound
Chained to this rock of a brave new world
Our god-forsaken lot

>>42281196
i think a lot of people kind of feel this way sometimes. you're honestly still young and the world has more experiences to offer than anyone can see in a lifetime let alone 40 years.

what helps me is to just see and realize the beauty in small simple things like going out in nature, keeping myself fit, learning new skills, and sharing small but caring interactions with strangers.

i also know it's easy to get stuck in that loop where everything seems stupid and bleak, but with a few small changes and pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone you can find that it's actually pretty easy to get a new perspective where things feel totally different and you can find yourself in a new 'best' time you never thought you'd experience again.

i see your message and i do honestly care and hope the best for you because i feel like i've been there. push yourself out of your comfort zone to get that new perspective and you'll find it's not nearly as difficult as you think it'd be. overthinking can become an enemy.

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Read books by brilliant people in a variety of fields. Starting with the natural sciences is a great idea. Don't just read to process words and concepts, read to feel the author's soul. Study art, music, and philosophy.

What will hopefully emerge is a feeling of the intellectual spirit of humanity, the relentless curiosity and desire to know that has inhabited so many great thinkers and yet is common in the will to learn of a child. Many great works are inhabited by the wonder and experimental joy that birthed them. This is the enlightening impulse of humanity, the light that is the reason why we will haven't collapsed into complete darkness.

>>42281196
Time for Choronzon, go into the desert and summon him.

>>42281196
Hate is energy, many entities and people can benefit from it. You are giving away free energy.

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>>42281196
>I loathe humanity, I loathe the human condition, I especially loathe everything to do with human biology. A humiliating, debasing, insufferable prison of consciousness. In a society of drones driven largely by their bodies' carnal needs. I keep dreaming of any sort of extinction event for humanity - be it nuclear war, cosmic cataclysm, worldwide plague, AI takeover in any shape or form, ayylmao invasion, etc - any such scenario feels like an ultimate happy end to me. I sometimes see dreams involving this or that cataclysm, and in those dreams I laugh as the end approaches and embrace it, to regretfully wake up afterwards.

>>42292091
>what helps me is to just see and realize the beauty in small simple things like going out in nature
Not OP but this shit is what drives me furious. Its not that you are wrong, you're 100% right. Its the garbage in between times that ruins it To go out I need to plan it and time it and have a healthy enough body and when I'm there I feel this overwhelming urge to try and "maximize" all the joy form being there. Because if I don't how will I get through the in-between times? How can I cope with all the mundane shit of existence? All the work, all the chores, all the maintenance, all the basic pains of being alive. I can't help but feel life is like a check list of pros and cons and I'm ever so desperate to fill the list with more and more pros because the constant onslaught of mandatory cons are unending.

And I think that's the kind of thing OP's referring to. Its not that existence as a whole is bad, its just that there's so much unending stuff needed to be done to avoid pain and misery that it undermines the beauty of all the rest of it. How can I enjoy a great view when I know I'll be working again the next day? Just work harder for my time off? Every good thought is ruined with the expected negative that I can't do anything about. I wish I was a ghost so I could enjoy the beauty of the world without needing to partake in it.

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COME HOME WHITE MAN

>>42281196
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Conspiracy_Against_the_Human_Race
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Ligotti

Ligotti wrote an excellent book which has your topic as part of it. his audiobook is highly recommended, in addition to all the authors he discusses in his book.

>>42281196
They torture me please help me

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>>42281196
>>42281201
>>42281294
If you truly hated humanity you would stop giving a shit about what they think or do here and focus on yourself.

>>42281196
>How do you deal with hatred?
Waste of energy. Spend your energy elsewhere.

>>42281196
Having my son cured a lot of this for me. Granted, considering that I was 23 when he was born some of it may have just been youthful edginess, but it truly is hard to let that hatred fester in your heart when a being you created out of love who came into existence from literal goo does something that makes you laugh/smile, warms your heart or makes you reconsider something/learn something new about yourself

>>42281196
almost as though having children is part of the reason we're even here in the first place, something something "Be fruitful and multiply"

>>42281196
Attacking somebody is literally retardism
Just leave everyone alone there is plenty
of space to get lost still

>>42288104
>but do not fear there is always hope
And i would sacrifice the soul of every normalfag for it.

>>42281196
I relate with this. I feel as if I'm trapped in the same sort of continous being, meds dont work, therapy doesnt work, working out doesnt work, etc. Nothing is a permenant positive change, unfortunately I am autistic as fuck. Not sure how to be happy. Everyday I wish really badly I were someone else.

>>42281196
You try to be more like them. All of the things you hate, the hating of those things is literally a mind virus. You think its your personal preference not to follow tiktok, or watch sports, or hurt innocent things, but its not, its not natural. Its a thing, a demon disguised as empathy and superiority that has bonded onto your soul.

I want you to visit a prostitute and contract herpes, then spread it to a single mother. Only then will you start to understand.

>>42281201
Never had a paranormal experience...

Oh how interesting it is that the dreamer doesn't know that they are dreaming while they are.

Hear This. You too the Lord can redeem if you would but invite Him in.

Knock and the door shall be opened.

Good luck.

I hate humanity because I want to love humanity more than anything but it falls short of the ideal

>>42281196
It's so funny to see people freaking out over the mere mention of transhumanism, let alone the concept of posthumanism. It genuinely would solve most issues. The greatest threat to humanity is freedom. People are too self-centred to realise this. The ideal outcome is not only to transcend the self but also to transcend otherness. Posthumanism will be like a self-assisted assimilation of humanity, completely eradicating the humanist zeitgeist. We could literally build a utopia.

>>42281196
Pranayama works very well. Plus cold showers. You can actually breath your way out of any negativity.

>>42281196
>How to deal with hat red.
Stop being MAGA.

>>42297605
>Breathe*

>>42281196
You should really unplug. The artificial system we live in, society, is just tearing you down. Just leave it. Basically every holy man in history does that or goes to war with the system. Either way just get away from it and if you can't get rid of it.

>>42291697
Been there done that. The "buddhist phase" in my life was by far the longest out of many. I was on the verge of going to a monastery even at one point, but it never worked out.

>>42291710
>hating this world, is still having a relationship with this world
That is true. And I'm trying to overcome it. Alas, pretending shit isn't there doesn't really work, especially if you're the type that has a hard time lying to himself.

>>42293207
I brushed over Thelema at one point, didn't really stick. Worth revisiting?

>>42294132
More of an Eldar guy as far as 40k goes. But Necrons are a solid second favorite, yeah.

>>42294334
By problem with O9A is their social-darwinian stance. As far as I understand they seek personal power, whereas I want the powers destroyed. TotBL was ideologically more to my liking during my satanism phase, but their system never really worked for me for some reason. Possibly cos it's a larp.

>>42294937
Yeah I've read some of his stuff. Also Heisman's "Suicide Note". Guys like these are hardline materialists though, which to me always felt like the mirror image of organized religion in the way it narrows the mind.

>>42296801
I hope you at least had the front seat view when your wife was giving birth. Otherwise that's typical pro-lifer hypocrisy.

>>42296821
That's one of the reasons it disgusts me, yes.

>>42296967
I don't want to attack anyone. But I would press a "doomsday button" instantaneously if I had the chance.

>>42297278
"u don't like shit cos u never tried eating it"

>>42297511
I'm generally of extremely low opinion of this pretentious proselytizm internet-christcucks are doing to stroke their egos, but alright I'll bite this time:
>if you would but invite Him in
How?

>>42297594
Oh yeah, I'm on board with transhumanism as well as accelerationism. And we don't even have the luxury of choosing at this point. Humanity has clearly reached its ceiling. If it doesn't transcend one way or another it would really be best for it to go exctinct asap.

>>42297605
Actually started looking into it recently. Will see how it goes.