Behaviors similar to Borderline Personality Disorder stem from a consistent and true recognition of POWER, real, usable POWER that cannot be countered or destroyed, only avoided or delayed until the inevitable.This is one of the few moments where there is an actual recognition of something TRUE and CONSISTENT in the world regarding your immediate life. All else are hallucinations which avoid and encircle this realization of POWER like a flock of many different species of little creatures coming to feed from a whale fall.Refusal to acknowledge and use POWER puts you entirely at the mercy of your body's natural cycles, effectively making you unconscious, like an animal following a predicted life path.
CLUSTER B POOOOOWEEEERRRRRRRRR WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhttps://youtu.be/JrURlyTDQ3M
I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder with antisocial traits a bazillion times since my teens. What the fuck are you even talking about?? At best, I am an extremely paranoid wreck who sees through the masks of others. At worst, I am a manipulative sociopath who uses people as toys for emotional and spiritual support to partially discard them when they're drained.This isn't power.At best, we're a friendly demon who sees the internal struggles of others and tries to help, and at worst, we're a psychic vampire, a succubus.The vast majority of us are in poor financial situations. By our middle age, we tend to be very isolated, unable to hold relationships longer than a year.>>42356268What good is manifestation if we can't keep what we find?
>>42356333>What good is manifestation if we can't keep what we find?i haven't had an issue keeping anything i've manifested but i'm a different flavor of cluster b methinksthe waking dream reflects your desire for experience. desire chaos, and you get it. desire structure, and you get it. take what you manifest for granted, and the dream takes it from you naturally as you seek to replace it with something newhttps://youtu.be/rkX-HxwZTX8
>>42356261I mean no disrespect to you or any other borderline/cluster B's but it's not about power. What it's about is being a corrupted or broken down infant in the body of an adult. Someone whose innocence was murdered and all that remains is the vengeful spirit of a child in the body, living as a poltergeist more or less. And poltergeists are highly volatile and aggressive and manipulative.
>>42356261There is a vast nexus of “power” in personal life that everybody has if they decide they have no actual social responsibility, if they abandon thoughts of others and their needs/emotions.You’re just willing to be a “worse person” than most other people are, and further, you’re such a BPDemon fucking cunt that you think you have some unique/special well of power rather than being a shitter who uses the douchebag one everybody holds back on purpose.>this is a way more interesting thread than “autism is a superpower” though
>>42356349I guess I do have the uncanny ability to escape from the majority of consequences for my actions. I tend to walk away from things that kill others. I've been able to get my hands on STEM jobs without any education and quickly climb up through the ranks via skill and ability. I acquire knowledge and skill quickly. But my little black flame flickers. And I lose it all in an ecstacy of self destructive furvor, distress, and boredom.>>42356353>>42356353These two sorta get it. When I hurt those I love, it hurts. I am unapologetic for what I did, but I am sorry they hurt. I wouldn't call it being an infant, though. We lack the ability to feel true connection to others. I suspect it is hard wired in us, in our song, our very essence. I am thankful others will bail us out when shit goes tits up.
>>42356370Also, autistists don't have a soul at all. They're living SQL databases with zero ability to correlate the knowledge within that database outside of the very narrow scope of that database. They are useful tools and nothing more. Extract your resources from them, ignore everything else.Autism isn't a super power at all.Also, "female autism" is just girls who grew up in very abusive households and the psychologist fails to notice the signs. There are rare actual autism cases in women, but it's overwhelmingly PTSD from isolation, neglect, and abuse. They don't have the darker soul to evolve into someone like us when exposed.
>>42356382>>42356393It seems you attribute more of your success to skill than you should. It’s a behavioral thing that you’re getting what you want and I’m not necessarily shitting on that. An extremely confident midwit can absolutely enthrall most normies and wouldn’t know the difference between themselves and an actual smart person. I would guess that you do know that difference, however, and absolutely shrink in the presence of someone with actual skill and the ability to see right through you.That’s why I can never respect people like this. You shrink and recoil from the real thing rather than trying to befriend and learn from it. They would rather be the world’s best faker than the world’s second best performer.
>>42356370take how much of a menace you are envisioning but then add in extreme derealization and sociopathy>>42356382>But my little black flame flickers. And I lose it all in an ecstacy of self destructive furvor, distress, and boredom.my version of this is more of a general sadism that is directed outward instead of inward, masked by layers of dissociation and self-awareness. life is but a waking dream to me, but i'm too focused on acquiring and securing my own comfort to let boredom ruin everything. people are assets, but they do have feelings and autonomy that need to be accounted for lest you push them down a path that ruins your plans. if you view them as expendable, you will run out of them and the resources that come with them much faster than if you view them as a renewable resource, like a garden or farm that need tending to. well-maintained cattle and crops are often eager to share their resources continuouslyhttps://youtu.be/VAdO2YypZDE
>>42356405Impostor syndrome is very strong with me, but I take guidance from people I see with actual skills. I wouldn't climb otherwise. The real issue is, once I stop learning, once I can't find a new challenge, I start to break. Suddenly, I no longer care. There is a joy in mirroring. I get good at my fields by identifying those who have actual skill, and then start copying them. What they do, how they think, their speech patterns (I actually experience great shame on this one, super embarrassing), how they approach various problems, sometimes make discoveries of my own. I'm now a lead in a technical advisory role a stem field. 3rd standard deviation on IQ, though. Dunno how much longer I will be where I am at, though. I feel the wanderlust. The boredom. Starting to pick fights with people. Threw a gun at one guy. It begins yet again.>>42356408You're way more antisocial than me. I am not a sadist.I feel the dream state thing, though. My life is perpetually like this.https://youtu.be/Yam5uK6e-bQ
>>42356349FUCK THE NURGLE SISTER AGAINDIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!STOP GETTING OFF THE GROUND AGAIN DAMNIT, HOW MANY BOLTERS YOU NEED TO TAKE TO JUST DIE!
>>42356441i do genuinely believe we exist in a sort of eldrich dream controlled by spirits. synchronicity ensures nothing ever feels real to me, but i'm used to it>>42356453my beloved Beelzebub takes very good care of me. through him, entropy is my aegishttps://youtu.be/9APGlGWNJS0
>>42356441>There is a joy in mirroring. I get good at my fields by identifying those who have actual skill, and then start copying themThere is but I was attempting to tell you that what you would get from them for free is wildly superior to your own observations. If for no other reason than that copying them is trying to take their behavior out of context from their perspective. I mean, you can assume you already know their perspective based on -extreme- powers of observation but that’s the same argument fake “empaths” make>I can immediately tell how others feel simply by deciding how they feel in my own mind and then instantly believing it
>>42356467I find it interesting. I associate music posting and hyperfocus with NPD and ASPD. Glad to see the trend continue. Welcome to 4chan, here is your complimentary Cluster B or Autism diagnosis. We are children of Belial, Lilith, and Naamah. I currently have 4 in my web. One has me half figured out, but this one sees darker intentions behind many of my actions, which simply are not what my intent is. They still willingly associate. I see similar things in them as well.
>>42356482Funny, before I was informed on what the red flag on my Epic MyChart actually was, I referred to myself as am empath.
>>42356333You dont do shit, ugly fatass
>>42356486based worshiper of the true gods. may they grant you boons everlastinghttps://youtu.be/fKyXvNkGQKc
>>42356505I don't worship shit. I simply resonate with them.>>42356482I also ask them questions, undertake tuliage, and directly learn from them."Why did you do this instead of this?""Wouldn't this make more sense?"When possible, I try both. Skill acquisition isn't an accident. It's a state of being, a mindset, and a willingness to set pride aside. I have no qualms in being shown I am wrong. I am there to learn. The problems start when there is no longer anything to learn, or when the passion dies. Sometimes, I am simply unable to understand something; there is no shame in that. I move on to something else. This isn't an illusion of competence. There is always someone bigger, badder, kinder, stronger, meaner, smarter, more skilled, more talented, and better educated than you. Always. No exceptions. And there is no shame in that. Do not mistake my confidence for that of a narcissist. I am capable of openly recognizing my limits. I am always willing to listen, observe, and learn.
>>42356540fair enough. you are aligned with the correct entities nonetheless. so many christcucks on this board whine and cry about persecution and being haunted by demons, without realizing they are only assaulted so because of their hatred for the true gods of this world. the gods are of the darkness of the void, not the light of hope as they desperately try to believe. to align oneself with the great and terrible indifference of reality is to align oneself with the will of the gods and to receive their gifts, whether you worship them deliberately or nothttps://youtu.be/dhT8ypLjtFg
>>42356382>I wouldn't call it being an infant, though. We lack the ability to feel true connection to others. I suspect it is hard wired in us, in our song, our very essence. I am thankful others will bail us out when shit goes tits up.Well it's not literally being an infant, no. However the reason I compare it to infancy is because the parts of your mind that would have given you the ability to connect, empathize, reciprocate etc.. infants do not have those either. Infants aged 0 - 3 are more or less sociopathic by default. People don't talk about it or mention it because it's normalized, expected and forgivable because it's an infant. That's why we say "infants don't know any better", because they don't, those parts of their mind have not yet developed. The radical realization about sociopathy is that every single one of us has been one, because every human is one at birth. (This is why cluster B's have an instinct to push people and hurt them, to see if they have that sociopathic energy in them, hidden somewhere. It's because it's true, everyone started off this way). But as we develop we outgrow it and the empathic/reciprocating capabilities eventually mature. For some people, this maturation process is killed in its tracks. Most commonly from extreme forms if neglect or abuse or both. And the child goes into adulthood without developing empathy or the ability to connect, which is what people call a "personality disorder" namely cluster B.It's not that cluster B's are childish (they're not, they typically have sharp and quick intellect). It's that they should have had the chance to be childish in their formative years but that inner child got killed inside before they had a chance to grow emotionally.There are radical ways to "resurrect" as a cluster B and continue growth. Though most cluster B's are averse to this idea, because it would entail dying a psychological death. And it does, an ego death is required to break the cycle.
>>42356684>>42356382>Continued Which is why ultimately I disagree with OP's premise: >>42356261Cluster B is not a herald of power or being powerful. They are very capable beings, yes, they can exercise outer power. But none of that power belongs to them. What cluster B's do and are good at is a sort of emotional sorcery where they can bend and twist the powers of others to their own will. None of the power ever trickles down into the internal depths of a cluster B, which is why cluster B's commonly report one pervasive feeling they can never get rid of:>Emptiness, facelessnessHollow inside and feeling empty, and no clear idea of who they really are, constantly feeling like a stranger to themselves. And part of the addiction they have of emotional sorcery.(Coveting other people's powers to use and manipulate) Is it's from a secret hope that maybe, just maybe, they could have that identity for themselves and feel whole. But they never do, because the power has to come from within. And it can. But it takes deliberately going into hell metaphorically speaking, and breaking through it, deliberately entering the void of emptiness and seeing what is on the other side.
>>42356684Funny, because I experience ego death regularly. That's what the dissociative states are, it's ego death. Out of the Cluster Bs, I'd say NPD and HPD has the highest chance of true recovery, but have a low chance of actually desiring it so they rarely achieve it. ASPD and BPD... we just fake it. BPD, despite being the "most treatable," and despite initially desiring it, we start lying out of a self preservation instinct once we realise it is impossible, to avoid social punishment until we can escape the situation. The most we can hope for is suffering in silence for a time to keep someone with us for just a while longer. ASPD, any recovery is a flat out lie. A scheme designed specifically to further a specific goal.You can see this in long term prognosis. "Remission" and "recovery" for BPD is simply chilling out on suicide attempts. We still struggle to manage our selves and rely upon others for help, struggle to hold down jobs, burn others out. But we aren't ending up in hospitals anymore, so that is considered good enough. ASPD chills out a bit as they get older if they have average or higher IQs: the juice just isn't worth the squeeze.We will always be high conflict demons.
>>42356743>Funny, because I experience ego death regularly. That's what the dissociative states are, it's ego death. Sort of. More like an ego coma. An proper ego death goes further beyond dissociation, it goes into full derealization and depersonalization on top of intense dissociation, all three at once. You are disconnected from your feelings and even your own thoughts. You no longer identify with the outside (your body) or your inside (your mind). You can no longer even distinguish (you) from the very air around you, everything becomes one. And we call it ego death because when it occurs, your mind prepares itself for real true death, its triggered into a state that real dying people have minutes before bodily death, the mind truly lets go of everything and braces itself for total annihilation. And all you can do is accept it. That's ego death in its true form, and when you have one, you get to see what it's like to die without dying. What occurs is the personality disorder dies, but (you) survive. And from that, you find out who you are, you are forced to confront who you are because with no personality disorder left, you come face to face with what is known as a 'soul', your soul. And you reclaim it.>We will always be high conflict demons.Maybe! But high conflict can be a good thing. The former BPDs, NPDs & ASPDs I know if who successfully died to themselves (ego death), they still kept some of the abilities from their old disorders. One of them was high conflict aptitude. After they were reborn, they just used that ability for greater good. Fighting for other people, fighting for what is right, for honor and for higher virtues.
>>42356722>Cluster B is not a herald of power or being powerful. They are very capable beings, yes, they can exercise outer power. But none of that power belongs to them. What cluster B's do and are good at is a sort of emotional sorcery where they can bend and twist the powers of others to their own will. None of the power ever trickles down into the internal depths of a cluster B, which is why cluster B's commonly report one pervasive feeling they can never get rid of emptinessHey, someone gets it! Sorta.>Hollow inside and feeling empty, and no clear idea of who they really are, constantly feeling like a stranger to themselves. And part of the addiction they have of emotional sorcery.(Coveting other people's powers to use and manipulate) Is it's from a secret hope that maybe, just maybe, they could have that identity for themselves and feel whole. But they never do, because the power has to come from within.Sorta. I describe the emptiness as an urge, a yearning. A desire you cannot name because you simply do not know what it is. And the moment you start grasping it, it morphs and changes. And once you actually know what it is in that moment, it's "unreasonable".The emotional sorcery, on my part at least, is more due to the desire to feel connection, I suspect. A need to feel the flame within burn bright. When people talk about "identity", and they start to describe it to me, they start describing something external, tribal, communal. It's not something from within themselves either. This simply does not make sense to me. I think they're delusional and unable to actually experience the boundaries of one's self. I have yet to find anyone who actually knows what it is.I am me.So, how did you learn of abnormal psych and the dark arts?
>>42356787>So, how did you learn of abnormal psych and the dark arts?Because I was born into it, that was who and what I was most of my life. Though I did not get any diagnoses, I evaded any and all authorities at the time, especially psychologists. I just know I had no empathy and what's more I hurt people on purpose, and I took satisfaction from doing that. I saw to my own resurrection by myself and successfully developed empathy and the ability to connect. Which was terrifying if I am honest. Before I had no sense of fear, no emotions except anger and mania, no remorse, no regret, no guilt, no empathy. Experiencing empathy after my own breakthrough was perhaps more terrifying than the breaking of my mind that led to my recovery. Empathy is really alarming stuff. It makes emotions "contagious". All of a sudden I'm catching complex emotions like sadness or melancholy and all because someone wore the emotion on their face or in their words. I started to know fear, being afraid for people I began to care about. It felt as though I was born with iron skin and suddenly it all shed. Was a fucked up process but I wouldn't change a thing. So I am someone who knows about the "dark arts" because I used to practice it as easy as breathing.
>>42356802I do not think we are the same thing, per se. Sounds like a narcissistic collapse. I experience positive emotions, joy, compassion, have empathy, always have. But no Borderline maintains remission for longer than 16 years, and none actually gain true independence.Emotions have always been contagious. And I project them into others easily, be they positive or negative.I will always be emotionally dependent upon lovers.
>>42356268
>>42356768>After they were reborn, they just used that ability for greater good. Fighting for other people, fighting for what is right, for honor and for higher virtues.if i may interject, this is simply constructive adaptation. "what is right" really just translates to "what i feel is right", which usually amounts to an abstract ideal of the common good that is more based in feeling than logic. it has its role of course, through these ideals societal cohesion forms, and through that societal cohesion comes things like safety, comfort and pleasure. these things have value, even if the means by which they are synthesized seems obtusethey are providing a service, that which they can do that normies can't, in exchange for a slice of the societal cohesion pie, that's allhttps://youtu.be/xkA_xCQjYuY>>42356828ayyyyyy lmaohttps://youtu.be/Mfwmxfn3nyM
>>42356821>I do not think we are the same thing, per se. Sounds like a narcissistic collapse.Not quite the same, but the root of both BPD & ASPD is Psychopathy. Psychopathy is when the individual seeks only short term goals, at the expense of themselves and especially others, with a failure to perceive or plan in the long term. Borderlines were once called borderlines only because it was once thought it was on the borderline of neuroses & psychosis, hence the name.As for narcissistic collapse I am uncertain. I never did have grandiosity or any care for reputation or appearing better than others. I would commonly target people who I felt were narcissistic because they screamed the loudest when damaged socially or physically. Borderlines I'd never have many problems with most likely because my mother was BPD.>Emotions have always been contagious. And I project them into others easily, be they positive or negative.How about the other way? Can you be affected by the emotions of others? In a way where you understand them without referencing yourself? For example: Someone you care about is sad. Do you feel sad for them? Or sad because their sadness means they can no longer be useful to you?>I will always be emotionally dependent upon lovers.Maybe. But it's okay to be emotionally dependent on someone. This is what everyone does when they marry. Codependency is only an issue when two people engage in it at the start of a relationship. In marriage it becomes the rule.
>>42356928I am aware of what it is and why it is called that. I tell people it's called Borderline because I have waded into the pools of sociopathy and schizophrenia without actually diving in to either.>How about the other way? Can you be affected by the emotions of others? In a way where you understand them without referencing yourself? For example: Someone you care about is sad. Do you feel sad for them? Or sad because their sadness means they can no longer be useful to you?Oof, this is a tricky one. It's *very* contextual. I can feel the pain and emotions of others sometimes. It isn't consistent. I can quickly get caught up in whatever they are feeling regardless of how it benefits or hurts me. However, I often don't understand why they are feeling one way or another, or, if I do, I sometimes just do not care. However, it also can easily be as you described. It also can just absolutely turn off like a lightswitch.For example. I had a "friend", whom I had to pretend to be a friend of for various social and financial reasons. This person was another Cluster B, very perceptive. Saw right through the act, others do not, but played along anyways... well, usually. One day, they were raped. And they were crying in my arms. Usually, I am very empathetic to such things. But not this time. I felt the most exquisite elation, joy, and arousal a woman can feel at experiencing their shattered soul beneath me. I had to hide it. But oh my god, seeing and feeling that fucker broken in two was ecstasy to the extreme.On the other hand, seeing people get injured, I feel it, I rush to their aid within my capability if possible. I start crying with others, whether I want to or not. I cannot watch Gundam with friends as I feel that loss so deeply, I start freaking out, crying, gasping for air.Which you get is very different, depending on my emotional memory of you, my emotional state, whether I am masking, if I believe the emotion you are expressing is genuine.
>>42356966>But not this time. I felt the most exquisite elation, joy, and arousal a woman can feel at experiencing their shattered soul beneath me. I had to hide it. But oh my god, seeing and feeling that fucker broken in two was ecstasy to the extreme.Was this out of schadenfreude? The feeling of witnessing someone you felt to be deserving of pain get their pain handed to them? Or was it a satisfaction of a corrupted sense of connection? That the person was as broken as you were and in a single moment you shared the same spirit and became one and the same? Here's a question: If it had been a clone of yourself who had been raped and broken and crying into your own arms, if you had to console yourself in the same way, would it have been the same elation and ecstasy? Would you have considered yourself a fucker whose pain would be nourishment for yourself?
>>42356966 cont.And it's more than codependency. I quickly get lost in the weeds. I cannot distinguish between friendship and romance. Friends, immediate family, lovers. It is one and the same to me.I depend upon them to keep me out of psychotic states, modes of thinking. Keep the actual demon, me, in check. I feel like I am playing a game of 5D chess with everyone, but apparently no one else is and they're just pushing checkers pieces around to see how far the piece flies when flicked on the board. I am paranoid and am constantly seeing second and third order effects that are not obvious to anyone else, and expect it to be a form of manipulation, control, coercion.This is where lovers in my web come in.I use them for my emotional needs, give them emotional and physical love as I understand it in return; and I expect them to keep me in check. I bounce my perceptions and paranoia past them. My fears, insights, as distorted as they may or may not be. This is what I have received from therapy and the occult the most: the DBT "STOP" skill. I perceive something fucked up and twisted. If possible, I bite down, isolate, have my crazy BPDemon moment alone, then whinge to my lovers. Get different perspectives. Crash out. Sometimes I emotionally berate them.On the other hand, when I do encounter another Cluster Baddie, it is often immediately obvious. I understand their playing deck better than anyone else in my web, and I am the one who warns them about what they are and what is about to come.I do actually care.I'm just very emotionally inconsistent.I also can't remember anything either, amnesia, so how I feel about someone is all I know about them in the moment without heavy prompting on the part of the other.It's very hard to explain to the uninitiated. I've only seen S. Connolly describe it in her works in brief; and she does not have a positive light on the matter. I cohort with demons to drive my own energies up as needed for protection.
>>42356981I... actually can't answer this. I don't know.
>>42356997>I do actually care.I believe you. And that's part of what makes BPD difficult from the first person PoV. Your affliction is you get close to others because you are on fire, you wish for them to extinguish you and restore you to peace. But instead, you set them on fire when getting close, they burn as you burn and ache as you ache. And in dissociation you watch yourself through the peephole of your mind's eye, watching yourself sabotage or attack what you cared about. Like if life were a vehicle, you are somehow simultaneously in the driver's seat and the back seat at the same time. And when the driver decides to make a hard turn and crash your life into a wall, you can only but helplessly watch as a passenger in your own life, over and over again. Something like that? It's because you care, that much is true.>>42356999>I... actually can't answer this. I don't know.It's worth answering some time. Maybe not today but one day. You will find whatever your answer is will always be commiserate with how you handle others. And vice versa. Those who delight in other people's suffering, would, if given the chance, assault, beat, maim, cheat, rape and kill themselves if they could just be in a different second body and have 10 minutes in a room alone with themselves.Alternatively, if one has self forgiveness, self understanding, self respect, self esteem, and they discovered their own soul, they naturally give that to others without failure. Especially to those who are 'wicked' because they innately understand they need mercy and forgiveness most.
>>42356830>if i may interject, this is simply constructive adaptation. "what is right" really just translates to "what i feel is right", which usually amounts to an abstract ideal of the common good that is more based in feeling than logic. A fair point and understandable to assume. I can assure you it's actually less about feelings, more about rationalism. For example, in my old way of life I was a hedonist, pure and simple. And I mean that in the literal sense: If something didn't feel good to me or I saw no personal benefits, I'd fuck it and forget it. If something felt good, felt beneficial to me, felt like I could be at advantage then I'd profess to be all about it to anyone who has ears.To do righteously is to do what you don't want, what you gain nothing from at best, or even harder, losing what you have without return or recompense. But you do it anyway because you know that rationally, it is the right thing to do. You pay your own blood or sweat or security in order to give to someone else or to a greater cause, something outside of yourself. It's when you no longer use yourself or your feelings to calculate what is "good", you throw that out of the equation entirely. It's when you instead understand that you can prevent someone else's pain or suffering, so you do. Even if it costs you. And without expectation of return or thanks. The highest form of this gesture is to do this for an enemy, for someone who outright hates you.
>>42357047Dissociation is like a weird mixture of being checked out, nothing is real, I'm not real, and having an OBE sometimes. It is a boon as it is a curse. I can forgo anesthesia sometimes.You're also missing a crucial component. When peace is achieved, it is unbearable. The emptiness comes to the front. I. Cannot. Stand it. Give me purpose, give me reason, I yearn and my flame gasps for fuel and air. You are smothering my flame, stop! Let her breathe! Let me breathe! Give me space to light again, or I will die! Both spiritually and physically!I have felt my flame almost snuff out once before. I fainted. It came back, dim, and a suicide arc began.And I don't mean that poetically. I can actually feel the fire. It is very real to me, even has its own noise. It is also actually me.As for the second part, I have a better understanding of the question. We'd be comforting each other and be at each other's throats constantly.
Finally, to bring it back around to /x/, I have some unique takes on the condition, I shit it all over the board. Picture related.And, as you have stated, the emptiness never ever leaves. I do not think it is possible for someone like me to have the Yechidah part of the soul, nor do I exactly view it as desirable. Yes, I am a creature of contradictions.
>>42357107>You're also missing a crucial component. When peace is achieved, it is unbearable. The emptiness comes to the front. I. Cannot. Stand it. Give me purpose, give me reason, I yearn and my flame gasps for fuel and air. You are smothering my flame, stop! Let her breathe! Let me breathe! Give me space to light again, or I will die! Both spiritually and physically!Ah yes, fear of engulfment. If I recall, BPDs who find peace yearn for chaos again. Because the more they have the peace the less alive they feel, one BPD I knew put it like this:>I start to feel like a puppet, or mannequin, like I am turning to wood or plastic, like a doll. >Let me breathe! Give me space to light again, or I will die! Both spiritually and physically!So my radical answer is let it snuff out, go into emptiness and straight into the void. That's where ego death is, as you said, "or I will die!" It's in that psychological death where escape from personality disorders exists. The answer is always in the last place we look. And the last place a cluster B looks is the thing they run from: emptiness. Not an easy feat. Easier said than done, and there is no pleasure in it only pain, extreme pain. Through the pain is the heartbeat though, the soul. There is no right or wrong context or timing to take the dive into the void deliberately. I suggest it only to give you knowledge to keep on your back pocket. Whether you use it or not is your decision
>>42357133>>42357107What I also wanna add is, as a former Antisocial psycho myself, don't underestimate the value BPD can bring to this world when it is treated and in control. My mom had the same condition, had it not been for her, I'd have been dead in my adulthood. My heart was dead at all times, but her intense extremities of her passion and emotion kept me alive, kept me from calcifiying to death. She may not have been a great wife to my dad (and assuredly my dad was a horrible husband to my mom they were bad to each other). But as a mother I could not have asked for a better one. Her suffering kept a light on in my life, even if her light flickered, it was enough to save my soul in the long term.
>>42356382Dumb AI user, channel your leyley fanart into something useful that gives you a grasp over POWER. You have the potentialAll of your symptoms are the fear and emotional awe of recognizing POWER.
>>42356353Recognition of power happens as a result of living under those who have ecstasy of power. There is no way of restoring ecstasy of power without recognizing and integrating it.
>>42356261I make this troll thread and what I get in reply is a wall of nonstop complaining GPT therapyslop by a failure. Those who use BPD correctly maintain their high positions
>>42357133Who's to say I haven't? That's the ultimate joke in hermeticism. On the other side of the Abyss, the Void, there is only you. That's the joke. I have been shattered into a thousand pieces before, only to pick up what I could find. I have done this at least twice before. Both times, I chose myself. Sublimation is the true death. I will never, ever, willingly extinguish. I will always be, even if I can't remember. Even if the memories I do have may be false or modified. The memory of the false self of sublimation flicker in and out of existence; and they are not mine. They are of someone else.I'm sure you understand what that is like.Never, ever again will I let myself be extinguished. I will live as myself or not at all.>>42357198She sounds sweet. Take care of her.
>>42357246>>42357254I'm sorry that good diction makes you assume that I am AI. I fucking hate AI. Not my fault you are too stupid to understand jack shit. Fucking NPC.
Boderline woman have the best sexDunno if that means anything for y'all
>>42357254i mean, you got what you asked for>>42357303LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO https://youtu.be/IxlpW_IbxII
Can a real person reply in this thread now?
>>42357294>I'm sure you understand what that is like.Perhaps not entirely. We are different branches on the same tree of dysfunction I guess. I come from aspd/antisocial. So my path to recovery was different, but I do know what having the false self was like, that's why I made sure to kill that false self. Who I put in charge of this body instead was the true self, who I'd forgotten about for decades, me as a 3-4 year old, inner kid who I thought was an inner demon. Turned out it wasn't, the inner demon was my inner kid the whole time lol. That's who I decided to become, reconnected with who I was before innocence was lost. Took a void to get there but I'm better now. If nothing else I do wish you find your stability and wholeness. >She sounds sweet. Take care of her.She was, and thanks. She passed away a few years back, she got real sick. Never cried in my life, except when she died. Only person I've ever cried for. She's in a better place now I am certain. Take care of yourself yeah? Whenever you should fall or whenever you should cause harm to yourself or to others during dissociative reflexes, always give yourself mercy and forgive yourself.
>>42357411When you have Bepede you get intense awareness and experience with all the emotional build ups and resolutions that come with POWER, these emotions are continuous and can drag on for long periods of time so it's kind of like fucking for a really really long time after experiencing just a drop of the sense of POWER, which is extremely prominent in sex not because of anything scientific or physical but because of the saying"Everything is about sex, except for sex itself, which is about power."You'll see these GPT AI failures are literally masturbating each other over hours and long walls of text in the thread right now. They can't help but fuck.
>>42357496yes, just keep crying and complaining and a Real Person™ will be issued to you shortly :^)
>>42357539Go back to Nobody General
>>42357558make this thread boring enough and i willhttps://youtu.be/7brTSTuDvx0
>>42357251>Recognition of power happens as a result of living under those who have ecstasy of power. There is no way of restoring ecstasy of power without recognizing and integrating it.Power is in remembrance, anon. Figuring out you always had it in you, only life cut your eyes out so you couldn't see it, tore a void in your heart so you couldn't feel it, and scattered your mind to dissociative winds so you could never remember it. But rest assured it's always there, it's just a matter of gaining extrasensory eyes, extrasensory heart, extrasensory mind to reclaim it is all.
>>42356261Power is what we call energy with influence that is not recognize/real/usable. If you are recognizing power it is because you are recognizing yourself.
>>42357573I'm here because the OP never replied to me in last night's /ng/ thread. Not that it matters, I'm nobuddy.
>>42357682>if power isn't real, what is it?At minimum, it's complex, utilizing imaginary rotations not present in the real.
>>42356333You BPD women are relying way too much on your physique. There is more to a women than her body.
>>42357520Though, boderline woman really give on themselfs for the craziest shit, even though i am a dom it sometimes gets unnerving how "sub" that one was.But it kinda gets you going you guess, no wonder dudes get addicted to these types of woman after that, rarely you will see someone give itself so much on sex AND relationships, but, of course they are extremely volatile too
>>42358008Oh no, whatever shall I do? Intentionally get ugly? I think not.>>42358038You really get what you give with us.
