>>31089538
I have, and it was quite insane of an experience. There'd be arguments that occur for no reason, and a lot of screaming that made me afraid to open up to her. When I do talk about the problem, she doesn't like that it's being brought up, and usually sweeps it under the rug. I was spending a lot of time and mental energy to cover for her lack of input in the relationship. When she broke up with me, she thought I'd just go back to her afterwards, but when I left, she went to our mutual friends and told them funny made up stories to get them on her side. The aftermath was a mess, and I don't think she was ever ready for a relationship.

>>31089538
interesting diagram.

>>31090597
mine cheated on me after 5 years with some married nigger just because he's 'hotter'.
I read her diary after taking her to Amsterdam for Christmas holidays.
Safe to say she never wrote that down, but she did bookmark the dates where here other 'supplies' texted or fucked her.
In my face, she'd be all lovey dovey and adore me, behind my back, I was constantly being devalued and criticized. She even forbade me to speak about our relationship to my own mother, because 'she has no business meddling in us', while her entire workplace would know that I'm a 'jealous controlling idiot' whenever I'd catch her in a slip-up, which she of course, always masterfully deflected and made me the bad guy for having boundaries.

>>31089538
I need to point the finger at me
I was like that for a long time
Just stop giving a fuck let go
She wasn’t it

>>31089538
Psychologist here and the pic in your OP is vague and those things can be applied to a multitude of problem attachment styles or other personality disorders.
What you described may be borderline, or histrionic or etc, in all honesty, as a shrink I never diagnose because personally I find it useless, and oftentimes misses the mark.
What does matter is how they treat you in the relationship, you don't really need a label on shit to know it stinks.

>>31089538
For me, they way I interpret it, a narcissist is the border line personally disorder. I experienced it with a crazy girl in high school. I had a crush on her from primary school, she knew in year 6 that I had a crush on her and she was disgusted by it when she was told about it "ugh". So, I internalised it as a "no" and that one day I will stop having feelings for her. It was hard as she had that "nice and sweet girl" persona but the liking I felt for her diminished. In high school I told a few people that I liked her as were talking about who likes who and I honestly expressed that I did like her at the time. She was upset by it, she told me one day just after math class in year 8 "can you stop telling everyone that you like me?". I did not tell everyone, the news went from person to person. In that moment I told her "I dont like you, I hate you" it was an other attempt for me to stop liking and later I relapsed into liking her due to the "nice and sweet girl" persona. At the same time, she was kicked from her original friend group about 6 months prior which the friend group was established while in kindergarten, I suspect that her friend group found her boring in contrast to a new girl they met that was goofy. Aside from that I dont know.

Anyway, two months after the math class one of her friends that was also kicked from the kindergarten group (and yet was still a go-between, lets say K) tells me that she needs to talk to me about something important during the second half of lunch time outside the math rooms. So I meet K then, there, she tells me that if I ask (lets say A) A out that she will say yes. I ask her out and she says yes, I walk her home after school everyday and we call each other to talk on the phone until a week later as she "just wants to be friends".

Cont.

>>31091086
I was disappointed, shocked and embarrassed so I thought the story with me her concluded and I was again striving to stop having feelings as well as thinking about the next romantic chapter (if you will) with some other girl - a future girl. I suppose she witnessed me laughing out loud at my friend's gaffes and I did not appear "mature" to her, at least that is what I thought because she lowered her head as if she was embarrassed (embarrassed prone) and when I asked her about it she said it was nothing. So, after she wanted to just be friends and I did not even bother being friends with her - I was feeling pretty good. One day we went on an excursion to a petting zoo, me and the boys (friends and fellow students alike) were being playful, cracking jokes and laughing. On the way back to high school from the petting zoo a girl, lets say, G while sitting close to A on the bus asked me if I would go out with A again. I said "that is not necessary" then one of the boys, say, C said that me and A should talk before we went home. G and C meant well and it seemed to me that I could experience closure with A, I thought that she would say sorry to me. I was concerned that she would complain that I was not "being a friend". Eventually, were return to the high school and C says me and A need to talk about being boyfriend and girlfriend again, I was unamused and C continued saying that we broke up because of her friends. Therefore as C said that if me and A kept the relationship a secret we could stay together, I sympathised with A as it seems she was pressured to end the relationship and gave her a chance.

I started to walk her home again and we would talk on the phone (she would tell her parents and relatives that I was a "friend"). Problem, she did not want intimacy. She would argue that someone might see us whether at high school or on the way home like her neighbours.

To be continued in morning if the thread is still up. Good night for now.

>>31091149
bump

>>31089538
My ex bf

>>31091149
Offered her to walk home my way, she argued that her mum expects her home at a certain time. Even just for holding hands and hugging she would not do it. My friends would call her a frigid, I would advocate for her and she would still not be intimate. She was bothered that she was called a frigid. Eventually, the lack of any sort of intimacy was annoying me: I liked her, gave her a chance and she does not even want to hold hands. Her recent friend group noticed that I was annoyed to the verge of indignation and they tried to encourage her to have some quality time with me and a certain effect I was pleased with it.

As we would go to the quiet part of the high school during our breaks she would complain that there are people around and if there were not any people that someone might see us. She flirted with some other guy in science class and I told him and her to stop, he did, he threatened me and I confronted him - he stopped. She complained that they just friends. After a few days her and her recent friend group noticed that I was contemplating something while I was sitting with her group for the recess and lunch breaks. That something was regretting that I gave her a chance A friend of hers, say, N got us to hold hands and A said in a low and pouting tone "Can I have my hand back now?" and I threw her hand away and at her. I walked away from them. The next week her friends call me over during lunch, by then I would join them a lot less. They tell me that A is going to come over my house on the weekend and we do everything including sex. So I was surprised and happy, that she started to improve and me being glad for waiting on her. She seemed excited about it and her friends and my friends were, I also brought condoms too which my friend who was there with me laughed hysterically as I did not even look the cashier in the face while presenting the condoms at the checkout. Ah, friends being there for you, I remember that. I remember that well.

Cont.

>>31093312
It just so happens that my dad would be at work until just after midday on Saturdays so it was set for Saturday at around 12:00pm. On Friday night me and A talk on the telephone both being excited about Saturday, just before we end the call she tells me to wait for her to call first. I found that suspicious and I did not understand the way I felt that, I did agree to it and we end the call.

On Saturday I make sure everything is clean an welcoming, I thought about getting some treats for us like chocolates and chips. There were still fruit juice and soft drinks in the fridge (thanks dad!). I ate breakfast and played Metal Gear Solid on the Playstation. After gaming, I reconsidered waiting for her call and that I would just wait outside my house and either she came or not. I got the snacks for us: BBQ chips, honeycomb and cherry chocolates if I remember correctly.

I wait outside for her, I wait and I wait. Then in the distance I see her with her mother turning the corner, two blocks away. I reckoned that she could not come today as she is going shopping, to the doctor, chemist etc. They walk towards me, I was confused. I wanted to go back inside, deep down I felt like staying. Eventually they reached me, her mum tells me "what are you doing out here!?", I say " I am just...", she says "get out here! Donkey!". As I go back inside my place I hear her mum telling A "what are doing!?" I did not hear the rest. I was shocked and preparing to tell my friends the news. I checked for any missed calls and A did call. I was glad my dad came home after a few hours, he was tired from work but relieved to be at home with his son. I was happy and relieved that dad can be there with me at such at time, I, of course did not tell him. He knew something shocked me and he just pat me on the shoulder with a big smile on his face "Hey! What are you doing lad!?" and laughs. Thanks dad.

After processing the event I would confront A on Monday at recess.

Cont.

>>31093423
Before Monday, I would call her on Sunday evening and I asked her "what happened on Saturday?" she says that her mum saw that she was excited and wanted to go out so she just came along with her. I retort "And you brought her here?", A says "Where would I take her!?", I reply "Somewhere else! Take her to the newsagency or the post office or where the doctor is!" she sighed and blamed me for not being there to answer the call. Okay I understand that, to bring her mum all the way to my place!? WTF. She later argued that her mum saw me from the distance and walked to where I was. I argued whether her mum just shouts at random people. The call soon ended

Monday recess started, I waited for her and her recent friend group to go to their usual place from while being around my friends and telling them about the news from midday Saturday: mixed reactions. Some found it shocking, some were indignant and others found it funny. A couple of guys joked that her mum wanted some action too. I notice her friends in the distance and I walk to them and asked them about Saturday: "What happened? What are you girls doing? Is this prank?" they argued that if only I answered the call from her it would not have happened that way. After recapping the day with them I walk away. After a few days, they invite me to the group and tell me that this Saturday for sure just to make sure that I wait for her call first. I reluctantly agreed, as I started to consider that she is not going to come and she did not really want to come last Saturday. That she wanted her mother to come with her and she was not being honest.

That Saturday came and about 12:10pm rather than the call I missed at 12:30pm from her last Saturday I answered and she tells me she cant come because she has got to go visit family. I ironically said "Yea, okay..!" she sighed and I said bye and hung up. I knew that it was time to break up with her.

Cont.

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>>31093520
So the week started in high school, I go to her recent friend group and we talk about Saturday. They agreed with her that she had to go visit family and could not do anything. None of them mentioned about rescheduling this Saturday so I mentioned it to A on the phone that week and says that now her mum suspects her that she is going to do something so she is not letting her out on Saturday. Her recent friend say, S, who also told me about the Saturday plans initially told me that after school while walking her home to just grab her and kiss her. I told me friends and one friend, say, M in his redemption arc after simping and splitting our friend group (he relapsed couple of years later) said he would be the as witness in case she tries to set me up. He did not tell me exactly, I realised years later that in case of "sexual harassment".

I walk her home later and her friend was there with her, my friend with me. S whispers to A that I was going to kiss her, A snapped at S and I did not hear her exact words. I talk with my friend and he is supportive and half way to her place and reach and grab her arm, turn her around gently about to kiss her as she faced when she just had lowered her head to the ground and looking sad. We were disappointed, I was blamed for it as I "did not do it properly", I explained that her head was toward the ground and she was looking sad. Anyhow, I told my friends that I was going to break up with her that week, on the Friday I would be ready to break up with her, on a Wednesday or Thursday in grammar and literature class S throws me a note, she wrote if want to kiss A. I write a troll comment like "Is her mum going to be there?", "Are you joking?" something to the effect of that which I dont remember, likely the "Are you joking?". S writes in the note that A is being serious and whether I wanted to kiss her or not. I agree in writing, I did have feelings for her still and found it as a solace of those two weeks.

Cont. & brb,

>>31093624
Jesus christ.
Esl wall text, and clear manipulation.
Be succinct.

You should have shut her down when she pulled the first mom stunt. And made it clear to her friends she doesn't like them trying to control her, and you're not a lightning rod for thier drama.

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>>31093624
We agreed to meet at the language rooms right after the second half of lunchI made sure to chew some gum for our sake. An old friend of hers from the kindergarten group that became interested in our arranged kiss, say, "I" later suggested I chew gum for the kiss, I told her I was way ahead of her. It seemed that her old friend group became interested in our upcoming kiss. I arrived at the language rooms early, soon I noticed her and her old friend group with her recent friend group straddling, she was among her old friend group from kindergarten and not her recent friend group. As they were climbing the stairs it seemed as if A was mourning and I started to think that she might back out of it too. She arrives with her friends they all have a neutral expression, one of those old friends, say, N approached me first and I assumed that she would tell me that A does not want to do it followed by a fake accusation. N tells me if I am ready, and A hesitantly but excitedly approached me. As we faced each other N tells me: "first you kiss each other on the cheek, then on the lips and then tonguing". I was astounded at these comments and despite being a little nervous I was excited and interested. We done all three and they react with their "Wooo..." when we tongued. Peculiarly, her mouth tasted like metal. I believed that is just the way a girl's mouth tastes, years later I came to know it was something concerning. Just about we go our ways to class, A says to me dont tell anyone. N later disputed this and as I was walking away she said "go tell whoever you want, tell your friends" I smiled at N and kept walking.

Me, her and a few of her old friends from kindergarten were in the last class of the day. I was happy and found the solace, I detail the events to my friends that listen to me closely. I also mentioned the metallic taste in her mouth, no-one knew but it perplexed them as much as it perplexed me.

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>>31089538
No, no such thing has ever happened anywhere to anyone, never in the history of humanity.

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>>31091086
>>31091149
>>31093312
>>31093423
>>31093520
>>31093624
>>31094407
Merciful christ anon. I like trauma-posting as much as anyone here but fucks sake.
No one is gonna read all that.
Boil it down to key elements and extrapolate as requested.
Less is more.

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>>31091028
>Based shrink.
You're exacly right. A lot of the times it seems like diagnosing a condition really just restrict a person's treatment options since insurance will only pay for common therapies/meds tied to each. When in really there is so much overlap between these things it doesn't really matter.

Never have I ever met a borderline person who wasn't also depressed, a bi-polar person who wasn't narcissistic, or any of the above without some sort of PTSD.

The diagnosis might as well be "mentally unwell with mal-adaptive coping mechanisms and social skills" and a "suicidal or non" sub class.

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>>31089538
I'm just read the image and it just hits me like a train. And it some what fits on both me and my first/last ex I've had. And it kinda got me in a shit mood.

Ngl op, go fuck yourself but also thank you.
Maybe I was a bit of a narcissist back in high school. As well as my ex, maybe should have brooken up with her when she cheated on her last bf with me. But Fuck you though.

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>>31094407
A was getting embarrassed by me detailing the events to my much interested friends and fellow students as preview and prelude when it was their time for a kiss with their girl. A was sitting next to arguably the most popular girl of our primary school and now of the high school year, say, S; something was quite rare for them to sit next to each unless due to circumstances. A became distressed holding her head and trying to hide her face. S started to console her since the first time I ever knew them, a few of the boys sitting close by them told us that A was breaking up me, S was penning a note. My friends were shocked, I was starting to feel like the time she brought her mum, she would argue that her mum just came along. I have known better since then. The bell rang for home time, S shouts my name and throws me her handwritten note and tells A to run and she ran with S. I read the note written in S's handwriting with my friends peeking at the words: "Sorry anon I am just not ready for a relationship". My friend M shouted: "Stingy bitch!" we all agreed to go speak to her.

She was at the handball court with nearly every girl group in the year, they were divided between denouncing A while others symphathised with A while I was demonised. N, while she was previously supportive said that I should leave A alone. The other girls were asking me what happened and they started shouting at her and her old friend group. Her old friend group protected her from a fictional demon. It was done. She was kicked from her now reunited group soon for mentioning me constantly and was back at her recent group. Me and my two friends went off at them including A who were quite cocky over A ending the relationship. Eventually, the recent group kicked her as well for talking about me constantly. A became alone and for end of year 8 and half of year 9 she would go home at recess and lunch.

Cont. and afk for a bit

I will reply to naysayers later if the thread is still up.

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>>31089538
>or
OP, almost without exception the only people who engage in dynamics with mentally unhealthy people are those who experienced the same unhealthy dynamic growing up. It's why addiction breeds addiction, and abuse breeds abuse, and victimstend to move from one abuer to the next. Some folks call it The Trauma Loop/Cycle, others Intergenerational Baggage.

Either way, normal people are able to consciously pick up on these red flags and stay the fuck away. Meanwhile, if you were brought up with it the same flags just look like Tuesday to you. Some exceptions apply, but they are rare and I've only ever personally met one.

To answer your question, yes. I was married to one for 12 years. Before that, my mother filled the roll from ages 0-20. Same as her mother did for her.

Best advice is to cut all contact completely. These people generally don't change, or if they do, wont change in a way that can keep pace with the other party. They also tend to backslide frequently and catastrophically. Change your number/emails, block their socials, ignore them IRL and go do some therapy and/or work a recovery program.
Trust me when I say you'll be happy you did.

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>>31094538
It's ok anon. Real talk, people who engage with narcissists are built by narcissists and thus act like it too (though usually to a lesser degree).
They don't get a vote.
At least now if that pic is ringing bells you know somethings up and have the freedom/ability to fix it.

>>31094565
are you a narc?
If not, when does the fallout of such a relationship stop hurting?

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>>31094944
>narc
Nah, though I don't really see how that would effect the quality of the comment. While I am military, I'm more or less an anarchist at this point. I genuinely couldn't give a less of a fuck what people do/don't do unless it directly impacts me/mine.

>when
Thst varies widely from person to person. Factors like how longe they dynamic lasted for, how it stopped, what sort of support network the person has, and (honestly) how much work they're willing to put in to get over it all come into play.

For me, I got over my mom in less then two months. I was already fed up with her shit when I cut her out, and since I was wrapped up in bigger stuff, already in therapy, and working Adult Children of Alcoholics and Disfunctionit was near perfect conditions. TLDR, I quickly realized our relationship had gotten so bad I'd already subconsciously written her off as dead. I had the realization, did a bit of grieving, and that was that.

My ex wife was much worse. That probably took about 2.5 years. Our dynamic had become incredibly codependent and she was super psychologically abusive. Even with therapy, ACoA&D, a good support system, and doing everything right I still had to reconstruct my whole sense of self from nothing. It also didn't help that I still had to deal with her weekly for custody exchanges, and fight her in cort over custody/asset allocation.

Conversly, my dad never got over my mom's treatment of him despite having had no contact with her for 25 years. Even as he slips into dementia he still clearly recalls every bullshit slight she pulled and tells EVERYONE. His dumb ass never saw a head doc, or did anything to move one except drink tho.

>>31095309
this hit too close to home. my soon to be ex wife and my mother are both narcs. Just discovering all this and i think i'm a codependent. Any tips on how to recover from childhood trauma?

>>31095309
mine isolated me from everyone, made me move countries, expected me to do all the work and communication, and despite all that, still cheated on me and lied about it to my face.
This was 4 months ago and I'm still not well. Lasted 3 years.

Yeah my ex was a narcissist. Charming fake persona, talked endlessly about himself with little questions towards me, called other women hot in front of me and gaslighted me about it, super controlling and jealous and would snoop on my devices while I was asleep then got mad at me, porn addicted, delusions of grandeur, persecution complex, called himself a "boy" even though he was 31, started and quit over 5 different jobs and degree programs within 6 months, would ignore my messages for days at a time and act like I was schizo for wondering where he was. It was horrible, narcissists aren't people like us, the moment there is trouble too they will just leave and never take accountability. The hilarious part is that I know he sees himself as a the good guy he's literally insane.

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>>31094539
One day just before A was about to go home for recess I asked her:
"Why do you go home at recess and lunch?".
A said "I dont have anyone to talk to"
I replied "You are talking to me now.",
"No, like I mean girls...!" she chuckles ironically
"I mean you dont bother to talk to any of girls, you just go home" I am trying not to laugh at her after she implied I had feelings for her and tried to get back with her, I was avoiding her mostly and was neutral toward her.
"They dont want to talk to me, I got to go now" and she went home for recess
I spoke to one of the girls with a warm and friendly personally that contrasted the hard headed and tumultuous friends she knew since kindergarten and the recent friends that were frustrated and bothered. I told her about A being lonely and she was open to talking to her. Soon they became chummy. A tried to get my attention for the rest of year 9 while I liked one of her old friends, namely, N. I figured it would be a new start for me, my dad thought that N was okay when he first saw her in primary school. It was the case that she had a boyfriend at the time and in October after I confessed to her she said she wanted to be friends, I was happy that I concluded that chapter no hard feelings towards N romantically, its just she tended to be a bitch and I was glad to avoid her since. Meantime M and his accomplice started to relapse by trying to split the group and simp for the girl group he knew since kindergarten and overall year 9 was one of the best high school years.

Year 10 felt vibrant and fresh: having developed skills to play as midfield from being a defender, admitted into the high school debating team, M temporarily stopped in splitting the group, I was enjoying the Playstation 2 and it was like were rebuilding the big friend group. I relapsed in April, us boys were walking home from sport and suddenly I started to think about A as if missed her, I felt it strongly as I did before the year 8 drama .

Cont.

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>>31095964
I searched for meaning and meant that I loved her. It bothered me, it bothered me a lot, after all that has happened. I figured that if I told her, if she told me about the way she felt then, like it was with N who on exception was not a bitch and she was surprisingly understanding and compassionate to this day I am astonished by it (lucky I did not fall in love in her, close one!), I could recover and continue this great high school year. It just so happened that we as year 10 students were showcasing the high school to students in year 6 and touring them. She started to really get along with a guy she knew therefore better to do it today and we can all just move on. So, I waited until we were in the hall and the year 6 six students were leaving
"A can I talk you about something?"
"Sure anon, I will be back"
I walk her a few steps away from her designated group, far enough to be private, close enough to be confortable
"A, I have something to say to you..."
"What is that?" She started her sweet and innocent spiel
"A, I love you"
"Thank you, as a friend" or something that.
At that moment I recalled that in year 7 she told my friend that she would go out with me as friends and he said to me "It means she likes you".
So, I figured that within two weeks if does not confess her feelings to me I can then just move on. In those two weeks after school she told me that we were boyfriend and girlfriend a long time ago and while I understood that I asked about the way she felt about me which she avoided. Eventually at the two week mark I told her that I am giving her the shoes and that she should chase me if she feels the same way.

After that I became interested in a girl called M, I liked her attitude she was the happy and smiley one in contrast to the at times dark A. Turned out that A had a boyfriend as well, still A found out that I liked her and asked me about it - I confirmed it.

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>>31096012
A week and a bit later her newfound friends were not in class one day. She approached me at my desk and she knelt in front of me, I was curious about that. She asked me for notes to copy the notes from the board and I gave her book, she was student like me and I felt okay about letting her copy from my book. She returns my book, knelt in front of me and asked to speak to me after school. I thought she experienced another fallout and needed someone to talk to. I meet her at the gate, the same gate we would wait for each other and then walk her home. I chat with A and exchange formalities with her and mentioned that she wanted to speak to me about something. A said that its about what I told her at the hall (that I loved her) and that she considered being boyfriend and girlfriend again. She explained that it was her friends again that were the problem in year 8 and that to keep our relationship a secret. I agreed given that I believed she loved me and we become boyfriend and girlfriend again. We were both so happy, walking her home and talking on the phone. About two weeks later her friends call me over to their group at lunch time and A was there with them, they say how long have me and A being boyfriend and girlfriend, I turn to A and said "You TOLD them!?". Her friend, say, C says its okay we are and asked A why we were keeping it a secret, I told C it is because her friends sabotaged our relationship. C and the other friend, say, F promised not to interfere. A broke her promise and now C and F make a promise to me and A, its a joke. I tried to become intimate with A and again the same issues from year 8 were still affecting her: "someone might see us" and recently "not now". We kissed once in August, on the lips while being supervised by her newfound friends - very unromantic.

It was September, it was time for us to participate in a work experience program voluntarily as part of the education program for our school.

Cont. Good night.

>>31089538
Yes. My father was a narcissist and a crippling addict, absent from my life from when I was 4 until he died but he always thought he could just pop up once in a while after a 7 year gap like nothing happened. Type A narcissist.

My mother was unfit to raise children, and naturally that means she had 6. She was so focused on how *she felt* that *our needs* got completely sidelined. Covert Narcissist, severely neglectful.

My sister closest in age tortured me every day from as early as I can remember to when I was 16 and she got kicked out. She was violent, mentally and emotionally abusive, manipulative and took sick satisfaction in making me break down from stress and fear; all of which was unimpeded by our neglectful narcissist mother. Type A Narcissist with **bonus points** BPD.

Needless to say I was suicidal well into my 20s and had absolutely zero self esteem. I genuinely thought I deserved nothing and lived for the whims of others. Thankfully I've done a lot of deep introspection and overcome a lot of the pain to become a good person with a strong resolve.

>>31095898
My ex was somewhat like that

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Hey everyone, I have been in all of your shoes and I feel for you all. I'd hug yall if I could because it doesn't stay this way forever! I have a POWERFUL resource that helped me A LOT.

Jerry Wise on YouTube.
My God this old timer has been the best wake up call and tool giver to handle narcs I've ever witnessed. His YouTube is free but he has a program you could optionally opt in for.

He explains patterns, techniques, and elaborates on how to build the "self" that the narcissists have stolen from you. Things like how a narc will borrow your self identity or enmesh their self onto you.

Please anons, femanons, fuck it even the trannies. Binge watch Jerry Wise.

>>31089538
Narcissists love to accuse you of being a narcissist.

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>>31096671
I can recommend just subscribing to a handful (for me it's some 7-8) speakers on narcissism and browsing their stuff.
If you're in a tight spot you need to be flexible, and most speakers on narcissism just aren't. So as the second best you take the good parts from several quite different speakers.
Not dumping my list. Compose your own by using the YT search engine, and hone your skill of recognizing a helpful speaker from mealy stuff not applicable to your personal situation while you're at it.

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Just realized >narc in this context means narcissist, not Narcotics Agent/Fed. Fuck me, I've clearly been spending too much time on the other boards...

>>31095640
>>31095870
First and foremost, all that tracks. It's genuinely a bummer you guys (or anyone really) had to deal with that shit. Psychological/emotional abuse is particularly shitty in that it's such a gradual thing. Like looking at any individual slight they're just so easy to write off. It was a bad day. They were in a rough spot. It wasn't THAT big of a thing. Truly emotional death by 1k cuts. And if you are codependent, which the victim in these dynamics generally is, you get to catch it both ways as doing the healthy stuff (standing up for yourself, cutting people out, letting people feel the consequences of their actions, etc.) often feels worse then the abuse.

The good news is this is 100% something a person can recover from. While slow (or at least slower then you like) and hard, I've never seen someone who truly wanted to not get past it.

Broad stroke advice:
1. Work some sort of therapy and/or counseling system. Codependents by nature don't put themselves first. Having these as back-stops ensure there's an external force pushing you to do that. You'll need that until you can train yourself to do it on your own. Plus, it's really important for recovery to get that validation. I'll never forget the day in ACoA&D where I told a story about an event with my mom and a guy who had been horribly abused his whole life looked me in the eyes and said "Wow man, that was super fucked up. You shouldn't have had to experience that."

2. Read Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency by Melody Beattie. Easily the two best books on recovery I've ever read. It's a road map out crafted as only a person who had to figure it out the hard way could make.

1/2

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>>31097538
3. Be patient/kind with yourself. You will make mistakes. You will backside. You will have to work on this a long, long time. All of that is normal. Keeping in mind what you're doing (essentially rebuilding all of how you engage with others from the ground floor) is a huge task.
No one is perfect and that's ok. What matters is not getting discouraged and doing the best you can as you can. Change here is incremental, like compounding interest in a bank or reps at the gym.

Hopefully that helps. I can give more specifics if desired but I already feel like I'm wall-posting.

Good luck either way. You can do it.
2/2

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>>31096671
>Please anons, femanons, and fuck it even the trannies.

This both gave me a chuckle AND warmed my heart.

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>>31096012
>Turned out that A had a boyfriend as well, still A found out that I liked her and asked me about it - I confirmed it.
Correction, that was M. Sorry I was a bit sleepy and lax with the proofreading. It turned out that M had a boyfriend as well, still A found out that I liked M and asked me about it - I confirmed it.
>>31096038
So it was September, A was considering teaching as her career and already volunteered at a primary school close by it was not the primary school we went to, it was the primary school that C and F went (I went there for a short time, I later went to primary school that A, N and their friends went to as well my friend M and a few others). I conjured an idea, for me and A to volunteer as teachers at the primary school me and her went to. I found that quite romantic and wholesome, problem, A did not like that idea as she agreed with the "girls" I then offer if I may join them there, she said that the school only accepted three (!?). Meanwhile I was searching for a place to volunteer for a week, I tried the school anyway even if it would be just me without A. The school did not have a place for me to volunteer, I tried retail, nope. So I would be having a free week. A called me on a Friday before the volunteer/work experience week, I told A about my free week and the reason for it. A sympathised, rare and I was glad that she is showing improvement in her moods and behaviour. A mentions at some point that she wanted to meet with me during her breaks from volunteering at that school. I didnt even think of it, I was happy about it.

We met on Monday midday, I was dressed in my sporty attire/activewear she was dressed in her budget smart casual. There was KFC and there was McDonalds near there. I offered KFC, she was slightly bothered by it so McDonalds it was. She ordered an apple pie, I ordered a big mac and we at the outside area. We eat and chat, she was in her usual pouty mood with some giggles at times and I was happy.

Cont.

>>31098434
dude stop please

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>>31098434
10 minutes after, some guy waved at A from inside a car. I asked A
"Who is that?"
"Ugh, that is just one of my brother's friends, R. He has a crush on me."
"Okay, it looks like it. Do you have any feelings for him?"
"No! God..."
Four years too soon for her it appears. Another 10 minutes and the car drives past in the other direction beeping, A and me disregard it. We both continued what was our first date and first time meeting outside the school. Patience was a virtue it seemed.

In a moment of silence, I recalled, two years ago when her mother spoke to me on the phone. Instead of letting me talk to A she was telling me, among other things, what I felt was not real love it was puppy love, that I did not know what real love was. Real love for A's mum is about responsibilities and namely bills, I felt bad that I regarded her comment as something to be ridiculed. How things have changed in two years. I reoriented to the present moment with A. It was soon time for A to return to the school. We farewell each other for the day as we enjoy one more moment together, as she walks to whence she came she turns her head towards me.

Later that day she tells me that we can meet on Wednesday, as on Tuesday it was a "girl's lunch" or something to that effect. To me that meant a gaming session with none other than a romantic one: Final Fantasy VIII. It was Wednesday, we met at the same place, she already already brought lunch and eaten at the school, so she said anyway. We go sit at the chat, great atmosphere. A few minutes before she was going to leave, I went to kiss her. I did not believe it, she backed away. She did not even want my around around her nor hold hands with me. She tapped me on head for it with a grin. Old ladies peeked and nosed at us. She soon tells me about some guy that likes her, did not say a name nor a desciption, and as she was telling me she seemed excited, I felt something I never felt for her: disgust.

Cont & brb

>>31089538
Sure. Everyone's talking about ex's but; my mom's husband who not a single person likes.

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>>31091086
>>31091149
>>31093312
>>31093423
>>31093520
>>31093624
>>31094407
>>31094539
>>31095964
>>31096012
>>31096038
>>31098434
>>31098642
>Comes into thread about narcs.
>Doesn't engage with anyone
>Just dumps and dumps despite no responses sans requests to stop
>Content of said dumps are generally childish bullshit
(From what I've skimmed anyway, I aint reading all that.)

This is literally the definition of narc behavior.
Anon, either you are the problem, or you are a troll derailing an otherwise productive thread.

>>31098642
Nah. It's cool. You dont need to brb.
Infact probably better you not.

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>>31098642
We went our own ways, one more meet up on Friday. Same time, she said that her two friends would be there. I already ate at home. I wait for them at the usual place, they go into KFC there were in there for a long time. It looked like they were talking to a guy at the counter, they already got their food and they were laughing with the guy at the counter. It seemed very wrong. They finally arrive, we greeted went to the park to chat. We chatted, no alone time with A. We just said goodbye as their lunch break was finishing. A calls me later to tell me that F is having a birthday party on Saturday, I asked whether she wanted me to come. A declined as its a "girls" thing and that she remembers my birthday.

A calls me on Sunday and told me about F's birthday, she focused on the attention they got from guys. I called her on this and retorts that I was jealous and I should get over it. The following week for my birthday she gives me a birthday card with "love always" and chocolate. She told me not to get too excited after I thanked her:
"Alright, alright dont get too excited". The situation improved until the end of the month on a Friday when I was playing Gran Turismo and I called her. Something was on her mind, I wanted to comfort her at some point she says: "I want to have fun and enjoy life" and "not ready for a relationship" again. That was when the depression started. Her friends said that her "friend" got into an accident and it affected her. She got back with her kindergarten group and demonised me again. From September to August of next year it was just me seeking answers. Fortunately, I found another girlfriend for a while so there was some joy.

Year 12 was the year I fought back against the demonisation and her schemes, it was not pretty. Being demonised, I lost friends and social events were not mentioned to me which I knew about later over that period. By chance, I encountered her with her boyfriend in his car.

Cont.

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>cont

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>>31099562
I told one of the girls that I had regular contact with with, no-one believed it until a few people saw them together. It was F's colleague from KFC and someone I used to play soccer with. He looked like Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Everyone started mocking her, her being embarrassed prone really affected her. F thought to get a teacher to threaten me and that is what he did. I confronted him in front of the whole school, he backed away. Many people sided with me, that teacher was forced to resign. An anti-climactic tribute was held for him because he was hated for behaviour.

Another time A tried to frame me for sexual harassment after we had a flirtatious moment together, fortunately for me the boys from year were and I was cleared. Another girl started to like me but I did not trust her as she liked some other guy before and besides she wanted to wait after high school so I refused and kept her as a friend. Just before the formal I got a mysterious call from someone asking whether I would be at the formal, I was ready to fight him because I thought it was another of A and her friend's scheme. He said "Nah, I just want to know if are coming". It was formal night, I didnt feel like dancing, but I paid so I was there. A tried to get my attention all night, I ignored her. I checked the outside in case someone was there, no-one.

At the end of the night instead of farewelling A and her friends I just walked out. The next few years was A keeping tabs on me her friends bragging A was doing better and A herself trying to get back with me.

I am all done, the love is all gone and never going back to her ever.

It was fake from the start.

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>>31093682
>You should have shut her down when she pulled the first mom stunt. And made it clear to her friends she doesn't like them trying to control her, and you're not a lightning rod for thier drama.
I tried to get to know her side of the story and if she would make it up to me. After all that yes, after she brought her mum I should have told her to fuck off. Actually, the back to back weeks would have been better if I reasoned that she does not really like me back. If did I would be wondering if I ended it too early.
>>31094487
I had enough of being told the way I should think and do, which is in part precisely what prolonged the predicament.
>>31098630
Just dont read it cunt, does it remind you of the guild when you fucked someone over? Not my problem
>>31099139
I never asked you to read that, too bad you have grievances. The thread is rather stale for such a potent matter. I didnt not enter your private chat, its a forum. The thread would be more productive if people would be a sounding boarding instead of being demented. Speaking of definitions I am enjoying your narc seethe.
>>31099149
Nah fuck off, go find someone else who would be more compliant to your demands. I would just ignore your requests after expressing politeness.
>>31099578
Michael Jackson did it better.

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>>31099707
>being told
Doesn't seem to be a problem
>don't read
We have to scroll through no matter waht
>stale thread
Nigga, you are 90% of the thred so I guess you got me there.
>sounding board
Not actually doing anything people can sound off to.
Fuck off/calls a narc/politeness
Bro...

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>>31101206
>Doesn't seem to be a problem
No, just keep scrolling and you and your buddies have room for 200+ posts. I guess that is what happens when you are new and have not lurked enough.
>We have to scroll through no matter waht
And?
>Nigga, you are 90% of the thred so I guess you got me there.
You are welcome but you are being a bitch about it
>Not actually doing anything people can sound off to.
Yes they can. That is just what people do that have similar and shared experience which clearly you dont. Sorry ADHD dude
>Fuck off/calls a narc/politeness
Fuck right off, you and your buddies tried to demoralise and instead you got put in your places.
>Bro...
You will never be my bro you piece of shit

>>31101261
Nobody cares about your teen bop story

>>31103000
I disagree

>>31089538
A girl I thought was cute showed interest in me. Through our interactions I found out she was a misandrist and had aspd. She was a huuuuge narcissist as well ofc. I decided to ignore all the red flags because she honestly didn't act that crazy at the start and I thought she was joking about a lot of the stuff she talked about. That was on me. But I did realise in the first minute that I never ever wanted to date her. So I insisted on a fwb relationship. She was so obsessed with me that she was fine with it.
Unlike in your situation though, her phone was never off. She'd constantly be online and texting either me or someone else. Everything had to revolve around her. She'd also constantly share screenshots of conversations she had with other people, so no doubt she shared the once she had with me too.
It would take way too long to list all of the things I later came to realise were borderline or straight up abusive.
I decided to end it after seeing her tell our friend group that she didn't see me as a human and that she thought that I was below her (not even a month prior she had said that she saw me as an equal, and wanted me to be thankful for that fact??). It wasn't even that I minded the insult but it clicked with me that I was disrespected by someone I was supposed to be close with, in front of my friends no less, and that made it easier to break things off, even though I didn't hold a grudge.
I tried ending things peacefully. She didn't like that. Ended up calling me a pedo (groundlessly btw) and telling me to kill myself. Ofc she also denied any allegations of her manipulating and abusing me.
It was an interesting page (not even a chapter desu) in my life.

TLDR: Yeah... shit happens. Hope you're doing well op.