mid 20s male in the UK.For my entire life my family, mainly dad, has always been far too protective & I need help being able to tackle it because it's getting beyond the joke now.An example, I want to get a motorbike so I can drive to work, have a way to visit other cities, I can fund getting the bike and probably fund my test but If I mention wanting to then I'm hit with "oh you know someone died on a bike last week?" or "you'll kill yourself on one of those you're not getting one"so on and so forth.I express interest in hiking & ask for boot recommendation as he used to hike often and I'm told >"oh you can't, you could slip and fall and no one would know where you are" "it's not fun it's just cold and wet I've done it"I express interest in doing camping overnight in the Scottish highlands and I'm hit with>"there's weirdos out there! what if someone jumps you! what if you get kidnappedA lot of the things I want to do are things my dad has done, he owned bikes, he's camped before, he used to hike, etc.But every time I express interest I'm basically shot down, if I end up doing one of those things anyway I'm basically given shit for months or constantly reminded"oh well if you get yourself killed it's your own fault" or "well don't come visit me"or"don't expect me to visit you in hospital"The list honestly goes on and on.I've never injured myself doing anything I've wanted to do, I've never had some horrific accident but I'm still treated like a mongoloid 10 year old who can't even open a jar of pickles by myself. Even if I go out and do something myself & there's no issues, like I said, I'll be met with some over the top melodramatic shit for weeks or months & I just end up discouraged from doing it again as it' just results in the same shit & the same fear mongering bullshit.adv, how do I deal with this shit, I know my parents love me and just don't want to see me hurt & I do want to respect their wishes but at what point is it too much
>>31485242>UKalready over
>>31485252/thread
>>31485252>>31485257It was over for me on spawn.
>>31485242At some point you have to go your own way anon. It is what it is. They'll get over it. They might even better themselves from your example.
>>31485266Well that's the thing anon I've done it many times and like I said I just end up getting constant shit for it. If I try to talk about the stuff I see or do on my hikes I get reminded that's "OOoo dangerous" Like, we live in the UK the most dangerous thing out there is a fucking junkie. I obviously don't want to make my family worry but it's just the constant restrictive feeling is driving me to not want to try new things because I know the same result will be "oOOo dangerous"Another example is that I said I was gonna go indoor rock climbing with some friends & was met with the doom & gloom of "what if you fall on your neck and die?"
>>31485242Umm just get a grip and fucking do it? Part of the reason they continue to be like this is because you never do anything. If you got a motorbike they would moan for a bit but after 2 weeks they wouldn’t say anything. Mid twenties shouldn’t be living at home anyway
>>31485389>because you never do anythingI do a lot of the shit they moan about and 'dont want me to do' & they continue to complain about those things I do, too. Like I said before about rock climbing, I did it and still do it often but am always reminded that it's "dangerous" and "you're gonna fall and break your neck" or "what if one of the holds breaks when you're 80 feet up"I don't think you understand the 'extremely over protective' part anon.
>>31485518>Mid twenties shouldn’t be living at home anywayWhatever
>>31485563Yah welcome to the UK where the housing market is currently horrible and you're looking at 180k for a 2 bedroom semi detached bungalow built in 1960 which now currently requires 30k in repairs or a persimmons house which is 400-600k or pay £900 per month for rent for a 2 bedroom semi dethatched house.Plenty of people live at home right now in the UK where I live because that's how bad the market is right now, I don't need financial advice anon I need family advice on how to not be a cunt to my family
>>31485604Did not read that shit. I’m 22 and rent my own place alone yes I live in the uk stop making excuses
>>31485614Congrats anon, still not what I want help with lmao.
>>31485614ok poorfag
>>31485604Is living at home with multiple mental illnesses developing between both you and your father worth avoiding the rental market for?Well, don't expect me to help you when you mess up living on your own
>>31485615Your parents are overprotective, the solution is to move out. You don’t need to be scared you’ll be okay on your own
>>31485242Tell him he's an incompetent parent because a parent's job is to equip his offspring to make their own way in the world. A competent parent would offer helpful suggestions about your ambitions, and therefore if something bad were to happen to you it would be his fault, not yours.
>>31485242Brush it off and put distance between you guys until you can move out. They won't listen, so nod, acknowledge their concerns, then do the thing anyway. The fuck are they gonna do, will you into tripping on a rock and dying so they can "I told you so!" at your funeral? Ground you? They won't do shit.
>>31485242Britfag here, also had similar parents who would discourage me from trying new things. I didn't have much self-confidence anyway, so their lack of support and belief made it worse for me.I moved out at age 23 and it wasn't until I was nearly 30 that I started getting confidence to actually do some of the things I wanted try. I had been conditioned to believe that almost every activity was stuff that other people did, not me. It wasn't until I started questioning that and slowly built up the confidence and courage to try things that I realised the effect my parents had on me.To give you advice, anon, I would say you have two options. One is to move out which gives you the separation from the constant judgement of your parents and give yourself space to start building up your confidence to try things.The other option is to stop caring what your parents think and just try stuff. Rather than saying, "I'm thinking of getting a motorbike to drive to work" you decide for yourself that you're getting one and you TELL them "I've bought a motorbike". They will likely still judge and discourage you, but at least you took the action and will be living your own life.Both options require you to have some courage to make a change to how things currently are, and I recognise how hard that is to do. But believe me, nothing will change unless you instigate it. From how you've written your post, I feel that you have the motivation and drive to make a difference as you clearly don't want to keep living like this. It might take a while, but I believe you can start shaping your own life.Best of luck to you, anon.
>>31485242I agree with the rest. You need to start ignoring them and going your own way.The stuff about people jumping you while hiking is completely delusion. Getting attacked in the woods just doesn't happen much. It's vanishingly rare. The sorts of people that want to hurt others all live in built up areas and don't go walking.
>>31485242Stop asking permission.
>>31485242You are an adult. Don't tell him and go and buy your bike. Show it to him. Insert dominance.
>>31486819Perfect comment. Listen to this OP. You are right now, and sorry for phasing it like this, a weak faggot waiting for mommy and daddy to clean up after you.
>>31486819I personally don't think it's a confidence issue anon but maybe you're right. It's not that I'm not confident in my ability to do those things it's more about keeping the peace as when I have went and done things on my own I come home and it ends up in arguments over it. I think the other anons might be right and it's time to just move out even if renting only would leave me with like 400 spare per week month.If you're a Britfag you'll understand what I mean when I say the classic British parents passive aggressive "ohhh welllll do whatever you want see if I care" stuff in order to try to make you feel like shit & guilt you out of not doing stuff.The bike thing is a major contentious point right now because I've told them "I'm going to look at one XYZ days from now" before, and I had went to look at a bike, but I was told "well you're not keeping it here" etc and all that shit, basically getting told "it's our house you're not keeping that here" Thanks for the reply fellow Britbong, I think this type of "oooOOOOo the world is ending" mindset is super common in British parents, they've been hit with so much fear mongering from our news that they just see the worst case scenario in everything.>Getting attacked in the woods just doesn't happen much. It's vanishingly rareThat's the thing anon, all of the "Ohhh what if this what if that!" situations they say ARE vanishingly rare. >>31487818>waiting for mommy and daddy to clean up after you.It's more about keeping the peace anon, no one wants to come home to arguments and passive aggressive cunty comments.
>>31488866>It's more about keeping the peace anon, no one wants to come home to arguments and passive aggressive cunty comments.But he will. He already told us that. These kinds of annoying over controlling parent won't ever stop doing that. What more is there to say? Move out and only contact them if they actually want to change.
>>31488926Sorry guess it is OP I'm talking to here. You obviously know your parents better than me, but living under these conditions will make anyone at least a little blind when judging. Fuck the bike actually. Go and get yourself a place to live. Should be first priority.
