I [19] met up at the mall with my closest friend who I haven't seen since I was 16 and we lost contact, and the last friend I had. I texted her on Instagram to get in contact again because I missed her and we drifted apart rather than ending the friendship with an argument. Everything went fine and it was nice seeing her again, but it reminded me how far apart we are in terms of socialising. We were both autists with no social skills and no friends but she's managed to make friends, go to parties, develop a fashion sense and found her aspirations. All I've gotten is a job. I'm so jealous. I know it makes me a bad person but I feel so fucking inferior and worthless. She has managed to get everything I've ever wanted when we were supposed to be in the same boat, and hearing her talk about hanging out with her other friends and all of the things she's doing made me seethe. She's done nothing wrong but even seeing her browse the stores for candles yesterday while all I care about spending my money on is rent to my parents and games made me mad, why did she turn out normal and not me? I tried so hard and just got laughed at. I don't want to push my friend under the bus but all I feel is resentment.
>>31526585
>>>/r9k/
>>31527039I forgot to add the title, but it’s an advice request. How do I stop feeling this way toward my friend? I’m toxic but can’t seem to stop.
>>31527046Give her a blowjob
>>31527046>How do I stop feeling this way toward my friend? I’m toxic but can’t seem to stop.You don't, both are in a different situation. You just aren't happy about your situation and frustrated that one friend that used to be similar is now better off. That's not toxic or bad, it's just normal. Toxic would be if you try to put her down or try to fuck up her life.
>>31527046By bettering yourself. You had every opportunity to achieve the things she did and you didnt because you didnt try. Nothing is her fault
Women are given an accelerated path to school, career, and friends. They get special opportunities. It’s rigged now. You’re only 19 also.
>>31527171Yeah. Thank you. It’s not like I want anything bad to happen to her nor do I want to mistreat her, but I almost regret coming into contact now because I think I would’ve preferred sticking to my guns as a loner if I had known that this is how she turned out.>>31527185I tried the best I could at everything, so I don’t think that’s the reason. The only thing I managed to get was a well-playing job.>>31527388I didn’t want to mention it given the site we’re on but I’m a woman too, just likely autistic. I wouldn’t be remotely surprised if she was the same.
>>31527542>The only thing I managed to get was a well-playing job.That not an "only" accomplishment. It's just the reality that most have either a good social life, or a good job. It's rare to have both or non at all. You didn't mention if she is successful with her career.
>>31527668>You didn't mention if she is successful with her career.She’s doing CS in uni and works part-time at a local store. I earn more than her now, but she’ll probably get a good job when she leaves.
>>31527727I guess you are in a country where you don't need uni to get a good job. My point was more that you having a good job isn't nothing or whatever. It's a good base to get on with your goal of getting a better social life, especially since you're only 19. Imagine being a NEET instead. She might just got lucky by circumstances and that's what you didn't have but still can get.
>>31527780We are English (sadly). I got decent grades in school and the highest mark on my final project so I’d say while uni certainly helps, you can scrape by with decent grades and coming off well. There’s little opportunities to socialise since I work from home and only message/get messages when it’s necessary. If I’m being honest, I feel like I was just destined to be a loner, through upbringing, genes and growing up solidifying myself into the state of viewing myself as an ‘other’ to everybody and having that hinder all attempts to connect.
>>31527927>I work from homeHow did you end up at that job? Do you even like socializing, or are you just anxious doing it? You think you could get into it if you ask your friend to "help" you, or do you think you grew apart?
>>31527999I applied for it on Indeed when I finished school and did really well on the interview. I do like socialising with my family but when it’s other people I either feel anxious if I like them or dislike it when I don’t feel I’m on the same wavelength on or ‘vibe’ with their personality. I think she wouldn’t mind introducing me to her friends but from what I’ve heard I don’t think I’d get on well with them and I do think we’ve grown apart from where she has others now. Back in school it was just the two to us and nobody else.
>>31528675You sound more schizoid (not schizophrenic) than autistic. Most people get their friend group from uni or work. Anything is harder by default. Don't beat yourself up too much.
>>31529165I think you’re right. Back in school I did search around for a diagnosis that fit and did think that I could be schizoid or AVPD but didn’t want to self-diagnose or be annoyingly mentally ill like a lot of other people my age. I think it’s an aversion built on self-hatred that has festered into distaste for others. It’s hard to explain, but I find that the people I dislike the most are the ones that remind me of any quality of mine I deeply dislike/am insecure of, but rather than shrugging and ignoring it as a normal person would I mentally mock, shame and berate them every time we interact. I would not be surprised if I had some kind of disorder that stops empathy like autism, but find myself to be too socially aware to be an actual sperg.
>>31529587*Not stops empathy, reduces empathy. My mistake.
>>31526585 https://voca.ro/1b6geGUdL00P
>>31529831Thank you, Ameritard. Much love.
>>31531466dude it clipped it off :c https://voca.ro/15choIASNqNs
>>31531708It’s fine. Thank you very much for the advice, and I agree with what you said.
>>31529587>but rather than shrugging and ignoring it as a normal person wouldmore like should. Most act the same as you, more often just internally than actually showing it. Because most know it would be petty and toxic. But they also have a 3rd person to talk about that, while you don't. That's why you keep overanalysing those thoughts.> I would not be surprised if I had some kind of disorder that stops empathy like autism, but find myself to be too socially aware to be an actual sperg.yes, basically that's why you can rule autism out. But in general having any personality disorder diagnosis is not helpful other than you shouldn't pressure yourself for something you just can't or don't like inherently.
