>>31527951
Boost, dealing with this too

Limerence is unhealthy. Any kind of obsession is unhealthy. The best you can do for yourself and others is to take distance from your subject of affection. It's a painful process and you will suffer, but it is what's right.

>>31527951
Don't do either. Confronting them and pouring your obsessive mental illness onto them will get it off your chest, but isn't fair to them, and will likely only cause other issues. Holding onto it and continuing to obsess in impotent silence will only make you bitter. You need to set your focus elsewhere and put them out of your mind. Accept right now that whatever you want with them, you aren't getting. It isn't possible, it's already over before it began, and they've already told you no. In that state of mind, you will be able to move past them, and find something worth caring about with actual reciprocal results rather than one-sided admiration. At worst, you could ask them casually and see where it goes, but if they've given you no reason to be forlorn for them but existing, and you are under some delusions that you "love" them even though you're not together and don't truly know them, honestly, you need to stay away from them and seek professional mental health help. That is not healthy, logical, or good for you or them in any way. Unrequited infatuation to the degree of limerence is because you've built such a large image of them, put them on such a pedestal, that you've gone beyond recognizing them as human, and any relationship that would hypothetically happen with them would be one-sided with you placing yourself beneath them, not equal. You need to work on your self-image issues before you get into any relationship, so that you're more grounded in your perceptions of other people, and don't idolize them like this, or live in fantasies in your head about them. Get a grip, anon.

by getting under a different girl

>>31528138
Thank you for this response anon. In my case, it is NOT this:
>"but if they've given you no reason to be forlorn for them but existing, and you are under some delusions that you "love" them even though you're not together and don't truly know them, honestly, you need to stay away from them and seek professional mental health help"
My issue is:
>They were into me. I did not know. I fumbled and wanted to apologize. They lost interest and ghosted. I got obsessed and wanted to give the apology. They avoided. Now I'm in limerence and I can't stop thinking about them. They were the perfect woman and I fucked it up, and all I wanted to do was to say sorry for it.
Now my dilemma is, I used to see them and their friends regularly at a place they regularly frequented. It was "their" place and I occasionally visited, and I've avoided that place ever since, and I feel like absolute dog shit. I've tried going to that place back in the day when this was fresh, and at first, they avoided me. Now they are regulars there again and I've been avoiding. I'm thinking to go there for something unrelated, talk to a mutual and by the end of it to just get my apology out to the mutual (as a potential relay) and just get it off my chest
I don't want anything to do with the girl. I have become obsessed with the apology and I want to get them out of my system. I want them to know that I am sorry so bad to the point of it being unhealthy. But I don't want to be intrusive. So I don't know if I should go or not.

>>31528608
bump

>>31528608
>>31528652
I shouldn't go. It would probably be insane, and insanely received, and I'd feel even worse.. It's been months
I've spent all day today in my room ruminating. EVERYTHING reminds me of her. It is only getting worse and worse. I can't focus when I'm out on the street. It is insane.

>>31528697
Meditating and focusing on particular emotions can make it go away. This is how I used to be in the world in the past, and how I got over her occasionally in the past, but then, suddenly, she comes back in my head.
Does anyone have experience with shifting focus and focusing stuff away?

>>31528608
>I fumbled and wanted to apologize. They lost interest and ghosted. I got obsessed and wanted to give the apology.

There's not anything to apologize for. If she really holds a simple miscommunication or misunderstanding against you to that degree, and if her interest is so fickle that she'd ghost you for it, that's a character flaw of hers. She also could have been direct in expressing her interest, which is on her. The apology isn't for her at this point, it's entirely self-centered on your part, literally. My statement regarding dumping your feelings applies to this just as well. You're putting an unreasonable and unhealthy importance on this, aren't forming accurate perceptions of the situation, and you're digging a hole that leads to nowhere. For what, anon? She's done. You need to be done too.

>They were the perfect woman
She doesn't sound so perfect to me. Perfection is a perception formed in ignorance. She is not perfect, and holding her to that standard, putting her on that pedestal, isn't healthy or realistic, and isn't fair for her. She sounds very flawed in that she couldn't unambiguously express her interest in you, or forgive and understand the confusion, or express a modicum of maturity about the situation since she and her friends are still actively avoiding you.

Anon, do not degrade yourself. Just like you shouldn't put others on pedestals, you shouldn't be putting yourself in a ditch. Bring her down to your level, bring yourself up to hers, and recognize that it was a dumb, pointless situation that neither of you handled properly. You don't need to apologize, she had every bit as much a hand in it if not more so. Just do better for yourself. There was nothing to be ashamed of here; the only thing that's shameful is your obsession and self-denigrating attitude about it.

>>31528732
Fuck anon and thank you so much for your response
I agree with you 100% so your insight here is very much appreciated. It sounds like you know the situation and I didn't even say much about it, and yet you are 100% spot on

All these flaws you mention are specifically why I fell for her head first
She is not perfect. She was shy, unsure, couldn't express interest and I found that insanely cute, and just want to say sorry and give her the avenue to show interest if she had any
Now that cuteness and sweetness is for someone else, and it pains me a lot

I've thought exactly as you said before, but today in particular has been horrible: >>31528697 I've spent all day today ruminating and I'm at the point of fainting in my room right now, I barely eat or drink, all I do is think

She fucked up, I fucked up, I could perhaps fix it but she's moved on. If I fix it, maybe her interest returns, maybe not, idk, but I feel like an apology is due, but I've also shared your point of view a 100% - so what do you make of this pov of mine now? I would die to hear your take on it, still not stoop so low?

I've reasoned if I lower myself, maybe that's a sign of willingness, but maybe also not, I have no idea. What do you think anon? And thank you!

>>31528779
To add, I'm thinking about going to the place for something unrelated and apologizing to someone else very briefly. Like "oh btw, say sorry to X from me, I probably harassed her too much.." or something, just to get it off my chest

>>31528802
I'm thinking it's inevitable and I am going to have to go, just to prove something to myself

>>31528887
Or should I not

>>31528779
>>31528802
The best option is to say "aw shucks", get over it, improve yourself and move on. However, the mental blockage is what's holding you back in this respect. Either go there, say your piece to her as directly as you can, get it off your chest, and be done with it, knowing that she most likely has moved on, that it won't go how you'd like it to, but at least it can help you mentally solidify that things are over completely so that you can wrap back around to moving on. Or, just start from the most likely conclusion and begin moving on now. If you really, really feel like you have to say something, even against all logic, reason and likelihood, then maybe that is what you should do. Not because it can win her back, but just to satisfy your desparate hope which is the problem here.

I don't recommend pussy-footing around the issue by talking to a friend of a friend when you really want to say something to her. Say it to her if you can. Expect and accept rejection which is likely to follow. Break the spell that you're under so you can stop this and live your life again. It isn't a missed opportunity, it was always nothing and didn't become a something, that's all. No matter how much you like her, she's just a woman. There are many, many like her, and no one person is worth so much mental effort, especially when that effort is so obviously unrequited. Think more of yourself than that.

Think of yourself as every bit as much a catch as you believe her to be, and think that she "missed out" just as much as you think you did with her. She doesn't want it and you want it too much, even if she did. Balance those scales, because this warped sense of value, of yourself and others, will probably lead you into relationship dynamics that aren't healthy one day, if they haven't already. You don't have to chase, and the ones that are worth it won't make you anon. If you don't know that, learn it.

>>31528194
IDK man, I did some reboundy-shit today with another girl for the first time in seven months, it boosted my self-esteem a little but it's not like I instantly forgot about my ex
That being said we didn't actually fuck and probably won't, so IDK how much doing that part actually matters