For as long as I can remember, I have genuinely hated being alive. The world sucks, technology has made things exponentially worse, capitalism is rampant and there's no hope of things ever getting better. When I was around 14 years old I made a promise to myself, that if by the time I was 30, if the world hadn't improved significantly or if I hadn't found genuine happiness I would just give up and end my life. I'm 27 now and up until this point my life has been completely uneventful. I'm a disappointment to my parents and siblings. I have no job, no savings, no friends, no girlfriend, I'm not particularly good at any of the video games I play and the only other hobbies I have are just media consumption. Recently I reached a tipping point in my life in which I realized that no matter how hard I try, things will never get better for me. I was close to killing myself a few weeks ago, but I completely wimped out. Not because I was scared of dying, but because I was scared of the attempt being unsuccessful. However, the want to end my life is stronger than ever. I have illegally obtained a firearm and I'm completely ready to go. I am completely at peace with the universe. I'm not scared of dying. It just feels right. I'm not a spiritual person by any means, but the thought of an afterlife or second chance really makes me feel better about ending my own life. Since making the decision, I've taken out nearly $10K in loans and plan to enjoy the last month of my life as peacefully as possible away from my family. I'm not angry at the world or its people, I'm just not suited for life. I'm lazy, narcissistic, a terrible son and sibling, addicted to pornography and have no desire to better myself. The world is awful, but it would definitely be a better place without me. I'm not sure what kind of response I'll get, but I'm not looking for someone to try and talk me out of it or tell me about how great their life is. If how I'm feeling at all resonates with you, I'd love to talk.
get a fucking jobsave moneygo try to make friendsgo try to talk to womendid you even try?
>>31529543You’re not gonna do it faggot lol.Think about how absolutely devastating and traumatizing it would be to your parents and your sibling. At least wait until your parents are dead.You’re too comfortable. I forced myself to move out and I moved across the country at 30 to become a self supporting adult. When you’re faced with starvation and homelessness you figure things out quickly. Try doing that. Life isn’t that hard dude.
>>31529603not OP but i'm 20 and feel sort of similar. i have no friends/relationships, i dropped out of highschool, i've never had a job and i don't have a driver's license. i live in a poor area. no problems other than that.>I forced myself to move out and I moved across the country at 30 to become a self supporting adult. When you’re faced with starvation and homelessness you figure things out quickly. Try doing that.would you recommend this to me/others?also, do you have anything else to say about it and how it went and what it did to you? i'm curious
>>31529543Turn to Jesus Christ. He is the way, the truth, and the life.
>>31529543>If how I'm feeling at all resonates with you, I'd love to talk.fed about to give some suicidal loser a daniel defense ar15, it is election season after all
>>31529573>get a fucking jobI had a job that I worked at for over 4 years. I lost that job last year due to the loss of a major client causing significant downsizing. The company went from over 100 employees to just under 20. Every single job I've tried to hold down since has ended in failure for one reason or another.>save moneyEasier said than done. I live in an expensive city and am pretty much forced to live paycheck to paycheck.>go try to make friendsI've tried, but I simply don't have the social battery for it. Every time I try to make friends it ends with them inviting me to do something, I blow them off each time because I'd rather be alone in my room and eventually they just stop contacting me because I'm too autistic and selfish to try and form a genuine connection with others.>go try to talk to womenSame as above and also women really seem to hate me for some reason. Whenever I meet new women I don't hit on them, I don't act overly friendly, I don't even really treat them any differently than I would a guy, but I just get the feeling that they hate me and I can't really blame them.>did you even try?That's what I've been doing for the last decade. I simply don't have with it takes to make it.>>31529603>When you’re faced with starvation and homelessness you figure things out quickly.I'm lazy, selfish and narcissistic. Killing myself is a better alternative than being forced to work fast food or being homeless. >>31529641LMFAO actually made me laugh, anon.
Ive had the same thoughts when I was around that age (and now ig). Its kinda cool to actually see confirmation that other people like this exist. But did you ever have a hopeful phase where you thought you'd do as mush as possible to make the world better?
>>31529672>But did you ever have a hopeful phase where you thought you'd do as mush as possible to make the world better?There was a point in my life in which I believed that I could turn it around and achieve some form of happiness, but that was a long time ago. I never really cared about the state of the world, I don't think there's any fixing it. Things will just continue to get worse and people will continue being psyopped into believing that they too one day could be the next Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk.
>>31529543Honestly, I feel the same, I'm also 27 and have no worthwhile qualities whatsoever, I'm not particularly good at anything and am fundamentally "too weird" to fit in with normal people, I feel like a robot trying to replicate life, a reptile mimicking human behaviour. I'm too pussy to kill myself either way but I just can't off myself yet while my parents are still alive, it's not their fault I turned as fucked up as I am so it'd be unfair to make them suffer so>they brought you unto this world, they're responsible for you being alive and having to endure existence at all!No, when they created me they certainly didn't do so with the intent to make me suffer, I'm too fucked up to comprehend why anyone would want to to have children but I have yet to hear about a parent who purposefully gives birth to a child for the explicit intent to make it suffer. They did what they could when raising me, it just wasn't meant to be, especially considering how my siblings are doing alright so whatever they did worked for them, it's just a me problem
>>31529543We love you anon-kun
>>31529543Choose life in the face of incredible darkness. Death is growing closer every day anyway. Might as well see it through, yeah? I get where you're coming from this existence is fucking pain but it's also fucking beautiful too. I used to be just like you but I reached a breaking point last year. I had a series of mental breakdowns & a suicide attempt but after breaking thru to the other side of that especially dark period I am suddenly happier than I have ever been in my entire life.
>>31529690>>31529698I feel it. I found a lot of peace in playing guitar/making music in general. Maybe you oughta give that a try. Also I might sound like a fed but it pisses me off that its always schools getting shot up as opposed to government leaders and stuff. Humans are fuckin monkeys. I haven't lost hope yet though. Maybe when im 30.
At 24 im in the same boat, i dont know what I'm going to do but im not giving up that quickly
>>31529698>I just can't off myself yet while my parents are still alive, it's not their fault I turned as fucked up as I am so it'd be unfair to make them suffer soI used to feel like this but the pain of being alive has far outweighed the consideration I've had for them. It sounds pretty fucked up now that I'm typing it out, but I don't want to live another 20, 30 or even 40 years waiting for my parents to die so that I can end it. My parents have always told me how much they love me, how I was a planned child and how they brought me into this world ready to give me everything. I will forever be grateful to my parents and even though I may not always express it I love them more than you could imagine. I don't want them to suffer when I eventually kill myself. I can only ease their suffering by letting them know how much I genuinely care about them before I do it.>>31529722>Death is growing closer every day anyway. Might as well see it through, yeah?I understand this mentality, but I don't agree with it. I'm happy that things worked out for you in the end but I don't think I'll be so lucky. All I can do now is try to enjoy the little time I have left and try to atone for what an awful human being I've been for the last almost three decades.>>31529726>Also I might sound like a fed but it pisses me off that its always schools getting shot up as opposed to government leaders and stuffI agree. I don't have it in me to commit an atrocity like that, but it's always baffling when the people that do opt to kill innocent people instead of the ones that are actually inflicting pain and misery to the people.
>>31529762Thanks for starting this thread I <3 u
I was suicidal my entire life then I did acid and I was essentially fixed. Check this out: https://youtu.be/CfBRlm9o4xU?si=XTySq7xEvDYb4KA-
>>31529543>o end my life is stronger than ever. I have illegally obtained a firearm and I'm completely ready to go. I am completely at peace with the universe. I'm not scared of dying. It just feels right. I'm not a spiritual person by any means, but the thought of an afterlife or second chance really makes me feel better about ending my own life. Since making the decision, I've taken out nearly $10K in loans and plan to enjoy the last month of my life as peacefully as possible away from my family. I'm not angry at the world or its people, I'm just not suited for life. I'm lazy, narcissistic, a terrible son and sibling, addicted to porTo be honest I agree with you, technology is getting worse and worse, just look at modern day gaming for example madden and fifa using the shit frostbite engine for their games making it such a headache to want to enjoy, the amount of times ive thrown the controller through the wall - this is a product of technology,but you really need to chill out and take a step back, compromise, I completely understand technology is ruining us as a race - its why i play older games like Madden 16, I felt depressed and just like life was over until i started thinking "why was i so happy all through my 20s?" - it was due to older or lesser technology.The little things in life is what will make you happy.Literally go for a fish in the afternoon and just kick back and relax, go for a bike ride by the pier, watch the sunset, keep fit and eat wellThink about what qualifications you can study to get into a job pathway, even if its shit money its a start.
>>31529543I won't read nihilistic whining, or wall-of-text that doesn't state the actual request for advice at the start.
>>31529656>I don’t have friends because I blow them off>I am lazy and narcissisticYou are identifying the problems.You need to change, the world doesn’t.Technology is definitely to blame, so stop using it! Spend a week with no internet access and without using the computer for anything but work.Dude, if you kill yourself rather than just improving a little bit that is the most pathetic and cringe thing you could do and besides those you hurt, we will all be ashamed of you.Everybody loves an underdog arc.If you give living life a try, you may find you enjoy it. You have to actually do it, though. Right now you are a zombie and you are asking to eat our brains.I anticipate your response will be some denial and refusal to blame yourself for your own issues.There are so many adventures you could have, but you choose to isolate and divest your energy into video game slop.To quote Dio: You can see the other side and you will cross over. You can be the other side if you say I WILL.Listen to this and take it to heart.https://youtu.be/LkdSeJeoYNI?si=yO7GbvM_3iJNNdIkhttps://youtu.be/ez6vyefLUvk?si=6zEHmNAyLfnuONZb>>31529639This advice provides no substance, try harder.
>>31529762>pain of being aliveYou are not living, that is why you are in pain.You have to put the effort in and go outside of your room and care about other people.
>>31529543Woman brained retardSub <400 ng/dL testosteroneHigh estrogen behaviour writing whinging blog posts like a woman online I'm not going to read
>>31530886>You need to change, the world doesn’t.It doesn't have to be one or the other. I can be an awful person and the world can also be a shithole. Both things can be true.>>31530886>Spend a week with no internet access and without using the computer for anything but work.I've done this before. I just end up reading books or going on walks when the weather is tolerable. Neither of them bring me any sort of particular joy.>If you give living life a try, you may find you enjoy it.It's almost like you didn't read any of my previous posts.>I anticipate your response will be blah blah blahNo matter what I respond you won't like it so I'm not sure why I'm even bothering.>>31530809>Literally go for a fish in the afternoon and just kick back and relax, go for a bike ride by the pier, watch the sunset, keep fit and eat wellI find no joy in any of these things. Even the things I do "enjoy" are just temporary fixes to a larger problem. Literally just things to keep me distracted from the constant thoughts of wanting to end my life.>Think about what qualifications you can study to get into a job pathway, even if its shit money its a start.I have 5 CompTIA certifications. The job market in my area is a nightmare. For the past 6 months I've spent at least 1 hour a day applying to jobs on indeed. I rarely ever get called back and when I do it's always for shitty temporary jobs.>>31530895The truth is I don't care about other people. I'm selfish to the very core. I am incapable of having a proper relationship with other people. The only two people I've ever dated in my life left me because I only used them for sex. I'm not interested in forming relationships with other people. While it would be nice to, I've come to terms with the fact that I simply can't and am not willing.
>>31531202>It’s almost as if you didn’t read my postsSee >>31530926What DOES bring you joy?The life lived for one’s self alone is shallow and empty. No wonder you want to escape it. You could try to not be a parasite, but you seem content with your misery so... fate well.“This World was made for you by someone aboveBut you choose evil ways instead of love.”https://youtu.be/FvcBFsBt4hg?si=Om9QQVRxjf-0ft2v
>>31530650I did acid and it was the moment I ruined my life. Now what?
>>31529543If you have sudden misgivings about taking your own life when you turn 30, I'd recommend waiting until you're 35 at least. 26-35 is the second most statistically likely age range to commit suicide, after 85+.
>>31529543>gets third chance at life>hopes for a 4th chanceYeah.. just keep bussin tables bro>speaking from experience here
The problem is you, not the world. While the world is fucked up, technology has made things worse, and all of that, you’ve just played vidya and watched porn waiting for the world to somehow fix you or make your life better. You’re responsible for your own misery. And you said you have zero desire to change. So, not sure what to say except enjoy your last month and try not to do any more damage to others if possible. If there is a shred of you, even 1%, that has a flicker of hope things could be better, I would say your porn addiction is likely your biggest problem. Search SAA meetings in your town and start going to them, most of them are full of porn addicts. You likely would have your life turn around slowly but surely. Anyway, Godspeed anon.
>no matter how hard I try But you didn't actually try anything. You didn't learn, you didn't grow, you didn't make something of yourself or even do away with your harmful vices. You used the world as an excuse to justify your apathy, inaction and vice, and now you will use it as an excuse for your suicide. But this is a falsehood. Only you are responsible for your miserable life, and only you will be responsible for your wasteful death.
>willing and capable enough to aquire a firearm illegally, daring enough to fraudulently take out a loan to spend having fun >instead applying this energy to living free of the misery you live with, just give upIf you are willing to go that far to die, why not just live without consequence and regret anyway? Do whatever crazy shit you want for as long as you can and if it kills you, so what? You would have been dead either way.
>>31529543Where do you live? I'd like to use your gun on myself after you go.
I don't know what to tell you OP. I'm the same age and pretty much hit the same point mentally after 6 months of half-assed "self improvement." Lost some weight, tried doing stuff when getting out of the house, being more social, looking for opportunities ect but it seems this is the baseline of my brain. It's all calcified. My life sounds similar to yours. The most significant life event over the past 10 years, between hermit NEETDOM and the occasional pointless drug fuelled night out with old high school friends was going mentally psychotic, waking up in hospital and being admitted to a psych ward then being diagnosed bipolar. I stopped taking in the meds and frankly I think it's all bullshit,the meds made my recovery worse over the long term and pretty much washed the past four years of my life into nothing. Over the weekend I went to the bar, had six beers and just sat their and just wallowed in thoughts of defeatism. I don't have an escape plan and even if I manage to get a job or whatever making it looks like I don't see how I'll ever overcome wasting the best years of my life to mental illness, loneliness and depression. I only see myself becoming a bitter resentful old man, no matter what path I take. When I got home that night, I genuinely contemplated suicide for the first time since I was a teenager. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I do not live in a country with commercial access to firearms so any attempt to kill myself would be most likely painful and/or prolonged.
>>31531794Read up on the dark night of the soul
