I said I was going to do better for my kids than my parents did for me but it's the opposite. Last year I could barely afford presents. My husband drags me to his parents and my parents...he's not happy having a home Christmas. He works up until the day before. When I was a kid we had Christmas at home and the grandparents visited us. It was magical. I grew up on a farm. My kids are in a rickity broken down suburb. They play video games when not doing school. They're poor AF but we get by. There are so many things I wish I could give but I can't. We wanted more than just the two but it's too expensive. I grew up with a big family. I grew up free on a farm. My kids play video games. Not safe outside. I grew up with vacations. My kids don't know what that is. I grew up biking, skating...they can't do these things. I'm disappointed in myself
>>31530754>I said I was going to do better for my kids than my parents did for medoesn’t connect with>When I was a kid we had Christmas at home and the grandparents visited us. It was magical.On one hand, you swear to do better than what your parents did for you. On the other, you marvel at how good you had it. So which is it?Anyway, the most you can spend on your kid(s) is time and love. The rest is just details. Details that don’t cover for a lack of time with parents or love. No amount of shiny toys or exciting vacations will ever make the child forget the times mommy and daddy were viciously fighting, or the time mommy or daddy hit them over nothing.
>>31530754Guess you'll just have to be a good parent instead. Being poor sucks, but you can adjust if your parents don't neglect you. Don't fall into the trap of getting a job you can't handle and ignoring the kids, it'll backfire hard.
>>31530799This desu. I grew up poor but happy and now I give my mom anything she needs. Bought her a laptop the other week because I got a raise. All she did was be a good parent and show love and understanding.
Honestly, the main metric of a good parent is how much quality time you spend with your children. By quality, I don't mean "watching" them while on your phone.Everything else is beyond your control. It is much harder to live at the moment than previous generations.
>>31530782Yeah maybe you're right. I was a latchkey kid, bullied at school. Very lonely most my life. My parents didn't have time for me. I spend way more time with them then my parents did with me.
>>31530839That is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing
>>31530754Hi.I hope this helps you.My mom had the same mentality. She worked hard and kept the pantry stocked and got me presents. But it ended there. She never talked to me, she was never interested in me, I did not have a single genuine conversation with her while she was alive. She would constantly tell me how happy she’d be when I was 18 and out of her life. But she also said she was a good mother because she kept the pantry stocked and kept moving me around into more and more expensive homes, ignoring that I had no friends because of it, not even considering how I felt about moving across the country.You are not a bad parent because the kids get fewer presents, because they can’t go on vacations, because they don’t each have new bicycles.Just be there for them. Take an active interest in them. Do projects with them, get creative with them. Allowing your kids to play games all the times is bad parenting. It doesn’t matter if they are rich or poor, games means there’s a gap that you should fill, whether that is doing some project together or making them study or just going outside for a walk. Don’t ignore them, encourage them to make their own entertainments outside of the tv.For instance I built a two story fort out of pallets when I was 10. My mom tore it down and put me in front of the tv, took all the pallets to the dump. Be the mom that not only approves of the fort but suggests building it in the first place. There is always something to do. So do it together.As a kid who grew up not knowing he was poor because my mom busted her ass to give me toys but resented me for existing and gave me no support, I’ll say I’d rather have been poor with a mom who encouraged me to do things and actually cared what I thought and how I felt.Get them off the games, get them doing stupid silly stuff with construction paper or with nerf guns or playing in the river.The most valuable gift you can give them is your time and attention.
>>31530754>I could barely afford presents>My husband drags me to his parents and my parents>Not safe outside> I grew up biking, skating...they can't do these things.Where do you live Somalia?I can tell, you have a negative mindset. You are focused on, and attracting, scarcity. You were able to afford presents and you spent time with family (you phrased that as if its a bad thing, and you'd prefer to stay at home?), and you're complaining about it. >He works up until the day beforeWtf, you need the money. How many days off do you think he needs, a week?
