>>31534687
Move on

>>31534693
But am I a fucking idiot faggot loser idiot failure?

you're conveniently leaving out what you did exactly to upset her. therefore, i'm going to think that it must've been so bad she's absolutely justified in ending your relationship with her.

>>31534702
No it was actually something so small it was absolutely nothing, it's not even worth writing 2500 words to explain because nothing actually happened. It was purely social but it hit her personally and I cba writing 2500 posts explaining why she was affected by it but it was absolutely a nothingburger, but it upset her and I wanted to apologize

bump I'm in the same boat

Jesus, it's like 90% of the posts on here are about how people are sad, that single person doesn't love them.

Okay, understandable, very relatable. However, dwelling on things that won't change or being the cause of a breakup still results in the same issue: them leaving you. You don't have a say in that matter anymore; that's their decision, influenced by you.

So what if you caused it? It doesn't change anything. Guilty or not, they don't want you. The only thing that can be changed is yourself, since that's their decision to leave, at the end of the day.

>>31534739
I understand break ups but this was wild
She seduced me and now I feel like a moron, is there really no perspective I can get that explains the situation to a satisfactory degree here? I am fucking confused and I feel disgusting. I think about her all the time and I don't know if it's understandable or not

>>31534700
Either
1. Stay like that forever
Or
2. Believe that you can change.
Listen, I know it hurts. The most common trauma is heartbreak; every single person has felt it at some point. But the only option we have is to move on. Not moving on is still a choice, but that's a dead-end road. So I'm asking you, bloodly pleading with you, to start on a different path where you can at least get some kind of promise-ish of salvation.

>>31534747
First of all, confirmation bias. No one willingly wants to be in one-sided love just to be heartbroken. It's understandable to dwell on it because of what it could've been, but the reality is that it isn't 100% real.

Sure, there might have been glimpses of what you guys could've been, and well, just appreciate it for what it is, not what could've been. Because if it could, then it would be.

It was real, but it wasn't real real.

>>31534754
I am trying to do 2 my attempt is to go back to how I was before I even met this girl but I cant, shes fucked with my psyche so much I no longer go to the same gym because I don't want to accidentally bump into her or her friends, I take different roads to work, I no longer think about the things I used to think about like family, talking to people, being positive and helping others
Like she saw something great in me and she seduced me and then she absolutely crushed my soul and I feel like fucking garbage now
This weekend I went to another city just to get my mind off things but I've become even worse
I'm afraid of being at home because I don't know how to talk to my neighbors anymore and such. I've just become weird and autistic, constantly thinking about her and feeling like garbage, and it's been 4 months

Today is at its worst. I'm stressed out of my mind. I'm desperate to forget she even happened but I don't know how, or what it is I'm even feeling so I could at least read up on it
essentially, I need to know what the fuck happened or what I did, so I can square shit in my head or know what the fuck happened. I've never been ghosted or treated like this all my life, and I feel like a fucking joke now all of a sudden and it sucks ASShole

>>31534777
>It's understandable to dwell on it because of what it could've been, but the reality is that it isn't 100% real.
But in my case I'm not dwelling on the relationship but more on the actual incident, because I couldn't get a word in
I upset her and then I couldn't say sorry, and I tried so hard but I feel like I was treated like an animal, and now I feel like I disgraced myself
Like when she gave me that tone on the phone like I was some animal. Temporarily after, I felt good, because I could just archive it as she was a bitch and I'm upset with her, but after reality set in, I still did not apologize, and now I feel like a loser and she's moved on with someone else, probably because of me
I gave her a taste of what animals there are out there and she decided to settle for the best thing she had?
It fucks my head... Is this normal? It's new to me

>>31534797
Like, to add, I wanted to apologize, but I couldn't, so at the end of the day, I was not able to do the thing that I wanted. I just fucked up and was left to rot without being able to explain myself. And then I disgraced myself further, and now I'm sitting in a pile of shit
Or is it all in my head?

>>31534804
bump i beg bros im only getting worse

>>31534782
>Taking a different road to work
>Going to a different gym
Woah, I'm actually happy for you, for already taking a different road, legitimately congrats.

>I need to know what the fuck happened or what I did
That's an answer you have to find for yourself. Sure, you can ask for closure or whatever, but at some point, it comes down to their preference for what they want in a person, and that person isn't you. And that's okay; you were incompatible with them.

Now, you could change yourself for them, which is very unhealthy because then you lose your sense of self and not even in a cool, sacrificial way. The reasoning is that if you change yourself so much for that person, the person they love still wouldn't be you. You would still have the same problem.

Please just move on anon, but holding on is so much harder to bear.

>>31534804
Damn, I know that you mean, like about that inciting incident, and knowing that you could've change that outcome, if you said something, legitimately anything but you said nothing.

But that's the thing, time machines don't exist, mistakes were made, and issues unresolved. But you've cross the path to no return, some things aren't meant to last, and make this a promise to never do such a thing ever again. It's guilt, knowing that you hurt someone you loved, but it's the hurt and promise to never hurt another like how you hurt them, and it's with this will, that you won't hurt another who comes into your life.

>>31534856
Contacting them again, would hurt them, they moved on, you haven't, and now it's your turn to move on.

>>31534835
I'm trying to move on anon and I appreciate your responses

I want to clarify. I do not want her. What I'm actually stuck on is on that very incident

I wanted to say sorry, but I wasn't allowed to explain myself and during my attempts, I was disrespected and treated like a dirtbag
Sure. I pissed her off initially, even though it was by accident
My subsequent attempts at making her feel good likely just disgraced my character even more?
I should add, she is a traditional woman and has a good job. I'm a traditional man and have a good job
We wouldn't fit together, but we are both what I would claim "good people", so this disrespect fucks me up and makes me question myself

Some are saying she found someone else, that's why she ghosted you. She wanted to cut off all other contacts and decide on one person, and that's fine
I still feel like if I had apologized, I might've still been in the game and then I could reject HER, if that makes sense

It upsets me that I couldn't say what I wanted to say and now I have lost, simply because I wasn't able to execute on what I wanted to execute

Is this normal? How do people move on from inability and is that what I'm feeling?

>>31534856
Thank you for understanding! It is 100% guilt. It's not romance, it's guilt

At the time, I knew I hurt her, it's not that she had to tell me, it's that I simply did not know she would be hurt and when she was hurt, I tried to apologize
Like there is no lesson even to be learned here. I tried my best and I couldn't, and now I've lost
It's just pure failure through and through, and I have no idea what to make of this, what do I make of this?

Also, it's not that I didn't say anything, I actually tried, I was just not able to, that's why it frustrates me so god damn much

>>31534866
You still want to be forgiven, you still want to say i'm sorry.
>I might've still been in the game and then I could reject HER
So you could let go of her mercifully, without worry in your mind, you want peace.
Peace can still be found, even with a guilty soul, you just have to forgive yourself, for making a mistake.

>>31534892
>So you could let go of her mercifully, without worry in your mind, you want peace.
>Peace can still be found, even with a guilty soul, you just have to forgive yourself, for making a mistake.
YES
How?
Without rectifying the mistake, how do I forgive myself? What do I tell myself concretely? Currently, I see no solution besides manifesting the apology in the world. If I do, maybe she'll respect me and maybe I'll respect myself

But then, if I get my head off it for just a few hours, just the idea of apologizing after all my attempts just seems pathetic all of a sudden

Then I reach back home again, and the anxiety resumes. "I must apologize"

How do I get peace permanently? What do I tell myself to forgive myself? I don't understand, I tried my hardest and still it doesn't feel good, trying harder likely won't feel good either

>>31534878
>I tried my best and I couldn't, and now I've lost
It's out of your hands, you tried your best but it wasn't enough, and that's okay, you tried, more than anyone else could've, because it's you, and that's okay, no one else can tell you that you didn't do enough, because it all that you could do.
>no lesson even to be learned here
The lesson is that you're just human, you hurt people, you save people, you're everything, and more than human to make a mistake, it's sub-human to think we're all perfect. It was a mistake, that you have to improve from, a painful lesson with consequences, but a lesson nonetheless, and you need to learn, how to forgive yourself, for making a mistake, because that what it all was a mistake, and it's about time you corrected it.

>>31534932
By simply letting it be, lost.
https://youtu.be/kMeehIpxH5k?si=hNtLLhbUPuOPofEP

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La donna è mobile

>>31534932
Why do I have a difficult time accepting this? On paper, it's all true, but compulsively, I need a narrative in order to stay active in the world
If I simply accept that I fucked up here without fixing it, I feel like that makes me acknowledge that this can happen in the future, and that's not a reality I want? I want to know that if something bad happens, I will do my best to fix it, or at least adress it or make it better
If something tragic happens, the least I can do is make the best of it
Here, I knew exactly what was needed, and I could not do it
I have no idea how to square it in my head in order to move on...
Is this grounds for therapy?

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>>31534960
>Is this grounds for therapy?
Yes.
>If I simply accept that I fucked up here without fixing it
You already have tried apologizing, she didn't want to forgive, but that's not an apology should be. An Apology, it's for yourself. It's the acknowledgement for doing something wrong, and promise to do better, promise can be broken, but it is still a promise nonetheless.
You just have to keep on keeping it, for you, them and everyone.

>>31534988
You did all that you could've done in that moment, because in that moment, you didn't know, and by how much.
>I simply did not know she would be hurt and when she was hurt,
You can't read minds, nor see the future, all that you can do right now, is make that promise to do better, and to be better.

>>31535005
You just didn't know, that she would've been hurt and how much you hurt them, and that's okay. "Ought" implies "can," but you couldn't, and that's okay. You made a mistake, and that's all you can be charged for. It doesn't define you; it builds you.

>>31534988
I'm trying my best but it's damn difficult when I know I can fuck up. I'm suddenly no longe ras sure of myself as I once was and all because of a bitch I didn't even want, she stole my heart and fucked with my head, and it unironically IS all my fault because I fucked up

I don't want to be cynical. I used to love women and enjoy their company. Now I'm stressed beyond belief and I can't stop.... I need to apologize like a fucking cuck

>>31535020
What narrative do I give myself so I can focus my head on things that matter and just get over this altogether?
On paper, I did everything right, like she obviously lost interest or moved on with someone else, that is FINE. She didn't let me get a word in, it's all fine. Fuck her and fuck everything, but exactly what do I tell myself to get my confidence and certainty back? Like how the fuck should I think without becoming cynical and permanently damaged mentally from this? I just want to forget she ever happened, I was so good before, I could get anyone I wanted and now I'm stuck at this fucking bitch incident

>>31535025
>I need to apologize like a fucking cuck
If you already have, no need to apologize again, it just dampers it.
You just have to move on, you can still love women and enjoy their company all without her.
>I'm suddenly no longe ras sure of myself
That's a good thing because now your being challenged of how good you're are, and the next challenge is to move on.

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>>31535063
>That's a good thing because now your being challenged of how good you're are, and the next challenge is to move on.
I was so based before and everyone loved me, I could defend myself and my loved ones from anyone and now I'm unsure
I won every conversation now I cant even think

>>31535047
>but exactly what do I tell myself to get my confidence and certainty back?
Everyone makes mistakes, but those mistakes, don't make you, they build you, you just simply, have to live with it, not become it, but with it.

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FUCK WHORE asshole bitch benchod(?) whore cunt woman bitch asshole woman asshole

>>31535095
So.. "I made a mistake, I tried to apologize (like a fucking FAGGOT)" <- then I stop here, I think here is where I have the problem
"I tried"
I don't try, I do
If I'm going to apologize I apologize
"I tried" is the problem. It's not conclusive. What do I tell myself here instead?

>>31535099
Please don't get angry, it's just anger depression turned outward.
It's not your fault, it was past you fault, and you're not longer that person.

>>31535119
I want to go back to being that person more than the person I am now though so much I just hate this so much, I am not myself right now, I literally had no problems and I had such an easy time talking to people and I could get anyone I wanted (even that whore, she wanted me so much she tried to get me for months and now look at me)
And she didnt do it on purpose it is my fault I just fucked up and it hurts
God damn it im sorry anon and I appreciate your patience so much..

>>31535110
You're trying, is you're do.
You tried.
That's all we could ask for, from you. You don't have to do anything else, you tried to correct them but somethings can't be corrected, all the way, you can't make someone alive again, sure it would be ideal, but all you can do. To say i'm sorry, and move on, that's what you did, and it's enough.

>>31535149
But if someone dies, the problem is everyone becomes sad, and I do my best to make them feel a little bit better
It's "trying" that is the problem
If I "try" do something and someone dies because of it, it's the "try" that is the problem I think
"I tried to apologize"
This is the problem I think.. Dont I have to frame it as something I did? It is the fact that "I tried" that it makes me passive which I am not
It's "trying" that is the problem I think...

>>31535157
What's there to be ashamed from? You tried, with good-intentions, and that's good enough. And although they didn't forgive you, you tried to correct your wrong, selfish or not, you want to be better for others, and there's nothing wrong with that.

>>31535157
Trying to help or trying to make a positive difference, even if it doesn't always go as planned, is a commendable effort. It shows true empathy and a undying willingness to help, which make a good person.

It's important to acknowledge your efforts and learn from them.

>>31535182
>>31535196
God damn, I originally wrote a lengthy post and I accndeitally pressed escape and it all went away

I think I made a breakthrough anon and I thank you so fucking much for talking to me because it caused me to reflect and think

I think the issue is the word "trying"
When I talk about this issue I keep using the word "try"a nd "i tried to do this" or "i tried to do that" an the word "trying" implies failure and so on
So I asked ChatGPT if there is something to this and if the word "trying" and feeling like "having tried and failing" can cause depression and anxiety and so on and it said yes
And I asked if this was known in psychiatry and it said yes, it is very well known in psychiatry and dealing with this is a very common tactic in CBT

I then proceeded to explain my issue and I told it to reframe it without the word "trying", but rather into something I did
And it said "instead of saying I tried to apologize", say "I wanted to apologize but couldn't" (and this admits the good intention)
And instead of saying "I tied to apologize but failed" say "I made an attempt at apologizing but I couldn't follow through with it"

Thinking this way removes 50 pounds off my back. This simple reframing

Is this known? Maybe we made breakthrough here? Simple reframing of the issue.
Look at how much I use the word "try" in the OP
Thinking "I wanted" and "I made an attempt", reframing as things I DID instead of "muh try", it immediately makes me feel stronger and more direct
I unironically feel much better now and it was all thanks to a simple reframing
I wouldn't have asked this of chatgpt if it weren't for talking to you here though which made me realize this

I am mind blown right now. I think this might be the solution. I'm going to talk to it further. This is insane.

>>31535221
Yes, thank you for listening, later on just tell us what you found out with chatgpt
-Thanks

>>31535254
Wdym? I got this revelation from talking with you anon in this thread.
The use of the word "try" implies uncertainty, failure, weakness and all that. If I reframe it as the things I did, rather than "try", it eliminates all of those feelings.
I didn't "try to apologize", "I made an attempt to apologizing"
This makes me feel much stronger and more confident

I did not understand the issue was with the word try up until this post: >>31535110
I've been dealing with this issue for 7 months. This is big news to me at least. I wonder if others stuck in the same cycle as me, feeling like they failed, can benefit from this. This is insanely big news to me. 7 months. Right now, as I'm writing this, I feel 0 anxiety. I was ultra anxious when I made this thread but right now, I think I am over her completely.
7 months.
I might need a few days to meditate on this to truly get over her. On my way to work tomorrow I might have to remind myself of this, and whenever I think of her, I must remind myself of the reframing. But I think this is going to help me finally get over her in a few days.
This changed my life and I don't even know who to thank right now. Chatting with GPT right now for more

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>>31535305
WAGMI

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>Woman seduces me
>I get seduced
>I accidentally upset her
>She ghosts
>I wonder how it goes from that to this so fast
>If I apologize, it must fix it, she wanted me first
>Make an attempt at getting a hold of her
>She ghosts
>Feel myself being retarded but figure if she is embarrassed, what man would I be to let things end there without trying, I rather look like a fool than be a passive cuck
>Make one final attempt
>Get snarky response like I'm some predo basically "what the fuck do you want?"
>Get upset and almost throw phone out the window
>"SHE seduced ME. I made a mistake and now I'm a fucking creep? What the fuck"
>Be upset for 4 weeks
>Get tired of being upset
>Reality comes back
Unironically feel nothing anymore.
7 months. Good grief. Holy lord...

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>>31535341
Anon, if I feel well, I might not visit /adv/ anymore, I wonder how many could be helped by this
Maybe this is groundbreaking stuff
Apparently, according to GPT, this is tactic very commonly used in CBT, but gpt never recommended it to me until just now when I asked about it

I wonder how many permastuck people here could be helped by this
Could be worth considering
If I feel well, I will likely not come back to /adv/
Maybe a lot of people here in the future could be saved by this

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>>31535384
Yeah, a lot of people could, I hope others that see this thread, an a example of how to get better, and be self-forgiving. Plus the CBT is useful too, accelerated resolution therapy, is helpful aswell.
You're welcome anon.

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>>31535409
Thank you anon
wagmi