I frown all the time no matter where I am. And everyone can sense it. It's the feeling of dreams that never came true, like I'm a child who got a candy bar ripped from my hands. Yet the only "dream" I can imagine right now is having 4 million dollars. It's like my soul is scarred from disappointment after disappointment. I'm trying law of attraction for my 4 million dollars, which I"m pretty sure will make me happy, but I can't get over the physical feeling of misery every day, the lack of energy. I've tried seeking Christ but i end up in the same place. Where am I supposed to go? I've felt this way for the past 12 years, whenever I start to feel normal somebody shuts me down and puts me in a place of misery again, I either fuck something up and get scolded or what. I don't feel like I deserve this so why does it keep happening.
>>31536227I used to be empathetic to other people. I wanted to take homeless people to my house and give them food and water. I was so weak and gentle, and I feel like I just need a good cry but it's not coming, I used to cry ALL the time. Now I can't I just dwell on the feeling of being sad. I look around me and I'm blessed. But I still just feel so sad. And the only thing I can get put together that I want that I'm missing is millions of dollars. Feeling/being important. Owning a car dealership or something. Maybe I just want the universe to whisper in my ear "I love you." Maybe I feel ashamed of feeling superior to anybody ever and this is how shame feels. Or maybe my soul just wants the resources to help others in need how I wanted to when I was a kid. It just never goes away. The majority of people can say they have bad lives or whatnot but I'm a mess and it's so drastic you can see it, it's just unmistakable, and when I think of owning a mansion, being in a high social class, owning businesses, I feel OK for a second. What does this mean.
>>31536227Lack of goals
