(1/2)I have this friend who I've been thinking about cutting off recently. It was hard for me to figure out what bothered me so much about him or why I would dread hanging out with him, and I would even lay awake at night trying to reason it out. But I think I have finally figured out the source of my mental prison.I often replay interactions and conversations over and over in my head, which torture me and keep me up at night. "Why did I say that?" "I'm so stupid for doing that" are thoughts I would have as I replayed these humiliating experiences. But something didn't feel right about all this. I was feeling humiliation and embarrassment, but deep down I knew there was another feeling that caused me anguish and restlessness.This unsettling feeling was the result of cognitive dissonance, the feeling that my actions and words did not reflect my true beliefs. What I have recently discovered is that my feelings of humiliation as a result of this cognitive dissonance are not warranted because while it felt like my actions and words were not true to what I believe, this was actually not the case. Thinking back on the interactions I had with this guy, it always felt like I would say or do the wrong thing impulsively and I could not for the life of me figure out why I would do or say those things that the other person would call me out for. It was like I was not in control of myself or was under a spell.But the whole reason for this is because my words and actions actually were true to my beliefs. What the other person would do is twist my words or put words in my mouth and then argue against things I never said or did. This is why I felt the cognitive dissonance and why I couldn't figure out why I said or did those things, it's because I NEVER did any of those things that resulted in my humiliation to begin with. It took me so long to realize this because of my poor self-esteem.
(2/2)Now for the advice I am seeking:I never want to let myself be trapped in this mental prison ever again. This undeserved feeling of inadequacy as a result of cognitive dissonance is absolutely maddening, and I never want to let others pin me down or make me feel like shit for things I never did.How do I gain the confidence to prevent myself from falling into these mental pitfalls?How do I stop letting other people's false perceptions of me supersede my true self?It took me months to mentally navigate through this shit, and I want to wash my hands of it and live authentically from now on and never waver from my true intentions or beliefs.
>>31538050too fuckin long>...to low self-esteemwell then fuckin fix that
>>31538050The chattering "monkey mind" can be quietened, or at least brought under control, by meditative practices that activate the parasympathetic nervous system:In the moment:1. Sigh Breath: Take a deep in breath, and let it out slowly while relaxing your upper body. the effect is enhanced if you vocalize "aaahhh!" as you breath out.2. Hakalau: Sit down and stare on a point in front of you just above eye level. An outdoors seting with great scenery is ideal for this. Fix your full attention on the point and let go of any thoughts.After a minute or so, your vision starts to spread out more and more.Notice that your attention shifts to the periphery of your vision without you moving your eyes. You gradually lose focussed attention on any fixed object and you start to take in your whole visual field.Stay in that state for as long as possible and notice how calm it feels. As your attention broadens, your thoughts fade into the background.Do this for ten minutes in the beginning. On subsequent occasions you can go for longer and do it while standing or walking.For the longer term:Do breath meditation, half an hour a day (picrel).After you have begun meditating each day, you will find that you start to perceive your own thoughts and feelings from an objective viewpoint; you will notice that you are no longer quite so involved with them, that they are processes in your mind but they are not *you*. At that point you can just let go of toxic thoughts, and toxic people. Just let them go.Toxic people drain your self-esteem and joy, and letting them go begins the process of healing and regrowth.
>>31538050Yes, cut them off
