I've discovered recently that I have a habit of avoiding pain. It started growing up as a kid, withdrawing into myself and not allowing myself to express my emotions or even go outside or take risks, because as a kid whenever I did anything like that with my parents, it would inevitably result in harsh punishment and great pain for me emotionally and physically. So, growing up I withdrew into myself and never took risks or lived my life. I learned how to take smaller risks over time, but I never got to the point where I could take a large risk or commit to something painful in the moment that might lead to good change in my life down the road. This aversion from pain usually manifest itself as a constant seeking for comfort and distraction. So powerful is this habit, that even before a workout I will feel this anxiety because of the inevitable pain I'll feel from it afterwards. It's like a constant force that is working against me, and preventing me from making serious change in my life. I don't know how to face it, or what I need to do to destroy this habit completely. How do I learn to like the pain or to withstand it? How do I learn to make a commitment to myself and love myself enough, to face this pain? Kind of like a fat guy who's never worked out before, I believe this pain only exists like a debt, because of my refusal to have healthy practices in my life, I inevitably have to work through the proverbial fat, until working out isn't painful but a genuinely fun and rewarding experience. Advice?
bump
>>31540321Seek professional therapy.Other than that, you have to have something you really care about to make it worth putting up with the stress and risks.
>>31540321>How do I learn to like the pain or to withstand it? How do I learn to make a commitment to myself and love myself enough, to face this pain?You’ll never like the pain. It never feels good. It’s not supposed to feel good. Strong men are not men who feel little to no pain, nor are they men who feel pain is a pleasure. They’re men who face pain squarely, knowing full well it’s going to hurt, and proceeding to endure it. They do this because they have a conviction, a passion, a belief that after the pain will come a reward. This is generally true for most of all of life. The small example of muscle training. It’s painful. But the athlete does it anyway knowing the rewards are more muscle, more athleticism. Take for example the man who asks a girl out. He endures the pain of fear, the pain of feeling unsure, or even the pain of rejection. But he does it anyway knowing the pay-off will be worth it when he sticks the landing. He knows the pain could double after a failure, but he also knows pain has an expiry date. He can dust off, heal up, and try again and again.
>>31540796Normally, wouldn't that thing I really care about have to be myself? If I cultivate serious self love and self commitment, could I overcome this? I was thinking about how I could view pain and discomfort as an opportunity to grow, thereby making pain an incentive. But in order to make that work I need to actually have an incentive to grow, which is hard to come by when you've lived a comfortably numb life like I have.
>>31540835I don't know what passions I have, if I had any to begin with. A couple people have told me before that I should try looking back into my childhood and seeing what kind of passions I had before my parents snuffed them all out. I'm not entirely sure what that means though, or how to find that passion. As a kid I had lots of dreams. Being an astronaut, pilot, GI, inventor, explorer, actor, etc. is that what it means? I'm pretty sure those were all fleeting moments of fancy 5 year old me had. No serious passions I imagine when I hear the word. I guess I'm just not sure how I can find these passions or how to cultivate them. I'm kind of starting from zero here.
>>31541117>I'm not entirely sure what that means though, or how to find that passion. As a kid I had lots of dreams. Being an astronaut, pilot, GI, inventor, explorer, actor, etc. is that what it means? You don’t find passion. Passion finds you. Specifically, it occurs when you’ve begun to identify that you’ve not only just begin to like something, but you’ve also developed a belief in your own capability for it. This typically happens by itself. What it takes is experience. Otherwise it has no channel to find you.By experience I don’t mean a skillset. I mean you’ve lived life or are putting yourself into experiences actively. Eventually, something sticks out to you, like a new-found interest, or maybe an interest from older times that you put off to the side. It could be anything, literally anything. And you never know until it dawns on you once you’ve experienced it, that is why it is important to experience what you can in life.For example, a bored young adult who does nothing all day and has no passions or goals might be obliged to attend a family trip one time. And his folks might convince him to try archery at some local venue. And that young guy might really, really enjoy the hell out of it and become surprised at his own aptitude he never knew he had. And then the spark of passion finds him.It almost always takes you by surprise. It’s like unlocking a dormant skill you never knew you had. And to unearth it, you gotta go digging. Push your comfort zone, try new experiences even if you don’t think you’d like it or care for it at first.
>>31541196This makes so much sense. I was trying to rack my mind, finding something that probably wasn't even there. I had this idea in my head that there was something inside of me, some interest some passion and something that was forgotten, and I had to comb my mind to find it. But this whole time I was looking inside, I should have been looking outside and actually living my life. I guess old habits die hard, and I just found another way to withdraw into myself and go on another endless goose chase. It seems like what I need to do is cultivate a sense of curiosity and wonder. The kind that doesn't let things be, and always drives you out to try new things. Maybe I had it when I was a kid and just let it go because of what happened idk. It's kind of weird digesting all of this. Because on one hand, I need to view pain as an opportunity for growth. But I also need to open myself up to risk, and the possibility of no reward despite taking the pain needed to try. I didn't realize it until I typed it all out, but I guess that sounds pretty normal doesn't it? I feel like I'm reinventing the wheel over here. This is the kind of shit nobody told me growing up, or someone did say something about it but they never tried to actually get it through to me. They never really tried to reach me. I can't believe it was this simple. It's always this simple, but it's so obvious that I never see it until someone spells it out for me, then it's impossible not to miss again. Thanks
>>31541253>This is the kind of shit nobody told me growing up, or someone did say something about it but they never tried to actually get it through to me. They never really tried to reach me. I can't believe it was this simple. It's always this simple, but it's so obvious that I never see it until someone spells it out for me, then it's impossible not to miss again. Thanks.No problem. I was able to reach you because I know exactly what it’s like to be a chronic overthinker, a maladaptive daydreamer, a man in mind prison, a snake devouring its own tail endlessly. Always trying to find answers to problems in thought and rumination and coming short, always overlooking simplicity in favour of complexity because of the flawed idea that complexity = personal progress, a step closer to finding the ‘Aha!’ moment. In actuality, we depart further and further from the answers we seek, because we never notice it was actually in simplciity where it could be found. Right under our noses lol. The truth always lives in simplicity. If you’ve ever wondered why books like the bible say “Lean not on your own understanding” now you know why. Wisdom is found in simplicity is why. Never in complexity. It is forgivable to become lost in complexity. The world can be a really complicated mess. But that does not mean our minds need follow suit. So, the roadmap is one of unlearning, rather than learning. Follow that, and you’ll be making room to learn new things. Better ones.
>>31541348Funny, if today were one of my better days I could have sworn your post looked like something I'd say to myself, always trying to reach that "aha!" moment. I've been around this board for a long time constantly seeking direction in my life because I've been quite the overthinker as you've said. I suppose it doesn't matter how much direction you get though or who you get it from, if you're overall map of the world is completely flawed. Consistently trying to learn then results in analysis paralysis. Balancing it with what you called "unlearning" therefore, is how you reach true wisdom. Otherwise, you might get consumed by your own mind/intelligence. Thank you again. Bonne chance
>>31541348>So, the roadmap is one of unlearning, rather than learning. Follow that, and you’ll be making room to learn new things.New life motto. Thank you, anon.
>>31540321take drugs
