To all the seriously suicidal anons out there, those who've attempted, etc. What keeps you alive, what's the thing holding you to this rock? I seriously don't know what I'm still doing here. My entire life is pathetic and I'm convinced that I don't have a soul or personality. Therefore any value that I or anyone gets out of myself are based in what I have to offer monetarily/usefully or through sex appeal, which is scraps in the former and middling in the latter. I'm pretty sure I'm too retarded for college and too awkward to coordinate myself in blue collar, I doubt I'll ever make 40k a year in my stupid little life. As per socializing and love, I may as well be an alien. Women only like me long enough to realize that I'm just meat to be used abused and discarded, if that. My prior efforts were met with diminishing returns, no promise at a life worth living. I find little to no joy in the few hobbies I entertain and most of my free thoughts are spent in daydreams about dying. I'm angry most of the time, at nothing in particular, but in those daydreams I feel the catharsis of what it'd be like to paint the ceiling with my brain, just that feeling of spiting the world with that action. In short, I feel it is so fucking over and I'd like it to be so. My lizard brain wants to keep going on so I guess I'm asking for realistic propositions to unfuck myself.
>I'm asking for realistic propositions to unfuck myself.Don't talk shit about yourself.That's it.Take a look at your post:>My entire life is pathetic>I'm convinced that I don't have a soul or personality.>any value that I or anyone gets out of myself are... scraps... and middling...>I'm too retarded>too awkward>As per socializing and love, I may as well be an alien.>Women only like me long enough to realize that I'm just meat to be used abused and discarded>My prior efforts were met with diminishing returns, no promise at a life worth living.>my free thoughts are spent in daydreams about dying
>>31541839Like, maybe you can unfuck yourself by not fucking with yourself, eh?
>>31541839>>31541844checked but that still seems to be a bit delusional for me. Not shitting on myself whereas I have valid reason to feels like denial of reality.
>>31541876Please. We're not asking you to lie to yourself or anyone.We are asking you to at least employ your truths properly.For example: There may be some truth to "The sun is hot", BUT you don't say it every waking minute of your day. Same with "Rocks are hard." and "Today is Tuesday.". There has to be proper timing or everything would happen all at once in one big clusterfuck.>I have valid reason to feels like denial of reality.You do, and choosing how to act or not act on it may be critical to circle back:>What keeps you alive, what's the thing holding you to this rock?Choose carefully, theres only so much we can do.
>>31541795
>>31541795The thing that helped me recover after being suicidal and keeps me going even as a NEET with no future is the things that I do for myself and the things that I enjoy. I've been able to look back and feel glad I didn't die because things that I experienced afterwards that made me feel a sense of purpose or beauty. >My lizard brain wants to keep goingMy lizard brain was the same and was the reason that my suicide attempts failed. I almost passed out from a hanging attempt a couple months ago but it failed because my arms reached up to reflexively untie the knot even as my entire body felt hot and tingly from the blood circulation getting cut off. I realized that I didn't actually want to die, I just wanted to escape from my pain. Your lizard brain wanting to survive means that you still have a survival instinct that would make suicide much harder. I wish I had more concrete advice other than to try new things until something feels right and being easier on yourself when you have bad days but it's the thing that's helped me out in the past.>>31541876I wish I had the answer because I'm trying to like myself too, it's hard to like yourself when you see yourself as a blemish on existence. The thing that's helped me a little is realizing that most people don't think about others enough to actively hate them unless they're obsessed and to have something to be proud of/confident in that enables you to believe in yourself. Another thing to remember that the part of your brain that wants people to shit on you because it feels raw or real unlike the fake "You matter anon" type shit in reality is just an example of confirmation bias. It's much more about the expectations you have of yourself and the things you already believe in yourself. It feels fake because it contradicts the beliefs you already have. The "your mental health matters" type of messaging is still half-hearted and mostly performative woke shit but it doesn't mean you're worthless either.
I only live because hell is the worst possible thing.
>>31541795Lithium and a year of therapyFriends
