>>31643303
I don't know anon, but you sound like a decent guy. I'd be your friend, if I met you

>>31643303
Look man, you got autism, so if I gave you normie advice it's not gonna work. Not because you're helpless or a lost cause, but simply the advice wouldn't be helpful for you. It's like putting petrol in a diesel car. It has the opposite effect.

You got autism, so if I tell you shit like "Just be yourself" or "ask questions and say X Y or Z" it means you then have to mask-up, hide your 'tism, and go perform for hours and pretend to be normie. That shit is exhausting, and not because of your failures or anything 'wrong' with you - no one wants to force themselves to do exhausting shit they can't fully enjoy if they can help it, not even normies.

So my advice is twofold: don't hide your autism or real self. If you feel you are 'weird' or an oddball, I say fuck it, let yourself do that. Don't mask it, because masking = exhaustion and exhaustion = self-sabotage, it means not showing up to socialize, it means avoidance. And you avoid for a good reason, you don't wanna be exhausted. Forgive yourself for that one brother.

Second tidbit is this: If people think you are weird - let them think it. If they don't like it, tough shit. I know you wanna fit in, but if fitting in comes at the cost of betraying what you really are, it's never worth it. Let people who dislike you walk away, open the door for them and say goodbye and good riddance. This filters them out, so you can then identify who really appreciates you. The ones who stick around are your tribe, your homies. They will most likely be autists too, or adhds, or some flavor of 'weird'. Appreciate and celebrate it dude.

The world wasn't made for people like you, so what? All it means is find ways to make the world work for you instead. Work with the hand you got without shame or regret.

>>31643713
Yeah, true. I get what "just be yourself means" but the problem is that my life is just boring. Well, I kinda enjoy it but there's not much to talk about since my day just consists of waking up, working from home, playing games and going sleep. I spend pretty much all day at home and online. I just don't have much to talk about with people if I pull it from myself.

>>31643800
You'll find most people's lives are boring. Most people in conversation speak of their experiences, their past-tense ones. Usually it's a crazy memory from years ago or a wild remembrance of something from last summer. And 9/10 times it's actually mundane shit but the speaker sprinkles enthusiasm and hype onto it for the conversation. That's all, really. Most people spend 90% of their time just existing between exciting moments. And those moments, for most people, especially adults in jobs with family, are weekends if they're not exhausted or once/twice a year vacations. And of course, yknow how social media is? People only post those best moments and never the boring. Giving off the impression they're go-getters, high-flyers, and social butterflies when really they're not. It's just optics. Normies are weird like that.

I believe you that you mostly wake up, work, play games, eat, shit, sleep, repeat. Because that's me too. But I bet my left testicle if I talked to you about your special interest or niche opinion about some gnarly shit, whether it's philosophy or politics or whatever, you'd light up like a christmas tree and have a lot to say.

Funny thing about autists is they completely forget they got that in them lol

>>31643835
>speak of their experiences
>crazy memory
Sadly I don't think I have any of those. My entire life has been pretty mundane, I've never went on a holiday in my life nor really ventured outside of my town. I've been raised on the internet since I was a child but at the time I didn't think it was too bad as I got to come home and hop on the Xbox with my friends. My mindset growing up was "what can I do outside that I can't do inside?"
>if I talked to you about your special interest or niche opinion ... you'd light up like a Christmas tree and have a lot to say
lol, you're not wrong. My friend is also very interested in technology but I have a hard time really talking about it to him besides linking a couple of tech news occasionally which leads into a small chat. There's times where I've been talking about super technical shit I'm going to do but the messages consist of 95% me and like 5% him. I am very deep into politics and I love arguing with randoms on social media like on /pol/ threads or Twitter but my friend aligns with me so there's no real room for debate and I feel like I jump the gun too quickly which exhausts all possible future conversations. The girl that messaged me also started it by talking politics but we moved on after I showed her a bunch of stuff and jumped the gun and I'm not sure how to keep that going or what conversation starters there are and I feel like after a while of talking politics it would get boring since I'd exhaust everything again

What do normal people talk about with their friends and girlfriend/wife on a daily basis?

>>31643303
you can try your whole life to fix it and it won't work
you have a disability

>>31643988
>What do normal people talk about with their friends and girlfriend/wife on a daily basis?

Honestly man? Normies past a certain age don't talk with friends every day. Friends are only around for weekends, like agreeing to meet up for lunch or dinner or going somewhere. That's at best. Most times it'll be once a month or so. Because adults after college got lives, either busy with work or with family or family + work.

And with girlfriend/wife on a daily basis, it's just convos about to-dos
>we gotta take out the trash
>we gotta get new curtains
>we should go try that new restaurant

most of the talking between husband and wife happens at 'pillow talk', like after sex or right before sleep, they cuddle and just talk about deeper shit. Could be anything, like venting about life issues, hopes for the future, or deep convos about existence or what have you.

Boyfriends and girlfriends talk a LOT during the start of relationships yeah. But it naturally dies off. And that's normal btw, it's because let's face it - there's only so much you can talk about with the same person before you've discussed everything already. When convos run out, you settle for cozy day to day small talk + pillow talk. If gf/bf or husband + wife wanna have more to talk about then they go on more dates, more adventures more outings to then create things to talk about.

>>31644120
(cont.) and if you are an autist and you are paired with a non-autist, this can work out so long as your partner knows you got 'tism and outright enjoys your 'tism. I'm married to an autistic woman. I know for a fact she actually doesn't like convos. She instead prefers to cohabitate, to just chill and read a book or tend to her own hobbies in the same room as me. She doesn't want to perform and exhaust herself to entertain me. And I'm okay with that and prefer it too, because it's peace and quiet. We just enjoy the quiet together. it's cozy as fuck. Believe it or not, some people appreciate an autist's true preference as well. Even non-autists. There's someone for everyone like that.

>>31644139
She doesn’t bore you if all she wants is sitting next to you? Especially when you say that she
>doesn’t want to perform and exhaust herself

I would rather kill myself. Does she even care for you? Wants to do something more?

>>31644184
>She doesn’t bore you if all she wants is sitting next to you?
Nope. Because she keeps herself occupied, I keep myself occupied. And then after we're done doing our hobbies or interests, we chill and cuddle/kiss/bang, fix dinner up, play with the dog, stuff like that.

>Does she even care for you?
Yep. She's not a smooth-talker, isn't good at verbalizing it, but in her actions she does 100%. Makes dinners, cleans the house, good at physical affection, puts effort into sweet gifts. If she knows I want a thing, but can't afford the thing at that moment, she swoops in and gets me that thing etc.

>Wants to do something more?
Yeah usually once she burns out of the same-old routine and we both plan something like visiting a different town or going for a hike, or maybe visiting family or planning the next big vacation.

>>31644223
Always wanted to fuck autistic woman. Are they good in bed?

>>31644246
Well I'm sure each autist chick differs, so keep that in mind as I generalize: Autist women are a bit of a sexual puzzle at first. They're both hypersexual and almost hyposexual borderline asexual. One minute they're wanting to smash like a jackrabbit every single day, the next it's trickled down to nothing. What's actually happening is they're autists. They obsess with routine. So they want a routine fucking every day. If that routine abruptly stops, like you weren't horny for a few days or whatever, they then make no sex the new routine. So they won't feel like sex all of a sudden. They do NOT like spontaneity, so trying to spring sex back at random will not work. At that point they deadass will want you to tell them to plan it. You make a plan to have sex at (this day at xyz oclock lmao). Then she gets time to mentally reboot and prepare and it's back into sex sex sex routine.

Also be expected to lead the sex. They're not good at social cues or subtle hints, so you pretty much direct them and command them what to do and they do it. Once they learn what you like and don't like, they follow that script and you're good to go.

>>31644006
Perhaps but I believe that's not entirely true. Your mind is a powerul tool which is why people are able to experience physical effects from being given a placebo. I was personally able to massively reduce the effects of my OCD by myself, I'm sure I could get the ball rolling if I had the idea of what a non autist is like https://youtu.be/QDCcuCHOIyY
>>31644120
Makes sense, thanks. I think I was just over estimating how much people actually talk to each other. What do boyfriends and girlfriends talk about when they're just getting started? Another problem is that the girl who was talking to me lives in a completely different country from me and if I figured out how to continue talking to her I don't think we could move in any time soon

>>31644276
Yeah, but are they good or sex is rather normal (if not boring)? I only have experience with BPDemons and they are waaaaaay too good.

>>31644299
>I think I was just over estimating how much people actually talk to each other.
Yeah it's understandable to assume that. To the autist, when they see friendships on TV or witness it going outside, they see convos convos convos. They get the impression normies do it ALL the time. Nah, what's happening is they just so happen to see people doing their convo time. But they don't see what happens with normies before or after they got done socializing, the truth is they just exist and chill and also live a boring time for a while. What separates the autist mindset from the normie mindset is the normie doesn't panic over this and innately knows there's a time for socializing and a time for not socializing and a time for partying and a time for being solemn. Autists struggle to understand this social 'clock' that's made of subtle context.

>What do boyfriends and girlfriends talk about when they're just getting started?
Anything and everything. But to be more precise if I can (every couple differs), it's generally discussing where they've been in life. And by that I mean they talk about childhood memories, their own family, stories in the family, maybe their hobbies, maybe they discuss their opinions on (insert thing) maybe they trauma dump to each other and talk about their bad experiences, maybe it's all of that and more. They just talk about whatever they feel like at the time and listen to each other.

>the girl who was talking to me lives in a completely different country from me and if I figured out how to continue talking to her I don't think we could move in any time soon
Long distance gigs are tough, but doable. I mean shit - my wife and I started that way. You don't have to worry about moving in any time soon. Normies who date locally don't move in that quick either, even if they just live a neighborhood away.

>>31644313
>yeah, but are they good or sex is rather normal (if not boring)? I only have experience with BPDemons and they are waaaaaay too good.

Short answer - yes and no

I know what you mean about BPDs lol. I got that same experience. I don't need to tell you their sexual charm ain't worth the hell afterwards.

Autist girls are a sexual blank slate at first. Here's a fun fact: BPD & Autism share a lot of overlap. In fact, they're like twins. One is too wicked the other is too innocent. They both have abandonment issues. They both use social mimicry to fit-in. They both even have hypersensitive emotions. Both of them mask what they truly are. Thing is, BPDs do it offensively and with manipulation. Autists do it just to find some place nice and safe.

Anyway, imagine a BPD girl but you stripped away all of the programming of sexual mirroring (this is why bpd sex is 'good' they just mimick your fetishes and fantasies on purpose). Take that away, and take away the evil cunt disorder part, and you got an autist girl.

Autist girl won't know how to please you at first. So all you do is you tell them how, you give them the script, you precisely give them a step by step formula on how to make you blast off. And they do it. Next thing you know, you've found the same sexual thrill as a BPD girl but without all the fucked up manipulative scumshit.

>>31644344
>long distance gigs are tough but doable
How often are you expected to talk to a long distance girl? I've always thought thay a partner is supposed to be talked to pretty much every day but I would probably struggle with that.

I think a big issue is that all of this shit is just expected to be known so that if people are disconnected there's no real way for them to find out. Like I don't think there's a book on how to talk to people, what the average conversation is like and how long it's all supposed to last. I like overthinking and preparing which works out for me the majority of the time, but for shit like this there's no one really breaking the 4th wall and saying how it truly is

>>31644377
So overall you would say that you prefer sex with the autist chick?

I get the thing with BPDs. My ex screwed me over and I won’t touch BPDemon ever again.

>>31644384
>How often are you expected to talk to a long distance girl? I've always thought that a partner is supposed to be talked to pretty much every day but I would probably struggle with that.
It's gonna give you more questions than answers when I say this but - how long is a piece of string? A piece of string could be any length right? Who knows. There's no expectation or rule at all. And I know that might fuck with you cuz autists like to have things laid out in a step by step way to follow. And there can be one, it just needs to be created between by you and the girl. You do this by simply telling her you feel overwhelmed and wanna head out to chill. If the girl ain't a clingy crazy, she'll be more than happy and okay with that. Do that enough times and you both get a feel for the ideal convo routine. For me and my wife, it was a couple hours a day in the evening and that's it. The rest of the day you get to yourself really. It all depends on finding that sweetspot you both enjoy. To find it you just gotta ask and set both your comfort levels and come to agreement.

>I like overthinking and preparing which works out for me the majority of the time
Yea, same as my wife lol she rehearses phone convos in her head long before they happen. So all you gotta do is let your future girlfriend into that world of yours, let her take a peek under the curtain of your mind so she can understand and accommodate.

>>31644448
>So overall you would say that you prefer sex with the autist chick?
Absolutely yes without a doubt. She's the only chick who consistently orgasms at the exact same time as I do. BPD chick was a thrill and all yeah but in hindsight, it wasn't sex. It was just masturbating with her body if that makes sense. Just a chick who was good at playing into my fantasies and didn't actually love me really.

>>31644473
U sure she’s not faking? It’s very uncommon.

My BPD ex was also playing into my kinks. Did we date the same chick lol? Let me guess: she thought missionary was boring and wanted only doggy?

>>31644453
Ok I kinda get it but I feel like if you don't talk to people often they will eventually move on and find someone else. Like if someone didn't talk to me for a while I'd think they just don't really care about me enough to keep talking. I used to have a decent amount of friends but in high school most of us got separated and then when I reached college I was only left with one and they haven't talked to me at all

>>31644506
>U sure she’s not faking?
Pretty sure yeah, you can tell when a woman is actually orgasming when the vagina starts pulsating fast and rapidly and the asshole winks and twitches lol.

>>31644518
>Ok I kinda get it but I feel like if you don't talk to people often they will eventually move on and find someone else.
Nah, that's just an autism hang-up, fren. The abandonment fear I talk about here: >>31644377

Normies usually got lots of friends. If they ain't talking to one, they just talk to another, or just chill with themselves for a while. If they got an autist friend who they haven't hanged with for months or even years, they will gladly pick up where they left off as if nothing happened. The friendship doesn't decay like a fruit left out in the sun like that. Normies even get excited after not seeing people for a long time too. I got friends I hadn't spoke to for as long as 2-3 years. And when they message or I reach out, we legit just pick up from where we left off, no harm no foul.

>Like if someone didn't talk to me for a while I'd think they just don't really care about me enough to keep talking.
Yea I see that in autists friends and my wife too. They will assume because this friend didn't reach out, then it's proof the friend doesn't give a shit. So the autist won't reach out out of feeling unwelcome. But the irony is, the friend does give a shit, it's just that the normies will assume it's (you) who simply wants time alone and that's why you don't reach out to them lol. So they make the assumption that's what you want, and they leave you alone out of their idea of respect for boundaries.

side-related note: it was for this reason my autist friend never got invited to office work parties. It wasn't because they hated him, it's because he always appeared disinterested and out of social anxiety avoided them. The colleagues assumed "oh, maybe we shouldn't invite him, don't want to annoy the guy if he isn't interested."

>>31644184
>I would rather kill myself. Does she even care for you? Wants to do something more?

Normies, everyone.

>>31643800
>my life is just boring
>I just don't have much to talk about
>>31643988
>My entire life has been pretty mundane
>I've never went on a holiday in my life nor really ventured outside of my town
As an adult, you have the power to do things. You shouldn't just wait around for someone to come along and encourage you to do something. If you feel bad about being boring and doing nothing, then take action and do something. No one is going to come to your rescue. Statements like being boring and never doing anything are not written in stone; you have the power to change them. Take responsibility for yourself.

>>31644566
>I talk about here
What you say there is pretty much spot on, especially with giving a script. Once I get the script then I can do it perfectly but without it I'm completely lost. It's like a toy train, you have to put it on the tracks to get it rolling.

On your wife having autism, although very similar I think it's a different dynamic since men will chase pretty much any woman as woman are highly valued but I don't think many women will chase an autist man. I also feel like a woman would think "why bother with the autist" and quickly find someone else
>it was for this reason my autist friend never got invited to office work parties
Fuck, that hits hard as I was never invited to birthday parties or group chats. I asked them one time why they didn't invite me to a group chat and they thought I didn't want to be there

It seems like you're spot on with autism, got any other tips for me?
>>31645318
Yeah that's true and I want to change that although i don't really know what to do or know what would make me interesting. Like if i went on a holiday and went skiing or something, i feel like at most it would be a random thing to bring up in a conversation for like 5 minutes

>>31645387
Adding on to the holiday thing, I would enjoy it but I feel like many things I enjoy or do are simply not worth bringing up. In my family I'm always the one they go to for tech help and I enjoyed doing some technical stuff with a raspberry pi but I don't feel like anyone would be interested if I brought up what I did

>>31643303
Just talk about whatever man it's not that hard

>>31645387
>What you say there is pretty much spot on, especially with giving a script. Once I get the script then I can do it perfectly but without it I'm completely lost.

Yel, that’s what I like about autists. Yes autists will be unsure, anxious, and aloof at first and not understand a single thing in a new situation, but once they get the script, they adapt, and they adapt fuckin’ fast. They are very quick on th uptake once the pieces of the puzzle begin to line up, it makes normies and non-autists look dumb by comparison, it’s truly impressive to watch as a non-autist myself.

>I don't think many women will chase an autist man. I also feel like a woman would think "why bother with the autist" and quickly find someone else

You are correct, but not for reasons you may think fren. It’s true, autist women have it easier when it comes to dates/sex. Why? Because let’s face it, us men are horny as fuck. There are many men out there who can fuck without feeling anything for the woman. There’s even men out there who can hatefuck a woman. We are fucking machines that way. Autist women have a different problem - they almost always land relationships with abusive men, cheating men, etc. They are very easily exploited.

For autist men, they have a hard time seeing any dates or sex or relationships at all. And it’s not cuz the autist guy is ugly or weird in a bad way. Y’know why it is? Because the autist man comes off as ‘too good to be true’. All that gentleness and meekness and kindness and sensitivity is something women deeply desire to find. But when they find the autist man, they can’t tell if the kindness is genuine from him. (it is genuine). They get put off by the mask the autist wears, his performances of trying to be normie. It makes them question if it’s real kindness or not. So they don’t engage in a relationship out of fear. Cuz psycho guys out there who pretend to be charming only to fuck their lives up later.

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>>31643713
Not OP but what's wrong with masking up? Everyone does it. You talk differently to your girlfriend, your friends, your family, your boss, the police, etc. and you probably talk far differently on 4chan where you have anonymity than something like Instagram or linkedin where your info is out there. You also talk informally to some and formally to others. A lot of men also wear a mask to pretend they're tough and avoid crying even in the worst of situations otherwise they'd be seen as a pussy and they need to man up. You probably say many things online that you wouldn't in person and that's normal, it's called barrier aggression.

If I had to say, the only times people are true to themselves is when they're on a site like 4chan where they have anonymity and they can say whatever they want without any real fear of consequence.
>Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth

>>31645387
>(continued)
>Fuck, that hits hard as I was never invited to birthday parties or group chats. I asked them one time why they didn't invite me to a group chat and they thought I didn't want to be there.

And it’s true, that’s usually why autists don’t get invites. It’s not out of hate or dislike for the autist. It’s out of a warped respect. Outsiders genuinely 100% believe autists aren’t interested, especially if the autist is hounded by social anxiety and backs out. The normies don’t see the social anxiety or the deep desire to fit in, they only see the masking, the stone-cold indifferent visage of a man who seems disinterested. If normies could only know the real story within the autist’s head, they’d support him and bring him along lol.

>It seems like you're spot on with autism, got any other tips for me?
Stick with your tribe, other autists, or even better, adhds. All of the things autists do (or lack doing) that may confuse or annoy normies are greatly appreciated by adhds. Very similar disorders except adhds are hypersocial and know how to thrive in normie world. They enjoy helping autists navigate the social world out there, which gives them dopamine and makes them feel useful. (you can guess what I am lol). If you find that in female form, you’ve found your love match. That’s my biggest and wildest tip for you my bro. (ofc if she is unmedicated and not dealing with her shit, she will be a disorganised unfocused mess lol).

They talk a lot. They don’t care autists don’t talk much, they gladly carry the conversation anyway. Autist gets to chill and lay back until it’s time to decompress from being overwhelmed. Ezpz.

Overall, try to do less masking of your autism. Make it known to people straight away without shame. Wait for your tribe to find you, others on the same wavelength.

>>31648086
>Everyone does it. You talk differently to your girlfriend, your friends, your family, your boss, the police, etc.
To a degree. I won’t call a police officer my honey sweetheart as I would my wife. But overall social aspects, I keep the same baseline personality. I’ve the opposite problem to autists, I don’t mask what I am as an adhd. I hate masks. If I had it my way, I’d force masks on the normies instead like muzzling a dog lol. (Joking, sorta). I think it’s always best to minimize masking. For the simple fact that masking costs energy. And autists are very easily overwhelmed or overstimulated. It cripples their appetite to socialize overall, and makes them personalize their shortcomings to the point of self-hatred often.

Heavy is the face that wears the mask

>>31647350
I just don't know how. The best way I can explain it is: imagine if someone dragged you into a room, pointed at a whiteboard and asked you to solve some insanely complex high level math right then and there. You would probably pick up the pen but the moment you start to write you'd realise you have no fucking clue what any of this shit means or how to proceed further so you're just frozen. You could attempt to brute force it and write down random shit but you'd either get a few marks or laughed out of the class

I find a major problem is that no one really talks about this shit because you're just expected to know and talking about it is like breaking the 4th wall. I don't think anyone has made a guide on how to talk with stuff
>>31648034
>too good to be true
Really? I thought of it more as "this guy is mentally ill and I can't be bothered, I'd rather just get a normal guy" especially because it's easier for women to date than for men. I also thought of gentleness, meekness, kindness, etc. as a disavdvantage as men are supposed to be confident, the breadwinner, etc.

I would say that I'm mostly a gentle soul but I can go from 0 to 100 reallll quick and basically become psychopathic, especially when expressing certain opinions or if someone is pushing me, but sometimes empathy holds me back. I'm also very genuine but I can be very manipulative too. I feel like I'm two-face or like the angel on one shoulder, demon on another cartoon
>>31648102
>it's out of a warped respect
How do I change that though? I want people to know I'm interested. I feel like just saying that I'm autistic wouldn't work and would backfire as people see autism essentially as Down syndrome or treat you as toddlers, this is why I don't reveal it but I also want to fit in and be normal. Usually when you tell people you have autism or something else they look down on you, I'm sure you know considering you have adhd. I've heard that people with adhd get seen as abnormal and are given -

>>31648102
>>31648214
- Are given meds to calm them down.

>stick with your tribe
I guess so but I don't know where I'd go to find an autist or adhd and I don't think that many people are autistic or have adhd. I also feel like it would be extra awkward for an autist to talk to an autist
>try to do less masking of your autism
How would I go about it? Saying off the bat that I have a mental disorder just gets people to look after you but if I'm awkward people will be disgruntled and not want to be around me

>>31648214
>I find a major problem is that no one really talks about this shit because you're just expected to know and talking about it is like breaking the 4th wall.
Yeah that’s a major problem for autists and other types of non-normie, it’s a struggle, doubly so for autists since the medium that is requiered to get the message across is socialising, which is the exact medium the autists already struggle with.

>Really? I thought of it more as "this guy is mentally ill and I can't be bothered, I'd rather just get a normal guy" especially because it's easier for women to date than for men.

Maybe true for some women, but not for all. Hell I saw a femanon in a diff thread the other week who was boasting her autist husband. She wins the bread, does fitness sports and husband stays at home organising the home and she loves him to death.

>I would say that I'm mostly a gentle soul but I can go from 0 to 100 reallll quick and basically become psychopathic, especially when expressing certain opinions or if someone is pushing me.
Yeah the ‘autistic rage’ it’s called. I seen it first hand back in high school. Autistic friend of mine was forced to fight his bully. The bully was the ‘best’ fighter in school. Autist mate of mine went berserker mode, fucking destroyed him the whole fight, beat the best fighter in school then doesnt remember much of it lol.

>I'm also very genuine but I can be very manipulative too. I feel like I'm two-face or like the angel on one shoulder, demon on another cartoon
Yes, “black-or-white thinking”. Things are either good or bad. But for autists, its usually only ever expressed in their thoughts or feelings, never action. And humans are defined by actions. So in actual reality, autists are very innocent, at least in my opinion. And that’s a good trait.

>>31648916
Are you the anon with autistic wife? How does she treat you and your marriage? Do you know if she has a bad past? I noticed a lot of them are usually dating shitty guys.

>>31648916
(cont.)

>I feel like just saying that I'm autistic wouldn't work and would backfire as people see autism essentially as Down syndrome or treat you as toddlers.
Funny thing is not everyone sees them like that, especially not those who have an autistic loved one, people who actually bothered to look into autism. Personally I’ve always envied autists, looked up to them even. To me autism is synonymous with intelligence.

>I'm sure you know considering you have adhd.
Yep, I do know it too. Another reason why autists and adhds get along well, we both got fucked up and punished for being ‘wrong’ by being ourselves. As kids, society said autists were considered as ‘gifted kid’. Adhds were called ‘lazy genius’. In the classroom this is why I always envied the autists. They got their work done, theu got the highest grades. I was the class clown, the unfocused lazy kid. I’d pretend the bookish autist kids weren’t cool, But secretly I always wished to be them.

>How would I go about it?
>Saying off the bat that I have a mental disorder just gets people to look after you but if I'm awkward people will be disgruntled and not want to be around me.
That’s the difficult part, it’ll mean fighting your impulse and craving to fit in. Artists want people to like them all the time. To stop masking means acknowledging not everyone will like you, and feeling upset about it yet acknowledging it’s for the best they leave you be. Because fuck ‘em, they weren’t good people for you. Why chase after them? Let them filter themselves out. If you do that, you’ll find people who instead appreciate autists, not out of pity, but of genuine fascination and admiration. Could be a normie who has autistic loved ones, or an adhd, or another autist. Point is, it’ll be the ones who stick around who are worth keeping.

>>31648960
I am.
She treats me like fuckin’ gold. I won’t lie though there are times she can get irritated with me over small things, but they’re minor and honestly so insignificant we both end up laughing about it. This could be like when her routine and planning is disturbed, like how she gets grumpy because I wanted to change the route home, or go back to a store we already visited lol.

But in her actions and her loyalty, she treats me like a king.

>Do you know if she has a bad past?
Unfortunately yeah. Her ex was a nasty piece of work, and has the missing back teeth to prove it. He treated her like filth, cheated on her often, made her feel like it was her fault, punched her, made her to all of the work while he laid on his ass. I’m a lazy bastard myself with adhd, but i always strive to do more and feel bad if im being lazy. This guy gave zero fucks. I’m her second relationship and we’re married.

>>31648960
>I noticed a lot of them are usually dating shitty guys.
Also wanna add, yeah that's true. If we look at the stats from the studies, your average autistic women will have a drastic 60 - 90% chance of dating an abuser.

Now if we wanna be cynical about it, we could say "huh they must really love abusive pieces of shit". There's two reasons for it -
1) Abusers wear a smile on their face.
And autists really want to be liked, right? They want to fit in they want people to think good of them, they feel so alienated in life and terribly misunderstood and alone. An abuser simply has to smile, put on the charm, pretend to be nice and caring. The autist falls for it. Then the abuser's act drops.

2)
The autist then proceeds to get their entire soul fried out of them. And remember, they have an abandonment complex. They especially prefer to be people-pleasing, they don't want people to hate them, ever. So they will blame themselves for the abuse. They will turn a blind eye to it, they will stay while hoping if they just 'act right' then maybe the abuse will stop. It never does. It's awful.

And autistic men face this challenge with women too. Sure, the women they date might not beat them around or be unga bunga macho with the abuse. But they'll do them horribly emotionally and mentally. They'll cheat, they'll lie, they'll manipulate, they'll convince the autist man he is the worst boyfriend in the world for small shit and will tear his heart to pieces while gaslighting the shit out of him etc.

on average between the sexes, autists as a whole male and female have a 84% odds of experiencing interpersonal abuse.

>>31649337
Yeah, the act drops, and this is when abused person should leave the relationship. Most of them, unfortunately, stay. I’m sorry for what happened to your wife anon. Hope she is better now but I bet she still might have some triggers from the past.

>>31649408
>Yeah, the act drops, and this is when abused person should leave the relationship.
Yep. Though most never do, not just autists people in general but autists got it tough because if you ask an autist to tell you when an abuser's act drops and where their true self begins, they won't be able to tell you, they can't read between the lines that well.

>I’m sorry for what happened to your wife anon. Hope she is better now but I bet she still might have some triggers from the past.
Thanks. And yea she did, and to be fair so did I. I picked horribly before, dated a bpd crazy, I picked up triggers too. Both of ours faded when we openly talked about them in fruitful discussion.

>>31648916
>>31648980
Thanks anon. Because of you I that people don't communicate that often and there's usually gaps between chats and why I didn't get invited to much stuff but I still don't really know how to talk to people or what to talk about, how do I get over that? I know the normie shit like "how's your day going?" or talking about the weather but I feel like they're overdone and boring.

I get what you said about finding someone with ADHD to basically speak for me but I want to be independent and fix my social problems myself instead of needing to rely on someone. I don't know if it's true but I recall reading something about how autism evolved due to bascailly being a lone wolf and hunting/foraging solo. I've always hated living with other people like my family as a child because I always thought they'd get in my way and slow me down and I wanted to do shit myself so I think it adds up.

>>31649509
>I get what you said about finding someone with ADHD to basically speak for me but I want to be independent and fix my social problems myself instead of needing to rely on someone.

I know the feeling. Not the exact one, but similar. I feel like a burden often too, like I’m an incompetent child. Socially I thrive, that’s easy for me. I can make friends at the snap of a finger. But my executive functioning is fried. Checking an email is a marathon for me. Remembering groceries feels like an exam. I cannot organise a shit, shave or a shower for my daily routine to save my life lol. My brain parts that handle this are fucked up, and for that I do not feel like a full individual either. It took me decades to swallow my pride and admit I need help in that area. My wife loves routine. And she loves organising shit by size, order, color. She builds structured plans as easy as breathing. Guess whose brain I piggyback off of to help me function? Hers lol.

She also feels like a fake adult, a kid in an adult’s body, someone without a voice and a barrier separating her from everyone else at all times. Her brain parts can’t process it. Guess who she piggy back off of to function? Mine lol.

This doesn’t make us or people like us less than individual. It makes us human. Everyone has a strength and a weakness. Even if that person doesn’t know their strength, they still got it. The autists I know got it. Their planning and organising ability an execution of structure makes me see a competent adult in them, an individual who I can never be. It’s relative like that. It doesnt mean depend on someone 24/7, it simply means it’s okay to lean on support and help where it’s needed. Easier said than done. Again, it is a very hard pill to swallow. My whole life I wanted to be a competent individual too. I had to bury that illusion before life got better for me.

>>31649509
>Indon't know if it's true but I recall reading something about how autism evolved due to bascailly being a lone wolf and hunting/foraging solo.

Maybe it’s true. We got a similar theory for adhd too. Hunter vs farmer theory. Adhd brain being hunter’s brain. Every subtle noise or movement stealing our focus away, pumping dopamine into our brain to go chase it. Sleep schedule a mess, waking up at night when prey was conveniently also awake to hunt them. People with adhd’a executive function improves when in green environments, like forests and natural settings. And especially if we have a ‘body double’, aka, someone to follow us and physically be present around us. Which implies a hunting pack.

Idk what the theory is for autists, but I endearingly guess the autists were tribe shamans or druids. Directing the pack in strategies to employ, or maybe tribal architecture, bringing order and thriving in order.

>>31649757
>lean on support and help where it's needed
I get that but I feel like that would only really apply to friend groups, not to a partner or someone like family. It would feel kinda weird having someone talk for me on my behalf to people like that. I think that's more suited for if you go out with your friends to do stuff together
>>31649797
I think the theory for autists is just being a lone wolf and doing everything solo, which makes sense because I like doing a lot of stuff by myself and I can usually do it

>>31649863
>I get that but I feel like that would only really apply to friend groups, not to a partner or someone like family. It would feel kinda weird having someone talk for me on my behalf to people like that.

I’ve the opposite view. I think family and especially a partner is the best source for the support. I’ve a difficulty asking friends for help.

>It would feel kinda weird having someone talk for me on my behalf to people like that.
Yeah I imagine it would feel weird. It’s not exactly that someone would talk on your behalf. What happens is something like this:
>Autist flies solo
>Autist gets into social situation
>Autist gets overwhelmed
>Autists asks for insight and steps to navigate it
>Other person tells them, and interprets normienese for them
>”Ah okay cool” says the autist, and off he goes to see to his individuality.

I do this for my wife often. She’s lately made two female friends now, both good influences and she’s thriving better socially. I don’t speak to them on her behalf directly, i agree that would be weird lol.
Though its funny, when the phone rings and its an unexpected surprise call, she hands that shit to me faster than throwing away a hot rock lol.

>autists is just being a lone wolf and doing everything solo
Ah, that explains a fair bit. Autists I know like to do shit by their own two hands and don’t want others to meddle in their designs. I see it often.

I think autists want to be solo in a team if that makes sense? I often see them do this thing where they don’t feel like doing their hobbies in an empty room or empty home. But if someone else is in that room with them, like a friend or family, they will gladly go do their solo hobby or interest in that space. So idk if society were a team of operatives, the autist wants to be the rogue who gets to do solo missions within that team?

>>31649928
Autistic femanon here. You say that your wife is
> thriving better socially
What have changed? How did she manage to make friends, especially females? And how was it for her before?

I struggle terribly with making friends and would appreciate female pov and some advice.

>>31649928
>I've the opposite view
Oh, what I got was that I should get an adhd friend to basically carry me through all interactions which is why I said it would be weird for friends and family to have some random dude to talk for me. This is also where the "I found a perfect girl but don't know how to continue talking further" part plays in, I don't really know how to continue

>>31649998
>What have changed? How did she manage to make friends, especially females? And how was it for her before?

What changed I guess was she began to redirect her expectations on how to make friends. What I was able to explain to her was the concept of locational context. Which is basically the 'social map' and the 'social clock' - where friends are best found, and when to approach it. She used to expect friendships from strangers, from professional areas of life, basically places where it's socially understood that friends aren't really made there. And as for timing, it was telling her when the best times to strike were, telling her how other people may feel x y or z etc.

She got the hang of it, she stopped directly focusing on individuals, and instead chose social circles. She found communities online and offline surrounding her special interests, and it all automatically pushed her into friendships with likeminded people. The big change was making location/social circles the target.

>how was it for her before?
0 friends. Only 1 best friend she had years and years ago that stopped talking to her. No confidence to make friends, and she was emotionally devastated when she had always felt, and I quote:
>"I try so hard, I put so much effort in every time. But no one ever returns that same effort for me, I don't understand it. What is so wrong with me? Why am I a loser?" etc.

Once the first big step was achieved and she had her first outing with her new friend, she did it a second time, then a third. And then her routine fixation kicks in, it's become a new routine now. She got back on the horse of socializing and it's been going well. One of her friends is a female autist, the other is normie. But both of them share her love for literature and flowers.

>>31643303
Don't quote me on this, but as long as you work hard to keep some self awareness, just being yourself is pretty cool. Plenty of extremely autistic guys get around, and/or land women of their choice, and are successful in life. So, you aren't like inherently devoid of charisma or anything. I think you got this, honestly.

A couple things to think about:
You keep saying you've never had any interesting experiences or do anything besides play video games, but usually when people say that it's not true, but it's easy to forget those sorts of things, and periphreal hobbies/interests.
I don't know your specific brand of autism, but if it's the analytical kind you could try to channel that in to social observation.
Most importantly, you're really unlikely to meet new people sitting at home, unless you have a sibling who brings friends over or something. So, get outside. Are your odds of running into a future wife or a new best friend good in a public park, on a trail, at the grocery store, at the gym? No, but they're still astronomically better than they are in your room.
Consider getting a job, but just for the experience. Interact with people and enjoy the adventure, and as a bonus, they'll pay you, and you can quit any time you like.

>>31650148
>this is also where the "I found a perfect girl but don't know how to continue talking further" part plays in, I don't really know how to continue.

Autists are at their best when they don't think on 'how' to continue. Which I know - that is a very big and difficult thing to stop doing, it's not like you deliberately choose it. It's more like, trusting in process. Putting faith in the belief that you will ease up and you will eventually feel less and less inclined to mask and hyperfocus on 'how' to proceed the more you get comfortable and familiar, the more you and this girl make a routine of sorts of talking.

You might ask 'talk about what? how?'. Well let's take a review of this very thread. You've definitely got a lot to say, and you got fascinating things to say as well. You and I have been able to talk on expansive topics just fine, right? And yeah that might be because we're anonymous, there's nothing at stake. With the girl, you will be feeling there's a lot at stake, added pressure right? That's normal and understandable.

One difference between talking to me for example vs. her that's worth contemplating: you opened up about autism, you took the mask off. You informed the thread as well as me of the struggles, the challenges. That's called 'depth', that's showing your depth of character, authenticity. And as a result you were able to discuss a multitude of things freely.

Do you suppose that if you did the same thing with this girl, would it not achieve the same results?

>>31650169
I feel her. Making friends is hard but maintaining friendships even harder. It’s the same for me - I feel like I’m the only person that takes effort to actually talk to people. They never reach out first. So when I eventually give up, the friendship ends. And I have no idea how to change it.

>>31650275
>Making friends is hard but maintaining friendships even harder. It’s the same for me.
Yep, I believe you. And when non-autists try to give advice, it's all good advice. However what they can't see is the internal pressure and implosions going on inside of an autist. They don't see how exhausting it is, how much of a mental marathon it is for them. The simple pieces of advice, to an autist, are not simple, they're massive.

My wife was EXHAUSTED after her first time going out for lunch with her new friend lol. She immediately went to bed in daylight, full headache and her brain frying like it'd just been electrocuted and she forced herself to sleep. Normies don't ever see that side of the story when autists are trying to socialize. What I did to help her was tell her I'm proud of her for enduring that and I acknowledged all of the struggle.

So, she did it again. Still exhausted, but less than before. Then again, then less exhaustion. You see where this is going? Once routine is established, it gets easier.

I'm not sure if you have places or people to go to for encouragement, but find it where you can and internalize it. Because you do have it in you to make friends and maintain them, it just requires a little encouraging nudge. After a few of those, you can learn to encourage yourself, especially during burnouts.

>I have no idea how to change it
One tip that helped her was getting her to offer plans. So instead of just texting texting texting (which is comfy for her, she prefers it over verbal talk), I told her to suggest plans to meet up with others, at a chill location mind you, somewhere cozy and quiet. Like a tea house, a cat cafe, maybe a park, somewhere where she isn't overwhelmed by sitmuli. And also 1 on 1 meet ups. Large group areas are too exhausting and overwhelming, and are best avoided.

>>31650214
>some self awareness
I'd say I'm very self aware and I often look at myself in 3rd person, helps for moments where I go "what the fuck am I doing?"
>just be yourself
I don't really know how to be myself though because myself is a loner who stays at home pretty much all day and doesn't do much. But a problem is that I don't really want to be a loner, I want to have friends to hang out with and a wife and kids. I could sum up my entire day today with a few sentences.
>you aren't like devoid of charisma
I'm not so sure on that, I've always struggled with making friends and the first and last time I ever made friends was in primary/elementary school. They were great friends and I used to make them laugh so hard they'd almost throw up but I don't know how to do that again and we've all drifted away leaving me with only 1 friend I talk to regularly
>so get outside
This may sound crazy but I've never understood what people really do outside. The only times I go outside is when it's necessary like going to buy groceries, other than that I don't see a point. I am a fan of nature but I live in a boring gray town and I'd have to go out of my way and plan ahead to see a national park. I think people make friends online all the time, especially for dating since online is one of the most common ways. Heck, a girl messaged me as included in the OP but I can't figure out how to continue it
>consider getting a job
I work from home for a tech company, I like it because I don't have to go anywhere and I can just sit at home in my pyjamas with stuff on the second monitor

I get this whole thing reads as a "oh poor me" but that's just my life I guess

>>31650239
>look at this very thread, you've got a lot to say
Yeah I guess that's true, I'm good at talking to strangers randomly like on Twitter or on this site but I don't know how to turn it into an actual connection and I think a big part that plays into me being good at talking to random strangers is that a bunch of people are popping in and out, all of whom have varying levels of knowledge that I usually supply them with. Most of my time spent on Twitter or this site is just replying to a bunch of random people and educating/correcting them on stuff or giving my opinion and you can only do that so many times to one person.

Ithink a big part of this thread is that we're staying on topic and you're interested in educating me with you mainly giving long answers to my questions and problems. This conversation will eventually dry out though and if you were my friend in this case I wouldn't really have anything else to talk about afterwards.

>do you suppose that if you did the same thing with this girl would it not achieve the same results
Not sure. I did just message her basically explaining that she was what I was looking for and I'm glad she messaged me but I'm autistic and dogshit at communicating with people which leads me to not knowing what to talk about, how to talk or how to continue communicating further with her but I have a feeling that I am going to end up left on read. Another problem that I mentioned above before is that if she was still interested and I had a discussion with her exactly like this thread the conversation would eventually run dry and I wouldn't know how to reignite it.

And as I mentioned before, I guess I could say "how's your day been?" "What are you up to?" "The weather sure is..." but I feel like it's NPC shit that had a cooldown before you could say it again

>>31650502
>I'm very self aware
Good. That's a powerful skill.
>I don't really know how to be myself though because myself is a loner who stays at home pretty much all day
Just because that's what you do, it doesn't mean that's who you are. You can change and still be yourself. Changing is part of being yourself.
>They were great friends and I used to make them laugh so hard they'd almost throw up
You've got it in you then. It's somewhere in there. Probably buried and rusty and worn to shit, but you can fix it.
>This may sound crazy but I've never understood what people really do outside.
I totally get you. It's tough to find shit to do.
>I am a fan of nature but I live in a boring gray town
That's a place to start. You might be surprised because you probablh have some trailheads nearby. I'd do some research.
>Heck, a girl messaged me as included in the OP but I can't figure out how to continue it
Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just say something, even if it's just the most normie small tall thing you can think of.
>I work from home for a tech company, I like it because I don't have to go anywhere and I can just sit at home in my pyjamas with stuff on the second monitor
Sounds comfy, but yeah, that isn't bringing a lot to your social life.
>I get this whole thing reads as a "oh poor me"
/adv/ in a nutshell

>>31650502
i've read the thread so far into the night, it's great to see like minded guys, i get this "he's literally me" feeling.
I used to live in the center of a gray city too, but now i'm in the countryside(tho there isn't much real nature around me, only fields and a few threes and little rivers. I can relate to your need to organise the activities outside, it's like the brain goes "but for what? what's the point in walking around like a lost kid just for the sake of it?" to the point where i took the habit to never go outside without a book in my hand or pocket, and it was the same in during breaks at school.
Just to say that I am learning to become more spontaneous and not double check certain things i know i won't do if i start thinking it down, but it's forcing it out of me, even out of the town i blamed as the reason i never really went out. I think there is something in the tism that make it seek efficiency in the "wasted time" of going to a location.
thanks again for sharing the struggle here.

>>31650518
>I think a big part of this thread is that we're staying on topic and you're interested in educating me with you mainly giving long answers to my questions and problems. This conversation will eventually dry out though and if you were my friend in this case I wouldn't really have anything else to talk about afterwards.

Yep and that's fine, in fact, it's normal. Imagine if conversations went on forever. We'd all die of sleep exhaustion kek. Every conversation has its ending and beginning. I think this is a vital key an autist may struggle with:

Example:
>Autist is in a voice call, or group convo
>Autist wants to hang up or go home, autist go sleepy nite nite
>But there's a problem
>"When is the right time to say goodbye? I don't wanna be rude or offend someone. Do I just wait until it ends even though I'm tired as fuck?"
>Autist masochistically waits it out, unable to mention his desire to go home
>Autist hangs up/leaves after everyone is gone. Autist is fucking exhausted.

A good thing to practice is saying "I gotta go for now"

>if she was still interested and I had a discussion with her exactly like this thread the conversation would eventually run dry and I wouldn't know how to reignite it.

Let the outside world reignite it for you. By that I mean, when you run dry on things to talk about, that's the exact moment to do one of two things:
1) Tell her you'll hit her up later. Tend to your own hobbies, interests, get an experience. Think of it like going out in the world to pick up ammunition, 'verbal arrows'. You go get them to 'reload'. You come back to conversation some time later. Give it a day or two, at max a week. Use those experiences as ammunition to build convo. When you run dry, rinse and repeat.

2) Plan the date/meeting. Pick an experience, like before. A location. Park/cafe/movie/beach whatever it is you think is relaxing. An experience, only this time its multiplayer. Both of you pick up social ammo together to then talk about together

>>31650390
Autistic burnout it’s called. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling, mentally and physically painful, and yeah, extremely exhausting. I feel bad for your wife because I know exactly what it feels, and sometimes words cannot properly explain how draining, life sucking experience it is.

>>31650636
Is friendly fire on in multiplayer?

>>31650704
>I feel bad for your wife because I know exactly what it feels, and sometimes words cannot properly explain how draining, life sucking experience it is.
Yea. It's why she goes selectively mute during it too. At that point I join her, give her peace and quiet while being nearby for comfort.

>>31650705
Friendly fire is always on, 24/7 lol. I think the devs of reality made it that way so we can figure out who the hacker manipulators are when we take damage that way we know when to put them in our blocklist.

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>>31650571
>it doesn't mean that's who you are
I don't think I really know who I am. Well, I don't really know how you'd define it. I know what my beliefs and my opinions on things are and I mean it when I say my life so far has been the most uneventful and boring life you could imagine, I've never left my town outside of times where I was required to nor have I ever been on a holiday, my upbringing was also pretty rough due to how I am. I just don't think there's really much I can talk about if I have to pull stuff from myself for a conversation.
>sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just say something
I guess but I feel like it's shallow, overused, boring and it will end up as beating a dead horse. For example: "what have you been doing today?" "Oh, nothing much" I don't feel that it's worth doing that and I feel like most small talk will be play out just like that , same with asking how the weather is. You can only ask it so much before the other person gets tired of you
>>31650608
>I get this "he's literally me" feeling
Nice to know there's other people just like me out there :,)
>going outside
>but for what?
Yep, exactly this.
>become more spontaneous and not double check certain things
Can heavily relate. There was a time once where I had to be outside for something and I had an hour or so of free time between things and I spent a decent amount of time on my phone looking for places to eat and double checking all reviews and doing thorough research before giving up and just going to a national franchise that I would go to as a child and eating things I'm familiar with there
>thanks again for sharing the struggle
No worries fren :)

>>31650636
Honestly, I feel like I'm quite good at ending conversations and finding where to leave. when I'd play with my friends online I'd just go "I'm going to have something to eat and do some stuff but we can play later". The biggest problem I have is getting the ball rolling in the first place and being the initiator. When I had a decent amount of my friends before we split up and drifted away we'd all rush home after school, hop on the Xbox and they'd invite me or I'd play a game by myself and they'd join my lobby so that I'd play with them for the rest of the day until we got bored and either of us would call it quits. I think playing games helped massively when I would talk with them because our primary focus would be what's on the game and we'd talk in between.

>let the outside world reignite it for you
I'm not sure if I mentioned this earlier but I should've and that is a massive problem is that this girl lives in a separate country from me. Well, it would be like a 2hr flight but I'm definitely not close enough to randomly fly there. I do occasionally share some local news with my friend and we have a little chat about it but I feel like it would be hard doing that with her. I mean, there's got to be some way of doing it right since most dates are found online these days but I don't get how. Could you give me some examples on what to talk about?

>plan the date/meeting
I get what you're saying but this factors heavily into the fact that my life has been uneventful and I rarely go outside unless needed to and when I do everything must be organised.

>>31650818
>Could you give me some examples on what to talk about?
Sure, i just recalled a strat - make it a game. You could play a social game, tell her “Let’s do a fun game called ‘three daily facts’. And what you do is you list three facts of three categories about yourself.

>Fun fact: (insert unique or interesting memory or interest)
>Weird fact: (Insert something you find to be embarrassing about yourself, but also not too obscene or self-deprecating. Something fascinating, like a body feature “i’m double jointed” as an example
>Sad fact: (Insert thing you struggle with or a memory of a struggle in the past. Keep it somewhat light and not too depressive, keep a neutral emotion on the fact so as to avlid trauma dumping.)

What this does is it covers all the bases. It puts your personality out there to be visible, and also invites her to do the same. You then get the instruction manual from reading her responses, you learn more about her, and what she might like, what she might dislike, a step by step guideline to help you know what to do.

Plus its a daily exercise, and ensures a fun a lighthearted way to maintain regular communications even if its short and sweet. And also each fact shared between each other gives a % chance a full conversation spawns from it.

>>31643988
Adding on to this, It's like every subject in interested in, I'm already at the bottom of the rabbit hole which leads to no room for further discussion. Think of it like I'm at the bottom of the rabbit hole, you're at the opening and instead of taking our time exploring each layer I drag you all the way to the bottom and it's like "well, we've reached the bottom, what now?" Another way you could think of it is imagine playing a card game and each card is a talking point and the usual game lasts quite a while, I end up starting with a perfect hand which leaves me ending the game for both of us pretty much instantly.

A prime example are threads on this site. Someone will ask a question about something, I will end up info dumping everything I possibly know in a very short span and then I end up killing the thread because there's nothing that no one including myself can add to it and i don't really have any other things to talk about. There's been plenty of times where my friend has linked me some news have "have you seen this?" and I know all about it which leads me to infodumping and killing it

>>31651182
I guess but I don't think that would work for me as I have no unique or interesting memories or interests, I don't think I have any weird facts and I don't think I have any real sad facts. I also feel like it could be shut down instantly with a simple no or ok

It's odd because my day to day life is pretty much living like an NPC. As a child I stayed at home all day playing games after school and these days I do the same thing but school is replaced with work from home. I always thought I had bad memory but I heard someone say that your mind pretty much removes everything that isn't unique or special which is why I can't really remember most of my days.

I will admit that I did fuck up my childhood and life until now and I have missed out on tons of shit but (assuming I die of natural causes) I still have a very large part of my life left and when I have kids I want them to avoid going down the same path I did.

There's a possibility that I'm being too harsh on myself but I feel like I'm just a boring guy

>>31651332
>here's a possibility that I'm being too harsh on myself
This is likely. Almost everyone's life becomes mostly a blur in adulthood which is why people say "the days pass so fast". Waging and routine is the reason. It's very common. You can stave it off by constantly doing new things and trying new hobbies but most people don't. At least you realized it.

>>31651332
>I guess but I don't think that would work for me as I have no unique or interesting memories or interests, I don't think I have any weird facts.

You’d be surprised. I find autists do have plenty of them. It’s simply the autist doesn’t count them as interesting, so they never call upon them in conversation and will think to themselves no one would give a shit, but they would. There’s a saying that says:
>”Still waters run deep.”
Like a still lake of water. People walk around them all the time. They’re not as exciting looking on the surface like rivers or waterfalls. But they always run deep. Lots of depth. That’s more or less the autist, socially. They might seem still and unremarkable, but to anyone who knows, they know there’s a vast ocean depth of imagination, wit and character in the autist in his depths. I’ve been with my wife for years now and I still learn new shit about her. Just last night when I went to bed she showed me one of her quirks lol. She sleeps wih ‘trex hands’. She keeps her hands tucked backwards facing as she sleeps. Normies dont do that and therefore is interesting as fuck

>>31643303
What would you say makes you struggle with picking up social interaction versus any other subject?

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>>31643303
idk man. I've always been like this, didnt know how to socialize properly and was very withdrawn. Then I got out of a two year bad relationship and after a brief post breakup sadness had this whole new energy. I was much happier than normal and would always just strike up random conversations with people just for the fun of it. I was in a good mood and I could feel that people liked talking to me. But for some reason it stopped. I feel drained, and now Im not sociable again. Its like I forgot how to be that way

>>31653434
I’d say there’s 3 main factors.

>1.
Humans are inherently social creatures and let’s be real, autists aren’t. Autists are identified through not being social, avoiding eye contact, wanting to stay out of the spotlight, etc. and I was a quiet kid. Because of this, I don’t think anyone has really written a guide with stuff like “here’s what the average conversation is like, here’s what people usually talk about, here’s how to initiate, here’s how long a conversation lasts, etc.” because you’re just expected to know it like how pretty much everyone knows how to walk and talk since you need it to get around but i’m not social

>2.
when you learn about subjects like science, computing, etc. all of these things are external and can easily be studied, researched and picked up. For socialising, along with 1. it also has to come from yourself instead of a purely external source. It’s very easy for me to research or study something but I struggle with pulling something out of myself

>3.
There’s no real room for errors in socialising. Like when I fuck up something on the computer, a lot of times it has been easier for me to just wipe it and start over fresh instead of picking up the broken pieces. In a video game, if you have a quick time event and you fail or you’re about to die, you can always just pause, use a checkpoint and pick up right where you left off and proceed to do it right this time, This does not work for humans. Despite what people say, a lot of people judge someone within a couple seconds. If you fuck up or you say something that did not reach the intended audience, etc. they will remember that and there’s no way of going back. An example is the phrase “getting caught with your pants down” because let’s say you’re in public, you trip and your pants come down, no matter if it was a small blip in your life, people will remember that and associate that fuck up with you and there’s no real way of changing that and as the other guy I was talking to ---

>>31653477
said, autists come off as kinda cold or disinterested with social interactions and if I wanted to change people’s minds I might have to break the 4th wall and it would be strange

With all of that taken into account, social interactions are very hard to navigate. That and you also have to act differently to other people which adds another layer. You may say some jokes to your friends that if you said to your boss or parent you’d get a “what did you just say?”

>>31648086
I'll blame masking for why im a shutin. Games and the internet are unironically more real than reality, fiction at least sticks to its own rules, on the internet I can at least reasonably detect when someones being genuine meanwhile in reality things are a certain way, everyone knows they are a certain way but then everyone must deny and pretend otherwise. I'm not an actor, I didn't sign up for this, I hate lying and being lied to yet society is built around lying 24/7 and everyone knows its happening and they'll still do it because they're so afraid this shit world will collapse otherwise when in fact it should, its worthless as is built on lies and virtue signaling and all this fake bullshit that just ruins everyone whether they know it or not.

Yes im real on 4chan because its the only place to be real on, IRL i'd have to act like someone off zoomertok or boomerbook, on the rest of the internet I at least to some degree have to hold things back to prevent harassment and mass reports, or to not accidentally annoy people id want to get along with and ruin my reputation over whatever small bs I didn't even know others could take the wrong way.

Your thoughts are still real, your problems are still real and denying them and pretending like thats a good and necessary is just going to make them worse until it drives you insane.

>>31653507
>I hate lying and being lied to yet society is built around lying 24/7
Amen, I hate it too as an ADHD. The thing is though, I can socially function and speak normie fluently. Normies aren’t lying, that’s the infuriating part. They’re not acting either. To the normie, all of it is real. They treat it as real and believe it’s real. The cultural hallucination of the societal game, for the normie, is genuinely and undeniably real (to them). It’s about as real for them as games and the internet is for you.
From the outside, you see the normie as an actor. From their perspective they see you as the actor.

Reason I hate normies though and not autists because to put it simply, normies are domesticated humans. They’re domesticated like how dogs and cats are domesticated. They’re bred and hardwired into domestication. Autists aren’t, adhds aren’t. That’s why we struggle and feel like society isn’t home for us. Because we’re not domesticated. And I think domestication for humans is disgusting.

Modern humans been around for 300,000 years. Society is only 5,000 years old. Way I see it, non-domesticated humans are more true to humanity than the normies. We resemble what humans are actually supposed to be, not them.

>>31653848
At least normies can be just ignored often, theyre like background NPCs, like the crowd in a racing game, literal props that serve no real purpose,they dont think or know about anything fine whatever.
Then you have those like my parents that brainfuck me even further, they're normie but whenever i talk to them now they'll tell me im right and everything I say is true, like are they lying when they're normie, are they lying only to me, are they lying in both cases, do they actually believe both such extremely contradictory things at the same time, like wtf, i get not putting thought into it but like literally having no thoughts on anything, or a moral compass of some kind which just allows you say and do whatever whenever, switch positions on a whim, how do you can you exist like that? I get its probably a form of coping mechanism for having a failed child after somehow realizing the years of abuse did not infact help.

As much as I don't like to think about it I'd absolutely prefer to die alone/young/whatever than to be like this and "succeed",its the only thing ive changed my opinion on basically ever, when I was~12 I thought I was broken and i need to fix myself and act normal and chase others acceptance and shit but the masking drove me insane, I was always like this I was just gaslighted my whole life about it.
They refuse to believe it but I've genuinely been only for the past few years since realizing these things, I guess maybe not "happy" but "content" with life despite having 0 friends, 0 cents, 0 skills to help me not starve once im alone compared to times when I had more of those but the masking killing me inside,once the internalized self hatred went away.

Also just to avoid confusion Im new guy in the thread and i dont wanna derail OPs, I haven't been diagnosed with anything to my knowledge and i dont LARP or selfID but these conversations feel very much related to my experiences, thoughts and struggles.english is my first language

>>31654302
>Then you have those like my parents that brainfuck me even further, they're normie but whenever i talk to them now they'll tell me im right and everything I say is true, like are they lying when they're normie, are they lying only to me, are they lying in both cases

It might be “gifted child syndrome”. Look into it, it might be insightful. Basically it goes like:
>Parents have autist/sperg kid (higher functioning)
>They don’t get kid diagnosed/don’t take notice
>Kid starts school
>Kid gets really good at routine, really good at cirriculum, gets high grades
>Parents get all proud, claim their kid is so smart and can do no wrong, they try to push the kid’s aptitude even further with constant toxic positivity
>Be smart be smart be smart you’re so smart you’re so smart you can get a 100, just be smart, only a 90? Aww thats okay son you’re smart, just be smart, get the 100
>Parents dont ever praise the hard work, the pain or struggle behind the academic performances
>Kid burns out
>Parents turn from being proud to being critical, disappointed, or cold
>Kid feels like a fuck up on top of having perfectionism burned into his mind both at once
>School ends
>Kid is left to fend for himself as an adult

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>>31650518
>I did message her ... but I have a feeling that I am going to end up left on read
Nope, instead she said that she's autistic too and also has the same problems with socialising. I guess autists really just have to stick with their tribe

>>31656529
See? What’d I tell ya. Good things happen to those who unmask their autism. Good tribes bring good vibes.

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>>31656574
Thanks for the advice fren. It was good I took your advice because we broke the 4th wall and she's offering to be the initiator since i told her I'm dogshit at it. I'm thankful you also talked about the being excluded from parties and coming off as not wanting social interaction because I ended up messaging my friend asking if it's true that I come off like that and he said yeah so I told him if he wants to play games, call me, invite me somewhere, etc. he can. I'll be honest though, I was extremely anxious when sending these messages and I was afraid at looking at the response but it worked out. I've also reconsidered and I've realised that just because me and my old friends split up and slowly drifted away does not mean we cannot reconnect randomly at some point at which point I'll probably have something to talk about or we can talk about the old times of us playing, the phrase "long time no see" exists for a reason and lots of people are just busy with their lives.

I think for any other autists reading this thread you should try to look for other autists, be open about being autistic and your struggles. Many people have told me ITT that they also share the same struggles and experiences but I think if you can find another autist you can be blunt, break the 4th wall and figure it out together just like me and this girl did.

If anyone else in this thread wants to talk about their struggles or give advice to others you're still free to do so :)

>>31656685
>I'll be honest though, I was extremely anxious when sending these messages and I was afraid at looking at the response but it worked out.

Dude, fuck yeah! Well done my man. That is exactly the way forward with autism. It’s just easy to forget this because as you said, it’s extremely anxiety-inducing. Humans always avoid discomfort, autism or not, that much normal. What you showed was courage. To everyone ITT but especially to yourself. That’s what courage is - Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the willingness to act in spite of it. And you did exactly that, you acted while feeling anxious. Proud of you mate. Remember, it’s okay to feel anxious. Anxiety feels bad, but that doesn’t mean (you) are bad for feeling bad, ya feel me? Sometimes it just means you just act anyway while feeling anxiety. Soon it’ll lessen the more you expose yourself to it and allow the anxiety in. (That’s the secret key to beating anxiety overtime btw, to anyone interested - you allow anxiety instead of fighting it. You choose to carry it with you while doing what you want to do.)

Enjoy the future brother!

>>31643303
I’m also autistic, I got a job where I’m forced to interact with people constantly and I went from being like you where I have not clue how to interact with people to being able to pass as a normal person in many situations (there’s still some that catch me out - can’t be perfect).
Never isolate yourself (did that), because you will only get worse and more behind. The only way you can improve is to interact (talk with people on the bus or in the Uber, say hi to co workers, make conversation with family, etc)

>>31643303
Autistic behaviour can be overcome
Try to be extremely high iq anon
That's pure torture
You simply just don't give a shit about majority of people or to bother to learn proper etiquette
Why?
It's literally like talking to dawn people but they are fucking normies
It's this the real curse
Just play pretend until you get it right
Practice makes perfection

>>31643303
>I want to have a wife and I want to have kids but I don't know how I'll ever achieve it.
Hundreds of million of men are won't have any
You are not that special in that regard

>>31648102
I can testify to this autism-ADHD link since my best friend in high school had ADHD. He got me out of my shell when no one else would have and was one of the few people I felt comfortable to a degree around. My problem with conversation is that I've put up walls around myself for so long that it's made the prospect of intimacy give me social anxiety. I appreciate anyone that can take the initiative in conversation.

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>>31650813
Hi again, same anon here(>>31650571), I have a fancy idea to share that may bring further the conversation:
BEING BORING IS BASED, or in other words, being interseting is overrated.
You don't need to be interesting, you're not a novel protagonist nor others' clown, you only need to be "proud", and in many cases it will come on top of being interesting. Let me explain:
It has never been a human need to be interesting so you can live without, and if you "need" it that means you need a cure, because being interesting means receiving validation and attention from others for what you show them.
There are two problems, first it is not a garantee that what you'll show people will interest them, and that in itself is a good point since we grow and learn in diversity and opposition, so it's always a bet, but gambling people are unhappy no matter how much they have or not, that's why you must do it for yourself only and never expecting success by doing it(https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/290880-begin-each-day-by-telling-yourself-today-i-shall-be) to be able to look into your eyes in a glass without shame. To try is your decision, to close the exchange is theirs.

>>31660747
>I can testify to this autism-ADHD link since my best friend in high school had ADHD. He got me out of my shell when no one else would have

It comes from our justice sensitivity in adhd. We really love underdogs, we really hate seeing people overlook the voiceless or misunderstand people who struggle. I think it comes from the fact that we struggle ourselves but no one came to help. so, we give to others what we wished to god we had gotten - Understanding. Patience.

>>31660925
Second, people will stick around for what you show and not who you are, and since eventually everyone gets bored watching the same thing at some point they'll leave you to wonder if you are that bad and boring. Btw some guys don't learn this lesson and figure that if they find a new interesting thing to show they'll bring back people's attention, which may work, until the cycle repeats, and there is only so few things a man can do that interest himself as well as others, and if he sacrifices his own interest over others' it's obviously a path of unhappiness.
SO, just to get to the conclusion that we don't need to judge if something is interesting or not, we must only learn to show ourself in what we're doing or what we did(or plan to do) and once the first curiosity die off let people sort themselves between those who will leave, those who will stay for what you bring, and those who stay for who you are beside.

>>31660929
(cont).
and the thing I feel about autism and the experience autists face is that it’s unfair for autists, it’s genuinely unfair.

they are told to mask what they are all the time to fit into this world. the autist feels like he doesn’t belong in this world, or is from a completely alien world himself and is stuck here to rot. and then everyone forces him to adapt or integrate into ‘this world’ into society, normie society.

yet not a single damn person barely ever has the decency to try to go visit the autist’s world, to go pay him a visit in his mind and give him a mental hug.

That’s what i always felt was cruel and unfair for autists to face alone. I just make sure they never do have to go it alone. They can summon me for jolly co-operation any time and It gives my adhd brain dopamine and joy, i genuinely enjoy it.

>>31660925
Finally I'd add a quote I read somewhere: "love is not looking in each others' direction, it is looking in the same direction." Don't expect people to give you the confidence you need, find it for yourself or else you'll be dependant, always bothering yourself intepreting others' intentions and reactions. You'll be boring to many as many are boring to you, it's fine; but never expect from others what you would not expect from yourself first of all or you'll be falling in the same mistake as them. The only way to break free from this cycle is to find people who got over it too and make bonds over common ground(and not force your own on non-confident folks), thus you'll be looking in the same direction. For example we can suppose that the anon with an autist wife is looking in the same direction as her, that being a enjoyable life as a couple and a safe future in knowing they aren't alone. Friends you don't share objectives with are replaced, like in schools where you ghost those you were talking to between classes to kill time as soon at it ends.

>>31656812
>never isolate yourself
Yep. my social anxiety plays a large part of that which is why I like spending time on the internet and on social media because it gives me an anonymous mask to hide behind but when it's a real 1-1 conversation with a person and I have to put myself out there I'm incredibly shy and freeze up
>>31657448
>try to be extremely high iq anon
>that's pure torture
I feel that. There's been situations where I essentially had to babysit someone and it's they were sucking the life out of me and I really hate the feeling of being weighed down
>>31660925
>>31660942
>>31661045
Thank you for the advice :)
>>31661011
>yet not a single damn person barely ever has the decency to try to go visit the autists world
That's true but I feel like a major part of that is an autist and non autist's brain are wired differently and we simply didn't know another world is out there. Like you said before about coming off as cold and not wanting social interactions, I never understood why people rarely invited me to do anything but when you gave me that new perspective I finally began to understand and put things together. When viewing it from their perspective, I stay at home pretty much all day, I barely go on calls and I only text, I never bothered trying to reconnect, etc. so for them it feels like I am not interested but the truth is that I wanted to I'm just very shy

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>>31654302
thanks for sharing man, I myself have lived with such family members and incoherent normies, and god knows no professor ever gave me twice the same answer to the same question, changing their mind as the media flows... Even beasts have core values, a whale will protect its children at the cost of its life, but some parents don't care to bother look their progeniture's way. For example I have been informed around a week or two before my aunt died that she has a cancer(but i knew from just seeing her face and the way everyone was hiddding something, then i overheard them on the phone which confirmed it). Those people don't think of you as one of their tribe and they'll do any dirt to keep you outside of their safety-zone circle.

>>31661136
>which is why I like spending time social media because it gives me an anonymous mask to hide behind
Adding on to this, there are also no real consequences to my actions and there is nothing on the line to give up but when you talk to a real person 1-1 now it's personal and you're putting the image of yourself and your relationship on the line

>>31643303
just act normal, that's all people really want from you. they want everything to be normal.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bPcgoaZjsu8

>>31643303
why don't you go to church or join some kind of community type initiative or some kind of extra activity, volunteering...something. You need a space where you can be with someone with something else as an excuse for it. The fact that people are talking to you/reaching out to you says you're not a total creep and can be salvaged.

>>31661256
>just act normal, that's all people really want from you. they want everything to be normal.
not OP but if that's true then why are people always trying to get me to do things I don't like to/ don't want to do.

read 'the like switch' i have the tism and this book helped me form a few friendships with strangers

>>31661136
> Like you said before about coming off as cold and not wanting social interactions, I never understood why people rarely invited me to do anything but when you gave me that new perspective I finally began to understand and put things together.

I’m glad I could be of help fren. That’s what I had meant way earlier before ITTA - once someone with autism is clued into the missing pieces of social context and is given the precise instruction, then they will adapt extremely quickly, it’s part of the ‘tism power level lol. And believe me, it’s a strength not many other people possess.

If I learn of a new perspective to fix my adhdisms, I’m not gonna be adapting quick. Takes me months to beat it into my skull kek. Higher functioning autists are impressive that way, they adapt and push forward very quickly.

There are other perspectives to learn for autists too. Things to learn that don’t require masking to execute them. Most of the autist’s struggle isn’t even from the autism directly, it’s the masking. And the autist wouldn’t need to mask if other people would simply just give them more concise explanations instead of vague advice.

For example someone will tell an autist
“You cant say that!” if the autist comes off as rude or offensive. And if the autist asks ‘why’? The normie gives a vague non-answer. But if the autist is given a non-judgemental informative explanation that shows the logic and not just the morals, then the autist will instantly understand it and it will become a part of him and not his mask. The more the autist integrates, the less he’ll need to mask since he won’t need it as a social defense anymore, he’ll be good to go by himself.

>>31662321
How do you know what parts of you are the mask and what parts of you are the 'real' you?

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>>31661330
The easy explanation is: "to test you, to see if they can dominate you, to assert their superiority by stepping over the tigre's tail over and over" and that is i think true enough to suffice, but most of the time it's because they are not thinking, they are feeling/acting on impulse. So these dumbasses will do the most unbelievable things like the trend of taking selfies right next to a railway with a train coming fast(we all have seen the accidents), or just purely those who will poke a dog or any dangerous beast, and then when the laugh is all good and well annoying it, the dog put them back in their place by barking, menacing and eventually bitting these idiots, they get an incredibly childish anger withing their eyes as to say "it's not fair to resist me, my toys don't need to voice their opinion, i'm the victim of their unjustified anger, yes they must be mad since i'm innocent!"
This kind of people will harm you because they are self-centered to an extreme due to their psychological development(often a lack of father figure and stuff) and purely natural idiocy(they don't understand the consequences of their actions so they figure there are none); so take their pov, what is wrong in doing something that keeps you from boredom and feeling inferior(which they are) when there are no predictable consequences coming back to bite them in the ass? See they are rational in this aspect, they are just incapable of collecting the necessary datas to assert a situation right.(Plus they are morally perverted)

>>31663572
(second part)
they don't see past their nose, they are full of themselves indeed although not because they love their self but because they are like a child who can't control himself. When someone is overwhelmed with himself don't expect him to look at you as a human being, he can't enter your world since he's trapped in his own. Also one that can't love himself(as those are without integrity) can't love others as well. They try to salvage their ego by controlling others as a mean to forget and balance the fact they can't control themselves. So in understanding why they behave this way i hope you can find a way to stop hating them or hate them less, you can't hate a machine nor blame a cat to behave like a cat, it helps recognising and avoiding these types. Speaking of this, i know a book called "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson, it gives a wondeful summary of their psychology and red flags, you should read it if you're interested in getting the best for yourself.

>>31662492
>How do you know what parts of you are the mask and what parts of you are the 'real' you?

They’re both you. The mask isn’t entirely literal, it’s just euphemism, a verbal description. The mask is when someone covers what they feel to be a socially inappropriate behaviour or feeling. The mask is the choice to hide that feeling or suppress that thought, or restrain that behaviour.

When people mask, autism or not, they are still he ‘real’ them. The only difference is they’re only showing the ‘best’ parts of themselves. And by best I do not mean the parts they suppress as bad, or negative or that the autist is a bad person for having them or masking them. What is meant by ‘best’ is the autist or otherwise anyone else only chooses to show the socially accepted bits. Typically agreeableness, politeness, that sort of thing. Those things are you. And the real feelings or thoughts you have are also you.
Everyone, including autists, are agreeable and disagreeable. That’s being human.

So the mask is simply either:
- Who you would like to be.
or
- Who you feel you are expected to be.

Or both at the same time. And both are still coming from (you), so it’s still you. Just a part of you, but connected to all of you.

>>31643303
You can ask them about themselves and tell them about yourself. If it's a new person you can ask them about their hobbies, job, favorite movie genre,... if it's a person you already know you can ask them how they've been doing, how their weekend went, if they've seen any good shows, what they've been up to, if they've got any plans for the summer... you can also talk about the weather, or things in the media or news. Or you can tell them about something you experienced. It doesn't need to be anything big. Something that's happening in your family or a game you played or a nice dinner you had, a movie you enjoyed,..

>>31663648
I guess that makes sense, so those that mask as who they'd like to be are likely the ones who don't think its a big deal or even like it and those who act as they think they're expected to are the ones who despise having to.

>>31663762
The most important thing is to just start talking. Conversations don't need to start super interesting. It's through talking that you can bump onto a shared interest or something the other person knows a great deal about and is willing to share. If you start talking you can learn about what situation an other person is in. And as that situation develops you have a base to fall back on to understand how it's developing when they talk about it a second time.

If you're too shy to just start you could sit across from someone super interesting or someone who is interested and miss it completely.

Do you know the song Escape (aka The Piña Colada Song)? That's what happens when you don't bother to talk.

>>31663776
>those that mask as who they'd like to be are likely the ones who don't think its a big deal or even like it and those who act as they think they're expected to are the ones who despise having to.

Yeah, that's actually a good way to interpret it anon. Another thing about masking is social context. Aka. certain scenarios or moments. Depending on what the situation is will affect how you personally feel about your own masking.

Example:
>Your boss is an asshole. He is being unreasonable, passive-aggressive, too demanding.
>You have to mask and pretend you're unaffected. Because if you took off the mask, you'd tell him to fuck himself. And you can't do that because if you did, you'd lose your job.
At that point masking becomes something you despise having to do.

Different example:
>Your friend asks your to read his poem. It was an emotional one he wrote with a lot of feeling.
>You read his poem. You don't like the poem because you either can't relate or maybe his writing wasn't that good to you.
>You put on a mask and tell him you liked it or it was really cool. You liked/wanted to wear the mask and saw it as either a big deal or something you wanted to do
>Because you wanted him to feel good, or, didn't want to be tactless and offend him over something important to him.

Stuff like that. People with autism will typically find themselves masking a lot, And I think this is because autism is, fundamentally, a sensory-processing disorder. Autism actually isn't a social disorder at it's heart. It causes social issues, sure, but the constant masking an autist has to face is because the autist is constantly overwhelmed or overstimulated due to sensory sensitivity. So he masks his anxiety, which is almost all day, or his psychosomatic pains (where the mind causes physical pains in his body, like headaches, muscle aches, etc).

I think because of this the autist is forced to mask a lot, which leads to a feeling of not quite knowing who they are.

>>31663968
I've noticed that autism is more of a sensory-processing disorder too since living with it has always felt like the dials on my brain are turned up to eleven and I can't turn it down no matter how badly I want to. Hyperfixations, sensory issues, a greater memory and stuff like that are the brain attuned to its environment and sensory details more than other people in front of them. It's like trying to pay attention to a conversation while someone's constantly jingling keys in front of your face or screaming into your ear.

>>31664012
>It's like trying to pay attention to a conversation while someone's constantly jingling keys in front of your face or screaming into your ear.

That's a very vivid way to put it, helps me understand it more. I also asked my wife if that's an accurate description and she was very eager to confirm it, said that's exactly what it feels like.

Man, I can't imagine how that's it like, it would irritate me too if something like spoken conversation sounded so 'loud' to my brain. It's probably how it feels if I were to suddenly turn my music volume from 30 up to 100 suddenly. My brain would feel fried.

I also struggle to pay attention to conversations with adhd. But not due to sensory loudness. My mind simply won't sit still, every littlest sound or movement or pretty much anything no matter how small will instantly generate a flood of thoughts in my head. My mind is a bit like the eye of sauron lol. Yknow how his eye is darting around everywhere? Like that. Only it's not a choice, it just does it by itself.

>>31643713
>don't hide your autism or real self
I got shat on when I tried to be myself and I get ignored when I try to be someone I'm not. what am I supposed to do besides give up on socializing?

>>31664793
I believe you, anon. My advice is: be selective in who you socialise with. If you encounter people who shit on you, let them go. If you’re unable to do so due to familial or work obligation, then simply minimise how often you socialise, That’s called a boundary. Boundaries are meant to protect your sanity. And having them doesn’t make you mean or bad, it doesn’t make you good it’s nothing to do with good or bad actually. It’s simple an act of self care. Those who truly are your friends will wish for you to have them and understand. Those who admonish you for it? That’s the enemy.

As for being ignored when you try to be someone you’re not, that is why it’s best not to mask if possible. That way you are no longer invisible, you become visible.

Which can feel scary, that means being wide open to be shat on, right? To be hurt again? Not this time. Because this time you got a boundary. That is the thing that replaces the mask as protection. You get to be yourself while avoiding the social danger.

So who does that leave you to socialise with? The people who didn’t shit on you. The people who respected your boundaries. They stay. You might not know who they are, or have yet to meet them. But they become instantly recognisable once you’re out of that internal shit storm. The view becomes clear, socially. When it does, you go to them. They’ll be your tribe, likeminded people as previously discussed. Other autists or adhds or anyone who can relate.

>>31664906
I appreciate the detailed response but I'm never in a position where I can actually meet people to begin with so I can't really do that stuff, not like I could if I wanted to anyways cause of anxiety issues

>>31643303
>repeat the last thing they said as a question
>keep your sentences up to 20 words
>make up some story to relate
Ex.:
>hi anon
"hi buddy how are you doing"
>i had a tough week, my wife left me, my job fucking sucks, my son skipped some classes and the transmission on my car broke
"your transmission broke? I had a problem like this with x car. What happened?"
>insert story
And from now you just have to agree, insert a joke or pretend you relate

>>31665087
Maybe listening to the anxiety issues in an alternate perspective might lead you to a resolution. And don’t worry I’m not going to tell you “Just stop being anxious” that’d be absurd. If you’ve got the autism, that is not optional.

However. You can work around it. If you can’t get through a giant mountain, what do we do? We walk around it. Sure we could mask and try to climb up and over and be masochistic to prove something to our egos, But that not only costs way too much energy, it costs more time.

The trick is don’t play hard, play smart. If we know autists have sensory overload, it means their mind is taught that socialising = pain. If the mind is taught that something is painful, it means that thing = fear. Fear of pain. And that means.. anxiety.

The anxiety of socialising stems from the fear of pain from sensory overload. That is what the autistic mind is doing. And it is understandable. So what to do? Self-care, the right kind this time. Not the feel-good wu-shit, or snakeoil merchant kind. The (you) kind.

identify what is overwhelming and mentally painful and walk around it. That means only socialise with people 1 on 1 if possible. Too much noise in a crowd. It means when you want to hang out with anyone? Pick or suggest a quiet venue. A park, a library, a cozy cafe, anywhere that is less chaotic for you.

If you currently lack in friends right now, then find the friends in similar venues, a hobby club, some type of place that is semi-public (approaching people in public spaces that are too public like parks cafes libraries etc isnt socially appropriate to everyone else). But semi-public ones are. Those would be any club, organisation, lodge, or community that outright advertises itself for people to join in. And they can be hobbies you already enjoy or are interested in trying. People will be there. And the social context of these places is one where the rule is: you arent ‘weird’ for approaching. It’s encouraged.

File: 1706646363280193.png (1.45 MB, 778x782)

1.45 MB PNG

Have a bump fren

>>31665305

what if the only hobby I enjoy are single players games? there are just online communities where I can meet people of that kind. and it's extremely diffiucult for me to talk to people online

>>31665305
Another anon in the exact same situation as OP. Is there any website/app I can use to find autists/adhd people in my city to become friends with? I really don't like interacting with normies, and I'd just like to have a way to only interact with ADHD/Autists.

>>31643303
OP, I'm in the same situation as you, and am too autistic for this world. Send me you contact information and I'll try being your friend

>>31643713
This. Stopped reading after this.

>>31670661
>what if the only hobby I enjoy are single players games? there are just online communities where I can meet people of that kind. and it's extremely diffiucult for me to talk to people online.

So what you do is play your singleplayer game in a VC. But you don’t have to talk, just mute the mic. Use them as a sort of ‘podcast’ to listen to as you game, draw, or write. Anything you want. Do not force yourself to talk when you aren’t yet familiar and comfy enough, you will be, just give yourself time. If anyone asks, tell them the truth that you’re just using them as a podcast to work and tinker away. People enjoy that, it makes them feel all important.

>>31673103
>Is there any website/app I can use to find autists/adhd people in my city to become friends with?
Sure, just type in ‘autistm/adhd community + (your area)’ and see what comes up. Another tip is search for them on discord, on social media like FB if you use FB. I know that might feel like its for normies, but you’ll be surprised. I use an ADHD support group and socialise very well there.

Now not every autist or adhd is gonna be exactly like you. After all we each have different experiences and upbringings. That means diff temperaments and interests. But connecting everyone is the same baseline ‘core’ feeling, the same wavelength. And by joining communities surrounding things like adhd or autism, you guarantee you can comfortably breathe socially and actually connect to others.

>>31665305
this would probably work for me if i had any social skills and wasnt horribly depressed. sorry if it feels like im just making excuses and i appreciate that you took time out of your day to respond but im honestly starting to think im not really cut out for the socializing thing in any capacity

what you desribe is not autism
it's just being a normal person with high social skills

human beings do not ever speak to anyone outside of people they already know or ones met in schools and people only speak to one another about things they know about one another

there's a reason why no one in this thread or ever in human history ever wrote dialogue outside of what you have described, people are not capable of speaking to anyone outside of schools/friends and things they know about one another, it cannot be done

>>31643713
>>31665305
heres'perfect examples, guys just write absolutely nothing at all beyond what you're already doing

human beings do not ever speak outside of what OP has already described, it cannot be physically done, it cannot happen biologically

Human beings cannot speak to one another beyond what Op has descrtibed
speaking involves information meaning you cannot say if you aren't in school or speaking to friends and know things about the person/related to them

>>31677114
>human beings do not ever speak to anyone outside of people they already know or ones met in schools and people only speak to one another about things they know about one another.

This isn't true though. If this were true then why is it that I made a friend a month ago? I did not meet them at school or work and I did not know about them prior. I met him through my brother. And my brother met him at a community gathering, a social event. So one day my brother went to visit his friend, asked me to tag along, I did. And now we are both friends to the guy. Simple stuff.

>It cannot be done
It can. Unless you're talking about making friends with a literal stranger on the same day? Like a random you meet on the street? Yeah that's possible too. But it's heavily inadvisable, extremely so. That's why you see no-one doing it. It's a social danger, one most normies avoid.

>guys just write absolutely nothing at all beyond what you're already doing.
Not true.
>Be me
>Have friend
>Go up to them
>Say to them: "Hey man I was just contemplating on this (concept/topic non-related to the friend or his life or anything he currently knows).

Wow I just introduced something new, some novel information to someone. Easy peasy.

>>31678295
(cont.)
And I want to expand on one point of my post for any autist reading, for their benefit. This point here:
>Trying to make 'friends' from strangers, specifically on the street.

It IS a social danger, and normies and non-autists both understand this, even ADHDs. I know many autists ITT probably already learned this. But I know many who haven't yet. So It's worth pointing it out here: Normies will always be on guard if you approach them in the street, especially if you didn't know them before that point in time. If you ever tried this and saw looks of disapproval on their face, it wasn't because of you directly, had nothing to do with how you looked or how you acted, even if you were polite. It was the fact they felt threatened that a stranger approached them. (Yes, that is what they see in their perspective, a random stranger). And to everyone who isn't an autist, 'stranger' means 'danger'. The looks you see when you do this isn't about the autist who walks up to them. It's about the normie feeling uneased, almost fearful, because they feel vague danger.

Not because of the autist. Because of the social context the autist has - without intending to - placed them in. And the reason this is uncomfortable for non-autists is because of what it means:

The stranger wants something. They know it in an instant, the stranger wants *something*. It could be anything.
- they might want to know the time
- they might want to know directions
- they might want money
- they might want sex or a phone number to then later ask to meet up for sex
- they might want to rob you
- they might want to hurt you
- they might simply want a friend, or a girlfriend/boyfriend to love and cherish. (the autist typically wants this).

Unfortunately there are people who will LIE and pretend to want something friendly only to then use that to do any of the above already listed. Normies know this. So they never take a chance on the autist, just in case it's a psycho in disguise.

>>31678364
Magnifying the point even further for autists:

When normies say 'on the street', they mean it as something more. Autists struggle with locational context so they might not know it actually entails MORE than just "Dont approach people on the street (the road and sidewalks). It means don't approach people for friendship at the following:
>The literal street/roadwalks/pavements in public
>Town squares
>Public parks
>Inside of stores or museums or malls
>Gyms, hospitals, etc
Basically any building that you see random people off the street going into and out of? Yeah don't approach them randomly for friendship or relationships. Even if they're in those buildings or outside them. If the normie appears to be 'on the move' aka is going from somewhere to elsewhere, is in the middle of what looks like foot travel, do not stop them to become friends or lovers.

Now, SOMETIMES it can happen. And it's not about being chad or charismatic or anything. It can happen because of 'chance'. Why do I put chance in quotations? Because I mean it requires you to be put in a situation with the stranger that neither of you intended. Example:

>You are sat on a bus. Girl is next to you. You have no intention to say anything
>Bus won't move, everyone is getting impatient with driver
>Girl gets anxious to know what's happening, why isnt bus moving
>She turns to you to ask for information, she is a stranger yes, but social context is evident you are both in the same experience, the same dilemma.
>You tell her.
>You make a passing joke at the inconvenience
>A convo MAY start.

That's about all. So how to make friends/find gf? Not in full public spaces. In semi-public. In communities/groups/organised real life places that already establish to everyone "Come here at this day at this certain time to socialize and enjoy (whatever hobby theme or event) that is."

>>31678295
>>31678425
>>31678364

>Yeah that's possible too
No it isn't, you've proven it in your next post
>It IS a social danger, and normies and non-autists both understand this

It cannot happen in real life because human beings are hardwired to be incapable of speaking to people they don't know outside of schools, relationships cannot be build in different setting than school or mutual friends.

There's a reson why even in your perfect dreamlike unrealistic fantasy that you cannot do IRL you couldn't even say anything on your own

Because despite being as autistic as you are, it's very clear to everyone that men cannot speak to women if they're not in school or have mutuals that link them.
There's simply no possible words or phrases that can be said out loud to one another on the street to bond with people like in schools.

You're just repeating what I wrote, if OP wants to change his situation he needs to quit his job and come back to university where he will get things to talk to people about long enough to form relationships with one another

Speaking requires knowing things about the person you're talking to and having things to say of your own and the only place where men and women can do that outside of their friend group is in schools.

>>31680266
>It cannot happen in real life because human beings are hardwired to be incapable of speaking to people they don't know outside of schools.
Modern humans have been around for 200,000 years. Language is 40,000 years old. First ever formal school was around only 1,000 years ago.

This means humans have been able to talk to each other outside of school for 39,000 years.

Class dismissed.

>>31680266
>>31680306
Also want to point out that yes, you are partially correctly. School is one place of out many where people can meet friends or even a girlfriend. Remember what I said though?
>So how to make friends/find gf? Not in full public spaces. In semi-public. In communities/groups/organised real life places that already establish to everyone "Come here at this day at this certain time to socialize and enjoy (whatever hobby theme or event that may be)”

This technically applies to not only school, but also work. They are both places where you have to show up at specific days, at specific times. Semi-public places where people who were once strangers are socially bonding over a shared experience. chances of making friends out of strangers go up.

Humans can talk to each other in fully public places, walking up to strangers. I can go do that today if I want. I have sometimes. I used to enjoy approaching the homeless just to sit and chat with them. My motivation wasn’t to make friends exactly, I did not want anything from them. I wanted to instead give them small comfort of conversation. Why? Because they were in pain, they were suffering. People kept walking them by and looked down on them and they been through a lot. I try not to make a habit out of talking to randoms on the street myself.

Because it is a social danger. It’s a surefire way to give off the impression you might be a creep. Keyword: might be.

This is especially dangerous for autists. Because if autists cannot perceive social danger (which they struggle with immensely), then they don’t know other people’s intentions very well.

Yes, non-autists can work out other people’s intentions without it being said to them. No it’s not that us non-autists are psychic, we simply use locational context + visual impression of who we speak to.

Autists are usually in the greatest social danger for this reason. If you ever wondered why autists have 86% odds facing abuse? Now you know.

>>31680420
Also a bonus insight for autists:

Ever had people who you had felt were overprotective for no reason? They kept trying to nag at you or complain you somehow did something wrong when all you wanted to do was socoalise somewhere else or go to a specific place by yourself outside? And the person (could be your parent, your good friend, or girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife) seemed to get angry?

It’s because non-autists eventually figure out you have a social blindness. And they panic because they then know this means you are easily exploitable, and that a psycho could easily walk into your life and ruin it. So they get overprotective and want to keep you safe. The autist isn’t usuall aware of their own social blindness either, they just see it as “I suck at socialising, people dont like me, im a loser”. So autists can’t work out the reality that other people outside of themselves can see the autist’a social blindness. This is why autist’s might start to feel like they are being ‘gaslit’.

The simple truth is autists struggle from telling friend from foe. They cannot see who is social predator, and who is social human. And anyone who has ever dated or befriended an autists understands this struggle, having to worry for their safety often.

This is learnable though. Autists can quickly learn how to spot friend from foe, social danger from safety. But it requires humility and patience.

>>31680506
Important note:
There is a difference between overprotective + controlling. The people who care, the friends who have your back, they will feel overprotective. Those who wish you harm will feel controlling. The two will feel like the same thing to the autist. This is why social discernment is critical, and the best thing an autist can do (and often do) is ask for advice from others and speak to someone to interpret the differences for them. This is fine and healthy and responsible. But again, there’s still risks. A psycho could easily try to convince you that your friends are the enemies and separate you from safety. Happens often.

So the best thing for an autist is to learn how to spot all of this for himself, which is doable, learnable, and autism doesn’t mean they can ever learn it. Autism is a sensory processing disorder, and thus, does not make it impossible to regain social sight.

>>31678295
>>31678364
>>31678425
>>31680306
>>31680420
>>31680506
>>31680546
Don't bother responding to scholarfag, he's a resident troll that I tried to debate with after he responded to one of my posts a whole back and he's been a thorn in the side of this board for a while. He seems to pop up on any and all threads related to talking to and meeting with people.

>>31680792
*A while back

>>31643303
I'm in the same boat as you pretty much. How did you find a girl?

>>31643303
theres basically 3 (or 4 I guess) skills you need to carry conversations and be a beacon of good conversation and have people tell you how great you are to talk to and want to be friends with you, my source is that I am autistic and I have created every single friend group I have ever had because its hard and scary to join friend groups so I just make my own by being a conversationalist.

1. Don't give dead end answers, don't just answer a question and give nothing to the person, ideally you give answers that will lead into questions that you already have answers for and you can steer a conversation to things you want and know so you always have a lot to talk about and can have a good time talking about what you want to talk about in what seems natural
2. understand when to leave a topic, sometimes you can end up talking too much about one thing and its kind of awkward and weird at this point, identifying this means you missed your chance to change the topic while it was still fresh to a new topic to keep the conversation fresh and interesting, if you get to this point my advice is to just be an autist and hard change the topic, its better than the awkwardness that arises, but ideally you recognize it happening and change it before it gets there.
3. don't just talk at people, ask questions, get feedback, bring people into the conversation, make comparisons and get their thoughts on it, depending on their level of engagement you can alter the conversation and how much depth and interaction is needed but this is an advanced skill you can work on after mastering the basics, pretty much just don't go on rants unless you are at length explaining something, and even then, try to create times for others to interject to add to it, this is both nice for you since you get to know more about them or learn about the topic, and more interesting.

and 4th, you actually need to know some shit to talk about. If you don't know shit u can't talk about shit. prob fine here

>>31653848
>to put it simply, normies are domesticated human
get help, or get off 4chan a bit, maybe talk to some people or friends (if any). You need help.

>>31682641
They are though. I don’t need help about it, I made my peace with it. I don’t see them as less than human, anon. I said domesticated human. And I am aware that’s more or less what I do too, I’m self aware and know I’m comfy and using technology right this second lol. I am speaking of their mindset and how it differs from people with autism or adhd, I’d use the word ‘neurodivergent’ but i dont wanna throw up in my mouth. Gay word. But it’s a word that describes a true thing, they have domesticated mindsets. Yeah I said I hate it, but I exaggerated for my own pleasure. I can coexist with them just fine. Sorry for worrying you apparently lol

>>31680792
Yeah I had a feeling that’s who I was replying to. I think he means well, probably someone who endured a very tough lack of socialising for a long time and then found marginal success when he went back to school, got excited about it and wanted to spread the gospel of his own experience as a way to help others like himself. I think that’s commendable and he’s not exactly wrong. It’s just there’s way more areas for autists to thrive besides school. Ideally the autist should (and can) learn the right mental and social tools so he can thrive anywhere, no matter the location. Not just in making friends, but maintaining them, and especially - avoiding getting manipulated or abused or conned without even knowing it - in their attempts to find a safe place in life to thrive.

>>31643303
It's a skill that needs training and if you don't use it you lose it. I'll give you an example. If you learn a foreign language, you can study it and memorize it for hundreds of hours but you will always be shit at speaking it unless you get irl practice.

>>31684993
This is really good advice. Thing is with socialising, there’s a lot of risk. And risks are how we learn, in fact, failure is the motherlode of learning because it teaches safety, on what NOT to do.

Most kids who received good parenting were in fact kids who were encouraged to try and fail, and received no loss of love or respect from mom and dad for doing so. They were encouraged to try and fail because the parents knew that that’s how wisdom is learned, especially social wisdom. That keeps them safe, happy, and well-connected to good people later in life. Since they’ll know what to avoid.

For the autist kid, due to sensory-processing issues causing the whole social experience to be painful, through no fault of his own, it meant he withdrew from the risks as a kid, and was unable to learn. Doubly made worse if autists parents were cruel or too abusive. When autist kid turns into autist adult, he is going to need a safe place to practice. Because as adults, the stakes are higher. One bad situation means death or derailment to death, or poverty, or addiction.

This is why if someone struggling with autism, it is absolutely imperative to unlock their own disorder, by understanding it down to how it works. He can do this via therapy, or in a support group, or even by himself via autism self help literature (not self-help for normies, those books aren’t written for autists or adhds). If the autist can make that
process his ‘special interest’, it’s GG he just set himself free.

Good luck to all you good autists, you each deserve a good life, and it’s much closer than you may think once you dare to love yourselves without remorse.