I'm an autistic dude dating a BPD girl, How fucked am i?
Is she handling her shit healthily? Are you?If both aren't yes, you're pretty fucked
>>31666087op here, i forgot to mention that she's fatherless and BPD >>31666102i am, i see a psychologist and all, she doesn't
>>31666087bpd is pretty tough even when it's properly under control
>>31666087You got a few things in common then.You both mask, you both fear abandonment, you both don’t quite know who you are, and you both have extremely intense sensory issues and everything feels too loud or too rough or too bright etc. Maybe you can both relate over that or something. Treat her like someone with Autism + childhood trauma/cPTSD and that’s more or less what she is. She’s essentially a female autist who missed out on being morally competent due to childhood woes.
>>31666119Ohh that's really bad.
>>31667625oh jeez, i really love her, man. I don't know what to do
>>31666087I am honestly convinced that BPD isn't a real thing. It is just mental distress caused by shitty circumstances and after 5 or so years in a stable environment/relationship away from abusers then they go back to being mentally stable.
>>31669265 bpd, like many other disorders, can go into remission. 5 years in a healthy environment will probably cause that.
>>31669255Well I can give you some tips1. save all your text conversations with her, never delete them, take screenshots if she can delete her messages2. if you ever need to break up with her, don't make it into a formal thing, but slowly and gradually fade out of her life, never go for revenge3. try to remain mature in all your interactions with her, never let her drag you down to her level4. see if you can keep her away from substancesAlso dont listen to the other anons who say it's caused by trauma, it's a mostly heritable trait.
>>31669371help man, what do i do if she's giving me the cold treatment over petty shit?she simply chimped the fuck out over me calling her by first name last night instead of "love" (i had no idea this was something women got mad over, i only did it once), her sister messaged me saying that she threw her phone on the couch and locked herself in her room. She's still not talking to me.should i just apologize and beg her for forgiveness everytime she does this or should i stand my ground? i think she won't respect me if i apologize and basically brownose her everytime she throws a hissy fit over petty shit.
>>31669514Oh no anon
>>31666087>How fucked am i?Completely. Autism and BPD are a very explosive mix. BPD people are very easily offended, and autistic people constantly say unintentionally offensive things.
>>31669287>bpd, like many other disorders, can go into remission. 5 years in a healthy environment will probably cause that.disagree. the best clinical outcome for people with BPD is that they can manage the symptoms as they arise, but they can never get rid of them.the best therapy is DBT which teaches them how to parse their emotional dysregulation when it surfaces. but simply being in a loving relationship for 5 years ain't gonna cut it.
Think of her as a broken pot, because when she is there for you and is kind and stable, you can still enjoy her. It’s not until she breaks that you externalize the broken pot to her, she has been this and will always be this way. She was always broken, so did you appreciate her when she was together? Did a broken pot work after it’s broken?It’s about appreciating the now and understanding that the inner peace that you have is greater than these hoes. They will try to rip your heart out and if you let them know that you appreciate them now, they won’t hurt you in the future.Also you can just leave her now. It’s what I’d recommend as a pussy desert is always better than BPD abortion or worse.Life is suffering anon. Find someone who pours happiness in you and you want to pour happiness into. Be smart about it because bad partners hold you back, no matter how hard you love them.
>>31666087Why the fuck would you do that to yourself nigga
>>31669514This will never stop. Ever. Break it up. The earlier you get out, the less damaging.
>>31666087Autism hard counters BPD.You can completely not give a shit about how she feels or what she wants, because your feelings aren't affected by the feelings of others. And if she's being delusional or coping or yapping in any way you can just disagree with her and know that her bs is not your problem.That said, why would you bother? Just to stick your dick in a hole attached to a whiny voicebox, whose entire personality is pure RNG so your chance of pulling sex is the same as your chance of her pulling WAAH WAAH VALIDATE ME WAAH? Fuck that, give it a miss.
>>31666499>You both maskThat's anxiety, not autism>you both fear abandonmentThat's anxiety, not autism>you both don’t quite know who you areAutists know what they are, they don't know what other people are.>and you both have extremely intense sensory issues and everything feels too loud or too rough or too bright etc.BPD doesn't have this, they have hypersensitive reactions to emotions or social stuff.
>>31669514>, what do i do if she's giving me the cold treatment over petty shitIgnore her until she starts loving you again.>should i just apologize and beg her for forgiveness everytimeNo dumbass, she's in the wrong and irrational. Simply tell her "Stop being upset, your feelings are retarded and you're acting crazy" to get her to double down on chimping out, then ignore her until she stops acting like a problem.
>>31666087Follow Jesus and everything will be okay.
>>31669514I'm this anon. Little updateshe was mas at me and was giving me the cold treatment. The thing is i couldn't gives less of a fuck about her cold treatment so i just ignored her. But then she pretended to be her sister setting her up for me to "apologize in person" (i knew It was her because she and her "sister"use the same expressions and type the same way) i then met her this morning and she apologized to me for being mad at me.this girl is crazy
>>31666087>BPD girlRun away OP! Run away!
>>31672490>because your feelings aren't affected by the feelings of othersI doubt that’s autism, not from the autists I know. They are overly affected by other people’s emotions. That’s why they always consider themselves socially fucked or spilled their spaghetti because they perceived someone else’s lukewarm disagreeable reaction as a sign that they are a loser or fucked up the interaction. Autists are hyper-perceptive of other people’s emotions. You might be mistaking it for low theory of mind. Autists cannot read what other people might be thinking at all. They don’t know how other people think, and if you mention this, they think you’re talking about being psychic or mind reading lol. That’s how blind that function is. To make up for it though, they can perceive how people feel almost better than the person feeling the feels themselves.
>>31672516>That's anxiety, not autismAnd autists are always dealing with that socially - anxiety. Then the mask goes on.>that’s anxiety, not autismAnd part of their fear when socialising is saying the wrong thing, or losing the chance to be liked by others to the point they will fear losing those they have or losing the opportunities to find people to have, like a fear of feeling abandoned.>Autists know what they are, they don't know what other people are.I said who, not what. There’s a subtle but big difference. They know what they are, sure. They can tell you everything about ‘what’. Ask them ‘who’ and you’ll see a very different response.
My dad is autistic and my mom BPD. It seems like this is a common combination. I'm guessing it's because the autist doesn't clock the fucked up things that the borderline does and/or assume she's justified when she's overly offended at his behavior.
>>31677372autist here, for me It's because i really don't care about being around crazy people, i guess neurotypicals get scared and drained but i don't.It's also because i don't have many options and don't want to die alone.
we lasted 2.5 years. Your anxieties will not mix well, but ultimately the BPD girl will fuck it up so you dont need to worry about being the bad guy
>>31677648what did she do?
>>31677689she developed feelings for a *remote* coworker and couldnt stop both talking to him, and also telling me about how she was talking to him. Things like ignoring talking to me at our usual time to take an MBTI test with him and also making plans to share music. This was the ultimate catalyst to the end of us. One night I called her a bitch and said I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore, and we tried to fix things after that but it was only like two weeks before it ended with her breaking up with me lol. Like a week before that she was at my house knocking on my window asking in the night air if I hated her while I was trying to relax in the shower unaware this was going on. Yea...life comes at you quick. There were a lot of other things that had transpired in our relationship though. I think one of the main consistently harmful behaviors was her daily suicidal ideation, or proclaiming she just "wanted to go home", and also if we got into a big enough fight she would self harm in some capacity. I did a lot to help her regulate emotionally, I was always there, I tried my best every day. Ultimately I guess it was not enough. And I dont think there was anything I could have done. She rationalized her work situation by saying he was nicer than me and so on. Well, yes I did learn I could probably be too critical at times and harsh with language, but it was nowhere near outweighing all the sacrifices I made for her and the relationship, and a lot of the time it was just me being resentful that I had pretty much no boundaries at all at that point. I do miss her and I do still want to be with her and I think it could work in our own way but she's done with me.
>>31666087its a bad mix. she will get inside your head and ruin you before a catastrophic end. you will probably be permanently a bit more bitter afterwards. it might be worth it for the highs though idk that's for you to decide.
>>31677745Sorry to hear that. Did you ever Tell her to stop talking to him? If It was me i would give her an ultimatum the moment she told me this.did the coworker know you or that she has a bf?
>>31677815>Did you ever Tell her to stop talking to him? If It was me i would give her an ultimatum the moment she told me this.Yes, although it was tricky because they had to talk for work. She was supposed to set a boundary with him, as in tell him that she had a boyfriend and that it needed to stay professional. And this was all worked through with our counselor too. And she actually did tell him that. But she spent like the next 10 days worrying about how he would feel about it, and how she hurt him so badly. Yea..I was pretty pissed when she would say stuff like that. And my anger towards the situation was relayed to all her family and friends who told her that I didn't actually love her and she should break up with me lol. Talk about fucking projection. > did the coworker know you or that she has a bf?Apparently he did not until she did tell him, but she claims he had to have known. I dont really know, it was a messy situation.
