Addressed to people who normally browse here and nobody else. Please do not respond if you are not a regular poster here.I want to get my emotions out but feel trapped. I feel sorry and bad about things I've done (nothing illegal), but in the past I've done things I heavily regret. I wish there was a way to make amends, make things better. I tried so long to just ignore it all, but it seriously just wants to come out. I just need to vent, an emotional vent to get all of the stuff out. I know that by my standards and the standards of society what I've done is very evil. I can't just stop thinking about it, it always comes back and bothers me. I know I've been shown more grace and mercy than I probably should have been.I think asking for an apology isn't going to work. Nobody forgives things like what I've done. When its broken, the bridge burnt, there's nothing left I can do. I've stopped the major offending behavior a long time ago, at least I think so. I wish I could turn back time and slap my past self in the face. With the wisdom from experience I have now, I probably would never do something like that again. Since I have better control over my reactions and am not nearly as emotionally reactive as I was in the past. I used to have a lot of pride, so people wounding it resulted in extreme reactions, but nowadays I at least try to be more humble, so it never gets to that point.I crossed the line. I do not harbor any resentment against the people whom I hurt. I can understand their feelings, and would probably feel the same way if I were in their place.What should I do. If the people who are not regular denizens happen to talk here, I don't want to discuss it in person, or talk about it at all with anybody like that since it would hurt more. Please just keep this here, and we can discuss what can be done from now on.I also happen to have a problem where what I do on the outside doesn't match how I feel on the inside. This happens irl often, not online
>>31676164I sort of need at least an idea of what you did to offer any meaningful advice. I understand you're using discretion, but can you provide at least a bit more of the bigger picture?
>>31676164Been on adv for 2 years or so. Op, write. Journal, or find guided journals, or find CBT prompts, or just write. On paper is best, but digital works as well. Get drunk if you have to and fucking type everything out that is troubling you, past present and future. Do it a lot. Write lyrics or sing too. Emotional expression— even if it’s just to your bedroom walls or your journal or your cat— can help free these emotions. Trust me. Also, if you are an addict of any kind or abuse substances — look up a 12 steps workbook and start there.
>>31676197Thank you for the advice. I just need to get it out of my system. I'll just write it all out.
>>31676216I'll also keep it offline and never post it.
>>31676225Good. I'd offer my 'cord but odds are good you just need to get it out of your system.
>>31676164This is a fake problem that only exists in your head.If you need to vent then exercise or write some journal posts and then reread them later and delete/destroy them. A buddhist monk I heard suggested writing down intrusive or venting thoughts onto toilet paper with brown marker and then flush it down the toilet, it tells your subconscious what to do with those thoughts.Also important is to have compassion for yourself, whatever you did was for a valid reason. Nobody asks to be born into this dumb world and get saddled with ego, trauma, mental illness, addictions. Deep down underneath the bullshit, you are just fine just the way you are. You have good intentions, better than some people. More than other people forgiving you, you need to forgive yourself. Stop putting unreasonable standards on yourself. You used to have an uncontrollable temper, and now you can control it. Perfect. Move on. The people you hurt, they'll get over it if they haven't already, I guarantee they have bigger things to worry about.Have love and compassion for yourself, like you would for a cute puppy that bites the furniture. You just train the puppy not to bite furniture and move on.
>>31676164i get the feeling you're that guy who...>started shit with us two tuesdays ago [07-09]>acted like a passive aggressive whiny bitch about it until the following friday [07-12]>suddenly "improved" in just one day [07-13]>not only showed how much he still hadn't been listening the day after that [07-14], but did so in a way that made it impossible to believe anything he had to say>was told it's over last tuesday [07-16]>moved into a room located a 10 to 15 minute walk away from us last friday [07-19], which would never have been the case if it weren't for me being doing all that searching around that he kept procrastinating over>also took advantage of living so close to us to trespass our building unannounced last friday [07-19] to drop off an unsolicited letter (which we didn't bother reading), prompting us to give him that in-person discussion he was so desperate to have, the results of which hopefully taught him the meaning of "be careful what you wish for"is this you?
>>31676723>being doings/be/hav/s/doing/done/
>>31676723Not OP, but take your meds, seriously.
>>31676827eat shit. if this is who i think it is, we met on 4chan. stay out of this.
