I proposed to my GF over the weekend and she’s been upset since then saying it didn’t meet her expectationsWe’ve been talking seriously getting married for a while now but she really put the pressure on me to pull the trigger by the end of the month. She’d told me a couple of times she doesn’t care about how I do it and that she just wants me to propose. I took her to the botanical garden at sunset for our proposal and she’s been upset at it not meeting her expectations. She said she wanted it to be more romantic with more flowers and more intimate. She never relayed any of this information to me prior to the proposal. I’m under the impression she wants me to propose. Should I redo my proposal? I feel like I’ve compromised a lot when it comes to this relationship (agreeing to do the wedding in her home country because it’s too expensive for her family to fly out, giving her full control over all aspects of the wedding, etc) and I’m just feeling kind of attacked. Are my feelings unjustified and should I redo my proposal to try to make it “perfect” for her?
How the fuck do you get "more flowers" than a botanical garden?
>>31676204lmao. She wanted me to buy them I guess and set up the specific proposal site. Also it’s a desert botanical garden so it’s more desert plants and stuff
>>31676187What's her home country and where do you live now? Certain cultures are quite picky about wanting grand gestures so she may be from one of those
>>31676247She’s half Japanese/American and lived the first half of her life in Japan and the second half in New Zealand before moving to the U.S. with me.
>>31676271Hmm... yeah I'm surprised. But I don't know much about Japanese women and she'd have the American cultural awareness so sounds like this is a her problem. I'd advise against redoing a proposal since I've never heard of anyone doing that, but maybe you can just try your best to fulfill what she wants with the wedding, then it's 2 birds with 1 stone.
>>31676304Thanks that’s what I was kind of leaning towards. I’ve been extremely open to anything she wants to do for the wedding as I know how important it is to her. I just feel like I ruined a big life even by not meeting her expectations for the proposal
>>31676362I'm sorry, this sounds like a bratty move on her part. Maybe cultural differences but I don't see why you should have to re-do anything.
Take it back and ditch this selfish and vapid woman. Save yourself a decade of trouble. I highly advise a prenup if you're determined to marry
>>31676472I agree. There are few scenarios where her behavior isn't a huge flashing red flag. But so is yours for even entertaining that what she's doing is ok
>>31676187That's kinda shitty. Not sure how your relationship is apart from that. Like if it's just that thing you have to do and afterwards she's less demanding.
>>31676443Thanks a bunch. I’ll try to hash it out with her tonight. >>31676472Thanks for the post. She’s typically such a kind person I’m not sure why this has her so upset. Do you have any tips on how I should approach the conversation with her? She told me again last night about how unhappy she is with the proposal and we haven’t talked at all today. I’m trying to process my feelings and not have an emotional outburst by sitting down and talking about things too early (and also getting advice from here in the event I’m in the wrong)
>>31676486Yeah you may be right. I tend to be a bit of a pushover when it comes to things like this. >>31676487She’s usually super kind it’s strange that this has her so upset. We hardly argue and she’s usually very apologetic if she oversteps in any way
>>31676187If your girl is anything less than absolutely ecstatic that you proposed to her, it's going to fall apartLast May I proposed to my then GF, she just seemed mildly surprised. We broke up shortly before Christmas that same year.Did you guys live together for a significant amount of time, do the whole "let's build our lives together" thing? IMO that's a bad way to go, it makes the woman already used to life together (i.e. controlling you) so this special moment that should represent your unification is just another thing she's doing for you.If I ever have another serious relationship with a girl, I'm not moving in with her until we're engaged at the very least.
>>31676522I like this.
>>31676510>Do you have any tips on how I should approach the conversation with her?Because I dont know her or how she would react, not really. How old are you guys? I would sit her down and explain to her and detail specific conversations that you've had where she has stated that it didn't matter. It sounds like you were strong armed into it to begin with frankly. I would detail those conversations and then tell her how you feel and that you're being treated unfairly and being held to a standard that was not communicated to you. You can't read her mind and she can't expect to be able to tell you one thing and then be upset when you do it. Your proposal sounds nice enough to me dude. I proposed to my wife at home. I took her to a fancy restaurant she'd been dying to go to, it fucking rained and I wasn't going to ruin my suit by kneeling in a soaked parkin lot. Plan got ruined so we enjoyed the dinner we went home I grabbed the dog in my arms and just asked her anyways. She was so happy to get the proposal she didn't give a shit that the script didn't work. Its very concerning to me that your future wife would act this way
>>31676522Wow sorry to hear that. it’s strangely similar to my situation too. You’re dead on, we’ve been living together for a year now and her reaction wasn’t even really excited. She seemed off the entire proposal and was visibly upset when we got home.
>>31676541>Because I dont know her or how she would react, not really. How old are you guys?I’m 32 and she’s 25> I would detail those conversations and then tell her how you feel and that you're being treated unfairly and being held to a standard that was not communicated to you. You can't read her mind and she can't expect to be able to tell you one thing and then be upset when you do it. Your proposal sounds nice enough to me dude. I proposed to my wife at home. I took her to a fancy restaurant she'd been dying to go to, it fucking rained and I wasn't going to ruin my suit by kneeling in a soaked parkin lot. Plan got ruined so we enjoyed the dinner we went home I grabbed the dog in my arms and just asked her anyways. She was so happy to get the proposal she didn't give a shit that the script didn't work. Its very concerning to me that your future wife would act this wayThis is great. I’ll sit down with her tonight and let her know. This is how I’ve been feeling but I couldn’t really put it into words. Also congrats on your proposal
>>31676576Thanks we got married already lol. Im your age as well so I think to us something like this is less important than the overall picture where as a 25 year old she may have wanted the idea more than anything and now realizes she only gets 1 and had a vision she hadn't articulated possibly even to herself. Young people are often poor planners, I was
>>31676187You didn't do anything wrong. She's being ungrateful. Ask yourself this: was she more concerned with marrying the love of her life, or just getting a rock and some pics for her instagram? Really ask yourself the hard stuff. If she's mad about you not being a mind reader, just hit her with the "so this clearly was a mistake, I'll need the ring back... we're done." You deserve better, and I can guarentee that there is better out there.
>>31676187Tell her you wanted her to enthusiastically reciprocate and stop contacting her until she pulls her ass out her head.
>actually getting married in 2024Bros I thought we knew better than this, what are you doing?
>>31676678>>31676689Thanks for the input. She apologized just now but I’m still feeling pretty upset by it
>>31676807I would be too man. If you choose to proceed, I'd do so with cautious optimism. I was engaged to a chick last year who was 23 (I was 29). Eventually the silly shit kept coming out, and I had no choice but to kick her to the curb, because she couldn't act right. Had I saw the forest for the trees, I would have put a few things together and saved myself some headache. Just pay attention, people tell you who and what they really are. I truly hope your new fiance isn't anything like how my ex was, and that she was just being silly. Congrats on your engagement, sorry for that not being the first thing I typed. And remember, you both get to set the timeline for everything. Don't rush if you don't have to
>>31676841Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it. I’m glad you were able to get out of that situation and I hope you find that person who makes you happy
>>31677026Thanks king, I did. It'll be one year in a couple months. You guys decide on a honeymoon spot yet?
>>31676187>it didn’t meet her expectationsWhat a fucking prick.Proposing takes a lot of guts. Most girls are happy if you are willing to do it in the first place, as they should be. Not to be that guy, but is this how she treats all of your romantic gestures? This sounds like a very one-sided relationship if she's pressuring you to propose and shitting on your proposal once you actually do it.
>>31677107I think we’re going to do it in Okinawa. Her parents live in Japan and we’re already having the wedding there so they can attend so we might as well do it there lol>>31677224Thanks man. She’s usually happy with my romantic gestures which is why this was so surprising.
>>31677562Sounds like a plan dude. Should be a great time for the both of you, enjoy!
>>31676187Cut her off.
>>31676472correct opinion.massive red flags OP.prenups don't do shit though!just ditch the bitch
>>31676187By all means please get married OP. I'm sure you will be a happy couple and won't totally divorce in about a year. She will NEVER cheat on you. No way, Jose. She sounds lovely and of a healthy mind too.
Sorry to hear that OP. I'm from NZ myself and have travelled around.You might have to consider letting her go, that's not a good or even acceptable reaction in my book.It sucks but remember your not alone. I've got basically no family who haven't used me and cast me off, basically have no friends and have a meaningless job.Just remember it could be worse, you could be like me.
>>31680025>>31680068DESU she doesn't sound very nice even with how shits going for me I feel for op.
Op, what you’ve described is of course not your entire history with this woman but please consider for a moment the implications of her reaction for the long term relationship. Is a clear indication that she cares about the marriage event, not The status between you of being married. Or to put it another way, it indicates she has a selfish idealisation of the marriage ceremonies and processes as ‘hers’, where things are done to her specifications and it’s all about her.This is bad for several reasons. One, it’s a child’s view of matters where the pretty princess is worshipped and validated by all around her, as opposed to it being a sincere celebration of an enduring union between man and woman, different but equal, unique but accepting enduring close association into a family unit.Two, it indicates eagerness for the marriage but lack of foresight into the bit afterwards. You know, the lifetime beyond where you are faithfully married, honor and support your partner, foster family and age together. We’re she paying mind to any of this, you would not be seeing a tantrum over proposing the ‘wrong’ way. This is a strong indicator that the marriage won’t last, because if you proceed with the marriage she’ll find herself in the calm waters beyond, become disillusioned and bored, and it will fall apart.But like I said this is just one little part of your relationship that you have described, it’s quite possible that taken in isolation it looks worse than if it is. Just pause and try to look at it objectively for a little while. You may come to realise that what she expressed as a deal-breaker for her actually signalled a much larger deal-breaker for you (That is, do you really want to marry someone who appears likely to destroy the marriage shortly after it is established)
>>31676187>propose to gf in a scenic place>instead of being thrilled, she bitches that it's not good enoughWhy exactly do you want to marry this girl, again? It looks like she's got you on a leash and has no respect for you. Change that, or drop her, or else prepare for a lifetime of Asian henpecking where nothing you do is ever good enough.
>>31676229Something’s missing. Stop withholding information you dog.
Contrary to the red flag points, I’d say her disappointment shows that she’s in it for the long haul with you - she knows she’s only going to get proposed to once so she’s missed her chance to have a grand gesture and she just has to live with that now
>>31676187She's not actually in love with you if she wasn't so thrilled at the thought of getting married that she was nitpicking a proposal that had any measure of planning and a nice setting. Only thing my fiancee wanted was for it to be a surprise and not on a major holiday, and she was floored when we went for a picnic hike and I suddenly stopped and pulled out a ring on the boardwalk. Didn't even notice that the little old lady photographing birds was suddenly photographing us - to keep it a surprise, I arranged for a guerilla photographer that helped me pick the exact spot. She admitted being a tiny bit suspicious because I said to wear something nice so we could take some pics for the 'gram, but convinced herself on the drive that it wasn't going to happen.If she gave you no clue what her expectations or preferences were as to how she wanted the proposal to go, and then got mad because it wasn't good enough, you can expect nitpicking and misery like that for the rest of your married life. I'd be having serious second thoughts.
>>31677562>Thanks man. She’s usually happy with my romantic gestures which is why this was so surprising.I have two theories. Now that I've had a day to think about this.1. Now that you two are somewhat set to get married, she might be dropping her friendly persona, as she has "scored" you, and can get away with being ungrateful.2. She had something else planned for when and where the proposal would happen. Maybe your version wasn't what she had planned.Her response is still inexcusable in either case. Take care man.
>>31677224>Proposing takes a lot of guts.Ain’t that the truth. I don’t think women seem to understand this. I’m a grown man who fears next to nothing but himself, seen a lot of scary shit in my time and am numb to most of it now. But the build-up to proposal had me trembling, total fear, like I was a stupid nervous little boy again lol.If a woman can’t appreciate the value is in the gesture more than the execution or the ring itself, then she’s most likely not worth that diamond at all.
You're getting married so we already know you're fucking stupid, but still, if you've got any brain you'll ditch this women.This is supposed to be one of the happiest moment in her life and this is how she reacted, imagine how bad it'll be during actual difficult times.
