hii i’m 22, living on my own, i work full time at a papa johns near my house lol. i’ve lived place to place since 16, with bpd, asperger’s, and some schizophrenic symptoms (as of the last few years) i’ve stabilized now that i’ve gotten on lexapro and started making money but it still knaws at me yk, i need a schedule, i need to be accomplished, i don’t wanna be another girl posted about on bpdloved ones, even tho i probably have been posted before . i’m rambling tho, it’s always impulsive shit with me, like interests, but i can’t even figure out who i am. granted i don’t think anyone can, i know im not special. but that’s the thing realizing i’m not special but needing to make a difference somehow. my rent isn’t expensive and i get paid barely enough to live, looked at like the crazy stupid autistic one when i’ve been in and out of psych wards my whole life, i know my life isn’t more important , i still show up. i considered mortuary school, it’s always been fascinating to me but i’m not sure on pursuing it. another option being my partner that’s in welding school but.. i don’t think they like me very much these days so i’m trying to think of plan B yk? i like to always be prepared for change, homelessness teaches you that shit can change at any time, literally any over nothing. i don’t see my family as much they live hours away, and don’t reach out, i know im the problem being born like this, separating my family when my stepfather went to jail for being a kiddy diddler (my b) but i watch women like trisha paytas, seeing how far they came from their diagnosis and it makes me feel a bit more hopeful for myself that maybe i can be happy one day without distractions, or lexapro :)
