Years ago I had a drunken rage episode which caused me to do and say extremely horrible things. The next morning, I woke up with a crushing hangover to find my life was completely destroyed. All my friends messaged me telling me what a horrible person I am and told me to never speak to them again. Years later, I am still completely exiled from society. I have no social contact. I can't get a job. Nobody cares about me. Many people presume me to be dead. I understand what I did and said that night was wrong, but this punishment feels extremely harsh. I don't know how to come back from here.
>>31677036Work the 12 steps with or without a sponsor . i think step 4 is the amends section How does this relate to you not being able to get a job? that doesn’t make sense
>>31677036This is the sort of problem that if you spent 5 minutes thinking about it, you'd come up with all the obvious solutions. Try it.
>>31677051I am not an alcoholic though. I didn't even drink that much that night. I just have severe anger management problems, for which there is no cure.>>31677055Huh?
>>31677036Why are you unable to find more friends and more social groups? Go outside, go to AA, join a sport, take a class, apply for jobs. Are you stupid?
>>31677061Make new friends, move to a different city, reach out and try to reconnect with people, family? These are all super obvious things, which suggests you've spent no time thinking about a solution. My guess is this is bait and you're trying to get us to ask what you said, but no one cares.
>>31677062>Why are you unable to find more friends and more social groups?I'm nearly 30 years old. Making new friends at this age when you have 0 is literally impossible. My previous friendship groups were lifelong friends I knew since I was a teenager.>Go outsideAnd do what? I do go outside every day but all I can do is walk around or go to cafes and restaurants by myself.>go to AAI'm not an alcoholic.>join a sport, take a class, apply for jobsAnd then what do I do when people ask me things like "do you have any friends?" or "what were you doing for the past few years?"As soon as people find out what I did they will view me as a savage, irredeemable monster and refuse to speak to me.I also have a criminal record which makes finding a job very difficult.
>>31677102>as soon as people find out what I did*GASP* Anon, pray tell, what edgy thing did you say that fateful night many moons ago?
>>31677113I don't want to derail the thread but I basically had a rage attack, threw and smashed a bunch of things, and shouted things that 99.9% of mainstream society would consider abhorrent. I'm sure you can imagine yourself what words I said.
>>31677139Are you the guy that got spoiled on a show and called everyone niggers?
>>31677163Nope.
quit your jobgo to university againbuild new social circle and make new friends and meet new girls therethere is no society outside of school setting anymore, you need to be in school to reintegrate
>>31677139Obviously go to anger management therapy
>>31677190There is no cure for my anger issues. I've had them since I was a very small child and things have never gotten better. I was given extensive therapy in school and college, because back then I would end up getting repeatedly suspended for attacking people in rages (sometimes I was justified, sometimes not). It never helped. And the worst thing is nobody understands me. Even my family act like my anger issues are something I "choose to do" rather than being a problem that I cannot control.
>>31677139What did you smash? Did you say the dreaded nigger word? If you are more specific about what you did people could give you more specific advice. Also did you bother reaching out to any of your friends and trying to apologize or pay for whatever you broke?
>>31677209You can’t choose not to be angry but you can choose to control yourself you big fat baby
>>31677219It's hard to remember the specifics of that night. I threw chairs and smashed glasses. I did say slurs, yes. I've never reached out to my ex-friends because they made it clear they never wanted to speak to me again.>>31677226I cannot. It's impossible for me. When the red mist descends and I feel anger, I HAVE to unleash it, it doesn't matter how hard I try to restrain myself, it never works. I have been arrested several times in my life for attacking people in public because I felt they had "wronged" or "insulted" me.
>>31677036Op be like:>I will not go continue to go to anger management therapy>i will not make amends>I will not do any of the inner work>I will not regulate my emotionsYou don’t want to do any of the work. Why the fuck did you post here?
>>31677320>>I will not go continue to go to anger management therapyBecause it does not work. I had years of it. Nothing ever changed.My anger issues are not something that can be solved logically or by "talking through things". In the moment, when I feel anger, there is no course of action I can take to prevent it from being unleashed in some way. I lose all ability to make sensible, logical decisions, and can only think about unleashing my rage. I always regret it immediately after I am done, but by then, it's too late.>>i will not make amendsHow? I have never been given a chance to.>>I will not do any of the inner work>>I will not regulate my emotionsYou make it sounds like its easy. It's not. If you have never experienced extreme anger problems like I have, then sorry, but you have NO IDEA what it's like.
>>31677345 get on meds? 5mg haldol BID
The twist of this thread is that 4chan is finally getting inside knowledge of the inner workings the mind of an African American male.
>>31677247Lmfao what the fuck made you so mad?Also try actually calling your friends fag, be a man and own up to what you did.
>>31677460KEK>>31677463I also must know.
>>31677247>I cannot. It's impossible for me. When the red mist descends and I feel anger, I HAVE to unleash it, it doesn't matter how hard I try to restrain myself, it never works. I have been arrested several times in my life for attacking people in public because I felt they had "wronged" or "insulted" me.Low impulse control is a sure sign of low IQ which explains the rest of your replies pretty well too. If you didn't have sub-80 IQ you'd just do this >>31677082
>>31677913Hmm no responses from OP. He probably smashed up his computer and keyboard. Sad.
>>31677460I'm white though?>>31677463>Also try actually calling your friends fagThey're my ex-friends, sadly. And to be honest, even if they DID want to speak to me, I'd be incredibly reluctant to. In my view, they betrayed me. They left me to rot for years and didn't even check up on me to see if I'm alive.>>31677913>>31681874It's not "low impulse control".I believe I have a mental disorder known as Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intermittent_explosive_disorderI've not been diagnosed with it, but it describes my experience of intense, extreme, violent anger perfectly.
>>31677036What did you say?
>>31683429Yes, your entire post and thread sounds like obvious IED. why are you not on meds if nothing else worked in your words?
>>31683452What meds would work to cure IED? I honestly feel like nothing works.Even knowing how badly this shit has fucked my life up, I still can't stop myself from having extreme rage outbursts. My first time getting arrested was in 2017 when I got in a fight with bouncers at a bar for some reason I can't even remember. I proceeded to get arrested 3 more times, twice in later 2017, and once in early 2019.The specific rage incident that destroyed my life and caused me to lose all my friends happened years AFTER all of that. I don't know what's wrong with me that I can't stop doing this. When I'm calm and can think straight, I can acknowledge how crucial it is that I should NEVER get angry like that again. But as soon as the red mist descends... I can't think of anything else other than "PUNISH. KILL. DESTROY."
>>31683491I don’t know dude. I’m not a medical doctor. See one. Ask them. What do you have to lose? You are already describing the repeated total loss of inhibitions that have detrimented your life.
are you the guy who yelled out racist shit watching a football game with your black friends
>>31677036Tell me what did you say to themI had similar experiences and i can tell if your friends were just a bunch of fake pussies
>>31677036If men judge you you are probably guilty; if its women leading the lynchmob then I'm sorry you became a victim.
>>31683828It was both men and women.
>>31683736ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION OP
>>31683836So what did you say to them?
>>31683736>>31683904OP is definitely an incel variety that started screeching about jews/minorities and he's too embarrassed to tell us straight up. and let me tell you, no one wants to be around a drunk like that. being drunk is for having fun, not seething about your insecurities.
>>31683904>>31683912I'm not saying it because it will derail the thread.>>31683927No. It's nothing like that. I have extreme anger management problems, and when I fly into a rage, I say the first most offensive thing that comes to my mind. For instance if I'm angry at a fat person, I might say something like "Lose some weight you fat fucking cunt". It's not a reflection of my beliefs. I just, during a rage, aim to say the most offensive and triggering things possible.
>>31677036>can't get a jobPeople with criminal record do have a hard time but that's mostly for fucks who do something superbad. Sounds like you just had drunken disorderly conduct, destruction of property, some shit like that.I know people who have done propper jail time for things like corpo fraud, DUI, etc. They have jobsJust get a shitty wage job, go wash dishes in a kitchen, flip shit on Craigslist, day laborer (plenty of drunks there), construction crew....etc>exiled from societyThe world is a big ol place OP. Granted, without a job you can't really relocate but it's something to consider later on if you warm to the idea of "clean slate'-ing things.As far as friend group? Doesn't sound salvageable. Do your best to move on anon. Even if you tried to make amends, the other parties have to be receptive. Make peace with yourself and work to be better
>>31683970This. It’s an absolute cope that he “can’t get a job”. Op do you know how many fucking felons run every kitchen in your city? Kek
>>31683989Hernandez the fry cook did 8 years for manslaughter and Joselito over there in the corner did 12 for assault and battery and he’s making eggs. OP ain’t nothing special.
>>31683966how much time do you spend on /pol/?
>>31683966>I'm not saying it because it will derail the thread.can't help you then
>>31684029Zero time. I have never been a /pol/tard. Believe it or not I'm actually relatively left-wing.
>>31683966Have you tried weed? It's usually not a good solution to one's issues, but in your case it might be the thing. It's calming, relaxing, pacifying. I've heard people say it helped them with anger management.Alcohol on the other hand is the opposite. It makes you impulsive and aggressive, which is the opposite of what you want.
>>31684134I have tried weed. It's really not good for me. It gives me panic attacks and makes me vomit uncontrollably.
>>31684141Try lowercase gummies. Cheech n chong has .1mg thc "space chews". One + a meal is nice. 2+ a meal = happy native.They ship most anywhere in the US for free and offer discounts for bulk purchases. I normally get a 6 pack (30 gummies per container) for a little under 200$ and sure as shit it's better than whatever garbage doctors prescribe
>>31684182Lower dose. Ignore that I'm a fat finger shitty phone posterAlso...happy NAP time. Goddamn I'm on a roll tonight
>>31684182I have no interest in consuming cannabis. It's not for me.
>>31684359felt the same way about that roughly a decade ago. OTC and perscription meds just had unhappy side effects. one day i basically said 'fuckit' and tried. hope you find something that works for you OP. just keep the option in mind
>>31677102>I'm nearly 30 years old. Making new friends at this age when you have 0 is literally impossible.Oh, so you're more interested in playing the victim than actually fixing the situation. In other words you don't want help, you want sympathy. This thread is a waste of everyone's time.Loser.
>>31684761What exactly about my quoted text do you think was wrong?
Bump.
>>31683491Who's hindering you from seeing a medical professional?Your uncontrollable outbursts clearly stop you from living the life you want. Do you plan to marry and have kids? From the sounds of it, you might end up committing domestic abuse.
Damn just try calling your friends, numbnuts. Worst case they tell you to fuck off because you were a raging asshole one night years ago, most likely case is they haven't been dwelling on it the whole time like you have and are like "oh hey man haven't heard from you in a while what's up?"
