So me (INFJ) and my boyfriend (ESTP) had a fight again. We live together and i'm graduating in december and i plan on moving to another state, he's planning on following me and starting the same major i'm graduating on.Today i had a good day and saw an old teacher at the university i go to, and i made a comment about how cool it would be if he studied under her like a did. He got extremally mad and yelled at me because "how can he study under her if he's following me to another state" and that i don't think sometimes. I was speechless because i didn't mean anything bad by it and i called him out on his rudeness but he still kept calling me ilogical and blamed me for the whole fight. A few minutes later he said he was sorry and he kissed me, tried to make me laugh but i was still upset an when i refused to talk about my day he said i was just making up drama. He gets irritated and annoyed very fast, sometimes it feels like everything i do pisses him off. He's not agressive but he yells and nags me around a lot. He's impulsive and lives in the present and he calls me spoiled whenever we argue.We fight almost everyday over stupid shit, and i'm worried about his incapability of saying he's sorry or acknowledging his mistakes. Almost every time we argue it's over some harmless comment i made or something stupid i did.I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to be scared or worried about what i say near someone i love. What should i do?Am i being too dramatic in giving him the cold shoulder or is he in the wrong?
>>31682093The relationship is abusive and you should leave if he's not doing anything to improve himself. The longer you wait to leave, the more difficult it will be.
>>31682093>introverted empathetic girl dating the prototypical chad>consequences ensue
>>31682093>"how can he study under her if he's following me to another state" you put that into quotes, that's how he said it? So did he mean the teacher? Or was it more like "how can I study under her..."?>Am i being too dramatic in giving him the cold shoulder or is he in the wrong?you don't seem to fit. I wonder how it gotten so far that you already live together unless he changed over time.
>>31682300It's dificult, thought about breaking up with him but sometimes i get worried about where is he going to live. I love him, i know he loves me too, he can very sweet. He cooks for me, he doesn't judge me over my lack of real world knowledge and poor survival skills. He helps me with stuff i need. Sadly i feel that most of the good times we had, he was high.I think it's already dificult to leave.>>31682392Sorry, he said "how can i study under her if i'm going to another state with you? It's like you don't think about this shit". The issue is that this tends to happen with almost anything i say.I feel i got tougher, i don't think he changed a lot.
>>31682476>Sadly i feel that most of the good times we had, he was high.lol you know he's not going to change rightt. addict
>>31682482He smokes weed everyday. I don't mind the weed at all. Does he need to smoke weed in order to deal with me? Am i so unpleaseant that he needs to get high to live with me and put up with me? That's what worries me.I gave him a home, i give him love everyday, everything i do, i do thinking about him, about his best interests. I buy him expensive food and stuff. I know couples fight but this feels weird.
>>31682476Imagine he will say this>anon, I have to break up with you, I just have no feelings for you, I got a good job somewhere else and need to leave soon, thank you for your friendship though, byeIf you imagine that, would you feel relieved?
>>31682531My chest hurts, but i think life would improve.I don't feel relief, i feel anxiety. My brain and my heart are at odds.What does that mean?
>>31682512if he smokes weed everyday and he only seems to be nice while high, AND you argue all the time, there is definitely an issue. i say he's not going to change because he has to deal with the underlying factors that cause him to use weed as a crutch. clearly there's anger or something there. it's not necessarily that you're unpleasant, he just seems bad at relationships.
>>31682093stop making your personality around mbti test, and your problems ll be solved
>>31682552This is true. All his other relationships ended with him getting cheated on and his exes claiming everything they did irritated him.
Research narcissism. This is an abusive relationship, and the "good times" are only there to keep you coming back. "He can be very sweet". This is the psychological reason abused people don't "just leave". Walking away is 100% in your best interest; don't let him bully you into staying, and be prepared for his attempts at emotional manipulation
>>31682578I haven't been happy in years anon and he broke that cycle of misery i used to live in.How can i force him to change? If he isn't willing to change then i'll apply enough pressure so that he will leave the relationship.
>>31682550means you aren't just anxious to hurt him by leaving him, but you yourself think somehow you need him too because without him you are still in a bad situation. I guess you feel like to choose between pest and cholera and have a hard time weighting the pros and cons. Maybe instead of thinking how he could be fixed, focus on you first.
>>31682644>focus on you firstAny ideas how?You guys have been very helpfull, this is really making me see things i refused to accept. Thank you anons
>>31682653i personally think he has a habit of getting into relationships with caregiver types who are grateful just to have him around but don't often have that reciprocated. maybe you made things too easy for him. not trying to put a wedge that wasn't already there just saying. you're both young, mistakes will be made. are you going to be the one with the patience and strength to fix him? do you really see that happening?
>>31682608Give yourself some credit, if your cycle of misery has broken, you did that yourself. He couldn't have helped you in the first place if you weren't willing to help yourself. With that said, you absolutely can not force him to change. That's sure to just lead to more fights. I know how devastating this can be to realize, but if you need him to change, you are in love with who he can be, rather than who he really is. Rather than applying pressure so he will leave, you must realize that it's up to you. Personally, I don't think you need to put up with this shit. You need to be the one to leave, if that's what you want
>>31682653you wrote>he broke that cycle of miseryso I don't know what the misery was. Usually though it's much easier to "fix" the misery with external help, like a gf/bf. I guess you don't have any other friends? Therapy is one way, not sure if it would be helpful to go to couple therapy. Like do you love him, or is it more liking him for giving you a fix plus pity and guilt?
>>31682093The biggest red flag here for me is him calling you spoiled. I just recently escaped a long, toxic, codependent relationship and I was called spoiled all the time. My partner resented me for having a supporting family and that is, deeply, deeply fucked up.
>>31682324This.It's unbelievable how women pick the shittiest men and somehow blame themselves when the dudes act like douchebags.
>>31682664>are you going to be the one with the patience and strength to fix him?I would like to be. We have been together for 8 months and i feel like i improved/changed in different aspects. I want to give him another try, i'm going to call him out of his behaviour and i'll make him understand that he can't say that stuff to me.>>31682679If he doesn't change he's going to end up alone. I don't want that for him. Thank you for giving me some of the credit. He helped but the motivation was all mine.I won't put up with much longer, i'll give him a chance to change his behaviour, if he doesn't then he doesn't really deserve me. Thank you for making me see my worth as human.>>31682684I really do love him, but with that love there is guilt and pity too. No real friends. I've been thinking about therapy but i'm no interested in medication.>>31682695I can't believe how many red flags i missed. I try not to hurt other people's feelings, he doesn't give a fuck and will say the first thing that comes into his mind.
>>31682747>I've been thinking about therapy but i'm no interested in medication.I don't think any medication is needed. It would be already more helpful to talk to someone with more understanding so you don't have to deal with all that alone.
>>31682862I think i would like that very much. Thank you for the sugestion anon.
>>31682093>We fight almost everyday over stupid shit, and i'm worried about his incapability of saying he's sorry or acknowledging his mistakes. Almost every time we argue it's over some harmless comment i made or something stupid i did.It's over>>31682512>He smokes weed everydaySounds like he's completely outsourced his anger/emotion management to the drug, so when he's not on it he can't handle those things and blows up. Many such cases. Sad.
>>31682093>Yungian horoscopesStopped reading
>So me (INFJ) and my boyfriend (ESTP)AHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA LMAO
>>31682093>So me (INFJ) and my boyfriend (ESTP)LMAO
