My girlfriend and I have been on a sort of break for about a month and a half because she needed time to focus on her rehab/recovery. We've been in constant affectionate contact the entire time and we still hold hands when we see each other and the relationship is essentially just reverted to like if you were on a second date in middle school or something. We haven't kissed or anything since the break, but I feel like we've become closer emotionally. I'm ready for it to be over but I'm kind of conflicted on how to bring it up. I feel like there's a possibility she might get upset and think I'm not taking her recovery seriously but she's been totally clean for nearly two months and I'm starved for real affection. What's a good way to broach the subject?
>>31683006Ask her if you can at least watch
>>31683040stop
>>31683006Put the moves on her, if she rejects you then just tell her that you'd rather "just be friends"Then proceed to date other people. If you're not fucking, you're not required to give her more than what a platonic friendship entails
>>31683006More like she needed more time to suck and fuck Chad and Tyrone.
>>31683006Sounds extremely cuckish, this has to be a troll. Grow a pair and be a man, you disgust me. Dump and move on to a new one if she’s not giving out. Muh emotional bonding connection, holy fuck you sound like a woman.
>>31683006I won't read bf being a nursemaid and "being there" to gf while she "finds herself" or detoxes. Chances are she will be looking into other options than OP.
>>31683123>>>31683163>>31683306Just came back to the thread, I forgot to mention for most of this time she's been staying at a women's shelter and hasn't had any contact with other men. I'm her only ride and she can't get anywhere without me. I am 99% certain she is not fucking around with other guys
So she allowed herself to be emotionally vulnerable to you while she overcomes her addiction to whatever, and you want to reward her for that by pushing her boundaries because you haven't been laid in two months? This is why addicts shouldn't date for the first two years. She needs things to remain how they are right now for 6 months to a year. She isn't even considered sober under any recovery program until she's been clean for 3 months (12 weeks) and that's then only the START of her journey. It's when they atart to take her seriously as someone trying to recover. Sounds like she has another month until she even gets to that point. So it's a long road before things get physical again. If you aren't willing to be that way, end the relationship. If you are willing, then suck it up and get on with it. But either way YOU don't broach the subject of ending the arrangement she asked for, for her mental health while she battles an addiction. You're either a romantic friend in her corner supporting her or she doesn't need you.
>>31683420I understand your point but when she's doing things like asking me to co-sign financing a vehicle, which I declined doing because the relationship is on break. I feel like she's trying to get the benefits of being in a serious relationship without actually committing to me.
>>31683444Sure. That's a different thing to your OP and you need to take into account she's an addict so she won't make good choices right now. Instead of trying to have a conversation about ending the "break", when she asks for something you feel isn't appropriate explain to her that you feel given she wants to be on break you don't think those kinds of things aren't appropriate. That you care about her, respect her and want to support her through her journey out of addiction when she wants benefits of a relationship without being in or committing to one she makes you feel used. So while she feels she needs to be on the break you would appreciate if she respects the boundaries she imposed.
>>31683477Yeah I buy her food a lot and I give her rides to and from work and sometimes it feels like I'm being taken advantage of and she has no intention of reigniting things. Also we never had sex, we were dating for two months before she relapsed and used again. We never went further than groping because I wanted to take things slow. I feel like I've been respecting her boundaries and supporting her well enough but after the cosign thing I feel I'm being used. I might just end things but if I do she has no ride and there's no one in her life to support her other than me.
>>31683354>He thinks Chad doesn't have a car
>>31683420People who think and act like this are losers and it's not worth being in a relationship with them. They get addicted to a drug and either the real them comes out and they treat everyone like a piece of shit, or they predictably get a physical addiction to a drug and now think of themselves as the weakest, most pathetic thing in existence. There is nothing wrong with doing drugs but if someone who does them is like this they are trash, I have made the choice to spend periods of time on opiates or other drugs and when it was over I had to accept that it was time to suffer in return for the relief from normal suffering I got, I didn't steal and abuse the people around me to get more and if you do you are a broken person.
>>31683653>There is nothing wrong with doing drugs
>>31683690It depends on how and why you use them, if you take MDMA every weekend or use opiates all day and drink any water you will get fucked up, if you understand what the drug does and make sure you are using it properly you can use them without any loss of intelligence or long term harm.
She's banging other guy and you know it
>>31683354Bro you are pathetic, you can do better than some washed up junkie. Do you not have any standards?If my gf wasn’t given out in two months I’d be going insane. Find a woman who is available, and ideally not a washed up junkie.Like you honestly think in the past 2 months she hasn’t been getting dick elsewhere? Your delusional.
>>31683712>>31683864Do you guys not trust the people you're dating at all?
>>31683864Even if my gf was in a looney bin, she sure as hell would be getting cock on the daily.“I need time on muh recovery, so I can’t give you pussy” is absolute bullshit and everyone knows it. Women also have needs, doesn’t matter how fuck up they are.She’s just not that into you bro, I couldn’t possible imagine a day where me and my woman haven’t fucked, even in our most worst of states.She’s stringing you along like the dependent beta male you are, your not even a beta at this time, your an orbiter chasing crumbs.How much does she really love you that she hasn’t even allowed you to fuck her in 2 months? Does she find you ugly?Holy fuck, grow a pair, dump this useless white and find a real woman who is actually attracted to you.
>>31683880If you and your woman are not fucking in 2 months, no matter how mentally ill or whatever, sorry, but she’s just not that into you, you don’t make her pussy wet.Delusionallllll
>>31683894>she keeps you around financially>wants you to lease a car for her>hasn’t gave pussy out in 2 months>but she’s totally attracted to me bros!>I def make her pussy wet!>she’s not using me!Delusionaaaaaal. Move on while you still have your respect and money. Up your standards, pathetic
>>31683006why did the intimacy have to stop? how is that hindering her rehab/recovery?
>>31683949>hasn’t even kissed me in 2 months>she’s def not keeping me around for $Delusionaaaal. Holy fuck
>>31683864>>31683894>>31683900>>31683949Bro I appreciate your passion in responding to my post but this is fucking weird. I haven't pushed her for sex because she was molested as a child which is what led to the drugs>>31683958Her sponsor told her being in a serious relationship was interferring with her recovery. I disagreed because I don't drink/use drugs but she's just doing what her sponsor said. Regardless I'm telling her my feelings tonight and if that insane guy who keeps posting is right, and she's been hooking up with other guys we're done and she's just going to be fucked in regards to transport
>>31683972Oh fuck off. You low t nu male. Your getting cucked!The more concerning issue should be how the fuck can you go 2 months without sex, go get your levels checked.
>>31683997>Your
>>31683972If your woman’s not giving out, not even a fucking kiss! In two months! You have to be peak delusional, the writings in the fucking wall.You don’t make her pussy wet, and she’s definitely finding someone who does.But no! She’s sure not using for your car lease or financesDelusionalllllll
>>31683972>Her sponsor told her being in a serious relationship was interferring with her recovery. I disagreed because I don't drink/use drugs but she's just doing what her sponsor said.You can recover inside of a serious relationship. You can literally do anything inside of a serious relationship. Most people just create excuses though, or figure the hard work for whatever situation isnt worth the value of their partner and just decide to give up and find a new person. That said...I wish you the best of luck. You are obviously a good boyfriend
>>31683972Ah, she has a lot of damage then. That can take years to recover from, if ever, and she's probably gonna make a lot of sexual mistakes until it's over. It's not exactly a guarantee, but if she's young and horny and damaged, it is highly likely that her aforementioned desires will take a destructive form for years to come. It isn't her fault if she isn't even a fully formed adult yet, but girls like this are a toxin that will harm everyone they touch in that state. You probably can't help her and for your own well being, should cut losses and find greener pastures with someone who undeniably does want something real with you. Or go MGTOW, because unfortunately, a lot of women are severely damaged in similar ways these days. But don't love something that has died, man. It will only kill you slowly. Live, thrive. Don't wallow in the toxins these women put out. You don't need it. Value yourself first.
>>31684015>>31684034Thanks, I'm gonna end things tonight if we can't find some compromise. I don't want to waste my life waiting for something that might never happen. I'm picking her up from work in ten minutes so I'll update you guys.
>>31684000heh behind you. too slow.
>>31684045Nvm her work made her stay to close now I have to drive back at 11 FUCK, I'll update the thread tomorrow.
>>31683006you're a cuckold."i need a break to find myself yada yada yada" = i want to fuck other guys but i don't want to feel bad about itLearn to have some self respect for fuck's sake, no pussy is worth this humilation ritual, cut this whole out of your life like a man with self respect would.
>>31684411whore*
>>31683444Anon, I'm not one of these retards who gets all their info from alpha male podcasts and I was in her corner up until you mentioned this and the fact you guys haven't had sex at all, even before the 'break'. I don't think sex is what a relationship is all about, but people in healthy relationships generally do have sex. Why does she think it's okay to ask you to co-sign when you seemingly haven't been doing any relationship things in general? You're making it seem like you guys have only been together for a few months. Of course you should support your partner though their hardships but was she even really your partner when her hardships started or was she just a girl you'd been dating for two months, nothing serious? It seems like this relationship is highly beneficial for her while you're not really getting much out of it. Don't listen to the chuds but act like you have some self-respect, alright?
>>31683972NA/AA people are freaks who create ridiculous and absurd guidelines for themselves because they aren't just "addicts" they are psychopaths who will destroy themselves and everyone around them if they don't have strict rules for everything and act like helpless weaklings who can't control themselves.
Op where's the update.
>>31687368What update do you need? The guys a cuck. He prob had a meltdown with her in the car, he then finally caved in agreed to an open relationship with Chad, where he can service her 3 times a week, while he’s at work. He gets to clean up when he’s lucky, pay her car lease, groceries, and her other expenses. That’s what I heard anyway.
>>31683006This >>31683420>>31683444>doing things like asking me to co-sign financing a vehicleShe's at rock bottom right now. She will ask for a lot. She can't commit to you right now she's committed to recovery. If you don't want to stick around you are under no obligation to but you can't just say "Hey I want to start having sex again even though I know that would negatively impact you because I feel like I'm being taken advantage of" the only options are leave or deal with the situation as is.
>>31683972>I disagree with the expert because their advice hurt my feelingsShe's going to relapse again and it's going to be your fault.
>>31687921>she’s in muh heckerino recovery!>we ain’t heckereino kissed in 2 months>not even heckerino sexed!>but she makes drive her about all day>makes me buy grociers>makes me sign a car leaseI’m totally heckerino no being used and Cuckolded guys! I heckerino promise it gois! I’m an Alpha Male! We bond emotionally and hold hands! Totally not Cuckolding! Guys! Please! Listen! Heckerino listen to me gois!
>>31683880they are not dating, they're on a break
>>31687970“Break” aka Cuckolding
>>31687956Oh he's being used. She's just not doing it "on purpose". It's still his choice whether or not to stay.
>>31687976That bitch knows exactly what she’s doing, she’s got that Beta Male right by the balls.
>>31687974fr
>>31688000Checked. It’s over OP. Grow some balls, be a man and find a new woman, ideally one who doesn’t use and manipulate you, and lives in a fucking rehab centre.
I've used to attend some AA/NA meetings and I've never heard people being advised to take a break from existing healthy relationshipsmost people coming to AA were married with kids, trying to repair not abandon their relationshipthey tell you not to start new relationships while you're trying to get your shit together which is sound, and only tell you to drop someone if that someone is harmful to your recoveryso she either told that to her sponsor or her sponsor convinced her that's the case
Hey it's OP, I sat down and had a long conversation with her telling her I wanted more from the relationship, she brought up her sponsor and I asked her "Does your sponsor tell everyone to break up or just you?" And she couldn't answer. I told her if she couldn't commit it was over and she got mad and said I wasn't respecting her recovery. I told her we needed to end things because I needed more than she was giving. She asked if I would still drive her around so she wouldn't have to walk to work and I said no. It's done for good but I did try to give her one last chance so i don't feel too bad about it. Thanks to everyone for the good advice especially>>31684015 who made me realize the sponsor thing was probably bullshit. To the guys calling me a cuck fuck you I was just trying to be good to her because my cousin overdosed and died and I felt like if my cousin had someone good in her life it might not have happened, and I wanted to be that person for my now ex. I've learned from this and will just not date people with addiction issues anymore because I don't think "being nice" and "being there for her" is enough to actually fix these issues.
>>31688218Get over it fag, she was using you. It’s peak summer, millions of single and available pussy waiting for you. The way she reacted is even more evident that you got played like a fiddle.
>>31688218Good ending
>>31688218Good dude. Glad you kicked her to the curb. Now you can date better women.The absolute gall of her to ask you to give her rides everywhere, for nothing in return. You should have told her to have her sponsor drive her around, since she's at his beck and call anyways.
>>31688351Ah, I never mentioned her sponsor is a woman so she may have just immediately assumed I was an asshole as all women do.
>>31688218>I don't think "being nice" and "being there for her" is enough to actually fix these issues.It isn't, and you did the right thing. You deserve someone on your level, a person who will commit to you no matter what kind of issues they are going through.
ouvewShe's cheating on you bud.
>>31688218One of my ex has a sponsor and hes jn love with her, wouldnt surprise me if thats the same thing happening here. You dodged a bullet
>>31688356A bitter single woman will drag other women to her misery. This is the way of their kind. Take it for what it is, and never go back to the chick. She had her chance, and let others influence her own relationship.
>>31688218Well done, OP, that can't have been easy and you handled it better than a lot of people on here would. Take some time to chill, but keep yourself busy and you'll forget about it all pretty quickly.Like the other anon said, it's summer bro. Take some walks, touch some grass, go to shows, go to a park and look at all the chicks reading books with their sexy, unshoed feet in the air. Have fun and take care of yourself.
